How to become a mod?

[geoprimedonna]

How do people on SF-O become mods?

[DZComposer]

On a more serious note, when mods are needed we have an application process for this.

Might I add that asking for a mod position when one is not open is a good way to make sure you never become one.

:lock:

[CrypticQuery]

It is an incredibly arduous process to become a mod on SF-O; many users simply did not survive their attempts.

First, one must obtain an onion, place it atop their heads, and spin exactly forty-four times while standing in a bathtub. No more, no less. Once that is complete, the spirit of DZ should appear before you. He will ask you why you've summoned him. You will articulate the fact that you wish to become a mod. He will stare you up and down, laugh, and then bitchslap you into another dimension.

This new plane of existence is known as "the wasteland" to those in the trade. It is where every idiotic post, misspelled comment, and bit of idiocy on the internet go to live out the rest of their natural lives. If you look to your left, you'll notice a hot dog stand. DON'T GO NEAR IT. The bastard that runs the place will call his bratwurst a hot dog and attempt to confuse you. Look instead toward your right - you should see a sign pointing you toward the correct path.

Continue along said path for about three-and-four-tenths miles or so, and the shrine of Starfox-Online will meet your gaze. It may appear to be a questionable, white, unmarked van in the middle of an empty void, but I assure you that this is indeed the shrine. Utter the words "by the glory of Steve" a total of six times in rapid succession, and one of the doors to the van will swing open. It is then, and only then, that you should run as quickly as you can in the opposite direction. If you dare to look back, you will notice swaths of dark energy attempting to zap any sort of cognitive ability that you have left. This dark energy is composed of nothing but posts from Gesalt, Executor, and Scourge. IT WILL MELT YOUR FACE IF YOU ALLOW IT TO CATCH YOU.

Assuming that you've survived long enough to give those...dastardly posts the slip, summon the spirit of DZ once more using the procedure outlined in the first paragraph. If an onion cannot be located, occasionally a potato will suffice. Explain to him that you've vanquished the idiocy of Starfox-Online. He will then inform you that you cannot simply vanquish said idiocy from the site, as it is a never-ending battle between the forces of sane and insane. As such, the mods comprise the thin line between each realm and are the first line of defense against onslaughts. You will reply that you are prepared to do whatever it takes. He will hand you a toaster and disappear once more, but not before re-bitchslapping you back into your proper dimension.

You should still be holding the toaster if everything was done right. It should look roughly like the hidden image, minus the bagels. (You have to add those yourself.)

Spoiler

 

You're almost there now! Stand in front of your computer, and pull up SF-O. Then, while making sure that no other staff members are online, you will push the toaster down. Provided that you've followed all of these directions EXACTLY as they were stated, and with no deviations, you should sign in and find there to be a "Moderator" badge underneath your avatar. It will be hollow, however. In order to properly make it solid and official, you must make a pilgrimage to the great land of Zimbabwe. You must only use a pair of arm-floats while crossing the ocean; don't try to skirt past this requirement, because DZ WILL FIND OUT. I had to apologize profusely, you know. Once you find yourself in the mystical land, you will know that you've truly made it. There is simply nothing like it; the hyperinflation will ensure that you will not be able to afford any supplies in order to make it back. Some choose to remain in bliss here for the rest of their existence, but if you truly wish to return to SF-O then you will have to fight for it. This map will aid you in your journey.

Spoiler

 

In the eastern end of the country, directly to the south of the city of Nyamapanda, you will discover a large landmass known as Mt. Nyangani. You must find a way to surmount the gigantic peak of the mountain, for only at the top will you ever find a chance of making it back home. Assuming that you've made the climb, you will come across a nondescript looking fruit stand. The fellow manning the stand will not speak, acknowledge you, or even wash his hands. Here, you must produce three nickels, one Coca-Cola bottle cap, and an ingrained knowledge of understanding the Sioux people's rain dance, in order to get through to the individual before you. Once you've done this, he will press a single finger to his lips, urging complete and utter silence. YOU MUST REMAIN PERFECTLY STILL, FOR THE ENTIRE MOUNTAIN COULD COLLAPSE IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW HIS INSTRUCTIONS DIRECTLY. He will open a trapdoor leading to the basement of his fruit stand; climb down the ladder without question and the door will shut behind you.

It is here that you will come across a portal not of this world. You must glance through the portal; if your reflection returns your gaze you will know that you have done everything correctly. Jump through the portal, and you should end up at 1135 Broadway Blvd NE, Albuquerque, New Mexico, at a U.S. Postal Service Office. Here, the attendant will hand you a letter. It should have the below photograph inside of it.

 

Spoiler

 

 

It is then, and ONLY then, that you will know that you are officially a moderator on Starfox-Online. Pat yourself on the back, and hitchike home. You've done it!

--------------

Ah, but this victory is a stepping stone. If you truly want to advance to a higher level of existence, you must shoot for the admin moniker. I haven't quite finished the book on how to become one as of yet; I'm still mastering the technique. (Here's a hint; it involves Radon-193 and a steady hand!)

I hope this helps!