Elder Scrolls Online Announced (the mayans were right)

[Drasiana]

So once upon a time this little game came out that you might have heard of. It was called THE MOTHERFUCKING ELDER SCROLLS FIVE: FUCKING SKYRIM, and was the best game ever and won a million awards, including an award presented by Jesus himself as he descended from heaven to a chorus of angels playing Dragonborn on harps and horns. World hunger was solved and AIDS was cured. Thousands of nerds were raptured the day it came out. It was glorious.

Then came word that they were planning on continuing the Elder Scrolls through an MMO! What a great idea. It's like Skyrim, but forever! Right?

Details came in slowly, with not nearly the grand pizazz of Skyrim, which wasn't the red flag it should've been. It's set hundreds of years before Skyrim, during wartimes in Tamriel. Three factions have arisen to fight for land: The Daggerfall Covenant (Bretons, Redguards and Orcs), the Ebonheart Pact (Nords, Dunmer and Argonians) and the Aldmeri Dominion (Altmer, Bosmer and Khajiit). Daedric Prince Molag Bal is up to some shit and you have to stop him from stomping around like a big douchebag while worrying about your own political problems. Pretty solid setup for the kind of open-end fantasy that the Elder Scrolls worked with.

Then they did a press release the other day.

Children. No matter what happens, know that once, someone loved you. Someone wanted you to live the happiest live that you could, to make something of yourself and others. Those people were gunned down like Batman's parents and it's up to you to take up the cloak to avenge them.

What the hell is that cryptic metaphor referring to? Well, the fact that Elder Scrolls Online looks like complete hippo balls.

Exhibit A. The art direction. The fucking art direction.

What the christ is this? This looks like something that should be in a sidebar ad with the caption of "Come Play, My Lord" imposed over that elf's cleavage. Speaking of, what the hell is even up with that elf? She has no features of any of the Mer. She's too tall to be a Bosmer, wrong skin colour for the Dunmer and wrong facial features for the Altmer. She looks like someone's goddamn Lord of the Rings fanfiction OC and not one of the creepy, inhuman and often menacing elf races from this series. And wow, looking good there, Nord. Rocking the "shoulder pads for your shoulder pads" look. I heard the bards were really experimenting with the glam scene in ancient Tamriel.

"Now Dras", you're saying, "Calm those terrorist tits. It's just one piece of promo art! Let's just wait to see what the rest of the game looks like."

Well, okay, you got me there! Fair enough, I suppose, let's just take a peek and see what's inside the actua--

JESUS MONKEYHUMPING CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO THE ARGONIANS

O-okay, well, I guess I'll have to just...not play an Argonian. But at least the Khajiit are still an opt--

It looks and feels like a cheap WOW clone. And being that's what the director basically said it should be because "you can't do anything new with the genre so why bother", then things are not looking good. The thing looks like WOW and Toon Town had an ellicit affair. Nothing about this feels like an Elder Scrolls game at all. If you gave me out-of-context screenshots of anything other than the one shot of the Dwemer Sphere, I would have had no idea that it was ESO. Seriously, they even included a stupidass armoured skeleton robot monster.

Other than my immensely turgid rageboner over how hideous it looks, what of the gameplay? Well, there seem to be some conflicting sources, saying it "plays just like an Elder Scrolls game!" but now has a targetting system and wonky hit detection. Sources say that it's not amazingly terrible, though. It's simpler and more interesting than the typical MMO clickfest (thankGOD), which is a step in the right direction I suppose, but I'm still wondering what part of this thing is supposed to feel like an Elder Scrolls game.

This is an alpha build. So hopefully they take this time to make it look like a goddamn game that we actually want to play instead of a generic, forgettable MMO with Elder Scrolls-esque names tacked onto it as a gimmick.

Official ESO site is here

[BIade]

I'm pretty excited about this game; I liked the Facebook page a couple of months ago, but when I did there were no screens or anything.

The Argonians are a bit disappointing. D: Looks like they're making 'em more human, which could go along with that mainstreaming they've done to the gameplay. I've always done the Khajiit, anyway, and from that picture they don't look too too different, and I'm still pretty stoked about the gameplay possibilities online TES could mean...

... There's also a mean feeling in my gut that just won't let me get as stoked as I want to be. Hopefully it doesn't end up Elder Scrolls in name only, in regards to the locales, species, lore, etc.

[Thu'um]

Yes i'm looking forward to it as well. I the idea of and elder scrolls MMO is a little intense at first. But from then 50 reviews by critics form game informer, and others who got to play 4 fours of alpha game play Its been called amazing by all of them. Proclaiming it to be everything and more then they expected. Its also been in development for 5 years, its not going to be the same as skyrim, and not anywhere near as good in terms of individual game play, but that's something a lot of people are willing to sacrifice for. There will be battles that have over 200 people! and running smoothly too. Yea species are gonna look a little different, but form the rest of the game play screen shots i'm actually impressed http://elderscrollsonline.com/en/media/screenshots/323

btw its 1000 years before skyrim not hundreds

only problem i have is that is a subscription game. Screw that for real

[sroberson]

Aw man if it wasn't a subscription sort of deal I would consider at least trying it...

I will anticipate the highly mixed reviews to come of this game - uber fans being split down the lines of how much they just like the idea of MMO Elder Scrolls, and those who liked the traditional game play and will rage about it.

That being said, I do have to agree that it feels too much like WoW for my own taste. It makes me nervous. Is this Bethesda making the game by any chance?

[Drasiana]

AJC: I really don't trust game critics to say much of anything marginally close to the truth. And you've got no excuse to have a game be "in development for five years" but be "not nearly as good as Skyrim". In what universe do you use those things in conjunction and mean them to be positive? The fact that it's an MMO and works like an MMO (having two hundred people at the same time!) doesn't make it good, nor does it make it an Elder Scrolls game. Sure, it's nice to be playing on a megaserver, but the fact that your game functions isn't quite the same thing as your game being actually enjoyable to play. If you need random people to go "wait, guys, trust me, the game is actually GOOD" then you need to fire your goddamn marketing team.

Sroberson: No, Zenimax is. I think they're owned by the same company as Bethesda but still. It shows, doesn't it?

[Milkyway64]

I think TES is sub-par anyways, so this terrible news affects me almost none.

Still, I want to comment on how this was written. It was like I was on Cracked or some shit.

[Thu'um]

AJC: I really don't trust game critics to say much of anything marginally close to the truth. And you've got no excuse to have a game be "in development for five years" but be "not nearly as good as Skyrim". In what universe do you use those things in conjunction and mean them to be positive? The fact that it's an MMO and works like an MMO (having two hundred people at the same time!) doesn't make it good, nor does it make it an Elder Scrolls game. Sure, it's nice to be playing on a megaserver, but the fact that your game functions isn't quite the same thing as your game being actually enjoyable to play. If you need random people to go "wait, guys, trust me, the game is actually GOOD" then you need to fire your goddamn marketing team.

Sroberson: No, Zenimax is. I think they're owned by the same company as Bethesda but still. It shows, doesn't it?

Really dras, i understand your concern. Its the same with all the elder scrolls fans. MMO doesn't seem compatible . I would agree, but i what i have heard seem to counter my predisposed thoughts on the matter, and I've decided to have a positive attitude. Dreading it's release ain't gonna get me anything. However, i have heard there is a single player option where you won't run into random ass people(thank god). But i also understand the desire for a multiplayer Elder Scrolls, who hasn't want to quest with friends or fight for skyrim's freedom together. You might hold the opinion that skyrim, and the whole series, is best played solo, and while i'm inclined to agree i'd be cool none the less for multiplayer action. Besides these arn't random people judging the game, and I trust their judgement. That being said this isn't one of those game i will preorder. I'll watch some game play after its released and see how it really is before i'd decide to pay for anything.

[Drasiana]

Hey AJC that's cool but I never said that Elder Scrolls should never be an MMO. If you'd actually read my post you'd see the part where I was excited for it, until they released a bunch of media that made the game look terrible.

Still, I want to comment on how this was written. It was like I was on Cracked or some shit.

Hahaha, that's more what I was going for. Thanks, Milky!

[Arashikage]

I was never looking forward to ESO. Every time someone tries to come out with some type of MMO, they fuck the whole thing up. Not even Bethesda can do it right. I never was a huge fan of MMO games, and this is proof that with a few exceptions, none of them are worth playing.

[Drasiana]

It's disappointing. There actually is a ton of potential to be had with MMO's but the industry is being run into the ground by idiots like Matt Firor who are terrified of breaking from the formula.

The only good thing about Bethesda not being in charge of this game is that when it bombs horribly, they'll still have money to make a game that ES fans actually want to play.

[Robert Monroe]

I think TES is sub-par anyways, so this terrible news affects me almost none.

Why do you hate good things, Milky? DON'T YOU CHERISH OUR FRIENDSHIP?

[Drasiana]

The new Skyrim DLC "Dragonborn" makes me less mad about this game. If there's awesome Skyrim DLC forever, I may even forgive it.

[RomulanNinja]

It will carry a monthly subscription fee. Why not just play WoW then? And do it on a private server for free. T_T I won't be playing.

PS. Skyrim wasn't that great.