Another fan fiction

[salmon45]

Fox's father had been gone for weeks on a long millitary campaign, and was expected to return today.Fox had been moping around the house all day waiting for him. When the door opened he ran up to his father and wraped himself around his leg.

"Dad!"

James Mccloud reached down and ruffled the fur on his son's head.

"I am glad to see you too,son. I brought you something."

James Mcloud reached in his pocket and took out a winged pendent. He pinned it on Fox's shirt.

"You are a pilot now."

"Cool!"

Jame Mccloud chuckled

" I am glad you like it"

"Fox."

Fox looked up to see Krystal staring down at him. He sat up in his chair.

"Krystal."

"What are you thinking about?"

"My father."

Krystal walked behind Fox and began massaging his shoulders.

"I bet you miss him a lot."

"I do."

Krystal sighed.

"Losing someone you love is painful. I lost everyone I knew when my planet was destroyed. Every day I wish I could go there and visit them."

Krystal was strong, but gentle at the same time. all of Fox's tension and worry melted away, and he felt himself drifting off into such a peaceful state. Then he was snapped back to reality by General Pepper on the computer. Fox and Krystal both jumped in surprise and were embarrassed.

"Fox, Krystal It is good to see both of you again. Oh, I hope I am not interrupting anything."

"Er, no."

Fox managed to say.

"Ok, good. I have a mission that you might be interested in. We belive that we have discovered the location of one of the enemy's bases. I need you to destroy it. I am sending the mission data now."

"Ok General, we will take care of." Fox said

"Allright then. Tell everyone I said hi."

The transmission ended. Fox sorted through the mission data on the computer. It included the coordinates of the planet where the base might be, as well as the possible location of the base its self. Fox went to the bridge and told Peppy to set a course for the planet.

When the Great Fox was getting close to the planet Fox and Krystal went to their rooms to get geared up for the mission. They met outside the hanger. The tight leather outfit Krystal was wearing showed off her flawless figure. Fox stared.

"Fox, are you allright?"

"What?huh? Yeah, I am fine."

Fox pulled himself back toghether. He had to stay focused on the mission. They went into the hanger where Slippy was working on the Landmaster.

"Hi Fox. Hi Krystal." He greeted warmly.

"Hey Slip." Fox and Krystal replied.

"Are the Arwings ready?" Fox asked.

"Yeah, Fox. They are all set."

"Thanks, Slippy."

"See you later, Slippy." Krystal said as she got into her Arwing.

Fox got into his Arwing and closed the cockpit glass. He saw Falco leaning agianst the wall ,watching. Fox nodded at him. Falco nodded back. Fox and Krystal flew out of the hanger and headed towards the planet.

As they flew down through the sky their view was obscured by dark rain clouds, a gentle rain was falling down. They landed outside a forest of tall trees. Fox sat for a moment and watched the raindrops splat and run down the cockpit glass. He opened the cockpit and climbed out, took out a compass and started walking into the forest with Krystal. There was a light fog and the cool,still air had a slight pleasent smell. The thick tree branches and the overcast weather made it dim in the forest. It was also very quiet. After hiking for quite a while Krystal and Fox sat down on a rock toghether and enjoyed the serenity of the forest.

After some more hiking they saw the base off in the distance. They moved up behind some bushes. Fox took out binoculars and looked at the base. It was a large 3 story concrete building with few windows. Guards with armor and laser rifles patrolled the rooftop and the grounds. A tall concrete wall with barbed wire went around the base, except the front where a large metal gate was. Fox gave the binoculars to Krystal. She took a look then gave them back.

"We can get in through that entrance over there."

Krystal pointed to a small doorway way off to the side of the building. They worked their way around the wall untill they were across from the door. Fox braced himslef agianst the wall. Krystal climbed up onto his shoulders and pulled herself to the top of the wall. She laid down on her belly, grabbed Fox's arms and was able to pull him up. They both jumped down to the other side and snuck across the grounds to the door. Krystal started picking the lock, but backed off when it started to unlock from the other side. The door opened and a cat walked out. He saw Krystal and started to raise his gun, but it was too late. She elbowed the guard in the face and threw him down hard.

Inside the base Fox and Krystal hid the unconcious guard behind some crates. Then they took out their laser guns and split up. Krystal made her way carefully through the base, and took the stairs to the third floor. Then she went up the ladder to the roof and opened up the trap door a little to take a peek. There were two wolf guards standing toghether facing the other way. Krystal walked silently up behind them.

"Hey,boys."

Both guards turned around and looked at Krystal. She bonked their heads toghether, then went about placing explosives.

After Krystal had set all the explosives she had, she went to go meet up with Fox. She saw Fox, but before she could go to him two guards came around a corner and saw Fox. They shouted and raised their guns. Fox shot both of them. A third guard appered and threw a gernade as Fox shot him. It landed right by Fox, he started to run, but it exploded before he could get away. The explosion sent Fox flying out a window. Krystal shriked and ran to the stairs down to the first floor.

Fox was lying face down in the grass. Krystal ran up and shook him.

"Fox!Fox!"

Fox slowly turned over. His face was cut up from the glass.

"Krystal."

Krystal breathed a sigh of relief, she had been worried that Fox had been killed. Krystal detonated the explosives. There was an enormous noise and a bright light, Krystal could feel the heat from the explosion. She used herself to shield Fox from the falling debries. Krystal helped Fox up and put his arm over her shoulder. Toghether they made their way back to the forest.

Fox was not able to walk well with all of his injuries and the enemy was hunting them. Krystal was worried that they might not make it. When they got back to the Arwings She looked at Fox.

"Can you fly?"

"Yes."

Krystal helped Fox into his Arwing, then climbed aboard her own. They took off just before the other animals arrived.

Krystal was relived to be off the planet and in space. Fox was having trouble staying on course. Krystal flew ahead of him.

"Fox, just follow me."

Having something to focus on helped Fox to fly better.

Krystal flew her Arwing into the hanger and landed gracefully. Fox's Arwing skipped and bounced on the floor. It skidded along and slammed into the back wall. Falco, Peppy, and Slippy came running in to see what had happened. Krystal jumped out of her Arwing.

"Fox is hurt!"

They all ran to Fox's Arwing and pulled him out. He was now barely conscious. They carried him off to sick bay.

A few days later Krystal walked into Fox's room. He was laying down with his eyes closed. Fox had a few broken bones, and plenty of cuts and bruises. He had lost a lot of blood. But it looked like he was going to recover. Krystal set a tray with food next to the bed.

"Krystal."

"Yes,Fox?"

"You saved my life, thank you."

"It was nothing. I know you would have done the same for me. Can I get anything else for you?"

"Can I get the rest of that massage?"

"Yes."

[Guest Victor]

Good.

[TakeWalker]

Your writing displays a severe amateurity. There are so many areas that need improvement, I'm not even sure where to begin.

So I'll give you some advice. Read a lot of published fiction. Read classics. Read dead white-guy artsy crap. Read sci-fi and fantasy if you must. Reading is the best thing to help improve your writing; you learn as you go.

Also, I don't know what your position in schooling is, but see if you can't get into some sort of writing class or workshop. There's nothing quite like face-to-face peer editing, really.

[Guest yet_another_vulpine]

Read dead white-guy artsy crap.

HAH!

About the writing: what he said. Yes, I am lazy.