Shadow of the Dreadnaught

[Guest]

Well, I've spent some time looking up other stories and criticism on those, but I can spend hours looking for bits and pieces to correct on my own work, but it's just ending up to be more efficient to have someone with better eyes for this do all the correcting left at once. I tried to find stuff, did the paragraphing and everything, but Instead of just deleting everything, I'll just post it and see what happens.

Before the storm starts, please note that this is my very first attempt to writing fiction in English and actually having someone else read it. I speak English at home, but I have severe problems with setting commas, as I don't live in any English-speaking country, and I lack a lot of rarely-used vocabulary. So if at one place for instance, if a lacking variety of synonyms is the problem, please suggest alternatives. I can also just look stuff up from some dictionary and press in some completely unfitting word that does express the context but ruins the complete sentence. Question is if this is advisable. (I don't think so )

Another note in terms of the story is, that I purposely don't explain every detail's background, in order to have the main characters find out about them later on (along with the reader).

Well, here goes nothing. Can't be worse than awful.

Act 1: An ominous Avalanche

Chapter 1: An old-fashioned letter.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Three years had passed, since Star Wolf had taken the credit for preventing the Anglar Blitz's success.

Dash seized the opportunity of a cleansed planet and founded the Venomian Empire anew, with himself as the emperor. But instead of harnessing power to attack Corneria once again (as always otherwise), he sought to establish peace for as long as it would go. This is, what he announced in the very first speech he held after declaring himself emperor of Venom. Breaking the bonds of mutual distrust still remained his goal, but it turned out that reaching it would take more effort and time than he estimated.

Slippy and Amanda had married shortly after the end of the Blitz and tried to find something fitting for both of them to support a future family, with little success. After a year of insecurity, Fox offered to Slippy to partake in Star Fox again, this time along with his wife. Seeing a chance to make some safer money than the struggle they were in before and the chance to find more job offers afterwards due to having made themselves a bigger name, they gladly accepted it. But despite both facts, Slippy had to admit, that Amanda's curiosity towards an actual mercenary's life was a big help to convince her.

Hearing that even the Toads had abandoned what ever they were doing to join the old team was the final straw that had Peppy Hare decide to return, too. Fox was thankful for the opportunity to welcome his former mentor in the team once again. He kept asking Peppy, why he would give up on being the Head of a national fleet and army, just to work for some independant mercenary company. He only recieved vague answers though. Things like "it is extremely stressful and tiresome after a while".

The first two years after the Anglar Blitz were surprisingly successful, even with the stronger competition, in some cases even because of it. They were to encounter Star Wolf several times in work. The first time being just four months after the Blitz. But by then, Krystal had already left Star Wolf to be gone and not be seen again. Even for a year after growing to five members, they got a lot of work. Fortune shouldn't be in their favor forever, though. Although, that was the wrong way to put it, Fox's desperate trys to forget the past were what should stand in their way.

They had long before extended their field of work to far beyond the Lylat system, where they were one of many units to track down a highly rewarded criminal. During the hunt, he met someone, who, after finishing the job, would stay in his mind for ages. Well, it was rather the image of her, that made him suffer. Since then, he started limiting the work of his team to the Lylat system, staying away from the outer systems altogether. And by limiting potential job offers to one system, the success instantly halted. They only got small jobs, barely to live from and maintain their equipment. And in the end, they even had to bear two months, without anything at all.

_________________________________________

Even with it's orbital station circling around it now, the shades of blue and green still made Corneria a magnificent sight. Would flying down there get them anywhere, Fox asked himself, while looking out of the window, staring at the startling sphere below. They had spent two months without an assignment now. Not even a small one. No transportation, no escortation, nothing. They were running out of supplies again.

The bridge's control panels were unused momentarily, ROB was making routine checks to keep all old electronics alive as long as possible. There was no risk of any failing yet, but in the future, that might start happening.

The back hatch opened, and the old rabbit returned from his visit to the surface. "You still worrying about our financial situation? Did you even move since I left? Come on, what's with the constant depression? We'll solve this somehow. Something's sure gonna come up."

Fox turned around and interrupted him: "How are you sure to believe this? Why aren't you even mad at me? How is this better than being a General?"

Peppy took a few steps towards the worried man, who still seemed like a clueless cup to him. "Believe me, even this is a lot more relaxing than any second in the life of a General. Supplies seem infinite in the army, but they're not, and you're constantly forced to do things you would rather not." He took one last step and patted Fox' shoulder. "Things will turn out for the better eventually. Now come on, we need to get your mind off this for a while, to think more clearly. Let's go and have a drink or two."

They were about to leave the bridge, as a sound signaled an incoming message which flashed up on the screen. "What's that?" Fox turned around and pointed at the message, while Peppy put on his glasses to read it. Well he was trying to read it, but it wasn't even a text message, only a picture of a badly written note on a piece of paper on some wooden surface, most likely a table. It read... "132 Gambling Ave, Corneria City...is this an adress?" Fox was perplexed, as he was everything but used to this kind of contact. Peppy, in thought, mumbled something about it being a request for them to come and went to the display to check for the sender. It was "Annie Randonam, do you know that person?"

Fox gave Peppy a questioning look, only to see him tilting his eyes, sighing and covering his face with his hand. He opened an own pad and typed "Annie Randonam" and below "Any Random Name", which made Fox lift his head in understanding. In any case, the message left some questions open, even to Peppy. Could it be a trap? But by whom then? No, that was impossible. There was no reason someone would want to set up a trap or harm them in any other way at that very moment.

But before any thing else was said, a second picture flashed up, this time the note reading "Now, please. And I really mean now in terms of 'now' now. Just say it's you, when you're there."

"Well, it sounds more like a distress call than a request now. You wanted something different to happen and here you are. Fox gave Peppy a questioning look. "What do you suggest?"

"We'll have to check it out. And the second one implied, that, assuming it is an offer, it will expire if we take ourselves too much time." They started leaving the bridge and moving through the narrow corridors of the Great Fox II.

"Question is, if I go alone, or I should have the rest come along?"

"Don Carle had enough time to set something up to take revenge, two months is a too long wait for him. I have my doubts that this is anything set up. But you shouldn't go all on your own either way."

They started heading for the quarters. "Taking everyone with you would be contraproductive on the other hand. It attracts unnecessarily much attention if the five of us at once walk along. Also, if it would turn out to be a set-up, we couldn't do anything to help you, if we get caught, too. I suggest we all stay nearby, but you're the one to actually go to the exact place, together with Falco at best. In an actual sudden fight, Me and the Toads would only drag you down. Don't worry about me, the two of them aren't exactly all too focused, but I'll do my best to keep them ready at all times....for a while that is.", the old hare stated with a short laugh at the end.

Peppy's quick assessments never ceased to amaze Fox. How much he even thought about it, he didn't see it differently in any way, so he just turned on his comms, announced that they were to leave for the surface, and out of the shifting door right next to the two surprised mammals two frogs instantly showed up, like out of nowhere.

"You didn't need the comms for these two yards."

"No, but I need Falco to hear it too, whereever he might be right now..." With a demanding tone Amanda asked what it was all about, but got just asked to wait until Falco was there. After a few seconds, Fox decided to walk up to Falco's quarter and just open the door.

As always recently, he sat on a chair, headphones covering his ears, most likely the usual random jinglings of electric guitars and synthesizers, studying one of his aeronautics-books and banging his head to the music.

This was something he just couldn't resist doing this to his colleague, every time he caught him with his music running and lost in some game or book. The moment, when Falco had his back turned to the door and was absolutely unaware of what ever might happen behind him, only occured, when he was absolutely relaxed. Fox shushed the rest, and sneaked up to Falco, only to have him intuitively switch, pull out his blaster and aim it at his potential attacker. He swiftly turned around with a mix between shock and terror on his face but without moving the blaster, and sighed, taking off his headphones and relaxing again.

"Woah, Fox, you almost got me scared there." He simply folded his arms, tilted his head and smirked. This was so much fun, he was pretty sure to never get bored of that.

"Yeah, sure, almost.."

"Ok what is it then? Something important?"He knew, that Falco was sure to be annoyed about that for quite a while again.

"Let's go the hangar. We're travelling with the old bridge. I'll be telling you guys what's going on while were on the way." The old bridge was the old Great Fox' disconnectable bridge that was left after the Aparoid Invasion had been thwarted. It was the last remnant of their old ship. The rest were some plans in some company's building, would something come up and they'd need it, they had the name and the adress lying around somewhere.

They went through the small hangar, past the Arwings to the edge they store the transporter in. Peppy sat down in front of the terminals, booting up the transporter and stearing it aside to the separable compartment.

He next asked ROB to open the outer gate. All the others had to patiently wait for everything, as the transporter slowly lifted up and moved towards the aerial shield. After they had passed it, ROB closed the gate again and they turned around and downwards, heading for the very capital they had saved from utter destruction two times already, three if you count getting Wolf the neutralizing device.

They were eager to see, if this time, it would hold an actual catch-free job. Recently, they hadn't been very lucky. The last one got them involved with a small functional in the organized crime scene. They got away and visited Corneria several times back then, but nothing special happened. They only got chances to little by little use up what was left of their financial puffer. They needed at least a small boost pretty badly, to get on for the next month.

"So what's this whole thing about now?", Falco blurted out. The Toads agreed to wanting to know.

"We recieved something we'd guess is supposed to be some sort of distress signal. There were just two pictures sent, giving us an adress. It's 132 gambling ave in Corneria City. And the other one seemed to be stating that it was important. Both were just pictures of a note written in very bad handwriting. Whoever is contacting us, knows, who we are and seems to want me or us to come most likely to talk about something. I'm hoping it's a briefing on some work for us, but as we have no identity of any contact person, it might as well be a setup. But even if so, we'll check anyway."

Falco very well knew that it was also entering the atmosphere that made him slightly nervous every time, when seeing it from so close by. Usually, he was locked up in his quarter or hanging around somewhere else. Any place without a window, that is. It was also always then, when he'd make mistakes, like forgetting to check on certain systems, when entering it in an Arwing. But this time, he was sure, it seemed a bit weird. "Written on pictures...does that mean he or she doesn't want to be found by the local security or something?"

Peppy engaged in his thoughts. "Well it's either that, or that person doesn't want to be found by someone else."

"Either way, I'm checking out the maps to find this, I want this thing scanned by the bridge before we enter it. I want to know if we're to deal with Mechs or any of the like, before we go in, not afterwards.", announcing this, Falco sat down on the other chair, moved it to the terminals next to Peppy, and opened the dynamic map of the city. He typed in the adress and set it as a destination, making a Nav point show up on the front screen Peppy was using. His own terminal showed a site of the place. "Kitty Cat Parlour" was the name, and it seemed to be some sort of club.

"This thing sure sounds risky. It could be anything". The older members were glad that even Slippy had gotten the gist of this quickly.

"If this anonymous person is hiding, how are we supposed to find him or her? He's surely not just gonna show up all the time calling out 'Hey! I'm the secret guy, please only talk to me if you're Star Fox.'"

Fox could tell he had to speak up to keep his team focused. "Amanda, don't worry about that part, we're assured to find a way to whatever we're supposed to find." Turning from one worried Toad to the other, he put on a scaringly serious face along with one hand establishing an almost painfully tight grip on Slippy's shoulder."Slippy, bear with me here. We're mercenaries, right?"

The startled frog nodded. "Right."

"If dangerous buisness isnt the buisness of mercenaries, then what is? I know it reeks of something shady, but it also reeks of work, and our need for work just has the latter have the higher weight."

From the looks of his face and his head avoiding eye contact, Slippy was sure to be becoming aware and embarassed about his lack of understanding. Instead, he started looking out of the front window, at green and uneven landscapes they were passing.

[Guest]

Well I was prepared for bad resonance, and got the worst one possible: none at all XD. Well, I guess I shouldn't let it drag me down like that. I'll just keep on writing it and posting it here.

Chapter 2: To have a fight without even talking.

By the time they found a close harbor to land in, a very small and barely guarded one unfortunately, Falco had even insist on running a scan on the building. Unfortunately, that was one of the things, the bridge couldn't do without some sensors from the actual Great Fox. He didn't know what it was, maybe it was just intuition, but this whole damn thing just didn't give him a good feeling about it.

The team gathered around Fox for a last short briefing. "Okay, we're close enough here. Slippy. I want you to stay here with Peppy and Amanda, but keep your comms on and stay alert. Falco, you and I go check out what this is about. But if anything funny happens and we get separated, contact the others immediately. I'll do so myself if it happens. We've gotta do something about that belt though. " He folded his arms, tilting his head to the left and looking at Falco's belt, to which he had strapped several grenades and apart from his blaster an automatic minigun. Someone ought to see that and report it aloud. Fox was hoping to come to talk, not to make a mess with their sheer appearance. A blaster was normal these days, especially in this district of the city, but all this? "Geez.".

"I'm so not putting down my stuff. I want to blast away any face that looks off, otherwise I'm not going with you." What he said, along with the rejective gesture made it very clear to Fox, that he wouldn't be changing his mind so quickly. He had to keep that in mind. Falco even thinking about chickening out, let alone speaking of it, was anything but common. And also, he usually agreed to keep the weaponry at a normal level around civillians, but this time he insisted on keeping it. Something seemed to be bothering him. Although right then, he had no choice but to accept Falco's wish and find another way not to rouse unwanted attention.

He turned to Peppy, pointing at his open jacket. "Can you spare that jacket? That might serve the purpose."

"Sure thing, Fox." He took it off, took two small glasses of medicine out and handed it to him. "You'll want to stick to what's important. Don't spend unnecessarily much time in there. And if you have to, inform us beforehand. I don't want to spend forever hanging about ."

Fox nodded while turning to Falco. He asked, how putting on that jacket was to hide his weaponry, but Fox asked him to do it in a way he described to him afterwards. Falco was outraged first, but admitted it was the only compromise apparent at the time.

With this, the Star Fox team had split up, with Fox and Falco heading straight for the Kitty Cat Parlour. Gambling Ave was just one block away from the harbor, so they found it pretty quickly. As they had expected from the district they were in, it wasn't exactly the epitomy of "desirable". Poor people sitting around in dark backyards, packs of very scantily clad women here and there, often near entrances with very, very suggesting names and signs above them. While walking along it, there was a beggar with other similarly looking people on his coat-tails, asking for something to eat. A very annoying distraction for Fox' avian friend, especially as Fox even fell for it and paid for a meal for them. He even was about to grip Fox' arm and tell him to stop it, but he knew him much too well. He knew there was no helping it for that soft-hearted dog. When they entered the avenue, they started at something over 250. The way back to number 132 was a bit longer than they had in mind, but they both didn't feel so bad about that, as it didn't look as awful after they passed a few blocks.

Actually, crossing after crossing, the establishments looked more and more prestigous, well on that level, one would call it "tolerable". If it weren't for the packs of females whose numbers didn't shrink as fast as the rest of the signs of poverty, it would look like any ordinary street in the city. Eventually, they finally arrived at the place, they were looking for. It was a large building, seemingly not with more than 2 upper floors though, and a large tiger guarding the narrow entrance door. You could even see the switching light colours illuminating the club from inside. All the space on the front size was being used up by the sign portraying the name of it. "Kitty Cat Parlour" Cat in pink and the rest in blue. The bouncer was armed with some handgun, both couldn't tell what kind of though.

He was already extending his arm when he saw Fox and Falco approach him. "No guests at daytime without reservations or invitations."

Falco was expecting a little more respect towards an ace pilot like him. "Listen up, I'm pretty sure we are invited. Back off."

His rude entry didn't seem to impress the big guy at all. He continued, while taking up a pad from his table. "Sorry, no exceptions. If you aren't on the list, I can't allow you to enter. Who are you guys?"

Fox couldn't resist taking that one. He always put on his proud voice when answering to that kind of question and would repeat the same words every time. "We're Star Fox"

Either he wasn't very bright, or he was spending his life on the other end of the galaxy. In any case, he didn't jump while hearing his name. He just did something on his pad, then looked up and down between his pad and the obvious invitees' faces. "Ah, so you're these. Yes, you're invited. I'm sorry, I got confused, because there were five pictures on your invitation. You can enter of course.", he said with a suddenly kind voice, while taking a step back. He typed something and then repeated that they were free to move in, while the two curious visitors were already entering. Apparently, there was some sort of secondary security measure.

It was very loud inside. Lights in all colours moved all over the place. Guests of all kinds sat at and sometimes on the counters, drinking, laughing and talking about random stuff. In terms of species but also in terms of clothing or armor, there was absolutely everything. Leaving canines at a very low percentage for the whole thing being on Corneria, while all of the personnel, the ones on the stages, along with the ones serving drinks, were only different types of cats. All doors and corridors leading from the main hall were guarded by identically clad tigers as the one at the door. Two of them at every one.

They both observed their surroundings first. They knew what kind of place this was. And the face Falco put on made it very clear that he was anything but pleased about it. In times of depression, especially in the recent years, Fox had spent a few hours at such a place from time to time, but even he didn't feel very comfortable in this moment. They went to the one counter that wasn't stuffed with groups of people and took two seats, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone on their way. They sat on two stools and tried to talk to the keeper. It proved harder than expected, as even here, there was a group of rabbits, reconstructing an event where the same people were spending their time in a similarly unproductive way.

After a while, a fat Lynx in a black maiden dress came along, moving her head between the new guests and shouting into their ears: "Hey there, sweeties, can I get you something?"

Fox moved back for a bit and then started talking. ".................................................", was what the barmaid heard. Suddenly, his friend started attracting her attention, making weird hand movements around his face. But even more confusing was that the barmaid seemed to see something in this which absolutely infuriated her. Although instead of screaming or resorting to violence , she started doing the same. They both kept doing this for something that felt like ten minutes, until she pointed at some exit, made a few more movements involving showing the back of her hand and stretching out one particular finger. And Falco shouted into Fox's ear, telling him to come along, as he left for that exit.

Later on, Falco was to explain to Fox what was happening and what CSL was. But what they were saying wasn't exactly pleasant enough to reconstruct it word by word.

He followed his unexpectedly talented friend into the corner the barmaid had pointed at, left the main hall and turned to the left into a much less noisy corridor. "That woman had nerves. If there wasn't security all over the place, I swear I would have..."

"Calm down, calm down. What was going on anyway?"

"I'll explain later, right now we need to trust her directions." But he didn't calm down for long. "But I swear to you, if that meatball of a ..."

"Falco! Focus! Focus on where to go. What ever it is, just cut it out." He realized by then, that they were obviously communicating somehow, and likely in a very rude manner on both sides, as Falco had gotten so worked up, he was already ruffling up his feathers.

"All right, you're right, I got it. It just doesn't sound like anything real. More like a path to nirvana." And the way they were going gradually gave Fox the exact same feeling. It seemed like they were alking along the entire bulding's lenth, only to turn to the right twice and walking down the same stretch right again. At the very end, Falco opened an unlocked door, that led into a cold concrete staircase. They descended two floors, only to enter another long tunnel, barely lit up by some lamps. In the distance, they saw two last guards, standing firm and observant, as if they were expecting someone. They expectedly stopped the two supposedly invited guests and asked for some valid ID. Falco was already asking what the paranoia was about, but Fox just went ahead and handed out his ID card. They held it in front of a scanning device attached to a terminal on the wall, read something that appeared on the screen, and seemed content with that. They handed it back and even welcomed them, while opening the double door.

But behind it, there was another door, with a terminal on the right. On the screen, they saw a sound visualization and heard a voice. "So you two are...eh..."

"I'm just gonna say it's us." He didn't know if it was what was expected, but he was just guessing from the message that was sent to the Great Fox II.

"Ah perfect, and you look like it, too." With this, they heard several locking mechanisms open and a thick steel door slowly opened to reveal a small well-lit room with several tables, electronic devices and paper lying on most of them. They entered, only to hear an ear-smashing bang behind them, as the door closed and locked again. If there were more people in this room, they would have already drawn out their weapons. In the middle, there was someone sitting on a large table, that was obviously a screen-based terminal at the same time. The room was not particularly big, but full of stuff, lying on shelves, on tables, on the floor, everywhere. The man got up and moved around the table to walk up to them with open arms.

"Welcome to my fine little hideout, so I finally get to meet the famous Star Fox te....eh...where's the rest?"

It was a slightly overweight, snow-white cat wearing a grey suit. He looked past Fox and Falco, hoping to find the rest behind them.

"They're watching out for our transporter. The place you have this club of yours doesn't look very safe.", Falco replied.

The foreign sounding young man went up to Falco and shook his hand. "Yes that's pretty much more than certainly the case. It's more than a pleasure to meet you two." He also extended his arm towards Fox, although not moving towards him. After shaking hands, he took out a handkerchief and cleaned his hands. My name is Glacier and I requested you to help on behalf on my company."

Falco could only let out a demonstrative "hmph", and started overdoing it again, right away. "What kind of help would this rotten place need from us...or deserve it?"

The cat turned to him, having observed Fox from a safe distance before. "Ehm, my company doesn't exactly run this club...thing, it's in a completely different buisness. I only use this as a safe place to hide. Mostly from monkeys right now."

"Then what is it about?"

"Heavy industry, science, real estates....expanding to pretty much everything right now. I don't like this social...evening...drinking thing at all actually. But I have people here who did a very reliable job up until now and..." His suddenly looking away while answering didn't make him any more trustworthy to Falco.

The way he talked conjured up some bad feelings in Fox, silencing him up until then, but at this rate, they weren't going to do anything in the next few hours, he had to speed it up. "Let's cut to the chase right now, I understood you needed help immediately."

"Yes, you're right, completely forgot that." He turned around, walking from table to table, gathering several bags and filling them with stuff he was picking up from everywhere. "You said you have a transporter, right? S'that mean I can just come along with you?"

"Listen smart-ass, we didn't agree on anything yet. Can you at least tell us what you need us for?" Falco was already moving his hand toward his belt, but got stopped by Fox before he could do something.

"Ok, ok, I'll explain in details later and give you a short summary." He hurried to his seat and started opening various pictures on his table and pushing one of them after the other to the two who were to work for him hopefully. He started talking very quickly. He had prepared to explain, but misjudged how long it would take for them to arrive. "Planet Jorania, a planet far in the outer systemswith a varied climate much like Corneria, practically not touched by technology and it's impacts. Formerly an agricultural Venomian colony, it's inhabitants, large light-till-dark-brownish herbavorous people with horns..." , he passed a picture of an anthropomorphic cow and a bull, standing arm in arm, likely to be a couple or a married couple. "...were used as farmers, yet only being allowed to keep 20% of their crops for themselves.

Due to it's former use, the ground below is still full of rare ores, patiently waiting to be gathered for people who can trade it for technology by them." He passed another picture of a large harvesting machine with himself standing in front of it giving a thumbs up with an open smile, while two bulls hug the machine in the background. "Unfortunately, the new-founded Venomian Empire has returned to seize Jorania for themselves again, but are bound by contracts that prevent them from just attacking it, yet they did break one rule by shooting at me and forcing me to flee and leave the expedition fleet wait for it's destruction by an army of very impatient monkeys." He passed one last picture to them, depicting a baboon in a red military uniform fiercely looking at the viewer and clenching his fist.

"Phew...." After finishing rattling off this whole thing, he sighed and rested for a few seconds. "And that's pretty much why I need your help. You will be payed a base fee for escorting and a bonus per battle, when needed. So, what do you think?"

[sroberson]

Hmm....I'll start by saying that I like the stories that tackle Command and go after it. There is something about accepting Command as canon that provides the Star Fox fictions a grittier and morbid feel to it...at least for me. The fact you seem so well on your way to providing a good and lengthy story that follows Command will have me following up and reading it. For some reason or another when I read the story I kept feeling scatter brained - like it didn't exactly flow very well but I wouldn't take my word without several grains of salt, I am feeling rather ADD at the moment. There are a few spelling/grammatical errors and there could be more filler to soften transitions from scene to scene but I understand the pitfall in doing that,but overall I see a really ambitious direction this story could take. Lots of opportunity and room to move around for plot twists/surprises.

I just remembered as I was preparing to scroll back to the top of the screen...I got a bit confused on the part where Star Fox started working outside the Lylat system. They found they could make a lot of money out there, then Fox ran into a random girl? And he decides to not go back out there? Or did he run into Krystal/Kursed again out there? It felt kind of vague. What happened with Fox meeting this girl that caused him to completely turn away the fortunes his team was making out there? It seems like it would be a pretty important character setup for Fox and in my mind sets up the rest of the story to dive into the personal and emotional struggles of Fox since Command. The way it is feels like it could use more explanation.

Also, sorry for mentioning the spelling and grammar bits. Didn't realize English isn't your main language (again, another trip to the top of the page). In which case I am rather impressed. You do have the vocabulary and the ability to write scenes that invoke proper imagery

That being said - I look forward to reading more of it! Please continue!

[Guest]

I'm happy to see some resonance there, thank you.

It's good to know the hint at Kursed at least partially worked. The thing is I thought mentioning her name wasn't appropriate, as it is to be described later how exactly he ran into her later, and during the incident and the time up to the present, he never found out her name. She only reminded him of Krystal. It is planned to receive an explanation to what happened in the past, but I'm sure you can imagine that Fox isn't exactly keen on talking about it. Or thinking about it. I don't like these pure inner-monologue-stories, that are only centered on one's reflections about a topic or an event. I'd rather create situations in which the characters are forced to remember or retell them. I don't know why, but I just like it more that way. I'm sorry.

By the way, you were the first to ask, and your reply was quite helpful, therefore I answered, but I'm afraid I have to draw a line here. I like addressing events and circumstances but only describing them later. Once I get a bit further, don't worry, not much, still part of the first arc, I'll be able to tell why.

Now the important bit: The flow thing. This is exactly what I'm curious about. What destroys the flow, where is it, what is it, how do I avoid it? I need to know, or it won't get much better. Please do reply again and do explain.

To be honest, I'm constantly afraid I'm not putting in too little filters to transit from scene to scene but too much. At this rate, writing out the whole concept is already going to end up in a large novel. But if you say so, ok, I'll try. It's not going to get to the finale (the whole thing is a bit bigger than you might think, as what seems to be the whole story initially is only one small sidearc to introduce two OCs.) before I have to rewrite it due to a new Star Fox game being released anyway.

Although depending on which ending they will go with and how the execution in general turns out to be (in other words, depending on if I like it XD), I might even end up just finishing it anyway, because if they go on from a different one, declaring that one canon, I'd still have my hands free to do with the Star-Wolf-Rising-Universe whatever the hell I want.

As to mistakes in the grammar and spelling, I'm sad to hear it but at this level, there is not even a way around it for me. If I find them myself, I will correct them. If someone points them out, I will correct them. I'm sorry but I can't promise any more.

As to my language, it's not that simple. EN is one of my mother tongues, but I have two and a half of them and I barely read any English books at all. I hope that at least explains the spelling bit. As for the Grammar, either they are minor flaws in long sentences, or I'm afraid I can't provide any excuses. If there are mistakes, I just didn't pay enough attention.

[sroberson]

Whoops...my bad. I didn't mean to draw out into the open your future plans. I'll send something in PM next time if I have a concern and i'll let you address it there on whether you want to talk about it or not. As far as setting up the interaction Fox had with Kursed outside the system, I feel like there has to be more mystery to it with no mention of a girl if you can manage...then I suppose you could run into the issue of having to rewrite a bit to make the decision to return to intra-system activities a more dramatic bit for Fox and team. To me that would create more suspense as to what happened out there that could have caused this change of heart and direction. Anyways, i'll let that go since I am still intrigued on what you plan on doing - which to me is completely up in the air (I haven't yet read a fiction based on post-Command and after Fox runs into Kursed). I'm sure all lose ends will be tied up.

Lol, I am by no means a writer...so my thoughts on flow stop pretty much there. Just a thought. I will try and read through it a couple more times and sleep on it to try and put my finger on what gets me...but as I said before I was also feeling more ADD then when I originally read it so it could be nothing. I guess if I had to put something out there to chew on is it felt like things were moving rather quickly. Just as I was setting up the scene in my mind and picturing it all - it felt like it kind of changed all of a sudden. Its a thin line to tread putting in filler (which I use that term pretty broadly). To me you had a lot of story building action and events - so from my point of view there isn't much filler right now.

Long stories don't bother me at all! They actually provoke me to reading them than short stories because even if the story isn't well written (not directed at you at all) it still has content in there that inspires the imagination. The longer it is, the more material there is, usually. I'm not sure we will have much to worry about as far as a Star Fox game ruining your story lol. I expect Command to be disregarded if not the whole series getting rebooted...so your story could still apply. Even if they do try to continue after Command I always saw the scenarios where Krystal left as being the most promising so again, you're safe - it could just be an alternate ending per-say

I didn't mean any insult by saying there were grammatical and spelling errors, I apologize if any was taken. I get comments on the story I was working on saying that my grammar is a bit off at times...not much I can do since I tried my best. I was always bad with grammar anywho and I am starting to understand people have a good reason to not do well with English grammar. Its so backwards. The story is by no means made unreadable because of the errors - mostly little things that catch me. Again, sorry if I came across wrong. Good luck with continuing the story! I look forward to what you do!

PS: By the way...I have to mention that I am somewhat jealous that you can come up with such long parts to the story. I went back to look at what I was working on and realized how sadly short it is :(

[Guest]

Ok. I tried to use what I picked up from SF:O and Fanfic, hopefully preparing a smoother flow (or something that I associate with that term) for the next one and sticking to the descriptive aspect by not cutting out initially written details. Maybe they're not unnecessary after all, as they might make the transition from scene to scene go better, who knows.

I also experiment with including some pure dialogue, as other stories feature that too without getting negatively commented on that, I came to the conclusion it might be something at least worth testing. For the record though: I personally don't like it. My subjective opinion (I might be a bit special in stuff like this) is that it belongs into plays for the theatre and vague scripts for films.

Also I tried keeping the paragraphed sections shorter, as some suggest doing so to make it easier to read.

______________________________________________________________________

Chapter 3: Unsure decisions

This was a lot at once. Falco turned around, pulled his colleague over and put their heads together to have them not be overheard by that , he had very good ears and there was little to no space to move further away.

He really didn't want Fox to take the shady cat along. He really didn't. "We're not doing this are we? Tell me we're not doing this."

"I'm sorry, but I'm really considering it. We haven't had any work for a while. And it sounds like honest work..."

"Honest work? This reeks so fishy and you're really falling for that? What about Dash? You really believe that creepy guy's word over there over that of the one of all Monkeys who always cheered at what we do? At the hones..."

"It's not as easy as that. I'm sure he can't just cleanly expand on Venom as quickly as he is."

"So you admit even you're getting the feeling something isn't quite..."

"Either way it's money."

"Yeah, but remember it's a job from a private company, they need to keep an eye on the profit. They don't pay as well as armies do. What if something else comes up? What happened to 'were staying in Lylat from here on in' "

"It's been two months without the smallest thing coming up. And our recent work wasn't that clean either, was it?"

"At least it was more than babysitting some guy while carrying him around."

" I tell you what: He mentioned it's in the outer systems. We can do what we want there. If he is getting his hands dirty, nothing prevents us from stopping him. Worst thing that can happen if we do is only him not hiring us for anything any more, and I take it you would be ok with that anyhow. That a deal?"

Falco sighed. "I don't like this, but okay, that's a deal." He wouldn't forget about that sudden change of heart though.

They moved apart again, facing a slightly distracted Glacier. Falco looked over to Fox, but he didn't seem to want to talk to Glacier unless it was necessary. Incomprehensibly, he didn't dislike Glacier. But hearing him talk brought back painful memories. And Falco could too well understand that.

Glacier was just transferring some information from his table to a few terminal devices, before seeing his invitees had made up their minds. The moment of truth had come and he was ashamed he wasn't better prepared for it.

"We're doing it."

He only clapped his hands and commented their approval with a "Wonderful, I'll just get the rest of my important stuff together." He went through the small corridor at the back side and came back with one last small bag in his hands. But if he'd been around with people he was more comfortable with at that moment, his reaction would have contained more movement, more jumps and more "Yay"s. So everything wasn't lost after all. He already thought he'd have to abandon the Blizzard and it's fleet. That would have been desasterous. The financial losses. And all the things about Avalanche all of Lylat could have found out.

"Well, then let's go, I feel like I prefer the safe exit right now. Would you be so kind to take your shoes off and follow me." They did as they were asked and were lead by him through the narrow corridor in the back of the room. It was obviously part of a small appartment, as the first door on the left was still open, with a bathroom behind it and the second on the right, with a Kitchen in bad shape. Two dirty frying pans were still on the stove and the basin was full of dirty dishes. That person definately was living here on his own.

It was surprising to Fox, that he even had the time to take such an exact look. The reason was Falco and Glacier standing in front a solid metal door at the end of the appartment, obviously waiting for something. Falco was already about to say something as their escort suddenly turned around and went all the way back.

"Ah, I knew I forgot something." He sat down on the desk, typed something on the table and spoke "Barb?" There was silence for a while. Then they all could hear a response. Someone seemed to open a conference from within the club, as the noise from there with the music and everything was audible along with her voice.

"Yes?"

"I'm leaving with our guests now. I'll be gone for a while and we're taking the car..." He rapidly stopped talking and turned around to Fox and Falco with his head tilted and an inquiring look. "I assume one of you can drive." A simultaneus "Sure.", came from both of them. He resumed adressing the woman. "Ok, can you get it back once you can spare a moment?"

"Of course. But before you go..."

"What?"

"Tell the birdie I'm not helping him out next time."

Glacier hesitated, they couldn't see his face, but he was likely to have been startled by that."Eh...ok..."

The call broke off. He went back to his guests but stopped. "Mr. Lombardi...did you do anything to annoy Barbara?"

Their new employer looked anything but pleased by this, but that didn't impress Falco at all. "I just told that fat little b..."

Fox quickly let his boots go and moved his hand up to hold his comrade's beak shut, before he could say any more regrettable things. "I'm not sure, what happened, they just both made strange gestures. I think he insulted her or something."

"Wait." Glacier went past them to hit a big button, that seemed to set some mechanisms in motion, somewhere behind the solid metal door. Then he turned to them again. "Ok." He paused, then looked up and raised his voice. "Why did you do that? That's not good at all. When she's like this, she always extends Kitty Hour, and you have no idea of the impact that has on the sales. Why? I mean Why?"

"Mmmnphngn" Falco's struggling grew stronger, Fox had to hold his grip on his easily annoyed friend a bit tighter in order to prevent unnecessary escalations, but it was still possible. At least with both hands, as it turned out. Falco tried to free himself, but they had been in similar situations before. It wasn't that easy any more.

"I'm sorry about that. It's just the way he is. He can be kinda impulsive when he's nervous."

Glacier folded his arms. "You mean rude and insulting?" He sighed. "Well I guess going on and on about it won't be of any use."

He turned to the door that had opened by then and asked them to follow through. After Falco had calmed down, he was let go, they both picked up their boots and followed their escort into the elevator in front of them. The surrounding was much more rustic all of a sudden. Once the door closed behind them, they could have been in a factory for all they could see. It didn't take more than a few seconds, before they arrived somewhere above, hopefully the surface.

The walls in the barely lit appartment were dark enough, but this next room with a solid floor, other than the carpet floor in the appartment, was absolutely pitch black. They heard the peeping noise from typing the pin for unlocking the car and the locking mechanisms open right in front of them. After they got adapted to the dark, at least for a bit, they couldn't make out what model it was, but they found it in any case.

As Glacier was about to enter what seemed to be a second backseat on the left side, Fox insisted on him getting in at the front instead. He didn't want Falco to pick any fights any more before they had talked about the whole thing with Peppy. He always knew how decisions were to be made. If they were about to make a mistake, then Peppy would know first. Falco got in in one of the backseats and Fox and Glacier at the front.

After getting in, the light from inside the car made everything a lot more visible. It seemed to be some sort of pretty narrow garage. On both sides, there were pillars everywhere some just straight, and some diagonal, all connecting the floor and the ceiling. The whole car was a lot smaller than most of what people used to drive on Corneria. Instead of sheer size, it was longer, with a third set of seats in the back. Also, in front of Glacier, there was nothing to steer it with. The controls were on Fox' side.

Fox was slightly confused. "That's weird.", he said to himself.

"Oh I don't drive. I never do...oh you mean the whole thing. Hehe, there are no cars that look like that. It's a modified sleigh from my homeworld. If you ever find one of these and it's not mine, it's stolen. Size is expensive and can always be beaten, but uniqueness always trumps from my point of view." He started typing something on the communicator on his right arm.

The next thing that happened, was that something seemed to be moving. Both mercenaries looked out to both sides. It took a while, until they took note of the walls moving downwards, but the daylight emerging from the top end of the front wall and extending itself downwards indicated the whole garage was actually moving up.

While they were slowly moving up, Fox decided to take a look at the controls in front of him. It used a wheel and there were almost no touchscreens or attached pads anywhere. Only a few screens for side- and backviews, GPS and one more. That confusing guy wasn't kidding when he said it wasn't a real car. But when taking a close look, at least everything needed to drive in town appeared to be there. He started the machine to warm up the engines. You never know with modded vehicles.

He adjusted the GPS to guide him back to the harbor. Below it a sreen flashed up. There were various informations sidescrolling through it along with some music playing. But all Fox and Falco could pick up was the words "Look out!" scrolling through the screen and generic background singers singing "Star Rule" or something. There wasn't more, as the cat in the left seat turned it off with a sudden speed. It distracted Falco from his strong distrust by rendering him curious. "What was that from?"

The cat's tone took on a certain nervousness. "Eh, long story."

Falco simply waved that excuse aside. "This is taking forever, we've got time."

"Ok, it's just an opening song from an album of some colleagues of a friend of mine..." He turned around to look at Falco. "They regularly perform in a place not far from here. Who knows. If everything goes well, you might be invited to watch the whole thing yourself. People from all over the city visit it." The moving garage was on level with the street now, which had Fox leave it and enter the road. Glacier continued. "Sometimes, even interstellar visitors stop by. You might even meet some old friends of your own." With a sudden grin, he sat back straight into his seat and typed something on his communicator again, presumably to close the garage.

Driving through Gambling Avenue was smoother than expected. And things didn't look as bad, if you progressed through them without as much time to look at them, as when walking. To be back in daylight was similarly comfortable too. Having a few moments without Glacier babbling or Falco picking a fight gave him opportunity to reflect everything. All the information, the client's reactions, the security-filled environment, all of it.

Besides everything else, a certain thought popped up in Fox' mind. There were things that gave him the impression, that this man knew more about Star Fox than your everyday private employer would. For starters, he knew from the start that they were five, along with what species everyone belonged to. They hadn't taken on a similarly central role as back in the Anglar Blitz. And at the end of that, they were just two. He couldn't know they were five without informing himself thoroughly. On the other hand, Slippy had set up sites with all necessary information both on the Cornerian and the Gormian network. Gorm... a planet similarly central and interstellar to Corneria, but in the outer systems...in the same system as Kew...no. No matter how much he wanted it, after this draught, he couldn't allow his demons to haunt him any more. To trap him in Lylat. Fortune largely came from interstellar availability. The last two years had taught him that well enough.

______________________________________________

I hope Phox won't get angry about the reference, I dunno, it just caused a minor inspiration that had me include it somehow too.

[sroberson]

Much better! At least to me lol. I think the big difference I noticed between this latest post and the other two was the formatting. The way it was sectioned off made it less confusing. The extra padding in the story describing things felt just about right too - not too much, but enough to add some extra imagery and time reading on my part. Also you addressed that one issue I brought up pretty well at the very end. I was glad to see that. I'm a bit confused over this one section:

He only clapped his hands and commented their approval with a "Wonderful, I'll just get the rest of my important stuff together." He went through the small corridor at the back side and came back with one last small bag in his hands. But if he'd been around with people he was more comfortable with at that moment, his reaction would have contained more movement, more jumps and more "Yay"s. So everything wasn't lost after all. He already thought he'd have to abandon the Blizzard and it's fleet. That would have been disastrous. The financial losses. And all the things about Avalanche all of Lylat could have found out.

^

Is this describing the feelings of Glacier? That he would have been more enthusiastic if he were near other people he knew better? It could be described from Fox and Falco's point of view and probably make more sense to readers. Something about how Fox and Falco could see that Glacier seemed nervous with excitement and was having a hard time containing himself. Also, I don't know if I missed the reference, but the 'Blizzard'? I am assuming this is the car that is used at the end of this chapter. Don't mind my questions if it is something important to the plot that you are going to reveal in the future - the only reason I mention that is the line about 'Avalanche' which also doesn't have a reference.

I look forward to reading more of this story as things pick up - as I said before it feels wide open as far as what could happen!

[Guest]

Thx for the swift response.

Yes, your first guess was the apparently right one. If Falco and Fox would know about anything called "Avalanche" or "Blizzard" in this context, they would mention it themselves, it is from Glacier's point of view. They're not exactly the most knowledgeable Star Fox members on the other hand, are they And no, the Blizzard is not the sleigh. Cars don't have their own fleets imo XD.

the Blizzard and it's fleet.

But seriously: I have honestly no idea how to correct this. It seems apparent enough to me that this one paragraph was from Glacier's point of view, as it included if-cases and names Falco and Fox couldn't possibly know about.

Much better!

Ok, so keeping the paragraphed sections shorter and keeping everything after writing it does work. But how do pure dialogues look?

[sroberson]

Hmm...I will have to think on how to work with that paragraph to try and section it off as just Glacier's thoughts. You might have noticed in other fanfictions when the point of view changes between characters the sections are often partitioned off using some line separator. Here is one example: http://starfox-online.net/topic/9608-starfox-turbulence/. Whenever you see ~*~ its changing points of view. Of course if you use it once in a story you will probably have to use it more than once...maybe. I am not sure of how to handle it happening just once though.

Hey I hear quite often rental cars referring to their number of cars as fleets! So I figured it could have been a possibility. With as little as we know about Glacier, he could be in the taxi business lol

My only issue with the lines of pure dialog is if there is any chance that the lines being spoken could be confused between characters. To put a line about how well an Arwing performs in a room full of Star Fox members it would be hard to tell who said it. I think another issue I often face is when the dialog exchange gets too long without allowing the reader to recognize who is in fact speaking once in a while. I get confused having to count every other line thinking "Ok, This is Fox, this is Glacier...Fox...Glacier...Fox...Glacier"...Luckily it looks like you have managed to avoid these issues, so you should be good to go minus minor tweaking that other people could notice.

[Guest]

Ok I'm going back to the basics with this one. Imo this is the optimal format in terms of paragraphing, as longer ones seem to cause confusion and shorter ones make it pretty difficult to finish a thought. I also cut back on the pure dialogue again, although there are some points at which I simply lack the skill to completely write around them.

And yes, I never get tired of making references

______________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 4: Devious

"I can't wait to meet Slippy Toad. I mean THE Slippy Toad." And all of a sudden, he went blabbering again. At least he couldn't keep it up for long, as they were arriving at the harbor already.

"Slippy of all people? Really dude? Of all of Star Fox you're eager to meet him?" Falco's question did very well have a point. He himself was a reknowned ace pilot, Fox was known as the leader of Star Fox throughout half the Galaxy, and Peppy had served as General of the Cornerian Armada for two years.

"Yep. I'll be pestering him soooo strongly with questions. I'm so eager to hear what he is up to next. This is going to be great."

Falco simply sighed and stopped talking. He figured it'd be best not to ask in the first place, every time you asked him something, he just avoided it and made even more questions apparent. Hopefully, the rabbit would make him talk a bit more. Falco for his own part was tired of trying to find out anything.

Fox could already see the staircase they had come from on the right side and was about to just pull over and halt at some space at the side. There were enough of these right around them, but Glacier startled him.

"What are you doing?" He sounded and looked very confused.

Fox didn't feel like talking back at him. Frankly, he didn't even feel like talking at all, but it was necessary sometimes. He brought up the strength to answer quietly "I was placing this thing down he..."

"We can't park it out here. It has to be in the carpark, where Barbara is sure to find it. I don't know what way she comes along." He gave Fox a few seconds to react and have the sleigh move again. "Come on, what are you expecting? Some monotonous robot parking cars in the carpark?" Glacier turned around, hoping to have Falco say something, but before he could ask, he already recieved an answer.

"Nope."

After waiting a few seconds, Fox silently agreed to do so. He steered it into the carpark. Luminescent arrows on the ground and on the walls pointed out the route to take within, leading him in a circle, making one round at every level. He had to move a few levels downward to find a free spot that suited this can of a car's picky owner, as he would only be satisfied by a spot if it had what he called "premium security".

They were about to enter UL7, as they finally found one with solid reinforced walls on both sides, closed hatches, presumably for turrets or the like around it and an extendable high-power-laser-based wall. While the sleigh was still extending it's chains in order to stand without the engine running, Glacier took a look on his communicator, typed in some codes for confirmation and they left. After they had left the space, he tapped one last time on it, and the wall extended itself, making it pretty impossible to enter.

While following the arrow to the lift, Glacier contacted Barbara to tell her he had paid for four hours. The last hour felt like ten to Falco. And he knew it was still going to be a long day. The doors of the lift slid open and made way for a wide, well-lit room, with the walls reflecting the light in a slighly blueish grey. It was a public harbor, so they couldn't expect it to prioritize the momentary user. It would take a while.

Upon gazing into the mirror in boredom, Falco noticed their escort standing in a frozen stance and glaring at him with very creepy, wide open eyes. The right one was slightly twitching, but other than that, they were completely open. He first pretended not to notice. But this annoying elevator just seemed to want to put him off, as it wouldn't cease to take every opportunity to extend this painful moment with another stop and random strangers going in and out.

He tried to ignore it, but his patience was severely taxed already, and he couldn't resist it any more. Instead of eyeing him while looking away, he faced him straight and burst out: "What is wrong with you?" He was hoping it would make the creepy cat stop it, but it just kept maintaining this disturbing glare.

A few seconds passed, until he spoke with an unusually calm voice: "You happen to dye your feathers?" This did it for Falco. Something was absolutely wrong with this guy. First it was just some sensation of his, but this proved it. He gave Fox a demanding look, but he just pretended not to know them. Partly because they weren't the only ones in the lift. It was full of people, of which some were already looking at the two engaged in this wondrous dialogue.

While waiting for the bird's answer, a gecko on the other side of the room even cleared his throat. And it caught Falco's attention. "Who're you looking at?!" But as he saw the man turned around, he turned back at Glacier: "No I don't dye my feathers, all falcons are blue right? Right?" He was getting louder and louder, hoping to force that guy to snap out of whatever was going on. "Of course I do! How could I possibly be blue?"

And this time it actually worked. Glacier's stance eased up to a relaxed straight standing and his look turned back to normal. "Ah ok, just wondering. Could have been some mixture. I'm quarter of a tiger for instance. And that's why I've got stripes."

Well it wasn't quite the miracle it seemed to be, but at least he had traded some terrifying sort of trance for simple delusions. Falco just lifted his head, gave the deluded cat a cynical smile and folded his arms. "You don't have stripes..."

His confidence didn't startle that tiger wannabe though. "Look closely." Still only looking at Falco's reflection in the mirror, he pointed at the tip of his tail with his hand.

Falco took a close look, and could actually see three barely visible, small black stripes. Now that was it. "Aw come on! This is nothing!"

"You do see it, therefore it exists." He started having fun annyoing the bird. Their assignment being bound to him made annoying Mr. Lombardi feel similar to annoying a caged lesser bird. It's fun but no consequences could possibly occur.

Just a few more stops later, each one only for one or two passengers, they arrived at bay 3, the one Peppy and the Toads were waiting in. You could tell from the suddenly risen number of people walking past in all directions, that late afternoon was starting. Visitors to Corneria City were to start going back to their ships and leaving. Those wanting to stay there were arriving in a bigger hurry, hoping to arriving at their destinations before rush hour takes it's toll on their time.

The three of them just walked straight past cruisers, fighters, larger ships, there was no predominant type of cargo or origin of passerby you could encounter in this particular part of the city. This was one of the few advantages the "Smuggler's Trail", as it was referred to by the people that knew their way through it's shady corners. Falco had worked a lot there, shipping goods from place to place without asking questions and depositing and selling stolen ones. Often hiding them in abandoned buildings. Always at the risk of getting caught with evidence. Falco was very glad to leave this place at last.

But even upon leaving the site of one of his less enjoyable past times, the bad feeling he was having since they set out to follow the mysterious message to that infuriatingly annoying guy didn't fade for good. There were less sinister parts to the Smuggler's Trail, but hiding not even just in a cellar but below it and with an emergency exit had a very, very familiar taste to the whole situation. Even if it was to hide from the Venomians for that one occasion, the hideout he and Fox had been in was surely not set up spontaneously. It must have been used regularly.

His first guess would have been the whole thing being a single lie, only to have them help him in some dirty work. But there was something that didn't fit into the picture. If this were the case, why hire of all people Star Fox? For some errand, any group of regular thugs that bought themselves some halfway usable fighters, would have been more than enough and nowhere near the price the help of an elite mercenary unit was at.

He was trying to figure out what possible outcomes this was to have, but he got torn away from his thoughts, as they had arrived at the bridge. From behind the window, a relieved rabbit had a closer look to be sure about what he was seeing. He looked very surprised when seeing the three of them, ut opened the door nonetheless..

"About time you came back. The lovebirds are starting to lose their minds already." He slightly tilted his head towards the back of the Bridge, where the two Toads were jumping in a circle and singing in randomly arranged and anything but pleasant tones, until they started taking note of their colleagues having arrived.

By then, Fox had gathered himself again and introduced their guest. "Team, we got a new assignment. We're escorting him. His name is Glacier, and he seems to be the owner of a..."

"I know who this is. I've met him before." Peppy knew much more than what Fox could have possibly been about to tell him so he thought he'd rather interrupt unnecessary explanations. "Nice to meet you again, Glacier Tagore, from Avalanche Mechanics. How come you of everyone needs our help?"

The person Peppy was addressing with unexpected respect seemed quite nervous for a second, but switched back into it's usual act after a while. He shook Peppy's hand with both of his own, but his look made it pretty obvious for everyone, that he was rather looking for his own confidence than for that of the people around him. "Very pleasing to meet you again, General, I am honored by your presence."

With everyone else watching, mostly to wait until the sudden exchange of politenesses would fade, Peppy smirked at this aquaintance's flattering attitude. But he did notice something was off. His vision had gotten increasingly dependant on his glasses in the recent years, but he was still very attentive about other people's facial features, and the person in front of him, were definately not Glacier Tagore.

He was sure to do something about that soon, but for the moment, he decided to play along. At least until they were leaving Corneria, rendering their guest incapable of escaping. He noticed the others were still waiting for him to say something. "Well thank you, I've bee wondering what you were doing since the uprising."

"Uprising?", Slippy burst out.

"Yeah, where do you know him from anyway?" Fox was eager to know more about who their new employer actually was. But he expected anything but getting any answers so quickly.

Glacier decided to stay out of this one and let the General do the explaining.

"You remember Andrew Oikonny, right? The heir to the emperor Andross?"

Slippy replied before anyone else could. "Sure"

Falco had to add in his two cents. "An emperor wannabe, nothing more."

"Well right after the Anglar Blitz, even though he had barely recovered from partaking in it himself, he thought the cleansing of the Venomian waters was his chance to launch a new uprising against the Cornerian army as long as it was weakened."

"I thought Dash was the leader of Venom" This Toad just never was all too well informed.

"He was, but Oikonny was hoping to take his place if he would overthrow the Cornerian dominance over Lylat. He gathered whoever was ready to join his cause and had more followers than you would guess, simply because the chances of victory were so much higher after the Blitz. I was forced to use any opportunity to repel him I could get. And several parties from the private sector offered selling us raw amounts of aircraft. The quality wasn't worth the price. It was far from it, but it might have been one the factors that supported our victory. The main contact on this deal was him."

Falco took a step towards Glacier, facing him with a menacing stance. "You pathetic creep. Capitalizing on a weak phase of the army like this. You make me sick."

Glacier on the other hand, took a step away and moved along the back part of the Bridge while talking. "Yes, I knew that already. At least about you. But let's not describe it in this incriminating fashion. Let's just say I've saved the day..." While talking he started moving his finger up and down along the syllables. "...and made some money on the way." With this, he just looked at everyone with open arms and a wide open smile. Freezing that way never caused anything but confusion in the people around him, but he would still do it anyway.

Peppy used the opportunity to have the door close and get back to the Bridge's controls. Once he got the ship to lift off and leave the bay, he interrupted their guest's attempt to start a conversation with Slippy and Amanda. "Say Mr Tagore, back in the day, after we repelled the uprising, you held a celebration of our victory in that other investor's manor. Where was that again?

He didn't expect a long distraction, so he just turned and answered. "Uh...Somewhere around Col, wasn't it? On Razoc."

Peppy could tell he was still looking at him. He had given up on the blind spot he was in, in order to test if his eyes were deceiving him after all, but they weren't. "Who knows, I might visit that place again sometime." It worked. He could hear the steps of 'glacier' turning around again. He immediately turned on the autopilot, drew out his blaster, pointed it right at the head of their obviously clueless passenger and interrupted him once again with a much more serious voice. "It was Tereb".

Glacier's reaction was delayed for a few seconds, but it was in every situation. He stopped talking, turned his head around, and adressed the Hare again. "Pardon?"

"I said, it was Tereb"

"Rea -woah" He didn't notice the suddenly suspicious rabbit pointing a gun at him up until then. "What's wrong? Might I know why I am being threatened with a weapon?" Hoping it would end soon, whatever it was now, Glacier slowly put his hands up. He looked around to the others, but they were all either too surprised to talk or eager to hear what the General was talking about.

"I've seen Glacier Tagore's face, and I don't forget faces. What's your real name, impostor?"

With that he knew what was going on. But he couldn't just carelessly explain the whole thing. You never know who might be listening and how. What he could do was assess how safe it was and how much safer it needed to be for him to feel free to tell them. "Eh, wait a second please." Before the Hare could have started to shout again, he asked the frogs: "Has anyone been in this ship in the last...let's say ten hours?" With the pink one answering in the negative, he asked right again: "Are this ship's walls soundproof?" But he had overestimated the General's temper.

"You're not in a position to ask any questions right now..."

He was hoping he wouldn't have to raise his voice. He only did that when other ways to go seemed futile. " I will tell you, but not before I feel free to do so. If you want to find out at all, let me have this wish." He saw the surprisingly dangerous Hare standing there with his blaster still pointed at Glacier's head. "We both know there are a lot of things that suggest very well not just shooting without asking here. For a start, we're still on Corneria. It is murder here and I have by far more evidence and witnesses ready to prove I was leaving with you last, than you could ever get under control. Also, if I were an impostor as you say, I'd be sure to hold information as to why I'm here right now, wouldn't I?" He saw he was making his point. General Hare was lowering the gun. Thank god, he was already starting to believe the great Peppy Hare would actually do something stupid.

[Guest]

Ok Something occurred that had me thrown back. After that, I also suffered the same kind of writer's block, that I always have, if I find some incomplete or illogical detail about a story of mine. Even if, as in this case for instance, it's only a minor rp-relevant detail that has nothing to do with the main- or any side plots. I will keep writing though. Maybe I should keep the chapters shorter. If someone should happen to respond, please include your opinion on if the chapters should be shorter or longer. This one is simply a bit shorter, because This was a good place to stop and continue addressing another topic in the next chapter. I don't like semantic cliffhangers, where you end a story having almost finished talking about one thing and going on about it in the next one, only to start over with something else for most of the next part. Other than that, have fun reading and if you do immediately, do excuse flaws, I'm to correct them tomorrow.

As for explanations as to why this chapter is written in a different way, it's because it's not from any Star Fox member's point of view at all, so I thought I'd give this one chapter the troubling and at the same time humorous feel Glacier has all the time.

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Chapter 5: Various enemies

He took a step towards the foreign cat. "That explanation of yours better be a good one. And don't try to confuse us. We want it clear." He gave it one of his most fearsome inflections, but the shock on the impostor's face didn't last for more than a few seconds.

He sighed and answered in a calm tone with a smile: "Don't worry. This story isn't particularly long. Once I'm in a safe room in your Great Fox, I will tell you everything about it."

He didn't have another choice than to tell them. He was sure they wouldn't actually escort him back to Jorania if he didn't, despite him feeling extremely uncomfortable about it. They had him stand at the front side, where they all could see him and had enough distance to shoot him safely, if necessary, while the fox told everyone what happened in a very detailed manner. Even as far as to mentioning the falcon's fight with Barbara.

Glacier hated travelling with other people. Especially with them looking at him like that if they even bothered to. He had not the faintest bit of intuition, therefore he could never tell. Was it distrust? Was it spite? Was it wonderment? Was it dislike? It never made a difference to him. Whatever it really was, he only saw hatred in their eyes. It had always been like that. Whatever he would do, if he would try to react normal, or be kind, or want to help other people. Except for a very small number of exceptions, everyone he interacted with would eventually end up hating him. No matter if it was justified, or, as mostly, it was not.

But trying to be a person he obviously wasn't predestined to be, was no logical way to go. He had long given up treating anyone other than his friends and useful people like these mercenaries with anything but the same hate he felt emanating from everyone else. There was a time, when he didn't. When he would be kind and honest to everyone around him. But Corneria was a place that penalizes these things, even while calling them 'virtues' at the same time.Back then, he would just swallow their hatred, contain it. But the more the black flames would seem to overwhelm him, the more the depth of the darkness in his very core would grow, the more afraid he was of becoming something very, very awful in the future. And he was absolutely sure, if he hadn't had some people who created at least a few happy memories, he would have definately gone completely insane long ago.

As the Great Fox II drew closer, Peppy contacted ROB to have him open the outer hatch, to let them pass through the aerial gate. Falco went up to Glacier and gripped his arms, which were behind his back, before the surprised cat could react. "You better not try to pull anything off, I'm keeping an eye on you."

"Don't worry you'll understand everything eventually. I do nevertheless have to ask what kind of food you have here. You don't happen to have nip-spiced fish or something do you?" He did talk back, but he moved along with Falco's lead.

The bridge slowed down upon reaching the Great Fox II and was carefully moved through the aerial gate back into the hangar, then slowly landed on the solid floor. In it's side the door opened and a bar extended, providing the smooth path from the inside of the Bridge even if only about more of a foot of heighth difference towards the surface outside.

One by one, the Star Fox team stepped back into the wondrous insides of the Great Fox II, a ship by far not as legendary as it's predecessor. When Falco pushed Glacier towards the exit, having him see it's insides for the first time, Glacier told himself, that he shouldn't expect too much. At least there was hope of restoring the old one with young Ar's advanced building methods.

As they led him through it, he didn't have much time to try and infuriate the bird, as he was looking around, trying to see as much of it as possible. The entire floor of the hangar was composed of plates. Wide white hatches enclosed other aerial shields. In front of them, the floor was tilted into several pits enclosed by diagonally upwards-laid plates leading toward the very upper section they were walking along. The ceiling was similarly built. It would even look quite clean if it weren't for the small black structures arranged along...

His thoughts were interrupted by a bang on his head coming from behind.

"What're you looking around so nosey?" The large bird interrupted Glacier's thoughts, giving him a bang on the head from behind.

This didn't apply to the manners General Hare preferred and had him turn around to calm his colleague down. He pushed Falco's left shoulder back, of which the arm was the one that beat their escort. "Easy, boy. Don't forget, he is not our prisoner. If not our guest, he's at least an escort. For now that is. You can do as you please if he turns out to be a spy. I promise.

This was not the kind of situation Glacier was hoping to end up in. He tried to give the General a tankful look. But he didn't seem to notice, so he guessed he didn't look as thankful as he was trying to. He wasn't likely to ever understand how intuition works in his whole life.

As they left the Hangar, they entered a small network of very narrow corridors. At one or two sides, depending on which, there were doors and frames indicating windows which could be opened if needed. Everything had a very bright shade of baige, except for the smooth, blue floor. With all the indicated rooms being very close to each other, he guessed these were the living quarters. If the rooms looked the way the corridors suggested, he would be able to get used to this. All the places he had to stay at were quite similar after all. But he surely knew one lot of people who wouldn't even enter such a place, even if only to visit it. Logically, he was trying not to be close to anyone of that kind apart from issues around work.

It appeared to be time to take security measures. "Ehm..." The team turned to face him. He got their attention as hoped. "I have to ask this. It's really important." Fox took a step toward him to ask what it was. "Could we talk in a room cut off from the comms? And in general without comms? Except for mine of course, mine is safe."

Falco was about to snap once again about what that was about, but the General understood at once. "Slow down, he didn't want to tell us in the bridge. He just doesn't want to risk any third party to hear it. Take them off, we're using my room. They took off their comms, went to the upper level and took the second door to the left. Before they took them off though, they contacted a coordination android they called "ROB" to have him prepare the General's room for an interrogation, unlocking the manual opening of the door and turning off the power inside it, once they entered.

´The bird let him go, but pushed him towards a wall, opposite to the entrance door. "Alright, now why is Peppy saying you aren't the real Glacier?"

"Wait, am I absolutely sure not to be overheard by any.."

"For Crud's sake, we're completely cut off, spit it out already!" He was screaming every word already. Maybe he shouldn't have asked the same question so often on the way.

"Alright, alright. Listen." He faced the general. "The reason why you think you've never seen me, is because you never have. Even right now, half the galaxy has no idea where I am, and the other half believes that they - 'know' - that I'm on some estate on the Gromian countryside."

He heard Fox take a step towards him. "Then who was that? And why...who is he?"

"He's a bounty hunter." Judging from gasping, and the loud "what", from one of the frogs, they were pretty shocked. On the other hand, that was kind of predictable. This time, even General Hare was angered. "You sent a bounty hunter to a meeting with the very heads of the Cornerian state and army? What was he up to? Why was he really there?"

There really was no way around spilling it. "He doesn't move to places due to different assignments. He wasn't after any of you. You see, he has actually two jobs. He is an actor, and a bounty hunter. And he has only one assignment. If he is ever after any heads, it's the ones of other bounty hunters. Namely the ones that tend to try and kill him. Him being there when talking about the fleet sale wasn't connected to any sort of scheme or so. Everything he does is represent me and be wherever I'm announced and known to be. He won't do any harm to anyone who isn't after information on him or his head. Noone who is willing to do me any harm knows my face."

The growling made their leader's anger or confusion pretty apparent. "How is this supposed to work? Wouldn't they recognize you?"

"Most people just see the white cat and think 'some Allinger', they often don't even tell the difference. And any buisness acquaintance that has any contact with Avalanche only saw his face throughout their lives. The rest, photos in databases and such, let's just say it's easy to take care of that kind of thing. If you're wondering, his forename is Robert. But I can't tell you his second one." All left to do after that, was to look if this was enough.

And it seemed to almost be enough for the Hare. He had one question left though. "Why the whole thing?"A question Glacier heard about a lot of things, of which he similarly wondered, how the answer was not apparent. It seemed he just had to adapt and answer it in a way they had more understanding for.

"No reason you would understand. Noone does. Initially it was just my paranoya and the coincidence of meeting him. But the thing is, he did actually have targets. He did get attacked. By now, he even has permanent body guards, and still people try it. The competition..."He put on a more sarcastic tone and exaggeratedly used the more 'sophisticated' accent he was taught back when he was younger. "...does not wish to stain itself with areas outside of their domicils, yet they do have the will and the means to pay for dirty work." Yes, even in dire situations he liked making fun of these 'acquaintances' of his.

"Dirty work? You mean kidnapping and murdering!" He wasn't sure if the fox had an idea of how strongly he hit the nail on the head with that comment.

"Rarely, but yes, that too." Not rarely at all. "Partly it's just extensively competitive behaviour, but it's also a 'strong dislike', as the Cornerians like to call it. People in similar positions as mine live in a closed society, that doesn't tolerate fellow people in their ranks, if they weren't born to be in them. First, they will try to stand in such outsiders' way, deny them deeds they wouldn't to their kin. If that doesn't work, and mostly it does, they will try to find other methods...more direct ones...or extreme.." They were kind of like normal people, only that their values were based on birthright, instead of conformity. Of course there were other reasons, too, but mentioning these would have been slightly counterproductive.

[sroberson]

Gaaah, one pretty minor complaint right now.....Please increase the font size or change the color back to white. My eyes are about to bleed trying to squint at the computer screen

And by the way sorry I missed the previous chapter, life has been nuts and I haven't been able to read ANY fictions that I want to . Yours is on my list of those to keep up with though.

[Guest]

Put it to 14, now. The standard is 13 but that's not in the list in the posting/editing screen. By the way a problem I stumbled upon is the trouble of finding good names for chapters. Got any advice as for that?

[Guest]

Now let's see. I always thought I couldn't write without inspiration coming from a valley I regularly take a run in. After a while, I noticed though, that I just need to start writing, as all the bits and pieces are there. I only need to write them down. I also actually liked this one, as it contains one of the bits and pieces I was long waiting to add.

OK I think i cleared out the mistakes.

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Peppy did have a very hard time telling judjing the foreigner's authenticity. It seemed far-fetched, but it did explain it plausibly. There were things back then, that absolutely matched with this explanation he heard. But he couldn't be absolutely sure. He looked over to Fox, who had caught himself again, as it was him, who was to make a decision at this moment, not Peppy.

Fox on the other hand, just gave this questioning look right back at him, asking: "So, what do you think? You met him last. This make any sense to you?"

Peppy went back to facing an impatient-looking Glacier, with his body tilted to the wall and quietly humming a timer-soundtrack from "Corneria's favourite quiz show". He was to decide here, but he just shook his head. "I it seems to fit, but I can't overlook all the pieces as of yet. It does feel genuine, but I'd need to sleep over this to get all the pieces together.

The cat spoke up "Venom did break the contracts by attacking the ship that brought me here in the first place and they're likely to do that again. For all I know, they might be destroying my ship in this very second. I doubt that sleeping over it is within the time we have right now. Mr. McCloud, I need something to work with right now. Are you doing this?"

Everyone faced Fox. Whatever he did, it was his decision as the team leader. He looked down, closed his eyes, hesitated for a moment, to take a breath and then looked back up with open eyes. "I officially took it, back on the surface. We're doing it either way."

Everyone sighed, Falco gave it a simple "hrmph", but didn't comment on Fox' decision any further. He was to talk to him about the whole thing again, later. Peppy gave ROB green light to unlock the doors.

"Geez, good this is done.", Slippy burst out before turning off to heading outside with his wife.

The relieved Glacier was already hurrying after them, asking them to stop, only to be pulled back by a hand holding a tight grip on his shoulder. It weren't the wing bones of the easily annoyed falcon though, but the hand of the General. "Not so fast. I do have some issues to question you on as of yet. The others may be leaving but we're still having a talk. You can send the coordinates to our main panel, like you did back when you sent us those messages, but we have time to talk, while we're on the way..."

While still doing something on his comm, presumably exactly what Peppy asked him to, he still cut him off"..on the way? Your ship can't open gates? What kind of a bad parody of the legendary Great Fox is this?"

"yes, it may take a while, but - ROB?"

From a speaker in the ceiling came a monotonous, tinny voice: "estimated travel time on hyperspeed to recently recieved coordinates is 2 hours, 38 minutes and 43 seconds."

By then, Falco was the last one to leave the two of them behind, closing the door. It had become a routine that Peppy made further inquiries after interrogations on his own. He did know to defend himself against single opponents with a weapon after all.

Glacier didn't like the feeling of being locked up, but he guessed he needed to put some more effort into wriggling himself out of this. "Ok, what other than what you know already is it, that you want to know?"

"I can tell you're not being honest to us. What are you really up to on Jorania?"

It appeared that the General wouldn't leave it be, unless Glacier used his last resort: Sarcasm. "Yes, I was lying to you all the time. I'm actually a tyrant that suppresses the Joranians and enslaves them for a lifetime only to burn them alive afterwards. And of pure generosity, the Venomians that used them for agriculture just happened to appear to save the day." It gave the General the look Glacier was hoping to achieve. Now, he only needed to make him answer. He tilted his head towards the General, kept his eyes half-closed in a cynical manner and opened his arms for a questioning gesture. "Does that make sense to you? If yes, then really? Really? I mean really?"

The calmed look indicated the General was finally giving up on his obsession with these unnecessary questions. He sighed and took a seat on a chair on the opposite side of the room. "Alright then, that's that. Then there's another thing. You seem to know quite a lot about Star Fox. How come?"

"I'm a Star Fox fan."

The startled hare shook his head. "A what?"

"You know, a fan of what you do. There are many of us. Actually, since the founding of "GFC:SF", there are actual conventions only surrounding you and your work. Look." He opened something on his comm and showed it to Peppy.

It was a photo of Glacier, looking into the camera with a wide open smile and giving a thumbs up. Next to him stood two wolves with annoyed faces. One of them wore black-brownish leather clothing and the other wore glasses and a suit. In the background there was a plane hanging, with "SF:C BM02" on it in thick blue letters and the symbol of Star Fox right below it. Among all the people in the background, you could see ones that actually tried dressing up as members of Star Fox, bearing their style of clothing from Peppy hare's white jacket and reddish clothing within to a small child wearing Slippy's yellow overall and his red and white cap and one vixen barely clad in yellowish armor even had her fur dyed blue just to look like Krystal.

"We know about practically everything you do, except for presumably secret or very small missions. There is even a lot of footage of your time in the Great Fox during some of your greatest missions. Are you absolutely sure there was no sign of any of this?" Glacier looked like he couldn't believe that Peppy wouldn't have a clue.

And actually, he wasn't that wrong. Peppy did recall Slippy babbling something about recording missions and writing reports about them in case someone other than the Cornerian military and other customers wanted to know about their work. Presumably, he didn't take note of it attentively enough. Slippy was pretty much taking care of their whole "PR-department", as Slippy called it. Except for Amanda, noone was all too interested in what was going on there.

But apparently, it was interesting, if it attracted a community as wide as this man implied. "I think I know what you're talking about, Slippy mentioned it. Alright, that explains that. That's all I wanted to know for now. If you have any questions, feel free to ask, you were ready to answer without really interrogating you after all. "

"There is one thing. I've long waited for the day to come when I finally have an opportunity to hire you and meet the one and only Fox McCloud. But upon meeting him, I didn't quite hear him talk very much. At least a lot less than he seems to talk at other occasions. Even a lot less, than in more recent ones. Is it something I'm doing. Some sort of Fox-based code I'm constantly breaking or something? Because I'm really not getting what I'm doing wrong at all. It feels like I'm being accused of stabbing him, but without any dagger appearing. Especially just now, when the one moment was there, at which he had to talk, and..."

Peppy simply made a calming gesture with an open hand, with the palm pointing downwards. "I know what this is, give me a moment." He groaned, adjusting himself to his seat. "Ok, I'm guessing it's because of your accent. You remind him of someone he lost years ago. But he never recovered. She was a member of ours, the first and only female one back then..." He wanted to continue, but he already got interrupted, and it didn't seem like the cat could be stopped from telling what it started.

"Ah, the beautiful Krystal, one of the last Cerinians. The narrations tell tales of her difficult nature and her exotic appearance.." He sighed, his whole body dropping as if a distant disappointment came to the surface, that never wore off. "...it's not half as exciting if you've already been to the place she comes from. Everyone looked like that there."

Now that was something else. Peppy had to dig into that. He bent forwards, holding himself with both hands, as he was getting tired and narrowed his eyes in disbelief. "You were on Cerinia?"

Glacier spoke casually, as if there wasn't much to see on this mysterious planet, barely anyone remembers. "Yes, It's actually a neighboring world of the planet I refer to as my homeworld. Allinga is in the same system, thing is just, these Cerinians were a story for themselves. The widely populated areas were very, very warm, which was why they wore barely any clothing. All of them were blue, and they barely made use of any technology. On the other hand, they were telepathic. Most likely the only mammalian telepaths in the Galaxy, if not the universe."

He turned around, strolling from side to side between the entrance door and the wall on the opposite side. "There was something fascinating about them, though. They had a history, but one we cannot nearly understand. There were no wars, no conflicts, no crimes, not even mental problems. They could dive deep into each others' mind and solve or resolve everything, even before it could rise up. Everyone, even visitors, was an open book to everyone. Terrifying and fascinating at the same time, isn't it?"

Peppy nodded, but didn't say anything. He was busy understanding the things he was just told, that Krystal would always refuse to tell. They did respect her wish, not to be remembered of what she had lost, but it was very well a lot they might have wanted to know.

"Now back to my question, or rather what I really wanted to ask, what exactly happened? Is it related to her leaving Star Fox joining Star Wolf?" It was unclear to Peppy, how much that cat knew and if what it knew was even correct.

"She didn't leave. She was thrown out." This already made Glacier's lower jaw drop simply from surprise. "He wanted her to give up on a life that threatens her life every day, but she wouldn't listen. She entered the scene of hirable gunsagain right away, by using the liking a Star Wolf member had taken of her."

"And by a certain Star Wolf member, you mean Panther Caroso, right?"

"Exactly. The problem was, Star Wolf tricked..."

He was interrupted in a harsh, impatient tone. "Yes, yes we all know that part, please skip to when Star Wolf defeated the Anglars."

"Alright. You see, Fox was devastated by the fact that Krystal willingly tricked her. We had to live with the shame of the team we had always beaten on so many occasions had not just caught up to us, but got supported by the very woman Fox loved up to the point of being the glorious heroes, leaving us with days of work and empty hands. But not only that. A few months later, Fox and Falco, as the only members back then, were ordered to guard a load of shipment from Katina. Where they faced Star Wolf, once again."

Glacier's eyes widened with excitement while silently listening. It seemed he enjoyed hearing a maybe never heard story about Star Fox first-handedly ."That's when Wolf O'Donnell told them, that Krystal had died in an explosion. This was something he never recovered from. Wolf's indifferent way of talking about it, made it quite clear to Fox, that he wasn't being lied to. He traveled to Titania, where he and Wolf had found the device, to get thoughts together again.

He hesitated. "I can't tell what exactly happened there, but what I know is, that Fox left for the desert on his own, and came back the morning after. But his opinion on a lot of things had changed. He wanted to spend some time outside of the system in which he had met this huge setback and looked for work outside. And he found a lot..."

"Yes I know, I read all about the stuff he did outside. At least that which he did in the last two years. Or two years ago..."

"I'm not finished yet. It goes on. I joined him again, due to work as a General getting too consticting in many ways, and so did Slippy and Amanda, but then something else happened. We were assigned to protect a tycoon that was working in the preparation of metals, who was sure that some secret organization he didn't want to name to us had sent bounty hunters to kill him in that very night. We waited, and were prepared, but an explosion in a room nearby caught our attention. In the ruins of the blasted room, we encontered the first of them. Our morale was strongly compromised, when we noticed it was impossible to catch a single complete look on him - or it - but what ever it was, it wasn't bipedal, it was extremely fast, and it moved only through the shadows. It escaped, but while we were still pursuing it, another explosion was to hear from below, we ran down the staircase, hearing gunshots and more explosions from the first floor, only to face a wall of fire right before us. Through a small breach in it stepped a female Fox, with blue fur, purple hair, and barely any armor. But when she was standing there, in range for a safe shot, Fox didn't shoot, he just hesitated, waited for seconds, which seemed like minutes to all of us, while she got picked up by one of her colleagues."

"An eagle armed to the beak. With plates of armor on all larger areas of his body, even including his legs and his wings. A rocket launcher strapped to his back and a one-and-a-half-handed machine gun in each hand. He just told her 'it was done' and she left, introducing herself in the last moment as 'Kursed' and then leaving in a rush. We had to leave, because everything around us was falling apart with one explosion after the other. What was more important about this event itself, was her appearance. She bore the same green gem on her forehead, had the same face, even the same voice, as Krystal, and all of a sudden, Fox was completely resigned. Not due to our assignment having failed, which didn't happen very often. But it was all these things about her, that reminded him so strongly of Krystal. From then on in, his urge to avoid her as strongly as possible, which lead us to the outer systems to find a huge fortune in the first place, made him lead us back to Lylat, and staying there. We didn't leave Lylat for one year straight. And this sure did take it's toll on our profits. There is barely anything considerable to do here for us. I'm sure Star Wolf only gets by by accepting assignments from outside and through some new shady buisness like they always did."

[Guest]

Guess what, I'm back.

And here's the next chapter. Long story short: Something came up again, and before I knew, 2 weeks had passed and I felt too guilty to show up on this end any more. But I had enough of that. I'll keep it going on.

While reading this chapter, please note that by far not everything is a reference. In case you wonder why a certain person doesn't say much in the last part, it's because I don't want to bring political colour into this story. Not now, that is.

Chapter 7: Distraction and Despair

With a concerned look on his face, Glacier lowered his head. "You mean the smuggling." He sighed. "This is just a lot, give me a second please. He turned around towards the wall and silently sood there for a while. Peppy wanted to speak up, to ask what was...

"Wait...", but he was interrupted. After a few seconds, Glacier took a deep breath, and turned around with one swoop showing a wide open smile."That was one awesome load of information, I'm hearing for the first time and first-hand from you of all people. Thank you for that. Now, off for the..."

"Wait, one last thing. Since the incident Fox seems to feel an intense pain whenever he is reminded of Krystal. You did grow up on Corneria, did you?" The cat silently nodded. "You must have picked up Cornerian far enough to at least assume it around him, didn't you?"

Glacier's face switched to the cynical one he had made when talking about him lying to them when he was accused of the same for the third time. He obviously tried, but he sounded like a teenage girl. "Yea, I could, like, totally talk like this all day. Like, seriously."

"Ok, forget I asked. Do as you please then." This was just too annoying, to have him keep it up.

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The door slided aside to reveal a lit room with a fox lying on his bed, staring absently at the ceiling.

"Sleeping's gonna be pretty hard with that light on."

"I don't even really want to sleep. It'll be worse anyway."

Falco entered the room and took a seat. He knew what it was about. It was about that the whole time. he sighed and went on. "Krystal, huh? Well, you won't have to listen to that scumbag Glacier forever either, so..."

While getting up, Fox interrupted him. "It's too late. It's not just this unnatural pain I feel whenever I'm reminded of her. It's the nightmares that follow it too. Every time I get reminded of Krystal, I have terrifying dreams all night. Always about stuff from the old days. Dreams of endless despair and only rarely a spark of hope coming up to surpass it. Her, my father, Andross, everything."

"You gotta do something about this eventually. It can't go on forever. Let's find time to get you a Psychatrist already." Fox was about to interrupt him again, but Falco just shushed him, to continue. "If you let us work outside of Lylat again, we'll make by far more money than we need. We could afford everything again, even a shrink for you."

He should have known it was about work once again. Falco often came by to ask if they could go back to the routine they used to have beforehand. But by now, Fox started to agree to Falco, silently, he already had agreed by accepting the offer to work on Jorania. He had been emptily gazing at the other side of the room until then, but now he turned to Falco. "You're right. I've been too selfish with staying in Lylat. Denying our purpose to myself and my team." He clenched his fist, like he used to, when he was giving the last words before the team took off for a mission. "From now on, we'll accept work throughout the galaxy, if we get the chance, even throughout the universe."

Falco was indescribably relieved. Finally. The old Fox he knew was finally back. From that moment on, he started to look forward to kicking tail every day again, like they used to. "That's the spirit, keep that up and things will finally turn out for the better." He got up and moved back to the door. "But for now, we've still got about two hours to get some rest before we arrive. And we better use it to make a good impression if that creep is likely to hire us again." And with this, he turned off the lights and left Fox alone in his room.

They were to arrive at Jorania in two hours time. just enough for Glacier to spend some time with the famous Slippy Toad. He just had to find him first and no matter how small or simply built a carrier is. If it's not one of a kind you've been to, it takes a while to find everything, as especially in ships used in national fleets like this one, there are no directions.

No maps, no signs indicating what's behind which door. He had found his way to the personnel deck, it wasn't that, but he had to open doors and windows that hid all rooms and for all he knew, it could be a bedroom, a recreation room, a kitchen, a bathroom, a toilet, anything. In between he even stumbled across the one and only Fox McCloud, sleeping in one room. Waking him up would have been a disaster.

He also wasn't understanding what they were trying to accomplish by having white everywhere. The blinds, the doors, the walls, even the frames around pads and screens were white. It was irritating. Whoever designed this was an idiot, in his opinion.

At last, he finally opened one door and saw the same chair, the same kind of decorative frames for pictures and screens, the same table and the same kind of bed and the, really the Slippy Toad and his wife Amanda around a corner, holding controllers in their hands, playing some console game. "Hello?"

They turned around and smiled "Hi, what's up?"

"I'm sorry I just can't resist. I'm a player and a fan of your 'StarFrog' series and just can't resist using this opportunity to talk to the creator himsel..."

He passed by the door to get a bit closer to the screen. It was a shooter obviously a modern or even slightly futuristic setting. At first he couldn't assign the pictures he saw before him at that moment to where he had seen it before...wait...It couldn't be...these weapons with the yellow lines shining out of them...He stretched out his hand and pointed towards the screen. "Is this really 'Sacred Ring 4'? It's not even out yet."

Slippy first turned to the screen and then back to Glacier. That? Ah yeah, I know someone and he managed to give away a few copies of what's done to people he knows. It's all pretty much done already." Slippy liked the thought of having blown away that guy's mind with this already. That cat seemed to be more of his peer than most of his colleagues.

"Ok, that's pretty impressive." Glacier knew it was pointless, but he nevertheless tried to hide that he was absolutely astounded at the inside. "Ok, back to the actual topic, you're the one behind all these games, right? I mean 'StarFrog'." Slippy nodded. "There are so many questions I and so many people have."

Slippy got this often, when talking or generally communicating to fans of these on-rail shoot-em-ups he made some money with at the side since Fox had defeated Andross for the first time. He sighed. "Ok, I'll see what I can do." he put the controller aside and turned around. "Ok, go ahead. I'll be glad to answer anything I can."

This was the time. The time in capital letters to Glacier. He sat down, to be on eye level with the frogs. "Ok first, about this game that was supposed to be a different one, but you forced it to be reworked, to have half the plot cut out and turned that blue newt Capphire into a frog. Why? Just Why?"

Slippy just laughed and said: "Ah, you see, that game that was offered to be released by the same publisher seemed a lot like what happened on Dinosaur Planet, so it was unavoidable. Weren't it for me forcing this, a parallel game to it from me and my team on Aquas woulda looked like a cheap ripoff. So I had both teams join in for a co-production instead."

"Wait, so there is a team working for you, and still you're working as a mercenary at the same time?"

"Seems like you got no idea about how much of the money a game sells for, sticks to the publisher before the tiny rest reaches the studio that makes it."

"Hm, guess I could have thought of that." He had to think of something. All the questions he usually would have had were gone. Completely forgotten at this crucial moment. He couldn't keep asking Mr. Toad to state the bleeding obvious, wasting time he could be spend testing the one shooter half the noteworthy part of the galaxy was waiting for.

On the other hand, he couldn't believe he was actually thinking that way, but at this moment, there were more important things at hand, than video games. "I'm sorry, I don't know how..but I've forgotten all the questions I was waiting to ask, right now."

Slippy waved Glacier's shame aside. "Don't worry, I get that a lot, too. We've still got time. Tell me, if you remember some, while we just sit here and keep testing 'Sacred Ring 4' right here."

That reaction from the busy mastermind was quite relieving for the nervous cat. He agreed and left the Toads' room. Back in the corridors, he spent some time walking around it, to memorize where it was, and have some time to think.

If he wanted Star Fox not to cause a huge mess, he needed to brief them on what not to do, if they didn't want the Venomian fleet come crashing down on Jorania. Also, finding a way to keep them in the Great Fox or the Blizzard once they had docked might have been a good idea. But enforcing that in some way would make them want to leave. He usually wouldn't even be in that kind of situation and could just prepare for some trick or plot over a long time.

But this was different. He was in a situation that came up spontaneously, so he had to think of what to do along the way he went. He had prepared an alternative way out of that for the worst case, but he hadn't gotten a confirmation on it going the way he needed it to go. Opening up earns trust, so if he granted them access throughout the Blizzard, they might act according to his suggestion.

That, therefore was a way to go. But only if he created not only trust to himself, but also distrust to Brook. Otherwise, the monkeys might give them bad ideas. What it was like on Jorania, ten years beforehand, was something legitimate and easy to prove if necessary. But he needed more. Maybe the reason why Glacier even was in this situation was something he could work with.

But even when distracting them, the most interesting and therefore most likely to succeed would have been Mikhail, and he didn't know his way with people. Not with mammals, that was...or amphibians...or birds...or reptiles...or fish. In fact, around a strange person like Glacier himself was the best place for Mikhail to spend his time at, after all. He wished Thomas was there. he was very good with people. With befriending them and getting them to do what he wants that way. On the other hand, had he been there, then Patrick would have been there, too and he would have known a way around the past incident, right from the start. It so was about time the Flash-Freeze-Project would finally start getting realized.

In the end of the day, this situation wouldn't just clear up in his imagination. He had to work with what he had and do it by himself, for now. He just had to hope something would come up by itself. Maybe he didn't even have to have them distracted but they would do so, by themselves. On the other hand, too much curiosity wasn't good, either.

He knew what was to do. If he explained to them, what exactly happened, that he needed their help, they would understand, that the monkeys overstepped their bounds and clearly choose his side over theirs. But for this, he needed a panel, or a screen. Preferably a large one. He suddenly felt like going to the bridge of the Great Fox II. Not the small, old ship, but the actual ship's bridge.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Peppy needed to use the time they had to get some rest. He went over to his own unit, closed the door behind him and sat down at his desk.

To get a better picture of what parts of this cat were genuine and which ones weren't, he needed to think back. Back to the time he met him two years beforehand. Back then, as the General, he was also responsible for foreign affairs and had to tend the meetings of the High Cornerian Council as one if it's prime members.

It was situated in a huge amphitheatre, at one side the desk of the three prime members. On the left side, himself, on the right side, the Vice President John Bodah, an old shepherd with a short, white mane and in the center, President Rick Oikonny Redger, a black gibbon, patiently awaiting their guest. The upper seats were filled with Members of the House that made apparent, how international and open-minded Corneria had become.

Not only domestic dogs, but animals of all kinds, reptiles, birds, one snail he couldn't see from below, but it was definately somewhere, mammals, varying from dogs, bears, cats, all sorts of hooved people, and even monkeys. They of all kinds hadn't been allowed to attend here until almost a decade. The more surprising it was, to have the Cornerian head of state be one already.

On the the prime members' desk's opposite side, there was a gap in the upper seats, leaving space for the entrance, through which a snow-white cat in a long, black suit and with a black case in his right hand, came in, accompanied by two large tigers. One at each of his sides, both of them armed to the teeth. handguns and melee weapons of all types were attached all over their bodies. If they made it into this place, he really must have insisted on it.

The Vice President stood up to greet their visitor. "In the name of the United Nation of Corneria, I greet a guest from the private sector. Welcome, Glacier Tagore. I assume you are aware of the circumstances you were allowed entry under." He then sat back into his chair.

The foreigner put his hands together and took a bow. "Yes - sir - I bring an offer from investors and donors throughout the galaxy. A fleet of used ships, not in an equally good condition as the ones you already have, but equally usable and superior in numbers. It's a sale, of course. On acceptation, we will also provide your army with the necessary personnel to man them."

Pausing before and after adressing a prime member of the High Council was an outrage. He had this unnerving, cynical tone, that made a terribly inappropriate disrespect very obvious. If they had been anywhere else, Peppy would have snubbed that man and told him to enter the house with respect and humbleness.

Nevertheless, it was his turn to talk, and take military affairs into his own hands. "We would like to see the offer, before we sign it."

The cat smiled and lifted his case to open it. Inside was a pile of sheets, which he took out, only to close the case again and move towards the main desk. The security at the sides of it drew their arms and aimed at the tigers, that were about to move along with Mr. Tagore and they reacted appropriately by drawing their own weapons and aiming at the security personnel. The cat said something to the tigers, which had them put their guns away again.

They then finally moved towards the prime desk and handed the offer to the President. After the other two were finished, they passed it to General Peppy, to have a look at it. The prize this fleet would cost was horrendous. Far from anything the state's income would allow by itself. If they were to take it, their financial state would be utterly ruined beyond repair. They had to take out a loan that wouldn't be payed off for over a dozen years. If everything went well economically, that was. And they were in debt already.

"Pretty big numbers..." he mumbled. "Is there any way we could settle for something smaller? Less unnecessary carriers and to a lower price?"

The foreigner turned around with an evil grin. "I guess I could schedule a meeting with the other investors and see if we can come back with a smaller alternative in about two weeks. Provided there is anything left of you by then." This conjured up a lot of gasps from the seats surrounding them. Not only that, they were aggravated. They started talking to each other, like they did whenever a delicate topic came up.

What everyone around them was thinking slipped out of the man on the right desk's seat. "It's a blackmail!"

And Mr. Tagore didn't let any time slip away upon hearing this. He instantly turned around and bent towards him. "It's not blackmail, it's business." The crowd was starting to get louder. The cat suddenly looked into several angles upwards and downwards. Peppy checked what he was after and saw he was seeking out the cameras. Then the cat made it's move towards the center of the house.

"People, representatives, calm down. Please listen to what I have to say." He made a gesture with his open hands, moving his palms downwards, trying to push down the representatives' temper. "Seriously? Are you really suddenly betraying your own ideals and principles in the very moment they turn against you? This isn't about a threat or exploitation." He moved from side to side. This seemed to be some sort of short speech. And Peppy wasn't the only one to notice. Flashlights from below the stage revealed that photos were being taken in large numbers. More than in usual sessions of the High Council. "This is business. This is what it means to dedicate oneself to pursue one's own virtue. This is the essence of what you always stood for." Upon the next sentence, he rotated in a full circle, turning his front side and look from camera to camera, while opening up his arms towards everyone. "This is the Cornerian Dream, ladies and gentlemen."

The situation was hopeless. Some people, either in agreement, or in resignation, even clapped their hands. This was their last safe way past the Third Venomian Uprising. They were to choose. Cripple the state by giving up on any hope to restore it financially, or risk the utter destruction of Corneria and the death of all of their dear planet's inhabitants? It was a cruel mind that would deliberatly catch them between a rock and a hard place. Peppy could see the despair in the President's and his right hand's eyes. Through mere nods, they silently agreed to signing the contract. The vote went through the seats of the representatives, and it passed.

While signing, making Mr. Tagore put on a wide smile, unconsciously showing his fangs, the vice president made one last remark. "Not the glorious kind of assistance."

But even here, this man had no problems with talking back at an authority. "Glory lies not with honour, but with money, with power, with victory." Once the three of them had signed the papers, he gladly took them and put them into his suitcase. In one sudden swing he turned towards the entrance. And this time, the right side of his jacket was moved far up enough by the movement to reveal to Peppy that he had a gun hidden on the upper side of his right leg all along.

This last detail of a memory, only now made sense to Peppy, that he had been told that is wasn't actually Glacier Tagore standing before them. His savoring every moment of that day, rubbing the issues he put the Cornerian state into up all of their noses made a lot more sense, if it was to try and lure out, bait, or provoke someone who might have wanted to try and assassinate him.

[Guest]

Ok, thing is, I figured it didn't make much sense posting the chapters all on two sites, so I didn't post any here. Thing is I did make three more since the last one. They're all on fanfic.net here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8417485/1/Shadow-of-the-Dreadnaught
Problem is, I'm in a bit of a predicament right now. There is something Slippy is supposed to look for and I have no idea how to get him to do so.

 

Edit: chapters range up to 11 by now. Instead of unnecessarily pushing and extending this thread, I will only edit this post when I add chapters.

[Guest BlueRaccoon]

First, I have to say that this is a good thread to go to to learn a little bit about writing.  I liked reading all the educational stuff.  Seriously.

 

As for the story:  I thought it was really well thought out.  The characters all have a pretty good description.  I could totally see Slippy making video games, for example.  By the way, "Sacred Ring 4."  That was funny.  Anyway, you describe everything very well, too.  I especially love how you described the work of mercenaries.  That was beautifully done.  The only real issue is with the grammar and spelling, but you already said it would be a little off, so I can't fault you for that.  This is really good.  I haven't read the material on fanfic.net, but what I've read so far is amazing.  Keep up the good work.

 

To answer the question about chapter length, as long as the story is entertaining, it doesn't really matter to me.  Of course, alot of your questions about writing have varied answers from person to person.  I actually thought your story flowed well the entire time (except for the brief moments of incorrect grammar).  It wasn't going at all too fast for me.

[Snys93]

Don't worry bro, we ALL have grammar issues. Thank god for spell check lol.

[Guest]

Hiho, after a three month writer's block, I finally have a clear picture of the second arc, and with that, the same goes for the third and the fourth. When I have these low times, I always feel too ashamed to even bother showing up, around here. But I updated it again by now. Thank you for visiting this thread in between. 

 

@ Snes/anyone else: Could you please be more specific about the Grammar issues? I mean in terms of where and what. Whenever I post one, I have already went over it more than four times, so I'm unlikely to find mistakes by myself as of yet. Once I have a few examples of what I do wrong, I might find them on my own.

 

And before this might come up, everything is clearly headed towards something. The greater picture is already drawn. It's just the details and parts of the path in-between that I struggle with.