I have a large hole in the wall dripping with some kind of viscious, mumbling fluid, and I think I need some help

[Faisul]

Okay so I know this is going to sound really weird but I just woke up and discovered a large hole in the wall of my bedroom that wasn't there before. I was drinking pretty heavily yesterday but I definitely remember going to bed and not digging a big hole in my bedroom wall, so you can probably imagine that I'm a little at a loss for words right now.

 

What's worse about this whole situation is that the hole is dripping with some kind of sticky goo that I'm pretty sure is whispering to me somehow. I can't hear anything in the living room but as soon as I go into my bedroom the goo starts bubbling and whispering again. It's mildly frustrating. Also whenever I try to look into the hole all I see is pitch blackness for a split second before I get this absolutely devastating headache. For someone already hung over and already well endowed with a shitty headache a devastating one is just a needless bother.

 

The hole is about the size of my head, if that helps anyone give you ideas for what to do about this. Also I got some of the goop on my finger and it hurt like hell. Some kind of chemical runoff?

I have no idea what to do about the situation so I'd love to hear if you guys have any experience with this kind of thing.

[Aiden O'Conner]

What the hell did I just read.

[Zzz]

Zzz

[Redeemer]

Call a priest. Only a holy man can help you now.

[Dr. Orange]

April Fools. 

Wake up with a fish in my arms.

myfacewhen.jpg

[Faisul]

April Fools. 

 

Dude what? It's June.

 

 

Call a priest. Only a holy man can help you now.

I don't know why you're so quick to assume some sort of paranormal involvement here. It's just an impossible hole as black as the arse of Beelzebub, weeping with mumbling ooze. Anyways, the priests all skipped town years ago already. Kinda weird, actually. Wonder if it's got something to do with the big, black obelisk that shot out of the ground near the town hall back in '73. Nah, that thing's harmless.

 

I'll just take some pics and come back when I've got them uploaded and maybe you guys will get some ideas then.

EDIT: okay so I got my camera working (finally! that thing's been acting weird for a while) and managed to get a couple shots of the hole for you to check.

 

 

Here it is, the fucker. Took me a while to get the camera angled right because I kept having to look away. My head's killing me.

So you can see how big it is and the stuff running out of it clearly now. It's REALLY flowing atm. This is the first chance I've had to take a good look at it and it's almost as if there's something on the other side of the hole too. I mean except for the apartment next door, which you can't see here for some reason.

I managed to get a zoomed shot of the inside of the hole too. The blitz didn't want to work for some reason but there's definitely something there:

 

It's really dark so it's hard to see anything, but it looks like a lighthouse by a lake or something. That's really goddamn weird. Maybe it's a photo taped to the other side of the hole.

I'll check with the neighbor next door if he's up to any shenanigans. He's been a little weird since the upside down people started congregating outside his window but he's never been a bother to anyone. Don't forget to post your suggestions!

[Redeemer]

Hmm I see what you mean, this is very interesting.

 

If I were you I'd just ignore it all and wait until it goes away, because I don't think anyone is in any serious danger. Just chill out, have some tea and watch TV in bed or something. And leave all your doors open, with all the lights out. Nothing to worry about.

[Faisul]

Neighbor didn't answer the door. Swear I could hear something going on inside but I felt it best just to leave the guy alone.

 

Hmm I see what you mean, this is very interesting.

 

If I were you I'd just ignore it all and wait until it goes away, because I don't think anyone is in any serious danger. Just chill out, have some tea and watch TV in bed or something. And leave all your doors open, with all the lights out. Nothing to worry about.

I don't know if you're being facetious or not but I actually think I'm going to do exactly the above, with the small difference of just not being in my bedroom at all.

 

I mean I can deal with the whispering (which is getting a little louder actually) but the pitch black goop is beginning to pool on the floor and I'm having enough trouble trying to scoop it up and flush it down the john without getting any of it on my hands, which I did, and son of a bitch, it's bad. My finger has these big red welts all over it now and I swear the goop is splashing onto my skin on purpose somehow, like when I get near and it starts bubbling and frothing, it shoots droplets of the shit on my skin. I'm even wearing rubber gloves and it's getting on me somehow.

 

I'll just throw a couple towels down and wait it out. I'll let you know if anything happens!

[unoservix]

have you tried calling Gordon Freeman?

[Thu'um]

Probably still drunk and asleep and you don't know it. However I have encountered one such a hole. Alas I think it is not the same as it resides in my bedroom and I frequently use it.

[Redeemer]

Also invest in a badass Twinkie. Egon knows what he's talking about.

[Snys93]

   I think Faisul maybe surrounded by large iron deposits. What you are hearing is commonly referred to as Time Ghosts, after images, echos of the past located around huge amounts of iron in the ground. A better example is this: 3d snapshots recorded and mysteriously played back presumably be electro-magnetic impulses. This phenomena has been mistaken for disembodied spirits and are activated by a certain electric frequency. Low passing solar flares, a power planet and in some cases just driving your car can trigger and cause the appearance of Time Ghosts. Sometimes just being in the presence of iron in person without machines can cause the effect. It all depends on the iron and electronic frequency.

 

   The next you see or hear them, look for habits, things you wouldn't expects "ghosts" to do. The results may surprise you.

 

   A team of scuba divers were investigating an underwater section of a dam. Underwater are the remains of an old ghost town. There wasn't much left of the circa-1800's established town, but enough to know there were people here before it was flooded. Some time during the dive, the divers heard what only could be described as hammers and pickaxes. The sound continued to resonate and got louder as the divers as approached and there they it. They weren't clear images (of course) but the description from the divers it was a shimmer of a group of people using tools that could only be used in a dry environment. They were the people who live in the town presumably when it was being built.

 

   Prehistoric creatures in some cases have also been recorded Time Ghosts, concluding that they can not only be intelligent life as humans here on earth.

[LoneWolf]

I'd contact the SCP Foundation. They seem to have a level of expertise in this sort of thing.

[Xortberg]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rarRiqWH8v4

[Snys93]

I detect the usual level of troll in this thread. Is it just me and the fact it is April?

[Gestalt]

You guys should know better than to spam this place!

[Redeemer]

You guys should know better than to spam this place!

 

Shh, no tears. Only dreams now. Unrustle your jimmies. It's 1st April. :3

[Faisul]

Okay holy fuck sorry guys that I haven't been checking in but I basically fell asleep on the couch for a good while and good news is that I'm no longer hung over but the bad news is that now basically my bedroom is flooded in the shit, the stuff is seeping into my living room and everything not on shelves and above the floor is in peril of being coated in this vile fucking goop. The stench is indescribable and I'm typing this up in between tossing everything salvageable into the entrance hallway and everything else out the window. What a fucking day. Mildly frustrated is definitely the word for my situation right now.

 

Right, my mattress is basically slowly being dissolved into the floor along with a bunch of my shit while an ethereal chorus is constantly mumbling at me. The goop seems to be bubbling in my direction as if it's trying to get to me specifically. I've tried giving it a stern talking to and and the thanks I get is farting noises. Rude! Making the situation even more bizarre is that the flying monolith that usually minds its own business around the Mountain of Skulls has just now parked itself smack dab in front of my windows so I can't open them to air my apartment out. Typical!

 

I'm getting the slightest feeling that I'm in some sort of trouble here.

 

[Gestalt]

Independence day you say? Today is going to be a blast!

[Faisul]

Man don't even get me started on how terrible that movie was. No these aren't aliens, they just popped out of the ground one day while everyone weren't looking and have been flying around ever since, being inscrutable and getting in the way of fighter jets and emergency evacuation choppers, the usual stuff. They also zapped all the birds out of the sky. Weird, now that I think about it.

 

Okay so I've managed to get most of the vile crap out of my apartment via getting it into buckets and flushing it down the toilet. Problem is now that the bucket is starting to fall apart and I think I'm going to have to call insurance. I mean, talk about satanic shit, have you guys ever tried dealing with insurance companies? Maddening.

[Faisul]

I hate to doublepost but there's been some developments in the past hour. One is that I called my insurance company to see if they covered 'eldritch emanations of undescribeably foul-smelling and talking ooze' but all I got was a high-pitched whine and what seems like someone slapping something wet against the phone. Same with everyone else that I call really. I'm just glad I still have internet! At least I can look at pictures of cats while my apartment is eaten by filthy sludge. Strange though, I don't remember cats having five eyes and crab mouths. Maybe I'm still drunk?

Wait, hang on, something's going on with the shit pool that's starting to pour out of my bedroom again. I'm gonna go check it out.

[DoctorAllosaurus]

I think it's meant to be a warp zone, I remember reading something about these a few years back when I was looking for some info on some strange creature I saw. Anywho, I guess back in 1987 there was this physicist who had been doing experiments on what he called warp zones, they lead to strange jungles, caves and basements that monsters seemed to inhabit. One day the physicist just seemed to up and disappear while monsters were coming and going through the "warp zones" wreaking havoc in the mansion.

 

I've heard these warp zones tend to be pretty well hidden but this might be a whole different case entirely.

[Faisul]

Warp zones or no, I think the situation resolved itself.

 

So when I went over to see what was up, a black goopy hand-thing just kinda splorped out of the fetid black shitpool and handed me this letter...

 

After which the horrible shit just got sucked into the hole and it just fixed itself? Fuck if I know.

Mondays...

[Redeemer]

You better not be considering contacting their sales team.

 

 

 

... Fucking cracked up at the eat your eyes thing.

[Sideways]

An elaborate april fools joke. Good job.

[Xortberg]

He was joking?