Lord O'Donnell Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 EPISODE 1: Escaping from the aparoid homeworld Wolf: We will take care of this things, you guys take out the queen. Panther! Leon! lets go! Cmon you stinking bugs catch us if you can! After making the samll droids follow them wolfs team start maneuvering and avoiding them until the aparoid queen start the second fight with fox. when they were near to the exit panther remembered that during the main path many others that head directly to the "royal chamber" closed. Panther: Lets open the barrier gates so fox can go through the short cut. Leon: They are our enemies lets go out and enjoy how they die with the planet! Panther: Ill then do it myself! wolf: The only reason we helped them before is because the monster was a menace for us, help them if you want but this is their battle not ours, help that girl and youll die. leon: I can finally see you take back your memory. Panther: Well at least open the final shield, you must do it to escape, remember that? Panther start shooting the unstable walls to weak the energy shields until they ceased working. The last shield he had to open was the one nearest to the queen when he was doing that StarFox team saw the Wolfen. That was the last time they saw it because of the shield's exploded with a bright light. both StarWolf and StarFox came out just in time to see the last of the aparoids. leon: That fool died with them. -no one said anything for a few minutes- looks like we are the last mercenaries of the war. Wolf: Those were better times... We should start working at sargasso and settle things with those minions and also look for Andrew, he maybe is still alive and has more of this ships. Panther came out when a light coming from the inside of the planet get stronger, at the same time that the planet was completely unstable Fox team came out. The cornerian armada open the Warp gate (orbital station gate) Wolf: Lets go through the gate once all other ships go through it, we wont be seen by them if we do it that way. Leon: You are a lucky cat panther! Panther: You are a coward lizard, you were to scared to help them. leon: No, its just that i care only for myself. Wolf: well done Panther. You are good, But IAM BETTER! the Gate starts closing and everyone goes through it Episode 2: Terrible news; A new threat Wolf, Leon and panther just arrived the zone that was known as "Lord O'Donnell's territory" and start trying to comunicate with their soldiers but no one respond Panther: They maybe left this place, it wasnt useful now that the Cornerian army knew its location. Leon: I have their signals, they are still here, they must be able to hear but not to respond. Wolf: i can see that a battle has occured many fragments of asteroids are here but no destroyed ships, perhaps the aparoids did it. WTF?!? (what the heck?! is more traditional, dont you think?) Whoever did this is gonna pay! Leon: Ill go inside. Panther: Ill check if there are ships around here Inside the base... Wolf: there you are (soldiers in formation waiting for wolf's arrival) Who did this? Soldier: Fox has just leave sir, he came here all alone looking for weapons and for you, we fight him but he was too strong, he was able to escape because a giant blue mass attack the base Leon: Ill make you be sorry for lying to us iam going to hang you from your...(he takes out a big knife) Wolf: The base is useless, and i know nothing that could make this kind damage... the biggest weapon is required to destroy its armor, and it would have destroyed it completely... Panther: -he cames in a rush- The aparoids did this, i saw armors of those things. Wolf: How lomg ago did you say the blue mass came here? Soldier: An hour or two... panther: The only way he could have make it this far in that time... he used the orbital? but it takes more hours to refill its energy, we have just came from there... Soldier: The videos will show you. it took them a little while to make the computer run the emegency system because of the destruction Panther: That cant be him... He never goes doing that and he never goes without his team mates Wolf: He looks like him but, he isnt... Computer show the videos of the first strike... -the computer also starts printing all the data registered before the attack- These are the videos of fox coming after Pigma, and these are the 80 min ago. Leon: Thats no Fox... thats the new arwing, he never see it Panther: According to the this data, He just warped in front of the base Wolf: Look... the blue mass on the wall... thats an aparoid esting the base and the only one that isnt shhoting it is Fox, he just get in the arwing Leon: The computer was damaged but its timer is working correctly, The aparoids were destroyed more than 3 hours ago, to transmit signals the aparoids used the warp, its impossible that it has just been destroyed. Panther: With the size of that thing the base would have exploded too, it was just bitted but nothing more, What make it stop?... This aparoid is still alive it never disappear, this cant be Fox End of the first part I wrote this many months ago, but i never posted it because the computer failed working and it was erased, at that time SFCommand never existed so if there are things here that doesnt match the game (or match the game) is because of that. I have read some of the Fanfics, just to avoid using their stuff, but i am sure am not using their ideas (well i think) if someone thinks i am using its ideas tell me to modify the story and tell me which idea (ill modify it only enough). I felt the need of posting it, thats why am doing it. The story is longer but i need to write it again, if you people are interested in it ill continue writing it (again) (it doesnt make sense to write something thats not going to be read) This is also the very first time i write something so please be nice with criticism (i am a sensitive guy). Destroy it if you want but tell the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakeWalker Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Fairly basic, as stories go. Decent characterization of Star Wolf. You've got some tense problems and other typos that would most likely be fixed via a dose of spellcheck. It would also behoove you to learn how to use 'said' tags instead of the play format dialogue you have here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord O'Donnell Posted September 2, 2006 Author Share Posted September 2, 2006 Thats the kind of critic i wanted (and also critics bout the story of course). My english isnt good as you may now and if anyone can take the time to rewrite it with correct times and ortographic corrections i would appreciate it. if you do that send me the correction at my masn address Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakeWalker Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Errd... I dunno. If anyone can do it, I could, but I'm not exactly full of free time anymore. What language do you speak, out of curiosity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord O'Donnell Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 Sorry for not writng in such long time but i am in the middle of Exams, and i was also constantly changing the story so i finally choose to write two stories. Finish this one that is not about wolf (yes i know he is the character that has appeared more than anyone else) and the other that will be about Satr Wolf before SF64, meanwhile this is it. Episode 3: Reconstruction The survivors of the attack wanted to celebrate but in their minds the joy of being able to face the biggest enemy they have seen and co out alive wasnt enough to forget what happened to their families and themselves Beltino: Am glad you are alive, guess that was to be expected, StarFox team was heading the attack! Fox: We start with a monkey and we ended with a megalomaniac machine Falco: Hey stop talking i want my money! Slippy: you will have it but first we need to deal with all the destruction Beltino: You are right slippy. Falco, everyone please wait until we finish the reconstruction of the planets. Peppy: Can you just give us a place to rest? Soldier: There are many hotels in corneria, just tell the owners to give you a room am sure they will know who you are Krystal: Fox, ill go to sauria, they need me. Fox: ill go too, besides that tricky owes me something Falco: If i help, will you pay me more? Slippy: You son of... Beltino: Yes we will, this more than what we ask you before, i gues you deserve it Falco just move his head as if saying he agree, everyone head to their ships only slippy stayed there. Slippy: Pay him more!? But he is supposed to help! Beltino: Yes but his ship is one of the most damaged, i think he is going to pay for repairs, anyway he is getting the original amount Fox and Krystal head to Sauria, Peppy head to Corneria to rest, Slippy, Rob and Falco stay around to help with the cleaning. Down in the durface of corneria Peppy and many soldiers were welcome by the citizens but the celebration didnt last long they were there to help them and the people was there asking for help. Peppy came into his hotel room and when he was preparing himself to go out and help with anything he could someone was outside the room waiting for him Peppy: Whos there? *****: someone that was asking for help many years ago but was in such great danger to be rescued Peppy's mood change and he went angry for what he thought was a bad heavy joke Peppy: -he says this as he opens the door- Listen i am not here to stand stupid jokes you bas... -peppy's face change- Who are you? James: Can i come inside? Peppy moved and let him go inside, they said nothing for a few minutes Peppy: What happened? why did you never show up before? James: after Andross died i help fox to go out, during all the time i was captive i thought of what words to say to Fox but in the flight out... well i thought it was better to leave him alone, he grew up too much without me and with your help Peppy: Thats the best thing you could think in all these years? I cant believe what you are telling me... being captive really changed you James: You sound disapointed, why? Peppy: i think its pretty obvious, i am not answering that -Peppy turn around to the window- James: So wheres my son? i want to talk to him someone hits the door and Peppy told James to hide Peppy: Whos there? -the door came down due to the hits in front of Peepy's face Wolf: -as he quickly moves and takes Peppy by the throat- What have you heard about him!?! Peppy: What are you talking about? Wolf: Playing the fool will do you no good old hare! Peppy: Leave me! -Wolf let him go- Wolf: I see you are telling the truth. no one would give his life for anyone else in these conditions -as he walks out of the room James came out from under the bed and run towards wolf- Wolf: call me if you notice anything strange James jump over wolf but he knew what he was up to and quickly turn around hitting James in the face. Wolf: i knew you were here, you just smell like dead! Wolf take him from his clothes and throw him into the room to the window, james was just able to hold himself from the curtains Peppy: James! Wolf: i am smarter, stronger, faster... younger. -He tooked james from the head and put him into the room, he finally hit him once again and throw him to the bed- Peepy: Ill shoot you wolf! just stay where you are! -he was holding a blaster- Wolf: You both never learn, do you? -he turn his head to james as he knew Peppy was too confused to shoot- James: I dont have anything against you! Wheres Pigma?! Wolf and Peppy: He is dead James: Well he deserved it. Wolf: I can see you are too strong to decimate my men and an aparoid. Fox did it, I guess its on genes James: Where is him? wheres my son? Wolf: Why do you ask me? Peppy: He is on Sauria, but you will have to wait until one ship is ready to travel that distance they are... Wolf: ill take him there, and dont get in the middle of anything i promise to put him on that primitive planet on one piece Peppy: Dont attack Fox or ill send the army to the planet Wolf: Old guy go downstairs and wait for me, ill talk with your friend. You are both old but i think you understand Peppy: -James leaves the room- What do you want to talk with me Wolf: I saw the videos of Andross and he vanished into oblivion... what really happen? how can he be alived? Peppy: No idea. He was sucked into that Black hole so i dont know what really happen because i was also trying to scape. By the way, if he... well you know, tell me i am his friend am sure he will need me Wolf: Trust me Ill do it he change the conversation very quickly like if i had done nothing to him, besides, I think he hides something In the orbital gate where the reconstrution of the ships started to help other planets, Panther and Leon were doing their... "work" Panther sneak into the gate while Leon stayed in his ship. Panther's goal was to go with slippy and make some questions but for being an outlaw he had to get to the main room unseen he was using darts with tranquillizer. Leon was better with the wolfen and he had to take care of Falco Panther: How are you doing toad? Toad: What are you doing here? how did you go through the -he sees that all soldiers were down- soldiers? better question, how did you survived? Panther: I need you to answer some questions. How much time does it took to the aparoids to die? Slippy: Well all the minor aparoids died instantly only the planet which was the queen herself took more time to die. About the time... all the aparoids except the queen died instantly and so did those here and those in the planets Panther: How much time does it took the signal to go to Sargasso? Slippy: At that distance with light speed... only a few minutes maybe an hour, because we were using another device that make the signal stronger. Panther: All right, then Let me give an advice; prepare all the ships you can theres something out there that really means business Leon was listening to the conversation of Panther and so was Falco, and whe Falco head inside the Gate Leon attack him but just to draw his attention Leon: Bird you have disappoint me i thought you knew i was around here Falco: Sorry, but let me tell you something, you amazed me. You survived the explosion. Leon: YOu are going to pay for that. The battle last long enough so Panther went out the Gate. After all the mess Wolf arrived with James. Slippy: Falco stop fighting! come inside let them go! Falco: What?! -he quickly realize that something was wrong and did as the the Slippy said, but none of them knew what was happening- The orbital gate opened and wolf went through it to Sauria, with the remaining energy slippy changed the course to Fortuna, Leon and Panther went through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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