Laws of the SFO server

[Xidphel]

I don't know if this has been done before but based on Saturday and Sunday's game night, here are the laws of SFO server. Feel free to add some. (I'll update as they come.)

General law:
1. No fun allowed on the server.
2. Your furry sprays will get you mauled by a charismatic badass, a wimpy redwall fan, and Icy.
3. Bromance is the pinnacle of the server's humor
4. Being a douchebag and screaming into the mic can and will eventually bite you in the ass.
5. No matter what, teams are stacked. Always.
6. It's always someone else's fault.
7. Both teams rely on 1-3 particular star players to carry them, and loaf around and bitch when said players are not mopping the other team (see 5 and 6)
8. You are a baby man. No exceptions.
9. Everyone in the server is either a furry, a brony or both. NO EXCEPTIONS!
10. Canadians are commies.
11. A true gentleman waits until the taunt is over before proceeding to backstab, headshot or otherwise instakill the guy taunting.
12. It's always the medic's fault.
13. TEAMS ARE BEING SCRAMBLED! UNCLE ANDROSS!
14. Rage breeds teamwork. Except when it doesn't.
15. Chasing a demo results in him backpedaling and blowing everyone to hell with a sticky.
16. LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
17. The server always sucks.
18. Badwater is the best map ever.
19. Being dead is not an excuse! PUSH THE DAMN CART!

Xidphel's law:
1. Xidphel's law of Zero Satisfaction: Xidphel will ALWAYS find something to complain about.
2. Xidphel is a F2P in both senses.
3. Xidphel can't dodge.
4. Xidphel can't aim either.
4.a. If Xidphel hits you with a weapon that requires precision, he isn't getting better. You're actually getting worse.
5. If Xidphel can't hear himself speak, no one can hear him and must therefore speak louder.
6. Xidphel, being Canadian, is allowed to call DZ "Dee Zed".
7. Xidphel will NEVER play Engineer unless the team lacks one, the current engineer sucks or the teleporter at the spawn needs upgrade. If Xidphel is an engineer because of the former two reasons, he will complain.
8. If User is a Scout, Xidphel will always be a Scout.
9. When capping as a Scout, Xidphel will ALWAYS need help capping, even if the entire team is standing on the cap.
10. When pushing the cart, Xidphel will always taunt on the cart if a Scout.
11. W+M1 FTW!

12. If Xidphel has a melee out, you are to be a mann and take out your melee.

Zero's law:
1. If Zero-Two plays as a soldier, GG.

Laws of The General:
1. The General is bad and in fact, does not know how to play TF2.
2. The General relies on medics to live longer than 60 seconds.
3. If The General is rocket jumping towards your medic face, do not panic. Chances are if you hold perfectly still or better, ignore him, minimal harm will come to you and your patient will clean up.
3a. if you are NOT a medic, pray. You are dead.
4. The General is good at rocket jumping. Not a whole lot else.
5. Lulz and taunts are The General's weakness, the only thing that can stop the burning fury of that whip is striking a high five pose, laughing incontroallably, running while using the "help" voice command, or similar.

Hidi Laws:
1. Hidi is exceptionally good at TF2 and is an asset to the team
2. Hidi has the most manly voice of everyone and should be specially recognized
3. Hidi is aware of you at all times
4. Communists rule the server; no exceptions
5. Dubstep is only permitted in certain circumstances

AJC Laws:
1. If AJC is a spy, facestab will occur.

User Laws:
1. If User is a Scout or a Demoman, GG.
2. User as scout can FOADIAF.

DZ Laws:
1. DZ is the undisputed ruler of the server.
2. DZ is ALWAYS wrong.
3. Rockets fired are repelled from enemies.
4. Rockets fired at DZ will home in on his position
5. The axestinguisher crits on burning targets. When it feels like it.
6. Backpedaling while being chased chased as a demo, the sticky never arms before DZ dies.
7. W+M1 FTW!
8. Do as DZ says, not as DZ does.
9. As DZ approaches the objective, the probability of getting hit by a crit approaches 1.
10. DZ's melee hits never crit.
11. Enemy melee hits always crit.
12. Jarate has a 100 mile effective radius, unless DZ throws it. In that case, it has a two inch effective radius.
13. DZ is pro level. Even though everyone dominates him.

[Gene Inari]

It's never the Medic's fault.

That's my rule as medic :U

[The Shaper]

I got praised, so 10/10 thread.

[Hidi]

Hehehe I like these rules!

Also, voice chatting is mandatory.

[Milkyway64]

Laws of The General:

1. The General is bad and in fact, does not know how to play TF2.

2. The General relies on medics to live longer than 60 seconds.

3. If The General is rocket jumping towards your medic face, do not panic. Chances are if you hold perfectly still or better, ignore him, minimal harm will come to you and your patient will clean up.

3a. if you are NOT a medic, pray. You are dead.

4. The General is good at rocket jumping. Not a whole lot else.

5. Lulz and taunts are The General's weakness, the only thing that can stop the burning fury of that whip is striking a high five pose, laughing incontroallably, running while using the "help" voice command, or similar.

General law:

1. No fun allowed on the server no u

2. DZ is the undisputed ruler of the server. acually is da general

3. DZ is ALWAYS wrong. As sexy as DZ's voice is, I cannot agree with this.

4. Your furry sprays will get you mauled by a charismatic badass, a wimpy redwall fan, and Icy.

5. Bromance is the pinnacle of the server's humor (see law 3)

6. Being a douchebag and screaming into the mic can and will eventually bite you in the ass.

7. No matter what, teams are stacked. Always.

8. It's always someone else's fault.

9. Both teams rely on 1-3 particular star players to carry them, and loaf around and bitch when said players are not mopping the other team (see 7 and 8)

10. You are a baby man. No exceptions.

[Dr. Orange]

1. If User is scout, attempt to run, but success isn't guaranteed.

2. High Executor isn't bad, he just appears by your connection to The Matrix.

3. Fail and Fire Eagle are the only one's capable to be Pyro.

'Cuz they don't suck.

[Hidi]

1. Hidi is exceptionally good at TF2 and is an asset to the team
   
2. Hidi has the most manly voice of everyone and should be specially recognized
   
3. Hidi is aware of you at all times
   
4. Communists rule the server; no exceptions
   
5. Dubstep is only permitted in certain circumstances
   

[Thu'um]

I 'ave been mentioned and there for bless this thread.

My 95(-87) thesies

1: your all furries, and must be purged

2: Canadians are all commies with exception of user whom is a furry so he gets purged anyway

3: If ajc is spy, face stabs will occur, this is scientific fact

4: hidi's team is communist, so his team will have points divided up evenly regardless of personal skill

5: Scourage will get mad

6: dz will get mad

7: gene will get mad

8: Lone wolf will always be fur fag

[DZComposer]

* Rockets I fire are repelled from enemies

* Rockets fired at me home-in on my position

* The axestinguisher crits on burning targets. When it feels like it.

* Rage breeds teamwork. Except when it doesn't

* Chasing a demo results in him backpedaling and blowing me to hell with a sticky

* Backpedaling while being chased chased as a demo, the sticky never arms before I die

* It's always the medic's fault

* TEAMS ARE BEING SCRAMBLED UNCLE ANDROSS!

* User as scout can FOADIAF

* W+M1 FTW!

* Do as I say, not as I do

* As I approach the objective, the probability of getting hit by a crit approaches 1.

* My melee hits never crit

* Enemy melee hits always crit

* Jarate has a 100 mile effective radius, unless I throw it. In that case, it has a two inch effective radius.

* LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

* The server always sucks

* Badwater is the best map ever

* I am pro level. Even though everyone dominates me.

* Being dead is not an excuse! PUSH THE DAMN CART!

[Hidi]

Communist Viewbook;

1. Points are attributed to the entire team and will contribute to your equal existence (As stated by Ajc)
   
2. It is a courtesy as a medic to heal everyone regardless of their state of health
   
3. Everyone deserves an Uber
   
4. Don't use up health and ammo packs on the ground only you benefit from immediately; go to the Resupply Room
   
5. Teams should never have more players than another. GTFO if that is the case, even by one player
   
6. Everyone is an MVP
   
7. Points can provide you with more points
   
8. Dominate nobody
   
9. Revenge is forbidden
   
10. <Insert Snarky Comment Here>
    
11. DATA EXPUNGED
    

[Xidphel]

Bump because no one reads those things before matches.

 

Guys, those are very important rules but not really that should be followed every match!

[Hidi]

I have a rule that must be added!

 

Nobody with a high-pitch voice is permitted to speak with full approval...Except me.

[Rusheo]

Here's my rules

• If youre in rusheos way his ubersaw will krit you to death
• The more you spam the medic call button the less he will go out to heal you
• Everyone always accidently runs into rusheo's taunt kill
• Don't harass the medic's they are trying their best to keep everyone alive
• If we form a bromance 10/10 i will jump in front of a rocket for you

[Robert Monroe]

Cappn's Laws:

 

1: Invulnerability is for babies.

2: Everything he says over mic is poetry

3: Get Gud Son

4: Expect sentries at your spawn, always.

5: His majestic head of hair turns straight men gay and makes women pregnant on sight.

6: He has to taunt fast and heavy too slow.

7: Against sentry camps, USE THE MEDIGUN YOU CUNT

8: He was Heavying before you were born

9: He was Engineering before you were born too.

10: Ditto medic

11; Taught Gene everything he knows about Medic, except getting mad.

12: Taught Fureox everything he knew about everything, period

13: DZ almost banned the Kritzkreig because of him (true story)

14: MINI SENTRY

15: Shotgun? I think you mean wide-spread sniper rifle.

16: The wrench always crits.

17: Managed to be better than you while playing on a toaster. Yes, even you. Especially you.

18: MINI SENTRY

19: GODDAMMIT FIREBUG/FAIL

20: Will always taunt at his own expense. Especially if its a laughter taunt.

21: Is never mad.

22: MINI SENTRY

[LoneWolf]

Lone's Laws

1. Dredge up old topics for nostalgia

1. If you're a pubber I'll either mop the floor with your teeth or be completely afraid of you and accept you into our ranks.

2. Five year olds exist.

3. Don't fucking know how to play the game, just fuck around and see what happens.

4. Get invited to comp teams because of 3.

5. Feel emotionally shredded because of the loss of the beloved server.

6. Play TF2 with other people, notthesame.jpg

7. Drink away your problems

8. Divorce wife

9. Lose the kids, house, and job

10. Downhill spiral

11. Lifesucks.bmp

12. Movie made by Michael Bay

[Hidi]

DarkAnglos is unbeatable.

[Gestalt]

Only jam to music 3 times as foul as anyone currently on the server

[Fenrir-X]

Fenrir's Laws

 

1) If Fenrir is a Soldier, The Direct Shit becomes a crit magnet and the best rocket launcher in TF2.

2) If Fenrir is a Demoknight, you're dead if you are not an airblast pyro or heavy Scourge.

3) If Fenrir is a Scout, you should watch your back.

4) If Fenrir is a Pyro, The Phlogistinator 'Mmmph' bar will fill faster.

5) Fenrir always uses the SPIRAL SALLET.

Edited July 7, 2014 by Fenrir-X

[Ori]

Laws of Orbi:

 

1. Orbi's experience is half bot hermitage, half run-out-of-the-mill disaster at national servers.

2. Orbi will somehow get halfway decent scores. Don't ask.

3. If Orbi and his sibling get on the same team, exact-twin Phlog Pyro confusion ensues.

[bonus: Effects exponentially increased if Fenrir is on same team as Super Phlog Bros.]

4. WHY THE HELL MY SCOUT IS A FOX IN THIS SCREENCAP

5. If Orbi gets on #1 Fan mood, have fun shooting the quiet-double-triple-air-jumping-hyped-furry-scout-thing.

6. Orbi will spray something unwitty. Always.

6b. Your lack of Natani is distinguishably noticeable. Orbi will solve that too.

7. wtf is a crithit

8. MESS DEFECT

9. Phlog. Not W+M1. GET IT RIGHT

10. gibe furi skin plos

11. Community Market or bust.

12. SPIRAL SALLET

13. "TwoKinds is everywhere!"

[Dr. Orange]

Alright listen up gents. This is the completed* rules of TF2. 

• TF2 isn't fun.
• Rule one is not applied in case of rule 18.
• TF2 is not worth the effort to start up.
• You will be never be top of score board.
• You are never as good as that guy.
• In the event of gaining top of score board, it was not because of skill but by mere luck.
• When you suck, nobody likes you.
• When you are the best, nobody likes you.
• Both rule 7 and rule 8 are wrong when rule 18 is applied.
• When you are dominating, you might get kicked.
• Admins are never reliable.
• There are no real rules about moderation. Enjoy your ban. 
• There will be rage, accept it.
• When there isn't rage, wait.
• Nobody talks strategy. Your team sucks. Deal with it.
• The Theory of DiGornio is always applied.
• The theory of DiGornio states that in a server of 24 players: 7 will be underage squealers, 3 furries, 3 bronies, 4 are there not to play but to trade (Out of that four, one will mic spam), 1 will spray porn, 1 will spray furry porn, and 4 are very offensive and blame everyone but themselves.
• TF2 is only fun when over 45% of players on server are on friends list.
• Even in the case of Rule 18, Rules 4-6 and 12-14 still apply.
• People never use their mic correctly.
• Everyone judges you by your headgear. 

Rules of SF-O Server (RIP in Peace)

• Rule 1 doesn't exist.
• There is rage.
• No Fun allowed.
• Everyone is riding everyone's ass.
• DZ is never on.
• Nothing is to be taken seriously.
• Rule 5 is false when DZ is on.
• To be good is to be noticed.
• To be really good is to be User.
• To be User is to be never invited to a game night. 
• Icy will roll you like a fucking freight train. 
• Scourge will Rage. 
• When Scourge doesn't rage he is laughing hysterically. 
• When Rule 12 happens, he is under the influence.
• AJC is a decent human being.
• High Executor always lies.
• Scott will never rage expect when he rages about his playing.
• High Executor will never deliver.
• Rule 18 implies DiGornio.
• There are more rules.

[LazerMaster5]

LazerMaster5's rules: 1. Always try to no scope. 2. Always kill peaceful players. 3. Heavies are OP and are for noobs. 4. Soldiers suck balls and should not be used. 5. Thou shall raise thy dongers. 6. You must spray your spray near the enemy spawn. 7. Spawn camping is bad, but only if the enemy team is spawn camping you.

[Hidi]

Hidi's revised rules:

• Hidi is a screamer
• Hidi has the manliest voice of all men on the server
• Hidi is exceptionally good at everything Medic
• Hidi is the only Medic
• Hidi's internet sucks
• Hidi misses game night for scrims
• Hidi isn't a communist
• Hidi distributes heals to everything that moves
• Hidi invites competitive players, causing the rage to multiply
• You all suck
• I'm bad with deadlines