AFB's character

[AirForceBrony]

((Ok, so this app is specifically for an RPG I built based off of Far Cry. By what I understand, I still have to submit the character here.))

Name: Travis McConnell

Age: 23

Race: grey wolf

Origin: sargasso

Home: Wanders.

Sex: male

Height: 5"8"

Weight: 140 pounds

Build: slender

Eyes: hazel

Hair: cut like a Mohawk, colored black.

Family: none

Alignment: Evil chaotic

Personality: He is cruel, mean, smart mouthed, and doesn't care what he does or how it will effect anyone around him. All he cares about is if it will benefit him.

Background: mostly a criminal record. Travis was born and raised in Sargasso He's prone to fits of insanity, where his body goes into uncontrollable fits of rage.  One night when he was just 13, he completely snapped, and felled his entire family before him. He then joined a large cartel, mostly comprised of pirates, and goes around the Lylat trafficking drugs, slaves, and anything that would make him a quick buck. He has been known to react to "Voices in head" when under extreme amounts of stress, which seem to do the things he does, though he makes no attempt to resist, rather listen and obey. Throughout his life, he has been noted to be completely unpredictable or trustworthy... And most who meet him don't live long enough to know his name... Other than that, his backstory's unknown

 

Abilities: stealth, very talented with weapons, but not with words.

[CrypticQuery]

*Reads the listings after the hair section*

 

[Drasiana]

Other than that, his backg

 

um, looks like something went wrong there

 

You might want to consider the reasoning for him being the way he is other than just "is insane", unless you want to put some thought and (lots of) research into an actual mental disorder he has ("insane" isn't a mental disorder). Otherwise he's really two-dimensional and not particularly interesting, more like a stock character than someone who is the protagonist of his own story.

[Arashikage]

He seems a lot, or exactly like Vaas from Far Cry 3.  Minus the killing his family when he was 13 bit.  I assume you were going for a hateable character here but I'd like to give a bit of insight into what could use a bit of improvement.  

 

You see, as Dras already pointed out, researching actual disorders is a great thing to do in order to make your character more fleshed out.  Just because he's insane doesn't mean he has to go around killing all the time.  The character as a whole has this air of trying too hard, as if you needed a villain and fast.  However, with work, and reasoning and all that fun shit, the character could show promise.  I'd probably try not to put things so bluntly though, like, "He murdered his family when he was 13" is a very weird way of putting it and it doesn't fit well with really anything.  It's good to ease into topics like that.  "He's prone to fits of insanity, where his body goes into uncontrollable fits of rage.  One night when he was just 13, he completely snapped, and felled his entire family before him" would be a better way to bring it up if it's necessary to be brought up.  But definitely flesh out the background if you want to make it a well thought out character.

[AirForceBrony]

Yeah, sorry about that... Since BMT, I don't really think about sugarcoating things and I just tell it how it is. BUT! Since I like this site, I'll try to tone down. Anyway, I fixed it up some... How's it look now?

 

The whole sounding like Vaas bit... That was sort of intended, since I'm HOPING to run my Far Cry 3 crossover... That, and I've never ran a villain character. Thought I'd give it a try and see how it all pans out.