Popular Post Drasiana Posted September 23, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted September 23, 2014 In an age where Hollywood seems determined to bastardize our childhoods in the most horrifying ways possible, there's a (very, very, very slim) chance that our childhoods could be next, with a suitably "modernized" Star Fox movie. So, let's beat them to it and come up with the worst Star Fox movie ideas ever. I'll start. It's a warm summer night. 12-year-old Billy Skye and his know-it-all sister, Annie, are tucked in for a long night of playing video games when they hear something strange outside. They run to their front door just in time to see a massive UFO crash in the woods beside their house. Against Annie's protests, Billy heads out into the woods, hoping to find some aliens--and he finds so much more. Meet the Star Fox team! Only an hour ago, this group of intergalactic heroes were squaring off against their nemesis, Andross. In the heat of the battle, Andross used a strange "black hole bomb" against the team, sending them across the universe and forcing them to crash-land on an uncharted planet...called "Earth". Strangely enough, the Star Fox team all resemble animals from Earth...and this is why Billy has to be careful as he helps them restore their ship. It's a race against time for the team, as Fox knows it won't be long before Andross's minions track them down, posing a threat not only to them, but to Earth itself. And what about the incompetent government agents sent to investigate the crash? Or worse...what about Billy's parents?! Can Billy help his new friends WHILE finishing his science project? And most importantly...does he have what it takes to become a member of Star Fox?! That's not all! We have for you an exclusive peek at the Star Fox team's new look! Scroll down to meet Star Fox's lovable amphibious mechanic, Slippy! Coming to your nightmares Spring 2016 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrypticQuery Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I...I don't think that I'll survive any other posts in this thread. That photo will forever be seared into my subconscious now. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scourge Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Where'd my noose go? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xidphel Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 https://www.fanfiction.net/u/301399/DZComposer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fedora Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Sweet fancy Moses! Take this down before Hollywood gets wind of it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarFoxfan-FUR_ever Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Corneria is under attack yet again, but this time by some unknown force. It's up to the Star Fox team to save the day, because the Cornerian army is just as useless as ever. What they will discover will change everything, and call into question everything they thought they knew about Lylat. Krystal will become even more emotional as everything she has ever fought for will turn against her. There will be twists and turns and spills and thrills, as the Star Fox team has to go through time to change the future instead of just defeating the enemy in the present....because PLOT CONVENIENCE! Star Fox will have to fight their greatest enemies from the past, present, and future as they work together to achieve domination of Lylat once and for all! And if you thought that Star Wolf would help out to defeat a common enemy, they won't. The reason? Mind control. And last but not least the biggest twist of all....Andross was behind it all along *le gasp* It will be the most cliche filled sci-fi war ever in thearters, but you don't want to miss it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ori Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Must. Resist. The zoeira-- I tried. Scene pans down to face Great Fox II entering hyperwarp heavily damaged by unknown ship who follows them, pieces falling from it during travel and all, until half of their ship rips apart leaving the crew area and the heroes adrift in space destroying unknown ship in process... except they fall into a nearby planet that conveniently had breathable atmosphere and was the source of the unknown ship. Crash land kills off remaining crew and only the heroes prevail to tell about it. Once gathered their bearings they figure the planet is a plant-overthrown ruin of a past civilization, sufficiently advanced to travel through space and provide them a escape route back home... except they've destroyed themselves with blah blah blah nuke war cliche (yay environ-peace messages). BUT WAIT! Now the remnants of this civilization show up and.... TURNS OUT THIS CIVILIZATION ENGINEERED EVERY RACE FROM LYLAT *DUN DUN DUUUN* Oh and their creators left behind some nasty beast shit that turned on them and thrived on the pollution of the war but the nature purified the planet (green is gud), and now roaming the planet the beasts are threatening to kill the SF cast on the way who are conveniently figuring out space travel so they can consume then colonize the worlds they pass through which the closest is Lylat and with the rising pollution and shit blah blah (oh wait). Team makes a run for it but then Fox for some reason has to do heroic sacrifice and novabomb the planet personally so the beasts don't reach Corneria, planet explodes as team FTL jumps away from the explosion. Cut to Krystal with a lost gaze near a homage statue of Fox in Corneria Academy, sentimental pop song or some shit, credits roll. ... "EIGHT STAR! 12/10!! MOTY!!!" - Metacritic Directed by Michael Bayâ„¢ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoo Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Krystal becomes a jedi. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faisul Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Fox falls into a crippling depression while at a serene lakeside retreat with the gang. The change in his mentality allows him to see through the masks of normalcy the team have created for themselves, staring right into the empty joyless shells behind the facade. Fox brings scandal to a dinner together by bringing up the time that peppy touched him inappropriately when he was 6. What follows is an uninterrupted scene of peppy chewing for 15 minutes that suddenly cuts to footage of a man stomping on an anthill. The team, as if nothing had happened, then take turns to slap each other with sausages while Fox stumbles through the forest, rambling about Impressionism while stuffing mushrooms and bits of bark in his ears. Movie ends when a planet crashes into the lakeside retreat, showing the ultimate futility of human endeavor. Produced, directed, and written by Lars von Trier 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Orange Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 HE WAS FAUX! WRITTEN BY ME DIRECTED BY ME fox was fox. he was the fastest f-zero racer in all of the mushroom kingdom. one day he was going to the store and he went down an isle and he was looking for a box of oatmeal. but he don't know what wich 1 he likeskded. so he started with the OATBRAN. picking up the box and observationing it greating. he decided it wasn't his style and decided to decided to put it back. whileing he was doing the deciding to place it back because it wasn't his style a big big swirly (but not 2 swirly) dark cloud aroude arose from the skyy. "LIKE OMG>" goez fax as he ran outsideing to see ing what is up w ith all the comotion. "FAX! MACHING! didle you don sea thar" proclamn Peppercrn. "yes" goes the fox. 'lets go us saving the day than" goes PCP. and off hey go in therign spacing shit ship The rest of the movie is like Die Hard 2 + Saving Independence Eleven Bourne. I also included a voice because it's be bettere the way I heareding. http://clyp.it/tqsj5xqb/widget Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redeemer Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Coming to your nightmares Spring AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA My idea: Fox and Falco are cursed by a huge monster they take down together while ambushed during a mission. The curse forces them to take giant-form and have sex on top of the buildings and streets of highly industrialized areas. They destroy cities with their antics, and soil the Starfox name. But worst of all. Someone draws fanart of it. A mature film for a very, very select audience. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unoservix Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 inb4 rathore 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arashikage Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Why not just let Uwe Boll direct it? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrypticQuery Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Why not just let Uwe Boll direct it? Sure, but M Night Shyamalan must be brought on as a consultant. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arashikage Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Sure, but M Night Shyamalan must be brought on as a consultant. Written by Uwe Boll, directed by M Night Shyamalan. The dream team, just make it starring Tommy Wisseau and we're good! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patch93 Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 YOU ARE TEARING ME APART KRYSTAL IT IS BULLSHIT, I DID NOT HIT HER, I DID NOT, OH HI FALCO 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoprimedonna Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Zis! Or da Smurfs... Or a "Quest for Zhu" style movie Or zis 'Nuff Said!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NovaPhoenyx Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 The last arwing Pilot directed by M. Night Shyamalan. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unoservix Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 all the jokes will be written by michael bay HEY EINSTEIN I'M ON YOUR SIDE ARE YOU MASTURBATING OR SOMETHING BECAUSE MASTURBATION IS VERY FUNNY AND IT IS ALWAYS GOOD MATERIAL FOR JOKES HAHA MASTURBATION 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoneWolf Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 M. Night Shyamalan's Star Fox: The Movie Furraffinity The Movie Star Fox the Porno /joke Edit: Someone took the fucking M Night Shyamalan joke. We're all still sore. 0/10 would not direct again. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballisticwaffles Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah fox played by Nicolas Cage Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah v 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DZComposer Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Please don't use non-breaking spaces like that. It breaks the site CSS. I stripped them out and replaced them with normal spaces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drasiana Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 *leans in through the window* Hey guys, The Last Airbender thing probably wasn't actually Shyamalan's fault. I know it's "dude on message board says..." but these are 110% believable circumstances and I think Bryko have more or less verified some of these things themselves. Generally, directors don't have quite as much creative control as you think they do. I feel kinda bad for Shyamalan, he just wanted to make a movie out of this wonderful series he loved watching with his kids and they got all excited about it, and then producer fuckery happened. Filmmaking is a complicated process and I don't really like the tendency to scapegoat directors and writers for issues that were probably completely out of their control. Recent Michael Bay stuff has been pretty much unforgivable though. Oh, hey, what if DC somehow adapted Star Fox? Picture this. Corneria. Everyone's a human, though, because talking animals are for babies. Some slightly meaner looking humans invade one day. Plumes of smoke rise from the once proud city. Then...they call in an elite team. Of course they never mention the elite team's name, because "Star Fox" sounds like something a baby would say. But the bad guys punch them a lot and the team gets split up and sent to unknown fates. They must rebuild their hope in themselves if they want to rebuild hope in space-humanity...cue trailer, which is a lot of long shots of a sweaty and bleeding Fox looking vaguely philosophical at the bottom of a hole while dramatic music plays. Someone punches Slippy. Something blows up. Falco says "what would the world be if the world was not the world we wanted it to be?" as if that was a deep and profound question. Krystal cries a lot. Peppy stares out over the city, as something else blows up. Fox stands atop a building looking grim. Boom, title card. The movie is called Corneria, because Star Fox is for babies. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vy'drach Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Written by Uwe Boll, directed by M Night Shyamalan. The dream team, just make it starring Tommy Wisseau and we're good! Needs moar Paul W.S. Anderson, the guy that took Predators, a species that only comes to Earth in the hottest times of the hottest years, and put them in Antarctica, made the Alien go from facehugger to chestburster in an hour as opposed to every other form of official media, and then went on to make Resident Evil's N.E.M.I.S.I.S. into a good guy with a chrome, tricked on mini-gun. Put him in charge and it'll turn out Andross is Fox's father and Fox is just a genetically manipulated ape. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drasiana Posted September 26, 2014 Author Share Posted September 26, 2014 Have the worst movie poster made by yours truly!!! Does Jaden Smith play Slippy? Because I kind of like the idea of Slippy staring off into space and making some sort of nonsensical philosophy statement. like imagine them going out on an air mission and everyone's reporting in but Slippy's silent and Fox is like "You okay, Slip?" and Slippy's just e: quoted for new page 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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