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[Reboot] Something A Star Fox Character Would Never Say


Ori

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Andross: Can't we all just...get along?

 

Fox: Nope.

 

*shoots 100 nova bombs in his face*

 

Andross: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

 

*ILM explosion*

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Pepper: I am the very model of a modern Major-General. I've information vegetable animal and mineral. I know the kings of Lylat and I quote the fights historical from Corneria to Venom in order categorical. I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical. I understand equations both the simple and quadratical. About binomial theorem i'm teeming with a lot of news with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. 

 

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus. I know the scientific names of beings animalculous. In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

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  • 2 weeks later...

*Fox has Dash by the foot, upside down over the edge of a canyon cliff*

 

Fox: Remember Dash, when I promised to kill you last?

 

Dash: Yeah! Thats right! You did!

 

Fox: I lied!

 

*Fox lets go, Dash falls to his death into the canyon below*

 

Dash: FFFFUUUUUGGAAALAAAAAA!!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Fox: Slippy, you are now in charge of the team.

Slippy: I will not fail. I shall lead the team valiantly with honor, valor, and without error!

Fox: You have my full trust.

 

Falco: Someone, give me an landmaster, I'm tired of flying.

 

Krystal (to Fox): I'm leaving the team to join Andross against you. I have realized that your team is a menace to Andross's glorious plans to destroy the Lylat system.

Fox: Sure. Whatever. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Andross: Thank you for coming Krystal. But I'm no longer interested in destroying the Lylat system. I realize now that that is a futile effort and I should become a good guy. You can still stick around though.

 

Falco: Slippy, I want you to be my backup pilot. You have never failed anyone before in battle, so I know you can do it.

Slippy: Of course Falco. I will tear apart all the enemy ships part by part, and then brutally murder the pilots inside, for I am the notoriously violent Slippy! Muahahahaha!

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Wolf O'Donnell: "At least they won't use heroine flavored bananas to finance revolution."

 

Andrew: *laughs sarcastically*

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  • 4 weeks later...

Krystal: I think I love Panther

 

Falco: LOLWUT?!

 

Slippy: Oh Shut Up, Falco...,

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Fox: "-BOW BEFORE YOUR MASTER! DEATH SHALL RAIN DOWN UPON THE WEAK!"

--

Peppy: "-That's it, I'm going base jumping from the Orbital Gate. I'm sick of this retirement!"

--

Krystal: "-You're an orphan? That's too bad. Fatty-no-parents."

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Krystal: "Slippy, my eyes are up here."

 

Slippy: "Bitch, I made my choice."

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Panther: Come on! We have to get on the ships!

Wolf: Just a sec, I have to apply on my mascara!

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Falco: "Do you remember making this deal?"

 

Fox: "Nope."

 

Falco: "Were we drunk?"

 

Fox: "Yes, yes we were."

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Fox: So, Krystal, how'd you learn to fly an Arwing so fast? It took me years to master!

Krystal: I don't know, I've flown a pterodactyl, does that count?

Fox: THOSE AREN'T THE SAME THING!

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Fox: So, Krystal, how'd you learn to fly an Arwing so fast? It took me years to master!

Krystal: I don't know, I've flown a pterodactyl, does that count?

Fox: THOSE AREN'T THE SAME THING!

I could actually see Fox saying that.

Fox: Oh I'm the type of guy, that likes to roll around

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I could actually see Fox saying that.

Fox: Oh I'm the type of guy, that likes to roll around

Not if he wants to keep his relationship.

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  • 1 month later...

Krystal: "Oh, that thing about my planet and all? It was nothing. I mean, everyone here can get over having lost their homeworld and race to some random catastrophe, right?"

. . . 

Krystal: "Oh, come on, you're all a bunch of softbodies."

 

----

 

"ORIGINAL THE CHARACTER" (A.K.A. your average OC) : "Lights are blue, some vixens are too. This poem doesn't make sense; you in my room, bewbs."

 

Krystal: "Quit wasting time. *kicks OC to the floor, flight-suit unzipping sounds*"

 

----

 

R.O.B.: "Anomaly." / "Inconclusive." / [what-have-you-science term]

 

(Really, of everything a robot could say, no science-y term wherever in the canon?)

 

----

 

Wolf: "So, we defeated StarFox. Where's our money?"

 

Andross: "...what money?"

 

Wolf: "The money you'd pay us after we downed StarFox!"

 

Andross: "...I wasn't expecting you to accomplish that..."

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Falco: *Phone rings* "Hello? Oh, hi Katt, I was just about to ask if you wanted to hang- ....wait what? You're breaking up with me? But I LOVE YOU! Why does this happen to me?" *Falco then spends the rest of the night crying in his room*

 

Fox: "Oh, hey Krystal. What's up?"

Kursed: "I haven't seen you in practically forever....oh shoot, there goes my cover."

 

Leon: "Oh dear, it seems we hurt them a little too much" *proceeds to send SF team "Get Well Soon" cards*

 

Panther: "Krystal, you are the ugliest woman I know"

 

Peppy: "Hey Fox, remember when I told you about how Pigma betrayed your father? Well, actually..." *pulls out weapon* "...It was ME!"

 

Slippy: "Falco, you are so out of shape." *Pulls out workout video set and begins workout routine* "Run faster you lazy bum"

 

Bill: "I'm not actually a commanding officer in the Cornerian army. I just like to talk a lot over the comm link."

Cornerian pilot: "This guy realizes we always mute him, right?"

 

Pigma: "I'm going to donate my lottery winnings to charity."

 

James: "I just thought i'd stop on by and see how my one and only son was doing." *looks at Fox with smirk on his face*

Fox: "Ok dad, here's rent money."

James: "Gotta learn the meaning of the dollar, son."

 

Wolf: "Fox, here's some advice, listen, when in doubt....do a barrel roll."

 

Fox: "Krystal, will you marry me?"

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Fox: IT'S BEEN OVER 20 YEARS, AND I STILL HAVEN'T GONE THROUGH PUBERTY!

COME ON! SOMEONE DEEPEN MY VOICE ALREADY!

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Wolf:So wait Your son married MY Daughter!? H-how does that make us... uhh how does that work?

 

Fox: *Scratching behind his head* I don't know Wolf, but I think we'd better become Allies before they kick our butts for fighting each other....

 

 

(i know this is a few months old)

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Falco: *reclining in chair on Great Fox bridge, Fox comes in* "So, whats our next job? You DID find us another job, right?"

 

Fox: *looks over the manifest with confidence* "Oh yeah, sure."

 

Falco: *annoyed, peers over at Fox* "Well what is it?"

 

Fox: *bring up holo-map* "We just have to find a certain ship, overtake her and board her."

 

Falco: "Alright, I can handle that. Whats she called?"

 

Fox: "The Ship of Death."

 

Falco: *bolts upright, begins speaking sarcastically* "Great!"

 

Slippy: *just came on the Great Fox bridge, grinning like a clam* "Okay guys, when are we going?"

 

Fox: *his back turned, plotting FTL jump* "Within the hour."

 

Falco: *Turns to Slippy, still sarcastic* "We got a job."

 

Slippy: *turns downcast* "Come on guys. I was really hoping to find a girl on a Katinian beach somewhere."

 

Falco: "No time for that, brah. We got a lady named destiny waiting and a ship of death!" *gives thumbs up*

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Fox: Krystal, can you hand me my water?

Krystal: No way, s**t face!

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Fox: *sigh* "I miss Fara."

 

Krystal: "Who is she? Another one of your whores?!!"

 

Fox: "Well at least she wasn't a USELESS telepath with blue tits that can't FLY a goddamn PLANE!!!"

 

Krystal: *cries*

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  • 1 month later...

Kursed: Morons like you end up like me.

 

Krystal: Well you just gave me reason to not turn into you!

 

Kursed: Whatever.

 

*time paradox explodes 1/4 of universe*

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Fox: IT'S BEEN OVER 20 YEARS, AND I STILL HAVEN'T GONE THROUGH PUBERTY!

COME ON! SOMEONE DEEPEN MY VOICE ALREADY!

more like slippy

Fox: where's Slippy?

Krystal: the last I saw of him he had loaded a bunch of bombs onto his ar-wing.

Fox:*looks at krystals hand* What's that?

Krystal: oh, a remote, I dont know what it does though, *looks at Fox* Wanna find out?

Fox: sure *they both press the button as slippys ship is flying back towards the great fox, but before it could get back, it blows up* (Their reaction :eek: )

F&K; *whistles, puts thier hands behind their back and slowly backs away from the remote*

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Slippy: "I am Heavy Weapons Toad. And this..." *points to Arwing* "...is my weapon!"

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:slippy: - "Me? I'm here to chew bubblegum an kick @$$... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

 

:falco: - "Thank you for your assistance, Slippy."

 

:peppy: - "Keep flying straight. Your shields can take it."

 

:fox: - "Screw this, I just came here for the money!"

 

:krystal: - "Help you?! Ain't nobody got time for that!"

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  • 4 weeks later...

Andross: "Have Steiner and is forces converge with the 10th army."

 

Venomian General #1: "My Emperor...Steiner..."

 

Venomian General #2: "Steiner's forces were unable to attack. His force are well below the minimum requirement."

 

Andross: *twitches almost violently as he removes his glasses and speaks.* "All those who weren't involved, leave."

 

Officers leave and close the door behind them. Andross explodes with rage.

 

Andross: "That was an order! A direct order!!!"

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