FoxMotoX Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 *Edit 3/6/12 This is a story I started a few weeks ago. Its meant to be a backstory to Cerinia and Krystal from another charcter's perspective. In my head the story itself seems really good I just hope I can write it out to it's full potential. This is also my first go at writing an actual story. Please post any constructive critsism(IM BEGGING YOU) please tell me what you think. I would really appreciate it. Also here is a link to some art that goes along with it http://starfox-onlin...9-foxmotos-art/ Prologue: Canis Crusade Returning to civilization after fighting a war is a simple process for no man. Abideing by society's rules and finding an occupation that doesnt involve killing can be a challenge to a post traumatic vet. Fresh off a 8 year tour of bloddy gore and heartache, a young wolf waits in long line of fellow comrades recieving their leagal discharge. They are soon to be free from their slave draftie military lifestyle and tossed back into a world so altered from what it used to be that no one feels at home. The comrades are the surviving personelle of the loosing side of a decade long conflict that plagued the Canis Galixy, a small cluster of planets neiboring systems such as Lylat. Canis is now to be colonized by the new reign and the natives are forced to comply with the new rule or leave. Nicolai Sibirski the young wolf canid wonders what's next for him, his heart filled with anger at all that has happened and sadness for his suffering people. Most of all he is confused, all he knows is war he has been fighting for near half his life. Where does he fit in amongst this new environment. As time wore on he, as well as several others lived a low lifestyle under the new rule. They were persecuted and out cast living in slums or on city streets. Their only hope of a better life was to migrate to other galixies but this was a complicated process for the destitute population. One solution to this problem was to lie cheat or steal your way out. It didn't take long for Nicolai to put his battle tactics to use. He became the leader of a group of space pirates made up of ex soldiers. They boarded and comandeered cargo vesstles selling the loot afterwords. One day while raiding a ship he discovered a woman tied up below deck in the cargo hold. The ship's crew had restrained her after she was caught trying to steal. The girl was was Victoria Haski a Klee Kai canid of around the same age and an individual of the same nationality, Nicolai was ammused by her beauty. He took her in and the two would eventually become romantically involved. Over time the group of pirates grew large and powerful and had no intentions of leaving Canis, Nicolai now headed the most notorious heist opperation in all of Canis. One day however, Victoria came to Nicolai with news that she was pregnant. He may have been a roughneck but he had a passion for doing what he thought was right. Instead of abandoning her like a typical scallywag would, he decided to start a new life in a different galixy with his new family. So Nicolai put his second in command in charge and headed for Lylat with Victoria. he had his massive surpluss of weapons stolen over the years shiped to Vonikifor, a small frozen planet on the outer rim of the Lylat, a perfect getaway to start fresh. Nicolai began his new business as an arms dealer selling weapons across Lylat to rag tag space bandits and mercenary units. Young Alexander was born into a life of isolation and royalty with his parents now married and living in their high dollar mansion on Vonikifor. He took after his mother with a more husky canid appearance. He had black and white furlike his mother but he had his father's icy blue eyes. Being on a isolated planet and having no peers, Nicolai and Victoria made sure to spend most of their time with their son. In the time spent with his father, Alex trained in combat with every weapon known to man from melee weapons such as bow staffs, swords, and knives to the powerful firearms in his fathers arsenal. Alex became a walking weapons encyclopedia, he knew everthing about all the weapons his father sold. Victoria and Nicolai knew they couldn't keep theirs son couped up in their mansion his whole life, he had to get out and see the universe even though it wasnt safe. When Alex was five years old his parents decided to take him on one of their more subtle business trips. The planet Cerinia was the closest planet in proximety to Vonikifor, it was also abundant with Cerintanium, a rare energy source worth thousands. This made Cerinia a gold mine to anyone who knew about it. But the Cerinians, an ancient people native to the planet made it their duty to keep it a secret and stay low profile. The Sibirski family however, was able to gain their trust and traded wepons and other supplies for cerintanium which they used to power their isolated home and warehouse. The cerinians were plagued by a clan of sharpclaw called the Collosarapters. The Cerinian's ancient weaponry was no match for the superior technology the tyranical tyrants aquired. But by recieving supplies from the Sibirskis they were able to fend them off. Cerinia was lead By a Vulpine named Marcus who had struck up a friendship with the family. He also had two fraturnal twin daughters Krystal and Kalina who were a year younger than Alex, The trio became the closest of friends. When Alex would come over the three of them would run into the forest and play games. Their favorite hang out was a giant tree nearby a stream overlooking a watefall and the city. They would stay there all day, when it got dark they would look up at the stars and Ales would tell about all the things he's seenout there and the stories his dad told him, the sisters having never left the planet were amused by this. They often teased Alex about the way he dressed but he thought it was odd that they wore pretty much nothing at all. Time went on and the kids got older and with age came change, more so for Alex and Kalina. Like all pre teens their hormones fluxuated and attraction set in. Before they knew it the two became more than just friends, they fell in love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCPeppyTc Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Not a bad start, Foxmoto, not a bad start at all. Still it could use some suggestions. For example be careful with typos. Also be sure to show us things, and not tell us. For instance, you say Sibirski and the pretty husky would become romantically involved. Do not tell us right out. Instead show their interactions and chemistry, give us a reason why these two canids would fall in love. Instead of narration, more dialogue could be used to tell the story. That way we can get to know the characters more, and sympathize with them. Im also confused. What is vonkifer exactly? Was the husky/wolf royalty on this planet spared from the colonization and war the rest of the system was? The collaraptosaurs on Cerinia sound kind of interesting, but it is best at this point to focus on one antagonist or the other. I think it would make for a more manageable story. Don't be discouraged, this has potential. I myself am new to writing fanfic, and always appreciate the advice anyone has to give. Keep it up, this is just my take, TCPeppy Tc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxMotoX Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 Not a bad start, Foxmoto, not a bad start at all. Still it could use some suggestions. For example be careful with typos. Also be sure to show us things, and not tell us. For instance, you say Sibirski and the pretty husky would become romantically involved. Do not tell us right out. Instead show their interactions and chemistry, give us a reason why these two canids would fall in love. Instead of narration, more dialogue could be used to tell the story. That way we can get to know the characters more, and sympathize with them. Im also confused. What is vonkifer exactly? Was the husky/wolf royalty on this planet spared from the colonization and war the rest of the system was? The collaraptosaurs on Cerinia sound kind of interesting, but it is best at this point to focus on one antagonist or the other. I think it would make for a more manageable story. Don't be discouraged, this has potential. I myself am new to writing fanfic, and always appreciate the advice anyone has to give. Keep it up, this is just my take, TCPeppy Tc First off, Thank you for the comments/constructive critcism it really helps inspire me to keep writing. Now to clear some things up. This is just the prologue because the story is mainly about alexander, this is why it lacks dialogue. Vonikifor is supposed to be a unknown planet in Lylat that I made up (it's a stupid name, i know lol) I mentioned Alex living in royalty because his father is a illeagal arms dealer and the family became rich. The war his father was in is long over but they lost so canis is under new rule Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxMotoX Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Chapter 1: No Shoes in the Dojo! Author note: If you notice Nicolai's mispelled dialauge, It's because im trying to capturehis accent. He's meant to have a heavy russian-like accent. Definitions: CIA- Canis intellagence agency Vonikifor is a substantial distance from the nearest sun. This makes for a harsh climate, but breathtaking scenery. The planet’s annual dark sky is only illuminated with the glow of the aurora, stars, and its giant moon. The planet is nearly made entirely of water, though you would never notice because it is frozen to the core. Speeding across the snowy plain is a snowmobile piloted by a teenage husky gliding across the powdery condensation and leaping off the white dunes. He is dressed very heavily wearing thick coveralls with a hooded jacket over that and a ski mask with iridescent goggles covering his face; He also toted a small backpack. The husky slides to a stop next to a metal tower-like structure about twenty feet tall with an orb at the top. He dismounts his sled and enters the structure closing the door behind him. Once inside he pulls a pda out of his pack and plugs it into the towers mainframe, reads the data on the pda, punches in a few codes and then returns to the snowmobile. He repeats this process at six other towers and then heads inland. The Husky travels through a broad ravine that opens up into a massive valley, at the far end was a large structure built into the side of the rocky valley's wall. Coming out of a perpendicular ravine is another canid figure on a snowmobile. The two meet up in front of a large door on the mansion. The other canid is much older with a grey wolf-like appearance. “Beautiful evening isn’t it†the elder wolf says. “Evening?†the husky replied. “it’s 6 o’clock in the morning pops. You must have jet lag from that last business trip.†“My boy, I lost track of time years ago†the wolf joked. “Did you program all six beacons like I asked?†“Six? I thought there were five.†The husky said with a smirk. “Yeah pops, didn’t forget a one.†The wolf dismounted the sled and walked over to a key pad on the door and punched in a code causing it to open. “So, how’d it look on the north end?†“Calm, quiet as usual.†The husky replied. “Good, very good. That’s the way we want to keep it. Come now, it’s time for your training. Go get breakfast from you’re mother and meet me in the dojo.†The two entered the hanger and shut the door behind them. The young husky entered a fancier portion of the structure with expensive furnishing and some rare paintings on the walls. He then walked into a kitchen where a beautiful but older Klee Kai woman was preparing a meal. “There’s my little pup.†She greets him with a smooch on both cheeks. “My goodness, you feel cold. Did you’re father make you go out there on your own again?’ “Yeah†he replied. “The security system needed a reboot†“I don’t know why he is so paranoid†she said “It’s not like we’ve ever had any intruders.†“Yeah I know, but he’s just looking out for us. I’d be paranoid too if I had been what he’s been through.†The husky sat down at a table and his mother brought him a plate of tofu scramble and sat next to him with a meal of her own. “He wants me to meet him in the dojo when I’m done. pretty much sums up my life; I eat sleep and train to kill.†“The son of the great Nicolai Sibirski mustn’t be weak†She stated. “There's a difference in being strong and being a killing machine. What’s the deal with all this combat training anyway are you guys shipping me off to fight some kind of war?†“Your father wants you to be a better warrior than even he was. Alex you must understand where we come from and that being able to fight is an important part of our culture. He believes your destiny may require it someday to fend off the evil in this universe.†“Well what do you believe?†Alex asked. “I’m not sure Alex. I never wanted this life for you, and I thought that was why we moved to Lylat in the first place, but it isn’t any safer here. It’s just safety precautions to ensure your survival out there.†“I understand†Alex said with a blank look on his face. “What’s on your mind son?†He pauses for a moment. “I don’t want this life either.†he said “I get the feeling Ill end up running this operation in the future.†“And?†“And I want to be with Kalina, but that can never happen as long I’m a criminal.†“The people of Cerinia Depend on us for now, and that might be the case in the future†She stated. “Don’t you think it’s more important to keep them safe? As for Kalina, I won’t deny you the love of a woman and I doubt your father will either. Do what you feel is right not only for you but for her as well.†“Alright†Alex gets up from the table and kisses his mother on the forehead. He then proceeds down the hall to a staircase. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The spiral staircase opens into a 50x50 room where the family pracises all forms of melee combat. Alex walks to the far side of the Dojo where his father is waiting. What took you so long?†Nicolai said tossing him a training sword. The two begin fencing while in conversation. “Ah you know, me and mom had a chat†“What about?†“What I’m going to do with the rest of my life†“Well… What do you plan to do?†“In all honesty, I dont know. Me and Kalina have been talking of running away together†Alex pauses expecting an argument “There be no need for running. No one is chasing you, unless you’ve pissed off Mr. Marcus zat is.†“But don’t you want me to run this business after you†Alex said surprised by his father’s response. “Alex my son, I didn’t start selling gun because I wanted to, I did it because it was convenient, and it works well for me. You must find what works for you. But if you want to sell gun too zis business is yours.†“What about marrying Kalina?†“If it is possible zen do it. Now, focus on training" they stop their fencing warm up and prepare for a real fight. After a moment of silence Alex lunges forward with a fury of attacks slinging the wooden sword left and right very quickly. Nicolai blocks every blow and counters by kicking him back while his sword is at bay and follows with a swift strike while Alex is of balance slapping him in the gut. “You’re too impatient my young pupil. Conserve your energy.†This process repeats itself a few times until Alex finally takes his advice. He is now fighting more defensively, waiting for the right moment. But then he begins another reckless fury of attacks, except this time he sends his father’s sword flying. He pauses then throws his sword aside. After pacing around for a moment the two begin sparing. Half an hour of continuous fighting goes by and Alex is all but beat by his father’s veteran fighting expertise. “You give?†Nicolai says tiredly. “Not a chance†with his last bit of energy, Alex then sprints from the far end of the Dojo at his father leaping and dropkicking him right below the sternum, knocking him down and out of breath. “Ah… Good one†he said between breaths lying on the floor. Alex flops down beside him sitting cross-legged and leaning back using his arms to hold him up. The two are panting heavily. “You’re getting better son. You fought well†“Very well indeed†a voice says out of the corner of the room applauding as he comes forth. Nicolai and Alex rise to their feet. “Haven’t you heard? “Alex says to the figure “What’s that?†the individual asks. “No shoes in the Dojo†Alex said sarcastically The individual grins at Alex, patting him on the cheek “Your boy’s turning out to be quite the scrapper, eh? “I wouldn’t say that, he tells me he wants to live a peaceful life.†“He just hasn’t found a reason to fight yet. But he will soon enough.†The individual said “Alex, go back upstairs while I talk business with Mr. Cochran.†“Sure thing pops, Later Jeeves.†Alex then jogs back upstairs. Jeeves Cochran was a longtime associate of Nicolai’s. It is unsure where he originated from; he did not fight in the war but joined Nicolai’s gang back in Canis right around when it started. He was left in charge when Nicolai depated for Lylat, but the clan fell apart soon after. Jeeves is now in charge of shipping and seeking out customers. The Bull Terrier wore a black suit and tie with a piece strapped around his chest concealed by his jacket “What brings you here Jeeves?†“A few things actually†he responded. “For starters we just got our hands on some new equipment. Some arwings, landmasters, and other weapons exclusive to the Cornerian forces.†“Good, we’ll keep some of those arwings for ourselves. Our cargo ships could use some fighter support in case someone tries to cut out the middle man.†“I also have a potential customer and this one is big. Andross Oikonny is his name, he’s building an army and he needs supplies to get started.†“I’ve heard of him, and I’ve heard of the things he’s done and I know of his intentions. He’s a tyrant, I don’t do business with tyrants!†“Whatever you say Nicolai, but this could make us billions†“I don’t want to hear it. We help him and we’d be doing the very thing we fought against in Canis†“Understandable. Speaking of Canis, I must warn you about something. Some of our old friends are getting tracked down and arrested by CIA agents.†“What’s zat got to do with me? “ “You were their leader, you started it all. I would bet money they’re looking for you.†Nicolai seemed somwhat agitated “Zey will never find me here, and you know why? Because I never got caught, zey don’t have positive ID on me. You can’t find someone until you know who you’re looking for†“What if someone sold us out?†“The only people who know where we are is you and myself†“You can’t be too sure of that Nic†Jeeves turns to Nicolai and comes face to face with a high caliber revolving blaster. “You wouldn’t be planning on cashing in on my head, would you Jeeves†"What’s that supposed to mean?†Jeeves said offensively. “So you don’t trust me then? After all we’ve been through you think I would stab you in the back?†Jeeves Rips open his shirt to reveal several scars from gunshot wounds. â€I took bullets for you! Christ Nic you’re like a brother to me! I would never set you up! If you go down I go down with you.†Nicolai lowers his weapon slowly with a look of sadness on his face. Jeeves then embraces him in a brotherly hug. â€I’m sorry Jeeves, I overreacted†“Don’t fret it. Come on, you look like you could use a drink †------------------------------------------------------------------------ Later that evening Nicolai meets up with Alex at their shooting range. Alex is firing a scoped bolt action rifle at targets 1500ft away on the snowy range when his father walks up. “What did Jeeves have to say?†Alex asks “Just bitching and moaning as usual†His father jokes. Alex walks over to a table and sets the rifle down. “You seem to like the old fashioned equipment “ “It still gets the job done just as well, and it adds character†He then picks up a standard semi auto blaster pistol and walks over to the range and begins firing. “Is that your gun?†Nicolai asks after Alex empties the mag. “Nah, I just grabbed it out of storage.†“Do you have a gun of your own?†“Do I really need one?†“Of course you do, it is important for every man to have his own gun that he keeps with him at all times. Think of it as your best friend, you want one that’s trustworthy, reliable, and has your back. Because one day it may be the only friend you’ve got.†Nicolai pulls out the large revolver. “She’s been good to me. I want you to have ‘er.†He hands the gun to Alex. “This is a beautiful firearm†Alex said as he gazed at it “It belonged to my sergeant. He passed it on to me before dying in my arms. It has saved my life countless times, now it’s time for you to carry it†The gun was anodized black and had wooden grips with dragons engraved in them. It was bulky and heavy but this reduced the recoil making for a more accurate shot, which was essential because it only chambered six rounds, six massive rounds that would stop even the burliest of brutes in their tracks. “When you get done out her you need to get some rest, that is if you plan on joining us on our run to Cerinia. Actually I was thinking you could handle this one yourself.†“You bet! When do we leave?†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxMotoX Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 *WARNING- From here on out, the story gets explict. I'll just give it a rating of Mature for language, violence, blood, and some mild suggestive themes but the language isnt overused or anything. Just one particular character has a bad mouth. Definitions: Slausijers- Slah-zig-ers, A popular Cerinian beer Chapter 2: Finding Trouble Two vessels traveled through space approaching Cerinia’s atmosphere escorted by three fighters. The space craft’s put down at a landing strip within the city at the palace, the three fighters landed in front of them. Alex jumped out of the cockpit of one of the fighters and looked around at the scenery, the beauty of this planet never ceased to amaze him. The climate was fair, it wasn’t too hot or cold which was very pleasant. The planet’s surface was covered in grassy plains, forests, and mountainous terrain. But it’s most peculiar and magnificent trait was the way the gases of the atmosphere altered the mundane sunlight into light of a bluish color, which gave the entire planet a blue appearance. The palace was more like a fortress surrounded by a wall with Cerinian soldiers armed with either assault rifles or other conventional weapons at various points around the structure. The building itself was substantial, the biggest in the whole city by a long shot. This is where all the political figures resided and all political events went down. Alex walked over to the cargo ship landing area where Jeeves was already barking orders at his men unloading the merchandise. Marcus then comes over to greet him. Marcus was the highest political figure on Cerinia; he was in charge of all foreign affairs and military actions. He wore a long robe equipped with gold jewelry to show his leadership status. “Hello Mr. Marcus, how are you today?†Jeeves said as he greeted Marcus “Never better Jeeves! Say, where is Nicolai?†“He had plans with the missis, so he sent me and junior to cover for him.†He notices Alex walking up out of the corner of his eye “speaking of which.†“Alexander, glad you could make it.†He greets him with a handshake. “Is there anything I can get you gentlemen?†“I’ll have a drink,†Jeeves said “Something cold and sweet with a bit of a kick.†“I’ll get right on that. Alex, walk with me if you don’t mind, I’d like to have a word.†The two walked towards the palace side by side while Jeeves continued to boss his men around. Alex was a little worried about what Marcus had to say. Judging by the tone in his voice it sounded serious, it must have something to do with Kalina. ‘Hopefully she isn’t pregnant’ he thought to himself, thinking of their previous ventures. His thoughts were interrupted by Marcus’s voice. â€So, how are things back on Vonikifor?†“Pretty good I guess. Any normal person would probably consider it paradise. I have no real duties to fulfill so there’s not much to stress about. On the contrary, it just gets old after a while. I wouldn’t mind having some kind of job just to make myself feel like I have a purpose.†“Well I might be able to help you with that†Marcus said as they walked across the courtyard. “You see Cerinia has long been dependent on others for protection from outside threats. And it seems like we only come under attack when no one else is around. We’d like to be more dependent so we can show these tyrants we are still strong enough to hold our own. We used to be a strong community but that was a different time. Now this galaxy has grown around us and we seem so far behind.†“What do you want from me, Sir?†Alex asked “Our soldiers are only masters of our ancient weaponry, which is very effective, but we need to be more versatile. That’s where you come in, there aren’t many people here who can fight with modern tactics or fly a space craft, but you can. I want you to lead our army and teach our soldiers your methods so that we can not only defend ourselves but also do our part when the galaxy is in need.†Alex is astonished by Marcus’s offer. Surely there were more qualified candidates. He was only seventeen years old and had never seen real combat before how could he possibly lead an entire army. The soldiers would laugh at the idea of an outsider leading them, let alone a teenager. Alex paused for a moment at the bottom of the set of stairs leading to the palace unsure how to respond “That sounds good and all Sir I really am fllattered, but don’t you think I’m a little under qualified. After all I’m not a soldier and I’ve never been in combat… I’m only a kid.†“That’s not what I see when I look at you Alex. You know, I can see through people, I can distinguish their thoughts and read their souls. You have the heart of a warrior and the mindset of a hero. I don’t focus on your accomplishments but rather what you will accomplish.†“What about the men. They despise me because I’m not a bluefur.†“You’ll just have to earn their respect.†Marcus suggested “How would I do that?†They are now inside the palace. Marcus opens an ice chest and pulls out a bottle of champagne, he then motions to one of the servants. â€Give this to Mr. Cochran will you†he says to the server. He turns back to Alex and answers his question with one word. “Accomplishments†Alex looks at him puzzled. “You must show them you are stronger than they are through accomplishments.†“Well, I’ll give it a shot but I can’t promise anything. I’ll have to run this by my father.†“I don’t expect an answer right away. Come to me when you’re ready†Marcus said kindly. “Now, I think there’s a certain someone who would like to see you. The girls are around here somewhere.†“Thanks Marcus.“ Alex walked out of the palace trying to wrap his head around what just happened. Back at the loading docks Jeeves was still shouting orders at his men while chugging his bottle of champagne. “Get a Move on you fat lazy cunts! I’ve seen turtles work faster!†Alex walks over to talk with Jeeves “Making progress?†“Hardly†Jeeves said disgusted “How long do you suppose we’ll be here?†“At this pace? days. These are the only two ships we had available so we’re going to have to make another trip.†Jeeves looked at Alex and could tell what he was thinking “I know what you’re wanting. Go on, go see your woman, I’ll take care of things here. “You’re my hero Jeeves.†Alex said jokingly before running off “Whatever you say†Jeeves mumbled ------------------------------------------------- Apparently Alex had plenty of time to kill so he decided to wonder around town. He enjoyed walking around seeing the city, mostly because it was a change of scenery and he wanted to take as much in as he could before going home. The alleyways and streets were packed with the bluefured civilians going and coming from place to place. The locals dressed mostly in tunics or robes and sandals making Alex’s outfit stick out amongst the crowd. But the fact that he wasn’t a bluefur didn’t cause much of a stir because his pearly white coat had a bluish tint in the azure sunlight. Although Cerinia was an ancient civilization the architecture was extremely sophisticated. There were large structures made out of marble along the streets decorated with statues and water fountains. Alex is walking along the street when he notices two individuals siting at a table outside of a coffee diner waving him down. He recognizes them to be Krystal and Charlie. Alex walks across the street to join them. Charlie was another vulpine whom he met through Krystal. He was an outcast as well but by choice, he chose to hang out with Alex because he was different. There were several instances where Alex was in a tight spot with Cerinian kids and Charlie backed him up, fighting his own acquaintances in the process. He was an all-around good guy even though he was a bit of a lunatic. Krystal had always had a little crush on him but he never seemed to notice. “Alex!†Krystal shouted greeting him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek “No one told me you were coming! Otherwise we would’ve waited up.†Alex greets Charlie with a handshake and the trio takes their seats. “It’s ok. This was kinda a last minute idea. My father couldn’t come so he sent me in his place. How’s it been going?†“Better now that you’re here†Krystal said cheerfully “Where’s Kalina?†Alex asks “Oh, you how she is sometimes. She doesn’t like to hang out in public very often.†“So how long ya in for?†Charlie asked “It will take all day at the least, besides I’ve got my own ship I can leave whenever. Speaking of which, I should teach you guys to fly sometime.†“Sure†Charlie said trying to sound interested Krystal on the other hand was delighted by the idea of flying. “Oh my god, that would be so cool! I’ve always dreamed of flying out of here and seeing the galaxy. Would you really do that for us?†“Sure†Alex replied. “I’d be happy to. I was gonna give Kalina lessons anyways, you can join us.†Charlie wasn’t too thrilled about the whole flying thing so he changed the subject. “So... What’s been happening out there lately, ya know… In space? “Well I wouldn’t know really. I actually don’t get out as much as you’d think, only when I come here. But I’ve heard some things from my dad’s people about Lylat possibly going to war. Something about a corrupt bio weapons guy going rouge.†“Really?†Krystal said devastated “That sounds terrible. What does this mean for us?†“I don’t know, But It’s probably nothing. Rumors like this start all the time. No one actually has the man power, resources, or even the audacity to take over the galaxy, not with organizations such as the Cornerian Armed Forces around. They simply won’t tolerate that sorta thing and will eliminate it before it becomes a real threat.†“Hmm… I don’t know about that Alex†Charlie stated. “Cornerian ships used to patrol our sector of the galaxy even our planet. But they’ve since vanished as if they were pre occupied with something, right around when you guys showed up.†Charlie’s statement puts a concerned look back on Krystal’s face. “There’s no need to worry guys, as long as we’re around you’re in good hands. Cerinia’s army is well supplied and my father has connections with several mercenary units. If worst came to worst we would keep you safe.†Krystal now felt reassured. “Yeah, you and your family should have some political stand point on Cerinia for all that you do.†“You don’t say†Alex murmured thinking back at Marcus’s offer. About two hours had passed while the three friends caught up. The pace of life around the city slowed a little as most people went to their jobs. All that was left was the younger unemployed crowd. Krystal got up from the table. “Well boys, I gotta get going. My mom is throwing a little ball later and she wants me to help prepare our place for company.†“I guess we’re not invited huh?†Charlie scoffed sarcastically “Don’t you have some slaves to do that for you.†“No!†she snapped back “We actually do things ourselves. Besides I’d rather hang out with you two than be there, believe it or not. But my mom says it’s good for my image as a royal.†“I suppose I won’t be seeing your sister today then†Alex inferred “Trust me she won’t be there†Krystal replied. “The last thing she wants to do is get all dressed up just to be ridiculed by people in her own house. If I see her I’ll let her know you’re here, though she probably already knows.†Alex and Charlie got up from the table and gave Krystal a hug before she departed up the street back to the palace “I guess I should go try to find her†“Nonsense†Charlie said putting an arm around Alex as he tugged him down the street in the opposite direction of Krystal. “That can wait, the day is still yet young. Whatta ya say we go grab a few drinks and find some trouble?†“Uh-“ “Just kidding, it’s not up for discussion†Charlie interrupted. “Come on, I know of a few places†“Well I’m sure trouble will find us†The two laughed as they walked down the street ---------------------------------------- At a pub about 7 blocks down the street from the coffee diner they were at earlier, Alex and Charlie sat at the bar on the far end next to the wall. Normally, on any other planet neither of them would be allowed in a pub because of their age. But Cerinia had no real age limits on that sort of thing. If you were tall enough to reach the bar they would serve you. This was the third pub they’d been to after being thrown out of the others for causing a disturbance, mostly on Charlie’s Behalf. The place didn’t look very mainstream judging by the crowd and the atmosphere seemed quiet and stodgy. “Well this is disappointing†Charlie mumbled The two sat for a few minutes without getting served “Yo drink slinger†Charlie yelled to the bartender getting impatient. “You gonna pour us something or what?†The bartender walked over infront of them on the other side of the bar sizing up the two of them. “We don’t serve his kind here†he said crossing his arms Alex just rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t surprise me†Charlie then got in the barman’s face. “Listen asshole, do you know who this is? This is Alexander Fucking Sibirski, the son of Nicolai Sibirski the man who decides the fate of this damn planet. You oughta show some respect.†The bartender looked at Charlie perplexed by his dialect. He then glanced around the pub as if to see if anyone he knew was around before turning to Alex. “Fine then, what shall it be?†“I’ll just have what he’s having†“Four slausijers then good sir†Charlie said elegantly grinning in sarcasm. The barman gave him a disgusted look and then went to fetch the drinks. “What-a prick†Charlie said to Alex but loud enough to be heard across the pub. “Ya know, I’d rather not have everyone here hate me.†“Ha, hate you? They don’t hate you, they hate me.†The Barman brought over the drinks and Charlie took a big gulp out of one of the glasses. “Who gives a damn what they think anyways†“They do hate me. And I don’t care what they think, but we’re here to help them… I just wish they would see it that way†“Yeah well, don’t get your hopes up. These people are too stubborn and stuck up to pull their heads out of their asses. I tell ya, you’re better off just leavin em to die. You’d be doing the galaxy a favor.†“What about you? You’re one of them. I wouldn’t leave you to die.†“Other than having blue fur, I am nothing like them. I can look after myself.†“I guess you’re right†Alex took a drink of the liquor. “So get this, I was at the palace today and Marcus tells me he’d like to have a word. I was scared shitless because he seemed upset. I thought Kalina was pregnant or something†“Nice!†â€But instead†Alex continued “he offered me a job.†“You mean like, shining his shoes and cleaning his toilets? Maybe he’ll let you make down payments on his daughter.†Alex smirked and shook his head. “He wants me to train and lead Cerinia’s army†Charlie was in the process of drinking when Alex said this. The shocking response made him spew liquor all over the bar. “What!†“I couldn’t believe it either†Alex said before taking a drink out of his mug. Charlie was still chocking on his slausijer. “So what did you say?†“I didn’t give a definite answer. I told him I have to run it by my old man first, but he cares about Cerinia too much to put me in charge of something so important to them.†“I think you should do it. Then I’ll be your second in command†Charlie said with a smirk pointing to himself with both thumbs. “Well if it happens I’ll be sure to make you my wingman.†About an hour of bull shooting, dart throwing, and alcohol drinking had passed and Alex and Charlie were still sitting at the bar. The meager crowd had died down to just the two of them. Alex had finished his two pints and Charlie had quite a few more empty glasses in front of him. He was finishing off his last drink when the door to the pub swung open. In walked a slightly older individual and his posse of other vulpines, five of them total. The fox was Michael, one of Charlie’s old acquaintances but he wasn’t about to invite him over. “Bane! How’s it goin ol boy†He said to the bartender leaning forward against the bar. After talking to the barman for a minutes he noticed Alex and Charlie sitting to his far right. “Well well, what do we have here?†He said as he stood back up and began to walk over. â€A reject and a palefur†“Finally†Charlie whispered to Alex “some trouble’s come our way.†Charlie got up from his seat and slowly walked over to the group with a confident stride. Alex let out a sigh and followed. “Michael†Charlie said “I was having such a good day until you walked in. But now I feel I’m gonna have a great day.†“I just don’t understand you Charlie, how you and Krystal can bare to be seen with such a disgraceful being is beyond me.†Michael said as he gave Alex a dirty look Alex remained cool giving his persecutor a cold stare. As for Charlie, he was anticipating a fight and egged them on. “Why don’t you faggots go paint your toenails or something before you get hurt?†“Tell me Charlie, did you learn to talk like that from your friend here or did your whore of a mother raise you that way?†Charlie stepped forward preparing to swing on him but Alex put his arm out in front of him. “Precisely what I thought†Michael was determined to strike a nerve in the collective Huskie’s heart. “You look upset Alex, perhaps it’s because your girlfriend has fur the color of mud and is too afraid to show her unsightly figure in public. You two are just perfect for each other.†Although he had heard people here say worst comments before, this one struck a soft spot… Kalina Michael was too busy snickering with his friends to notice Alex rearing back his fist. By the time he regained his attention it collided into his skull knocking him to the floor half unconscious. “Here we go!†Charlie yelled with excitement. While the other vulpines were watching their friend fall Charlie decked one of them in the nose knocking him back onto a table and proceeded to wail on his face until another came to assist. All the while the remaining two went after Alex. Michael staggered to his feet and lunged at Alex whom was held at bay by the two other vulpines, punching him twice. Alex then jumped and kicked his legs out at Michael knocking him down again. Charlie noticed Alex in trouble so he knocked one of his combatants down with a flying back kick followed by a low forward kick in the opposite direction at the other vulpine. He then quickly grabbed a dart off the wall and hurled it at one of the vulpines holding Alex down piercing the back of his upper thigh allowing Alex to free himself. Alex then elbowed the other vulpine in the snout and followed it by grabbing him by the head and forcing it down as he drove his knee upward into his face. Michael Had gotten up once again and went after Alex with a right hook. Alex blocks this and jabs him in the chest and then the face before doing a roundhouse kick in the opposite direction striking the vulpine ‘whom had just pulled the dart out of his leg’ in the face. When Alex turned around Michael was attacking once again. He dodged an incoming fist by ducking underneath driving his knee into Michael’s crotch following with a head-butt. Meanwhile Charlie had his final opponent against the wall punching him repeatedly before finishing him by shattering an empty glass in his face. Michael was attempting to pick himself up again but before he could Alex grabbed a chair and broke it over his back. He then kicked Michael over on his back and began to wail on his face. He threw punch after punch into Michael’s bloody face until he felt something hit the back of his head with the sound of shattering glass. After this everything went black. 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TCPeppyTc Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Wow. I see what you mean about spacing out dialogue. This reads much more smoothly. You too get an A+ for it. I also think you paint a very vivid scene of Cerinia, what with the Greco-Roman style clothing of the citizens and the temperate mild climate. I kind of like the themes of class and race prejudice in this piece, as well as promises of romance. That was also one killer of a fight scene! Keep it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxMotoX Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Wow. I see what you mean about spacing out dialogue. This reads much more smoothly. You too get an A+ for it. I also think you paint a very vivid scene of Cerinia, what with the Greco-Roman style clothing of the citizens and the temperate mild climate. I kind of like the themes of class and race prejudice in this piece, as well as promises of romance. That was also one killer of a fight scene! Keep it up! Thanks for the input man really appreciate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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