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The Infinite Story


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"I got a chicken kabuto mouthful water exploding mother smoke smoke weed in shrek is great but senpai got naruto pregnant having two children OH BABY A TRIPLE!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMMMMIT DAMMMMM DMV WW2 NAZI NAZIS EVERYWHERE OOOOOOOOOOOOO GIVE ME MLG LIFE FOR LIFE WHY!!!!!!!! HAGAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LMFAO LOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOOMINATI CONFIRMED!"

 

However, this is not the end of Frankie Pallaspudo. He was later resurrected by a witch-doctor known as...

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Yolo McSwaggums. He sewed Frankie's mouth shut, however, so he could not spiel such bullshit. This went fine, but Frankie would die again when he chokes on a...

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...Baked potato. This is the end of Frankie Pallaspudo, as Yolo McSwaggums had only enough Mojo to resurrect Frankie only once. Frankie's body was burned and his ashes were sprinkled all over the naked body of Vladimir Lenin, as per his final wish in his last will and testament.

 

HOWEVER, Frankie's soul was still alive and kicking in his ashes. His ashes soon entered Lenin's embalmed body, where he was reanimated. Frankie/Vladimir's (We'll call him Frank Lenin) first order of business after his reanimation was to...

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invade Ukraine. this kicked off WWIII, the nuclear war. Days after the invasion, all the major cities of the world were ground to dust by full scale nuclear Armageddon. However, this was not the end of humanity, as many of the world's inhabitants hid off in vaults. One day, there was a young boy named...

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Asshole McGee. Asshole was born in Chicago, Illinois, the son of a police officer, an idiot, a fire hydrant, and a mongoose. Asshole was the top of his class, a straight-A student. He was going to get a degree in bio-engineering and become a scientist. Unfortunately, World War 3 came around, eradicating civilization. Asshole and his family managed to survive the nuclear holocaust, being the only survivors in the city of Chicago. The McGees decided to rebuild the ruined city in their name, creating the community known as McGee Land. However, Asshole felt that he needed to help the rest of the world, so he decided to use his immense genius to save the world. However, Frank Lenin, who managed to scrape together the nations of Europe into a superstate, saw Asshole as a threat. He sent an army of one million to take McGee Land and kill all the McGees. The McGees did have one advantage, and that was...

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The power of materializing books out of thin air. Unfortunately, this was not enough to save them, and the McGees would ultimately perish in combat. Lenin would settle this newly won land, naming it...

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This land would be part of the Republic of Vinesauce, which would lead in a new era of...

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...assassinating people that were previously killed and then resurrected into the form of another previously-killed individual.  The mob soon came for "Flenin" when they discovered the truth, and ensured that he would be unable to escape his encasing in concrete and subsequent crushing via steamroller.  Thus, the Pallaspudo rain of terror had finally been halted. 

 

This meant very little to Bobert Jenkins, however.  Aside from his parents giving him the most ridiculous name that he had ever heard, he was still driving an ice cream truck and making the rounds.  It had seemed as if several revolutions had gone on, massive destruction had taken place, and yet someone always seemed to want a damned soft-serve cone.  He...

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Got ice cream turrets installed on his truck. This went well for about a week, but one turret jammed and exploded, shattering Bobert's...

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...right hand.  Replacing the stump of an appendage with an ice-cream scoop, Bobert found that he was able to perform his duties twice as quickly.  This would come in handy, for something that would greatly increase demand for his frozen delicacies would be upon him soon.  It was...

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The great Cream Turf Wars, a war between rival ice cream truck factions. After beheading the leader of a rival faction, Bobert found himself outnumbered but not ungunned. Bobert pulled out his ice cream mini gun, which required a steady supply of ice cream. The battle against the rival faction raged for 5 days and nights, until...

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The rival factions decided to sit in a circle, hold hands, and sing "Kumbaya" around a campfire. Bobert capitalized on the Kumbaya, and consolidated his power. He brought all the rival factions together under his wing to create a massive ice cream truck nation, called...

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...Crème de la Crème.  It was truthfully the perfect name for their business, provided that the customers adapted well to what probably had origins in the French language.  Bobert now had hundreds of trucks under his command, peddling sweet treats with his face on them all throughout the city.  Things were looking up.  He finally moved out of his twelve-square-foot studio apartment underneath a shoe factory, which he shared with fourteen other people, and into a multimillion dollar mansion on his own personal island in the middle of the lake in a local park.  Not all was well in the realm of frozen treats, however.  Little did Bobert know, trouble was brewing...

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A new brewery opened up, offering beer flavored ice cream. It became a smash hit, and Bobert knew he had to destroy them. Early in the morning one day, he planned a raid on the brewery. The raid went smooth, until...

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(I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. AND I LIKE IT.)

 

...Bobert had realized that he didn't actually have a raid team to back him up, plans, or any armament based resources.  He had simply waltzed into the brewery, not thinking that he'd get further than that and therefore not planning accordingly.  Shuffling awkwardly as he looked up at the massive vats, the inner dastardly individual in him was coming to light.  He had an idea.  A devious one, but an idea nonetheless.  Grabbing the fire extinguisher on the wall next to him,...

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Bobert tried to stick up the person. But the p3rson was holding a shotgun, and he blew Bobert away. Bobert's dying words were...

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"Tell my family I hid the million dollars in the..." He was dead. Everyone decided to...

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Tie him to a rocket. The rocket was a nuclear warhead, and it detonated over the Pacific Ocean, irradiating the aquatic life. A year later, something crawled out of the ocean to stomp Tokyo. It was...

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None other than Frankie Lenin himself! Out of all the places to put the concrete coffin Flenin was in, they put it at the bottom of the Pacific.

 

Flenin proceeded to demolish most of Tokyo, screaming "Finally! Russian might overcoming Japanese imperialism!" However, his rampage was short lived. Within a few hours, Flenin was killed by...

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Godzilla's left big-toe-claw.  With that minor inconvenience settled, the gigantic reptile strode back into the sea, more annoyed than anything.  Soon thereafter, all had returned to normalcy.  Or so the citizens had thought...

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And then scientists tried to build a robot that looks like Godzilla. Mechagodzilla was the ultimate war machine, but disaster was imminent when...

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...the first team of scientists operated off of the metric system, and the second off of the imperial system.  This miscommunication caused for much hilarity when the mech was first started, for it flew up into the air and combusted spontaneously.  The financial backers of the project could scarcely contain their furious moods and decided to instead throw money at...

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Call of Doody 69. Unfortunately, the game was a bugfest, and while it sold record numbers, the game was labeled a failure. It's developer, Infinity Wart, filed for class 42 bankruptcy, which required...

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To have to sell his legs and dance around on crutches with a Pinata yelling: "HAY DAY HAY DAY!" While ringing people's doorbells on live television. While he was doing so, he...

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