Starfox reimagining

[bigfootRULES!]

this is an idea for a Starfox Reimagining i had.this chapter focuses on the origin of the aparoids, sauria, and krystal and her kind the cerinians. this part uses elements from Starfox assult, starfox adventures and the unreleased N64 game Dinosaur Planet.

 

Starfox Reimaging History 

Part 1: The Rise and Fall of The Cerinian Empire

100'000 years ago,an advanced race of telepathic blue vulpines from the planet Cerinia, had ruled half the Andromeda Galaxy. They were the masters of genetic engineering and science and they had ruled for 2'000 years.Their science labs were located in a group of star systems near the center of the galaxy called Lylat where they helped influenced the civilizations there such as The Vixon, The Cainians, The Wolfen, The Primeans, the Dragon-like Kamerians and other races in the galaxy who were in there stone ages at that time .The most notable of their labs was Planet Sauria, an artificial planet where they conducted experiments on large reptiles they cloned from fossilized remains they gathered from a planet in the nearby galaxy called Earth.

It was a prosperous empire,then one day, the Cerinians discovered an powerful energy source named Krazoa in the galactic core which they believed was a gift from their goddess Quan Ata Lachu and ushered in a new golden age.But the Kamerians wanted the Krazoa for themselves so a war broke out between them and the Cerinians for control over this powerful energy source. The war lasted for 100 years and the Cerinians were losing to the Kamerians led by the maniacal Tyrant Drakor. 

So instead of enlisting soldiers they created an army of bio-mechanical creatures called the Aparoids to fight against the Kamerian Empire. The Aparoids had destroyed the Kamerian race and reduced their home planet of Kamer into a toxic wasteland which would later be renamed Venom.The fate of Drakor was unknown. 

For a time there was peace in the galaxy until the Aparoids turned on their masters and ruthlessly slaughtered them. When they had believed they had wiped the Cerinians off the face of the universe,The Aparoids had left the galaxy to conquer other worlds.In the final days of Cerinia, select Cerinians (Including Krystal,The daughter of the emperor)were placed on separate ships and scattered across the galaxy where they would slumber for thousands of years in Cryo-sleep until the time was right to awaken.

Years passed and eventually as the other races in the Lylat system and beyond had developed interstellar travel and met with each other,they had forgotten about the Cerinians ,Krazoa,and the Kamerians. All except for the dinosaurs on Sauria which had stockpiles of Krazoa energy stored inside the Planets core.

[Snys93]

   This is pretty good, but I hardly see what makes it a re-imagining. Seems more like a fanfic. I still like it though

[bigfootRULES!]

well the krazoa are not a race of beings. just an energy source in my version.

[Star_Dragon]

An interesting project, to be sure - ambitious and commendable, though you could do to give more details. Interesting fate to Cerinia (though, in *my* telling of Cerinia's fall, it was glassed by the Necromyan Collective). I wonder, though - will the people of Earth make in appearance in this story of yours?

[bigfootRULES!]

well to answer your question i have a idea for a an episode for a starfox tv show i'm going to write. One of andross generals takes control of an alien ship and changed the air on board the ship so the aliens are wearing space suits and you don't see there faces until the end of the episode. fox then leads the aliens to revolt against the general. at the end of the episode fox leaves the ship and the ships computer says the air is alright to breath one of the aliens say "wow can you believe it? a interstellar civilization of intelligent animals!" the other alien says "well frank the universe is a big place so anything is possible." as he says this all the aliens take off their helmets and it turned out they were all humans! and we cut to outside the alien ship and we see the U.S. symbol on the side of the ship. so what do you think of my idea?

[Star_Dragon]

A story idea involving Fox instigating an armed insurrection against one of Andross' generals? I'd sure as hell read it. But again, I'd like to see it in more detail.

[bigfootRULES!]

but what do you think about the twist ending?

[Star_Dragon]

What twist ending? About the US symbol on the ship?

[ballisticwaffles]

What you have posted above is an okay outline for a much larger story. What you have is the barebones minimum for even that. It definitely needs work and is short enough that a composite list can be assembled in a single post.

 

Shall we?

I am Bold now!

 

Starfox Reimaging History 

Part 1: The Rise and Fall of The Cerinian Empire

 

Aside from the spelling error, this is an excellent way of introducing the concept of the story and chapter.

 

100'000 years ago,an advanced race of telepathic blue vulpines from the planet Cerinia, had ruled half the Andromeda Galaxy.

 

This entire sentence, however, is not a very good entrance into the chapter. It has several concepts that should be elaborated on by themselves, let alone being the first things read when entering a story for the first time. The first sentence is key to leading the audience into the story, even more so when an infodump is the first chapter. Something like "100,000 years in the past, the galaxy had one master" Something easy, quick, and memorable to digest. 

 

They were the masters of genetic engineering and science and they had ruled for 2'000 years. Their science labs were located in a group of star systems near the center of the galaxy called Lylat where they helped influenced the civilizations there such as The Vixon, The Cainians, The Wolfen, The Primeans, the Dragon-like Kamerians and other races in the galaxy who were in there stone ages at that time .

 

It is here that the old adage comes into play, "Show, don't tell". Show us their genetic feats, Aparoids aside. Show us their long reign. Show us how they helped the developing civilizations. How did they influence these civilizations? Was it architecture? Philosophy? Attitude? These things sound petty but it helps add credit to a universe when you show the audience how, rather than telling us what. 

 

The most notable of their labs was Planet Sauria, an artificial planet where they conducted experiments on large reptiles they cloned from fossilized remains they gathered from a planet in the nearby galaxy called Earth.

 

That idea is an interesting one, but remember Chekhov and his gun. This thought could provoke questions that might need answering. 

 

It was a prosperous empire,then one day, the Cerinians discovered an powerful energy source named Krazoa in the galactic core which they believed was a gift from their goddess Quan Ata Lachu and ushered in a new golden age.

 

Again, show us how powerful this energy is. Show us how it was considered to be a gift from a deity. For a civilization so powerful to travel to a different galaxy, why did they attribute it to their god? What kind of god is Quan Ata Lachu? And again Chekhov, that could come up later.

 

But the Kamerians wanted the Krazoa for themselves so a war broke out between them and the Cerinians for control over this powerful energy source. The war lasted for 100 years and the Cerinians were losing to the Kamerians led by the maniacal Tyrant Drakor. 

 

So instead of enlisting soldiers they created an army of bio-mechanical creatures called the Aparoids to fight against the Kamerian Empire.

 

Here you forget the most important thing about science fiction. While you may understand what is happening as you pen it, the audience is merely along for the ride. Out of nowhere do these Kamerians suddenly rise onto the galactic scene, with enough power to suddenly rival the entrenched superpower. Above you mentioned the Kamerians to be a stone aged race, either by wording or by misunderstanding. That alone is worth a paragraph or two describing how they got there. Not to mention a war fought over 100 years.

 

The aparoids as a biological weapon is another good idea, but one that needs more elaboration.

 

The Aparoids had destroyed the Kamerian race and reduced their home planet of Kamer into a toxic wasteland which would later be renamed Venom.The fate of Drakor was unknown. 

 

For a time there was peace in the galaxy until the Aparoids turned on their masters and ruthlessly slaughtered them. When they had believed they had wiped the Cerinians off the face of the universe,The Aparoids had left the galaxy to conquer other worlds.

 

Here again you dont mention, at all, how these Aparoids were able to fight off the combined resources of half of an entire galaxy. That is 500 billion stars going to war. That alone is a story. 

 

In the final days of Cerinia, select Cerinians (Including Krystal,The daughter of the emperor)were placed on separate ships and scattered across the galaxy where they would slumber for thousands of years in Cryo-sleep until the time was right to awaken.

 

The key thing this story needs is a why. Why did they do X? These questions can even be answered in a passing sentence  such as "Krystal's family, to keep the royal stock alive, punted her into the depths of the black." And the last portion of the last sentence conflicts with the exact measure of the rest of the story. "until the time was right" is a fantastic measurement if this was a fantasy story, but the rest of the document is so precise that this comes as a blight to the rest of the wording.

 

Years passed and eventually as the other races in the Lylat system and beyond had developed interstellar travel and met with each other,they had forgotten about the Cerinians ,Krazoa,and the Kamerians. All except for the dinosaurs on Sauria which had stockpiles of Krazoa energy stored inside the Planets core.

 

Again, multiple already stated things apply to this final paragraph.

 

The story is good for the rough draft of an outline, and tons of polish could potentially turn this into something interesting.

[Drasiana]

and we see the U.S. symbol on the side of the ship.

 

please don't do this

[Snys93]

   I don't know about putting humans in it. But thats just me, its your story do what you want. Personally I thought it kind of silly to hatch this in a plot whether a hardy band of exploring humans arrive and say, "we come in peace" or Cornerians finding the wreckage of an ancient spaceship with US AIR FORCE on the side. And to be honest I like this cliche. It worked for the Twilight Zone.

 

   But I'm forced to agree, it seemed too over the top to consider Humans and Lylatians living in the same universe and I wouldn't put it in my fanfics. On the other hand I don't want to tell you not to do it. If thats what you want to do, I say do it. It should be every writers freedom to do whatever he or she wants with or without peer criticism. I look forward when its done so I can get a full take on what you have to offer.

[bigfootRULES!]

we'll i got the ideas of the kamerians and quan ata lachu from the unreleased n64 game dinosaur planet.

[bigfootRULES!]

 

What you have posted above is an okay outline for a much larger story. What you have is the barebones minimum for even that. It definitely needs work and is short enough that a composite list can be assembled in a single post.

 

Shall we?

I am Bold now!

 

Starfox Reimaging History 

Part 1: The Rise and Fall of The Cerinian Empire

 

Aside from the spelling error, this is an excellent way of introducing the concept of the story and chapter.

 

100'000 years ago,an advanced race of telepathic blue vulpines from the planet Cerinia, had ruled half the Andromeda Galaxy.

 

This entire sentence, however, is not a very good entrance into the chapter. It has several concepts that should be elaborated on by themselves, let alone being the first things read when entering a story for the first time. The first sentence is key to leading the audience into the story, even more so when an infodump is the first chapter. Something like "100,000 years in the past, the galaxy had one master" Something easy, quick, and memorable to digest. 

 

They were the masters of genetic engineering and science and they had ruled for 2'000 years. Their science labs were located in a group of star systems near the center of the galaxy called Lylat where they helped influenced the civilizations there such as The Vixon, The Cainians, The Wolfen, The Primeans, the Dragon-like Kamerians and other races in the galaxy who were in there stone ages at that time .

 

It is here that the old adage comes into play, "Show, don't tell". Show us their genetic feats, Aparoids aside. Show us their long reign. Show us how they helped the developing civilizations. How did they influence these civilizations? Was it architecture? Philosophy? Attitude? These things sound petty but it helps add credit to a universe when you show the audience how, rather than telling us what. 

 

The most notable of their labs was Planet Sauria, an artificial planet where they conducted experiments on large reptiles they cloned from fossilized remains they gathered from a planet in the nearby galaxy called Earth.

 

That idea is an interesting one, but remember Chekhov and his gun. This thought could provoke questions that might need answering. 

 

It was a prosperous empire,then one day, the Cerinians discovered an powerful energy source named Krazoa in the galactic core which they believed was a gift from their goddess Quan Ata Lachu and ushered in a new golden age.

 

Again, show us how powerful this energy is. Show us how it was considered to be a gift from a deity. For a civilization so powerful to travel to a different galaxy, why did they attribute it to their god? What kind of god is Quan Ata Lachu? And again Chekhov, that could come up later.

 

But the Kamerians wanted the Krazoa for themselves so a war broke out between them and the Cerinians for control over this powerful energy source. The war lasted for 100 years and the Cerinians were losing to the Kamerians led by the maniacal Tyrant Drakor. 

 

So instead of enlisting soldiers they created an army of bio-mechanical creatures called the Aparoids to fight against the Kamerian Empire.

 

Here you forget the most important thing about science fiction. While you may understand what is happening as you pen it, the audience is merely along for the ride. Out of nowhere do these Kamerians suddenly rise onto the galactic scene, with enough power to suddenly rival the entrenched superpower. Above you mentioned the Kamerians to be a stone aged race, either by wording or by misunderstanding. That alone is worth a paragraph or two describing how they got there. Not to mention a war fought over 100 years.

 

The aparoids as a biological weapon is another good idea, but one that needs more elaboration.

 

The Aparoids had destroyed the Kamerian race and reduced their home planet of Kamer into a toxic wasteland which would later be renamed Venom.The fate of Drakor was unknown. 

 

For a time there was peace in the galaxy until the Aparoids turned on their masters and ruthlessly slaughtered them. When they had believed they had wiped the Cerinians off the face of the universe,The Aparoids had left the galaxy to conquer other worlds.

 

Here again you dont mention, at all, how these Aparoids were able to fight off the combined resources of half of an entire galaxy. That is 500 billion stars going to war. That alone is a story. 

 

In the final days of Cerinia, select Cerinians (Including Krystal,The daughter of the emperor)were placed on separate ships and scattered across the galaxy where they would slumber for thousands of years in Cryo-sleep until the time was right to awaken.

 

The key thing this story needs is a why. Why did they do X? These questions can even be answered in a passing sentence  such as "Krystal's family, to keep the royal stock alive, punted her into the depths of the black." And the last portion of the last sentence conflicts with the exact measure of the rest of the story. "until the time was right" is a fantastic measurement if this was a fantasy story, but the rest of the document is so precise that this comes as a blight to the rest of the wording.

 

Years passed and eventually as the other races in the Lylat system and beyond had developed interstellar travel and met with each other,they had forgotten about the Cerinians ,Krazoa,and the Kamerians. All except for the dinosaurs on Sauria which had stockpiles of Krazoa energy stored inside the Planets core.

 

Again, multiple already stated things apply to this final paragraph.

 

The story is good for the rough draft of an outline, and tons of polish could potentially turn this into something interesting.

 

yeah i'm not that good at writing stories. so how would you write this story?

[ballisticwaffles]

I wouldn't.

 

Star Fox as a franchise lacks so much in regarding characterization of the characters that a world building story would not be something i wrote before i defined the characters.

 

However do not fret that you aren't good. You have to start somewhere after all, and if you wish to dedicate the time to polishing this concept i can see it going good places.

[sroberson]

I'll start off by saying I'm admittedly not a huge fan of the idea of putting humans in a Star Fox fanfic.  Back when I was reading fanfics more avidly I usually couldn't even try and read the slashfics like that because something just seemed strangely narcissistic about it, at least in regards to the author.  I guess it felt like they tried and copy/pasting some Last Action hero mumbo-jumbo into Star Fox, which is about as attractive as making some god-mode original character (anthro or not) and putting it in the series...

 

Having said that, your idea doesn't seem to center on any named entity that represents humanity...so it escapes my usual distaste to possibly being something that is fun and interesting to read.  I'd say "go for it," if nothing else it will help you become a better writer and if you have fun while doing it...that's what really counts.  

[bigfootRULES!]

i also another episode idea where ROB 64 feels left out whenever starfox goes on a mission. so he modified himself so he could join them in combat. 

[bigfootRULES!]

well i'm planning to rewrite the whole part one of history but i'm going to begin at andross origins and the start of the lylat wars.

[Snys93]

well i'm planning to rewrite the whole part one of history but i'm going to begin at andross origins and the start of the lylat wars.

 

Thats always interested me and I too wanted to an Andross origin story. I mean, how does he go from just a scientist to all out Space Hitler? Where did he and his people come from? Why is he in Lylat? What prompted him to do such terrible things? Did he start off as a bad apple?

[Guest BlueRaccoon]

I just read all the posts and since you say you're going to rewrite the first part, I won't say anything about it.  ballisticwaffles already said everything anyway.  Much of my criticism comes just from what everyone else said.  It's important to have fun and do what you want.  I will say this, though:  I'm not that great on detail myself, so welcome to the club  .  ballisticwaffles also said

Star Fox as a franchise lacks so much in regarding characterization of the characters that a world building story would not be something i wrote before i defined the characters.

 

I just want to step up on my soapbox for a second and say that as much as I like Starfox and all of it's characters, I don't like what they did with the new characters (specifically Krystal).  After SFAd, the story just didn't seem right.  So, as far as I'm concerned, if you can in any way create a strong storyline, you're better than some of the writers at Nintendo.  Just saying.  Thanks for the read.