I wrote a Play about Horses

[Gestalt]

I have successfully translated a wall of memes, 1337, and internet speak by my good friend SwagMasterGage into coherent literature. So what are you supposed to do after you’ve procrastinated a school playwright assignment for several weeks and you have only about 3 hours to make it up in one day??? The answer is simple. Write Ponies. It is unfinished because we only had to show certain things, but I really like where it’s going and I’ll update it regularly. Please enjoy. Feel free to critique /)^3^(

Evil Prevails

By Lord Shen and SwagMasterGage

Scene 1

Deep within the Crystal Mountains of Equestria...

Enter Twilight Sparkle and BigMac:

Twilight: Big Mac, First i’d like to say thank you. We both know you have more important matters to attend to at Sweet Apple Acres.

Big Mac: Eeyup.

Twilight: I’ll need you to do some heavy lifting when we get to the mine shaft. We’ll we have to move quickly as to not to get detected.

Big Mac: Aye

Twilight: Rarity, i need you to perform your gem spell so we can track down the Gem of Souls.

Rarity: Why of course daring, these simple ruffians won’t have me late for supper!

Twilight: Spike i want you to help Rarity in any-way you can. And please, try to resist the temptation of eating stones. This is important. (Looks to all) Alright my little ponies, lets run this tight. ‘Tis the fate of Equestria and the crown of Canterlot which lie in our hooves. We must, neigh, we shall save our friends souls from the tyrants of darkness. I have no plans to die today. We must persevere throughout this midst of adversity. Only, death resides betwixt these halls. Our journey is not for the faint of heart. You own my blessing. Ready?!

Rarity: Ready! (sips on tea)

Spike: Aye! (salutes)

Big Mac: Eeyup!

(Twilight tears open a portal leading to a mine shaft in Lethe)

Twilight: It won’t hold! Everyone inside now!

Exeunt inside le portal

Scene 2

Rarity: My eyes! I’ve gone blind. This is the worst. Possible. Thing. EVAR! Spike, Twilight! Big Macintosh! Where is everybody?!

Twilight: Rarity, Rarity! Big Mac and I are here, come quick. I’ll fix this with a come to light spell. Lumos Maximus!

Twilight Performs spell. le Light le-appears.

Rarity: Ah, that’s much better. Thank you, Twilight. ‘Tis sugar in my tea and butter to my biscuits. But, how fair my Spikey-Wikey. Lost him too, have we not?

Twilight: Oh, I think i know where he is. An oft visit to Canterlot archives would remind of a dragon’s tendencies. Hmm. Let me ponder on this. Is he o’er yonder, near the precious stone, feasting a jeweler’s treat made fit for a king?

Big Mac: Eeyup.

Twilight: Spike! Come over here right this instant. The stars would bid us elsewhere. We haven’t the time to make concessions.

Spike: (mouth full of diamonds) But, I--

Twilight: No buts, Mister. Now fall in line, and see that Rarity hath necessary aid to find the jeweled gate that lead to the ancient netherworld, which we seek.

Rarity: Not to worry darling, do keep heavy, my promise to make haste. I began my locating art when first we fell in this dreadful shaft. ‘Tis a shame that i waste much time in search of such a tacky door anyhow. I say, green jewels are not your color, silly door.

Twilight: Stand afar, Rarity. The door seems as if ‘Twere heavily laden with the finest locks crafted by ornate magics. Because a wall’s hind blinds me...i cannot transmit us safely inside, else someone might be stuck in a rock.

Spike: (unscripted) s-s-stuck in a WALL?! Awh naw, way i’m sitting this one out guys.

BigMac: But clearly, Twilight you should aim your magic for the upper hinge of the door frame. These Draconic Hieroglyphs indicate that crystal front will reflect all magics and instantly kill those trespassers who try to crack at it so. However, if you aim away from the reflecting surface the door should weaken out and fall for us. Not that i mock your skill but rather affirm it.

Rarity:...

Spike: ......

Twilight:.........

Twilight: Your too kind Big Macintosh. Surely, doomed we certain deaths. I’ll store it before i let loose. Now stand afar.

Spike: (Aside) And thus are mice made men. (to BigMac) Pray tell, what playwright doth thou make purchase of this art? Methinks he bid ye fair service oft. Could you breathe such fire by the crow of a rooster or the moo of a cow?

BigMac: Aye

Spike: Then why not you with it?!

BigMac: Dunno.

Twilight: Children would you please. We have more important matters which seek’th our attendance. I would recall a royal letter sent tardy by your jesting.

Spike: What be the reason i dragged here? Do my claws need protect ears from the blast? Perhaps my scales make fine toothpicks for the beasts behind that gate.

Twilight: But soft, and stand afar! That gate will be no more.

Twilight Sparkle fires magic at le door; le door explodes open.

All Exeunt through le door

Scene 3

Spike: There it is! There it is! It is the Gem of Souls. Let us make way!

Rarity: How marvelous, we must get this beauty back to Canterlot so we can save the crown and others souls from that wretched looming darkness which controls their minds.

Twilight: Well that was easy...too easy. Big Mac, make haste, get o’er here and mount the Gem of Souls on that wagon. Astonishing. The relic seems heavier than i thought it. Be careful that stone captures both Celestia’s and your sister Applejack’s soul within. We must release their hearts with the proper unbinding spell from Canterlot Archives.

Big Mac: Aye.

Enter Trixie outfitted in heavy robes and a plethora of magical relics

Trixie: Halt, e’ildoers! Only I have the brains to save the State of Equestria! None other than the Great and Powerful Trixie shall save this land! It is blasphemy that i not be mother hero, to daughter her Canterlot! (Aside) And yet still acquire what bounteous charity Celestia might have me. (to all) Stay Back, ye fiends, i say that jewel is but mine!

Twilight: But where?--how? I thought i was the only one who could open le portal!

Trixie: Incompetent foal only! My magic has grown but a hundred fold betwixt the moons our acquaintance last made. Regaled by many a nation and wizard, I would boast.

Twilight: But Trixie we hath common goal. Cannot we hire your aid? The Gem of Souls is quite heavy. We could use a helping hand.

BigMac: (Strains to pick up the Gem) Eeyup.

Trixie: Neigh! A pox on your tongue! The glory must go to the Great and Powerful Trixie and the Great and Powerful Trixie only! I shall be our set savior on this day. Now aside with you, i else my magical prowess wouldst seek thy early grave.

Twilight: My, my...what eloquently parsed vocabulary hath we. What is your golden trees, if they bare but bronze fruits? Come at me, foal.

Enter le scary Dark Spirit Making ghostly sounds as it slowly creeps up behind trixie

Spike: Twilight, She be but a fly for swatting compared to what draw’th near. Query the heavens?!

Rarity: My word! What devil be that descending from holy ground! ‘Tis a foul contradictory.

Twilight: Trixie make corners to this quarrel. ‘Tis him known as Pale Horse! He took the crown’s soul, aye, a good friend as well. He’ll have his way with you.

Trixie: Hush now, Twilight. I can handle my own. (to Pale Horse) Come now, brute. Do your worst. No fear breach this bosom.

Twilight: Neigh!!! You’ve not seen his actions! He’s too powerful! I Beseech you, make haste! Get thee hence!

Trixie: Off with you, Twilight. Pale horse will be my victory for the taking.

TO BE CONTINUED