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Fox's Awakening - Star Fox Fanfiction


Hidi

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Welp, it has finally earned itself a good title! No, I don't need a title change to my journal, I'm fine with the title for now.

I would like to give special thanks to;

Smograth (Non-SF-O Member) - For editing and severely critiquing my work.

All SF-O Members (Who have nicely acknowledged and accepted my presence here)

In particular; Mellow Walrus and Peter who have offered their help and ideas which have been great aid to me.

Another note: The story is not done, so things like chapter and part numbers are not finished. I'm not sure if I want to name the chapters, but certainly the parts which I haven't fully partitioned the story yet. So the part divisions I've left out.

Fox’s Awakening – Star Fox Fanfiction

Prologue

The asteroids of the Meteo region glided silently and peacefully through to endless confines of space, though they were truly held captive in the gravity fields of Lylat. Space seemed so calm, so open, though just as calm as it appeared; it was like an oblivious person. Only some time before had the army of the governing planet Corneria stormed through Lylat to its furthest reaches. It was a mission to exile someone very great, yet too powerful. They had dragged him to a faraway wasteland, only to hope he would not strike back.

Doubts changed to truth, and fears became reality. Sent to aid Corneria’s cause, Star Fox swiftly coasted through the regions of Lylat to locate the source of such terror. In their wake, enemies and minions of diverse forms plagued Lylat. Ever so closely Star Fox approaches true darkness, and soon true honour will be revealed: the fate of the honourable squadron.

It was late night in the area of planet Corneria. The astral territory surrounding the planet remained silent and calm for the night. Small patrols skimmed the far borders for intruders. In the distance, a bright dot glinted in space. A patrol member picked up on the small point, now hovering in various places.

“Do any of you see that? It’s like a comet, but it looks too small!†he said through the transmission to his patrol mates.

“I think it’s getting bigger, and fast!†another responded.

Sure enough, the glint they saw was growing larger. The two patrol ships examined it. They continued to stare, but even with cameras and binocular devices, they were unable to identify the object.

“It’s definitely not a meteor, but what the heck is it?

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t look good.â€

The object continued to grow. A thick trail of smoke dragged behind it. The whir of an engine rang distortedly through the cockpits of the two patrol members. They soon realised that what they saw was a ship, but no normal one. This seemed like a rather fancy ship, but terribly damaged. The engines shot smoke and flames in a blazing trail behind the ship, whose pilot could not be seen under the thicket of disorder. In the blanket of smoke, only the wings and the front of the ship could be seen, only there was one wing. The two patrol members quickly followed behind the damaged spacecraft.

The ship was damaged, the pilot likely injured. A sudden thought struck the two patrollers, Was there a target which the pilot would have been trying to hit? This theory was quickly debunked, however, as the ship aimed in almost every direction, showing few signs of any proper control.

The two patrol members in pursuit tried to find the matching communication channel to the damaged ship.

“Do you think it’ll even work? That thing’s nothing but a bundle of flame and wires by now!â€

“I don’t know, mate; it’s gotta be worth a try though.â€

Tuning into the channel he guessed was correct, he spoke;

“Identify yourself! This is the Cornerian airspace space patrol!â€

There was no response. He began trying different channels, repeating the same message over and over, but still no response.

“Well, he’s probably gone.†He said, finally tuning back to his original channel.

“He could’ve been gone a day ago and he just got caught in Corneria’s gravity.â€

“I don’t know about that one, doesn’t it seem like the ship’s got some control?â€

“Perhaps, but I doubt a pilot could survive that for very long.â€

The ship came closer to Corneria’s atmosphere. The smoke had subsided around the ship. Inside the cockpit, rabbit ears poked at the roof. Clumps of fur were charred in patches and matted blood covered the tips of nearly every hair. The rabbit was focused on getting to Corneria, feeling his mind grow weaker with every passing second. His hands trembled on the clutch, and his eyes felt shaky.

A blue void covered the entire world below the rabbit; this is what he had come for, but now he awaited his hardest challenge yet. The remainder of the ship began to heat up. The rabbit cringed at the sudden increase in temperature. The ship looked like it wouldn’t hold together for much longer. The heat shield was greatly weakened much before he reached Cornerian airspace. He simply focused on aiming the ship into the ocean down below.

The ship still trailed smoke in the dark sky, long after it passed through the atmosphere. The heat had only cooled a little, and flames still lapped through the cloud of smoke occasionally. The ship was aimed in a nosedive at the great looming sea. The rabbit closed his eyes, bracing for the massive impact that would either save him, or kill him and all hope of the truth being discovered.

As quickly as it had begun, the ship dove into the ocean. Displaced water shot high into the air scattering miles apart. The flames and smoke died, reminded by a quick sizzling sound before disappearing. The impact on the surface of the ocean did not make for an explosion, but rather a large splash its sound carrying kilometres away. Metal scraps came afloat where the ship landed, drifting away as though fleeing disaster.

There, was where the rabbit lay, still strapped inside the cockpit, which remained intact. He had performed his final honour. Now, barely clinging to life, he awaited fate’s decision. The cockpit hovered just under the surface, held steady by the oxygen still inside. Oxygen tanks hung off loose pipes and ware, on the outside floating freely.

The sky showed meek signs of dawn. Small hints of light glinted through the night sky. In the distance, there was land. A large city seemed to grow off it, spreading through the land inward. Lights shone off tall buildings and brightened the sky above it. Just above the water, flashing lights hovered, approaching the crash site. Sirens wailed in echoes across the sea, growing in volume as the lights drew closer.

Decision time was now.

I

Fox sat casually up top of a radiator in the hallway. It was one of his few breaks during the school day, usually spending them with his two friends Bill and Slippy. The hallway was loud, full of passing students carrying books and bags back and forth. The three sat inside an alcove, watching students pass by. Bill and Slippy sat below him on the floor. Bill was slumped against the wall,

“He said my essay was stupid!†Slippy complained.

“G-Diffusers are definitely worth their cost and technical complexity to develop! It’s obviously better even for a pilot to simply jump into the cockpit rather than have his legs chopped off!â€

“Yeah, I’d take that, but what about pressure suits?†Bill asked.

“Those are good too, but most pilots hate wearin’ ‘em and nobody ever likes my designs for them...Which are probably some of the most practical!â€

Bill snorted, “Seeing that you don’t fly a lot, I see why.â€

“The Arwing uses G-Diffusers, but don’t they also allow for a spacecraft to do arial manoeuvres in different levels of gravity?†Fox added.

“Yeah, those things can do near anything!†Slippy nearly yelled.

“Maybe they’ll consider them for the Cornerian Fighters. They could all use an upgrade, especially if I’m going to be flying one.†Bill retorted.

“I think we’ll be fine for a bit without a mass-upgrade,†Fox suggested.

“Well yeah you’re okay with it!†Bill snapped,

“You’re the one who’s got the ace-pilot dad who you’re just going home to when you graduate!â€

“If I remember correctly, Space Dynamics designed the ships you dad’s squad flies, and they’ve got G-Diffusers.†Slippy said.

“Slippy, it was Arwing. Yeah, Star Fox flies Arwings, and they’ve been on a mission.†Fox cut in. Bill rolled his eyes. Glaring at Fox, “Old news, give us an update.â€

Fox thought for a moment about what he should tell Bill. Much of what his father said at home had little to do with his missions. Of the few times he ever was home, Fox thought sadly. Whenever he had asked about Star Fox, his dad either told him nothing, or very little. Fox wished he knew what to say, when he did remember. He received a message a few days ago from his dad, and one of the few since his dad left.

“Well,†Fox began, “My dad said a few days ago that he was approaching Venom Airspace, but he hasn’t said anything since. He wasn’t even that specific in the message.â€

“How intriguing!†Bill said sarcastically.

“My dad often said a lot of what they knew was sensitive information.†Fox informed him.

“Screw them! People who have power always say that stuff is secretive. They just want us to shut up.â€

“Yeah, well sometimes I’m not sure If I alwa_â€

Sounds of whistles rang out in the halls. Bill and Slippy shot up standing straight from their slumping positions. Fox jumped off the radiator and stood at the edge of the alcove, peeking down the hall. A cadet master authoritatively padded down the long corridor; he raised the silver whistle, still in his hand. Fox shot back to see his startled friends, Slippy pressed against the wall in panic.

“It....It’s a Cadet Master!†Fox whispered through his teeth. Slippy nodded, his eyes staring wide into his.

Fox could hear the loud steps of the master grow closer. He gripped the tie of his uniform to keep himself from bursting out in panic.

“McCloud!†the cadet master called.

In panic, Fox backed back into the alcove, Bill looked at him worriedly. He felt the presence of the Cadet Master mere centimetres from him.

“McCloud!†he called again.

The Cadet Master came in view from inside the alcove. He was tall and slender, trinkets of all types hung out of his pockets and off his belt. He slowly turned his head toward around the corner. His floppy ears trailed along his neck. Fox gazed into his cold eyes.

“Y...Yes sir?†Fox stammered.

“Come with me.†The Cadet Master said bluntly.

Fox slowly stepped behind him waiting for him to start walking. The Cadet Master did not however, play as nice. He took a firm hold of Fox’s arm and started down the hall at a brisk pace. Fox had to run to avoid being dragged.

“But....But Sir, what is this all about? I’m not....In trouble am I?†Fox asked in panic. The Cadet Master did not reply.

Fox allowed himself to be dragged down numerous corridors until it all finally came to a stop in some dead end far from where he started out. The Cadet Master bent down to meet Fox’s eye level. His face bore no emotion. He pulled out of his pocket a crumpled sheet of paper, placing it in Fox’s palms. He stood up and walked away, leaving Fox by himself to wonder about this mysterious note.

Fox carefully raised his hands examining the paper. Smudged pen ink in small hand prints covered the paper. The writing was extremely messy, but Fox was able to decipher the garbled message.

The message made Fox’s eyes fill with tears; it was the last thing he ever expected to read. Fox dropped the letter and put his hands over his eyes, tears already falling. The paper slid gracefully to the ground. No! He heard over and over in his head. There’s no way! Blindly, his body fell forward, collapsing down to his knees. Tears poured out onto his hands still over his eyes. As much as he told himself it wasn’t true, it pulled at him. He couldn’t believe it was.

James did not escape.

Check by later for more!

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Gotta sy ,I love it already.

I ove the description of the places where the ships are and the details ( rabbiit ears poking out.) The cadet master was great, really made him unique and stern. You really made Pepys return and the acadamy feel like " I was really there." Keep it up. Seriously

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Gotta sy ,I love it already.

I ove the description of the places where the ships are and the details ( rabbiit ears poking out.) The cadet master was great, really made him unique and stern. You really made Pepys return and the acadamy feel like " I was really there." Keep it up. Seriously

Thanks so much! I wasn't sure if I'd get criticized or not for the endings of the prologue and first chapter since they have very similar endings. Smograth thought the Arwing crash was rather morbid (The blood-matted ears and things like that). I hope you didn't think I was too morbid, I know Peppy's your favourite Star Fox character.

I'll keep this up though my progress will slow come September when I have school. I'm working on the second chapter and when I'm done that I'll put it up.

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Yeah, I'm thinking an in medias res opener like yours with Peppy would've done better for my story's beginning, I think I intended to go back and fit one in during a rewrite when I felt more comfortable with my writing style. You seem to be fairly new to the trade, it's a bit rough around the edges but not to a grating extent. I like the inclusion of the amputee theory, I assume the Arwing's G-Diffusers would act as a buffer against the intense g-forces, though most of the military wouldn't have access to that. I think there's some official source that says that the G-diffusers can take up a pilot's attention in mid-flight, that could explain why Falco had trouble with them on Corneria in SF64. Seeing as he probably joined the team mostly recently around the start of the series, it'd make sense for him to not be familiar with how to maintain them.

And here's a couple technical pointers on things I noticed. Most aren't necessarily wrong, but they can still be worked on a bit.

“Identify yourself! This is the Cornerian airspace space patrol!â€

-- Not exactly redundant, because plain airspace would suggest it's in the atmosphere, but I'd go with another term such as "Starfleet"

“Yeah, well sometimes I’m not sure If I alwa_â€

-- I don't think I've ever seen an underscore to cut off a sentence, so I'd stick with a hyphen (like alwa-)

And when you use ellipses ( . . . ) it'd be best to keep them at exactly three periods. You're consistent with four, and that's better then mashing them down randomly at the very least. Recently it's been urged to space them out like I did in the example there, rather than "..."

The format you have would be fine for a printed novel, but on works for the internet people generally skip lines in between paragraphs, since paper space isn't an issue. Or perhaps this is just a pasting issue, since forums tend to leave out the open lines when copied directly from a document. If that's the case, you could go back and jam the enter key at the end of each paragraph. The indenting makes this fine enough to read though, but the dialogue in the second scene got hard to follow at times. For the most part, this'd just be up to going with the most common method of formatting or not.

Other than that, there's probably a few grammar mistakes here and there, but none big enough to drag it down. Good luck with making more progress.

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Grammar mistakes? Smograth eliminated about 98.9% of them, trust me, having him edit that thing was painful.

Yeah, the technical stuff I'll probably go back and fix once I'm done, which could be quite a while. Thanks for letting me know about the formatting. I'll fix that in the next post. Another thing is MS Word 2007 spaces everything quite far, but obviously doesn't carry over when posted here. I'll try double-spacing it next time.

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  • 1 month later...

You're on! Welp, uhh I'm a bit busy for that.....I was actually working on this on the way back from a slightly-out-of-town tournament. I'm working on the second chapter as we speak, and maybe I'll be able to slot in a little more tonight.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The second chapter is here!

II

Wind beat down his ears as he ran. Fox felt himself picking up pace through the dark hallway, though he wasn’t sure why. The hall seemed to have no end in sight, and he felt no fatigue as he ran. Then, as he focussed his gaze far ahead, he saw a glimpse of a figure. What is it? But he knew the answer.

“Dad!†Fox called, “Dad, it’s me!â€

There was no response. Fox stopped running, his heart beating frantically. He collapsed to his knees panting. The ground was cold on his hands and knees. His hands twitched uncomfortably and he gripped his legs tight as he could, summoning his courage to look up once again. This time, there was no sign of his father.

“Where’d you go?†Fox yelled, his voice echoed in small steps down the hall.

The presence of someone, unfamiliar to Fox seemed to lurk behind him. He tried to turn around, but couldn’t.

“You’ve failed him.†A voice murmured behind him.

Fox, now lying face down on the ice-cold floor tensed in response to the words. This isn’t possible! He screeched in his mind. For some reason still, he couldn’t move. The floor spread its cold aura through him, and now more than ever, he wished he had never stopped running.

“He’s….Still….Here…..And he’ll come back!†Fox cried through his frozen muzzle.

“Perhaps,†the voice replied, “but I certainly would think twice if I were you.â€

Fox squinted ahead. He couldn’t see anything different. He slowly brought his right arm up in front of his head, weakly pushing on the cold ground. A scream rang out from far away; the agonizing cry cut through the hallway like a laser being shot out of a blaster.

“No!†Fox panicked.

A ball of fire filled the empty hallway in the distance. It fluidly travelled along the walls and through the empty air. Fox struggled to get up and run, but he still couldn’t move. I can’t…Don’t……Want….To die! Please! Fox thought with desperation. The raging fire was closer than ever. He stared straight at it, focusing his gaze on the waves of orange and red flying toward him, though while deadly, seemed so beautiful.

As quickly as the flames appeared, the space around him went black. Opening his eyes, he was lying somewhere. The setting was unfamiliar, yet somehow comforting. Should I be lucky to be alive? He asked himself, still shaken by his dream.

Sitting up, Fox investigated the scene around him. The room he sat in was a large expansive living room littered with various gadgets, tools, and old documents. Through a small hallway was a kitchen. The counter was neat, baring no signs of any recent use. Behind the kitchen, there was a staircase. Pieces of old and broken devices still lay on the floor where he wandered. Fox paused, examining the area around him. There was something unusually comforting about the place he was in, but his inability to remember where he was made him uneasy. Quietly, Fox ascended the staircase, every step echoing.

The upper end revealed a small hallway with doors lined up across it. Every door was closed, with no way to identify what was behind it; except one. Fox cautiously stepped towards the open door. He carefully reached out his hand, prying the door open a crack. Careful now, he thought, Patience. Angling the door away from his eyes, the room behind it was revealed.

Sunlight, masked by drawn blinds shone into the room through small gaps. The room was otherwise dark. To his left, a small neatly-made bed stood center between both walls. A desk was on the other side. Everything was neat and tidy, something Fox hadn’t seen in a long time. Fox wandered inside, exploring what the door still hid behind it.

A closet door stood against the wall. A tiny knob stuck out the center. Tugging the knob revealed a neat space, but it had the appearance that much of its contents were missing. Deeper in the closet, Fox could see old toys, likely not touched in years, and old ship models. There was one ship that caught his eye; Arwing, he thought, puzzled. Could this really be?

He leaped outside the room and scanned the walls of the hallway. It was painted a yellow, and had few decorations, but a few portraits and photos. A small frame held a picture of a small fox. He sat with an older one, who was near identical to him. That’s me…And Dad, Fox realized, suddenly shocked and disoriented, but when did I get here? He asked himself.

The past long while had gone by in a hazy blur. He was at the academy, and now he was back at home. He shut his eyes, lowering his head and covering it with his hands, focussing on what he had done to bring himself back to his home. But I was there, the academy and everything, and then he...Told me about dad…But I… It came flooding back to his memory; sudden just as this all began.

I ran away from there…All on my own, recalling gradually, the weather was terrible…But I…I, He remembered there being a few kids, around his own age, he thought they were following him. Perhaps they were. Don’t ever leave this place! Panic rose inside him, but nothing around him could comfort the young Fox from this great fear. Distraction! And an idea popped into his head.

Again, Fox felt the same fear and curiosity he had when he first walked up the stairs. He crept over to a closed door across from the room he first peeked into. The door had no signs or posters on it except a small pendant that hung off a little nail. The pendant was the face of a fox. Fox remembered someone who wore it, but he hadn’t seen them in a very long time. Mom, he remembered. First mom, now dad; how lucky I must be. In his very early years, he remembered seeing his mom, but then one day she was gone: Fox never saw her again. He thought any memory of her had been wiped from this home and his entire life. Perhaps dad really did remember her, he sighed.

Opening this door revealed a large bedroom and a wall covered in old posters and photos. The room had a degree of neatness, but there was still a huge mess. A pile of laundry covered the semi-made bed, more documents and file folders littered the floor covered in another collection of old gadgets and devices. Old flight gear hung off the radiator on the far side of the room.

Fox hadn’t been in his parent’s room in a very long time. He had distant memories of being in here, but those were as distant as his mother. So vivid, yet they seemed alive as he examined the room. The photos covering the wall were those of James’ past success. There were numerous photos of James, Peppy, and Pigma celebrating their victories, others of his mother; Vixie. How could I not remember this? Fox bawled in astonishment at all the wall hangings.

Fox decided to wander over to the drawer. Small pins and buttons covered the top of it along with smaller wallet-sized photos of him and the squadron. Poking their way out of the top drawer were old scarves and neckers of various sizes and colours. He ran his fingers over the peaking tabs; their textures each unique in their feel. But there was one that seemed to catch his senses. Somehow he remembered holding this one in his hands before.

Swiftly, he yanked it out of the drawer, making the assumption the drawer was open enough for it to come out. He gazed at it; it was a bright red, and a fair size. It still did not answer his question; Why this one? Why this necker from all else? Staring at it longer made him wince. Tears slowly formed in his eyes, he couldn’t bare this any longer.

Holding the red necker to his eyes, Fox ran out of the room in tears. Instead of attempting a trek down the stairs, he made his way into the first room he explored. Blindly, he opened the door and collapsed onto the bed. It was too much of a site. Everywhere he looked, there was some reminisce of his father.

“Dad,†he mumbled to himself,

“I wish you were here. Tell me what I’m supposed to do!â€

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest BlueRaccoon

The part after the prologue, I was almost immediately comparing to Mellow Walrus’ story (not that that’s a bad thing. Just being honest). You definitely have the edge with your prologue, though. In sum, you have good dialogue and a good feel for the environment. Your opening paragraphs do a good job of outlining the events before the story.

The only thing I have an issue with is when the Cadet Master pretty much just dragged Fox to a secluded place and gave him the message. I know you mean for the Cadet Master to be hard in emotion, but that seems like a weird way to deliver something even that devastating. Maybe he could have commanded Fox to come with him. I don’t know. That part just seemed weird to me.

I like the part where Fox is back at his old home and I’ll tell you why: The way you wrote it, it’s hard to tell in some parts the difference between the inner dialogue and the description. I like this, however, because it adds to the chaos and obscurity of the scene.

Overall, though, great story. I hope to see more soon.

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The only thing I have an issue with is when the Cadet Master pretty much just dragged Fox to a secluded place and gave him the message. I know you mean for the Cadet Master to be hard in emotion, but that seems like a weird way to deliver something even that devastating. Maybe he could have commanded Fox to come with him. I don’t know. That part just seemed weird to me.

That's the best part! Perhaps, when I think about it too, it is even to a sense a metaphor. Sometimes coaches and teachers will take you all over the place and you feel like you're being "Dragged" everywhere.

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  • 1 month later...
Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading this. But now that I have I must say, this is really good.

I'm not all that good at critiquing... well anything, but I'll give it a shot.

 

As BlueRaccoon all ready mentioned the way the Cadet Master delivered news of James' death seemed odd. I know you said that it was suppost to feel to Fox like he was always being dragged around, but I still feel that it was kind of off.

 

Besides that small nit-pick I loved it. :D  Great job.

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Thanks! Keep up your own work! I've been in a bit of a writer's block with the third chapter. Not quite sure how I want to carry that out, so I've been on another writing project (Which is even more ambitious than this) and writing that.

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  • 3 months later...

So I've decided after a long while of not working on this that the summary I have planned out for it goes nowhere. The result? I have decided to give the story a reboot. I think one of the things that might help it move along and add more substance to the plot would be to mix references from both the SNES story/comics with the N64 storyline. This was just the N64 storyline, and it is a lot of imagining to see what one can do with this. More confirmed ideas (Even if not confirmed simultaneously) may help come up with more solid and usable ideas. 

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