Son of Cloud [R]

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

Before I post this story, I'm going to put up an author's note.

First off: 'Son of Cloud' is very very VERY weird. If you're not one to take stories with a grain of salt, then DON'T READ THIS. This is only my idea of what should have happened after SF:AD, but didn't.

Second off: This story contains quite a bit of violence and swearing, and some use of alchohol. If you're one of the younger members, then I don't recommend reading this. Most of the violence takes place later in the story however, so it won't always have people dying left and right. But still, If you are a bit young, then I don't reccomend reading this at all.

Third off: I want alot of constructive critiscism on this so I can rewrite it to be alot better of a story. This is only the beta version.

Without further ado, I will post the prologue, but only if it's okay with the mods.

[Infinity]

I know its not my section necessarily, but you're posting warnings and such, which would suffice for a story like this one.

I say go for it, I'm sure you'll be fine.

[TakeWalker]

Hey, you are the same Chiro (I saw your fanart post and wondered). Welcome to SFO.

And yeah, go ahead and post. I mean, we'll really have to see the actual story to know if it breaks the rules... You did read the rules for this forum, right? o_O

[Leo K. Lighthouse]

Finally some real Drama in a fanfiction, Let's hear it!

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

Hey, you are the same Chiro (I saw your fanart post and wondered). Welcome to SFO.

And yeah, go ahead and post. I mean, we'll really have to see the actual story to know if it breaks the rules... You did read the rules for this forum, right?

Yes, I did read the rules. Avoid all yiff, and give the sotry a warning if it gets a bit risque. Well, I'll post the prologue first. (HAH! I SPELLED IT RIGHT!) xD

Prologue: Demons At Large

It was late night at a small remote Cornerian base. There were three young soldiers out on patrol. Will, a golden retriver was walking on top of the catwalk when he though he saw something running through the forest. "Lila, Jeff! I thought I saw something!" He called to his freinds who immediately came rushing over. "What'd you see?" Lila stammered nervously. "Down there, in the forest. I think someone's down there!" Jeff took no time to hesitate "Hey! You in the forest! Come out!"

There was no answer.

"Show yourselves!"

Still no answer.

The three scrambeled down a ladder and Jeff pulled out a macine gun. The Doberman Pincer wheeled around, looking for any movement. He growled and turned. "Ehh... it was nothin'." he said, and started to walk off when suddenly a hand reached out from underneath a nearby bush, grabbed him by his ankle, and began to drag him off. "OH MY GOD!" screamed Lila, who started firing at the figure who had dragged off Jeff. The two were fighitn ferociously, and not one shot hit it. Jeff was hit, and he flew into a tree. Soon, dozens of cloaked figures like the first had surrounded the three. Jeff was badly hurt, and had blood straming from the side of his mouth. Will ran up "Jeff, are you alright?!" "Just leave me, and get you and Lila out of here!" Will reluctantly looked back at his freind, and dragged Lila towards the catwalk before he could see his freind's fate.

Lila had clambered up the ladder and Will was about when one of the horrifying creatures blocked him. He slowly backed up, only to walk into one. The figure he walked into kicked him to the ground, and put his foot on Will's chest so that he couldn't move. "A Cornerian... Heh. Pathetic creatures. You know boy, Corneria once belonged to my people. This planet was our home. We had offered your kind hospitality, and in turn you drove us away. We had to recide in the very corners of Lylat, and we had to fight other nations to survive. We wiped out the Krazoa, only to have been driven away from what we had nearly gained. Many of us died in battle and many more from illness. We were nearly wiped out, and thought of as extinct after a fairly recent war. But all of this shall change, and we will have our home back." The shadowy figure paused for a moment. "...But you do not understand this ancient war. You have heard far too much." The figure drew a sword from his cloak, and the last thing Will saw was the night sky, a sword being swung at him, and a pair of feirce green eyes.

[Leo K. Lighthouse]

It was late night at a small remote Cornerian base. There were three young soldiers out on patrol. Will, a golden retriever was walking on top of the catwalk when he though he saw something running through the forest. "Lila, Jeff! I thought I saw something!" He called to his friends, they immediately came rushing over. "What did you see?" Lila stammered nervously. "Down there, in the forest. I think someone's down there!" Jeff took no time to hesitate "Hey! You in the forest! Come out!"

There was no answer.

"Show yourselves!"

Still no answer.

The three scrambled down a ladder and Jeff pulled out a machine gun. The Doberman Pincer wheeled around, looking for any movement. He growled and turned. "Ehh... it was nothin'." he said, and started to walk off when suddenly a hand reached out from underneath a nearby bush, grabbed him by his ankle, and began to drag him off. "OH MY GOD!" screamed Lila, who started firing at the figure who had dragged off Jeff. The two were fighting ferociously, and not one shot hit it. Jeff was hit, and he flew into a tree. Soon, dozens of cloaked figures like the first had surrounded the three. Jeff was badly hurt, and had blood streaming from the side of his mouth. Will ran up to him “Jeff, are you alright?!” "Just leave me, and get you and Lila out of here!" Will reluctantly looked back at his friend, and dragged Lila towards the catwalk before he could see his friend’s fate.

Lila had clambered up the ladder and Will was about when one of the horrifying creatures blocked him. He slowly backed up, only to walk into one. The figure he walked into kicked him to the ground, and put his foot on Will's chest so that he couldn't move. "A Cornerian... Heh, Pathetic creatures! You know boy, Corneria once belonged to my people. This planet was our home. We had offered your kind hospitality, and in turn you drove us away. We had to reside in the very corners of Lylat, and we had to fight other nations to survive. We wiped out the Krazoa, only to have been driven away from what we had nearly gained. Many of us died in battle and many more from illness. We were nearly wiped out, and thought of as extinct after a fairly recent war. But all of this shall change, and we will have our home back." The shadowy figure paused for a moment. "...But you do not understand this ancient war. You have heard far too much." The figure drew a sword from his cloak, and the last thing Will saw was the night sky, a sword being swung at him, and a pair of fierce green eyes.

It could do with some forshadowing between the catwalk and the attack, some build up of suspense but other then that I can't complain.

Very nice  ;)

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

Hm, alright. *scribbbles down notes* Oh, and the next couple of chapters are really short.

Chapter 1: How It All Began...

Peter 'Peppy' Hare loped down the hallway of the Great Fox. It was around 12:00 at midnight, and he was looking for a midnight snack. He was creeping passed the rooms, when he saw a strange blue light from inside one. The sign on the door read 'KRYSTAL' and he knew instatnly what was wrong, and he awoke everyone. Fox was the first to show. "Peppy, what's wrong, and why are you up so late?" Peppy shrugged, and Falco and Slippy came in. The avian and the frog were both half alseep when they reached the other, but they snapped into their senes when they saw the blue light. "Oh my God, what's going on?" Said Falco. The four opened the door to find the blue vixen with her eyes wide open and emmiting a strange blue light.

Fox carried her into the infirmary, and layed her onto a bed. She reamind motionless for a few moments, and then sat up, but here eyes were still glowing. "Dark times are coming upon Lylat. Destruction will rain down for countless days, and nothing amoung us will be the same. One of us shall leave this world, and pass on to the next, while another will betray you all. Be wary of this untrustworthy freind, for soon he will be your foe." The other four members looked at eachother with worry. "This new threat will be unlike any other. One you thought was gone shall return, and bring Eladard into reign. Two of you will never speak to the other again. Things will never be the same again." Krystal's eyes quit glowing and she passed out on the bed. Fox looked over "That's impossible! None of us would ever turn on another, and we'd never let any of us die! What is this, some sort of crackpot prophecy?" Krystal sat up, and gave Fox a confused stare. "What are you talking about?" The intire room fell silent.

[Leo K. Lighthouse]

hmm, once again try to build up the characters a bit, tell the story from their point of view, add a little variation in your descriptive words, and you've got yourself a Fan-Fiction.

Good Draft :D

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

*scribbles more notes* Next chapter is stupidly short.

Chapter Two: The Dream

Fox walked down a long dark hallway, and into a dimly lit room. The floor looked almost as if steam were rising from the cement floor, and in the center were 3 people. Fox instatly recognised Krystal who was trapped inside a crystal again. It was emmiting a very pale, dim light. Krystal was dressed in nothing but her sandals and a lovely dancing gown. She still wore her diadem and necklace as well. She was screaming, crying out to a dark entity sitting in front of her in a chair. "Stop! Stop it! Don't kill him! Please! Stop!" The figure, who was dressed in a black cloak that covered his entire body, simply ignored her. Fox could see no more than a white muzzle poking out from the hood of the cloak. A demonic grin stretched across his face, and he kicked at a young soldier who was tied up with rope. The soldier screamed as the figure drew closer, and took a bite out of his neck. The monsterous Lylatian tore at the soldier's neck until his white muzzle was stained red with blood. The soldier was dead, and wore a blank stare of horror on his face. Krystal started sobbing while the figure got up from his kill and walked towards Fox licking his jaws. He reached out for Fox.

everything colloapsed in a matter of moments. Fox shot up wide awake and screaming.

[Leo K. Lighthouse]

"Fox shot up wide awake and screaming." seems out of character...

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

Uh-oh. The 'out of character' thing.  If you think it's out of character for Fox to wake up screaming, then You'll have a field day with the reast of this. But then and again I have a reason for him going out of character later on, so...

woohoo! chapter.

Chapter 3: A History Lesson for Slippy

Krystal picked up her paint brush, and stroked some paint onto a canvas with a nearly finished painting. She dabbed it, making tiny details onto a tropical looking tree, and wiped her furry light blue forehead, leaving a dark green streak across it. Just then, she heard a knock on the door. "come in please." She said, turnining back to her painting. In walked Slippy. "Hi Krystal, whatcha doin'?" "Oh, I'm just finish up this painting. Would you like to see?" Slippy stared up at the painting, which was of an ancient temple, that was covered in vines, and other various tropical plants. Staring up at the temple was a young fox kit, with blue fur. "Is that you?" He said, pointing at the kit. "Mm hm! That was when I was little. I found my staff in there. I'd really like to go back there some day and revisit that old temple. It's on Cerinia, close to where I grew up at." "But I thought Cerinia was destroyed." Slippy replied, with a puzzled look on his face. "No, the planet itself was not destroyed, but its people were, save for me. Cerinia was one of the ancient races of Lylat, like the Krazoa. We traded with them, learning that they were bent on knowledge and technology. The race was wiped out by the Eladardians, a fierice tribe of vulpines who fought with everyone and everything in their path. They fought quite a bit with Cerinia, but they never succeeded. We only ever fought in defence. Soon, most of them had died out from disease, and the remainder went back to Meteo, where they resided on planetoids." Krystal shuddered, remebering the paintings of the hellish demons on temple walls. "When angered, they looked less like Lylatians and more like bloodthirsty monsters." Slippy cringed. "Are they still hiding in Meteo? Now I'd hate to go back there..." "No, the last of them were wiped out in a war that happened a few years ago in a war with Corneria. Some say though that a few of them lived, and one was actually raised as a Cornerian. The legend goes that this one Eladardian will return to Eladard, and bring the race back into power. However, after the war, they searched all of Corneria, and never found any record of strange childern showing up on doorsteps, so I think we don't have much to worry about." Slippy nodded, and left her room. Krystal began to pick up her art supplies, and took off her painting apron. I'd better go check on Fox. I heard him screaming last night.

[Leo K. Lighthouse]

That was well done, I'd even say it was captivating!

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

Thankye! Chapter again.'Nother short one.

Chapter 4: The Message

Fox was sitting in his favorite chair in the lobby when Krystal ran up to him. He was reading the news on his yellow laptop. "Hi Krys, what's up?" "Last night, I heard you scream. Are you okay Fox?" Said Krystal, a worried tone in her voice. Fox fell silent. "Nothing. it was just a dream, that's all. Hey, check out the news. There's some crazy story about a crime scene. Some soldiers got attacked at their base, and when the survivor and the investigators returned to the crime scene to check it out, they didn't find anything except a bunch of bloody pawprints-" Fox's E-mail started to beep. "I wonder what it is this time..." He mumbled as he opened the new message. A video popped up, and it began to play. There was nothing to be seen in the video window, except a pair or bright green eyes staring out at them. "Hello Fox. It's been a long time since we've met. You're probably wondering who I am and what I want, but none of that is important right now, now is it? You see, I have something you want. Your father is still alive, and I know where he is." Fox's eyes flew open. "oh my god..." The figure over the recording laughed. "I'm sure this comes to a bit of shock, now doesn't it? Of course, that's nothing that you can't handle, right? Follow the coordinates in the E-mail, and meet me on a planetoid there. Oh and bring the girl with you too." The message ended.

[Leo K. Lighthouse]

Very nice

BTW: Yay! I want a yellow Laptop!

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

Did you ever notice that Fox's laptop was yellow in SF:AD? (or at least I'm pretty sure it was yellow...) Anyways, more chapter.

Chapter 4: The Return

After a long night of arguing and fretting, Fox had finally convinced Krystal to follow the coordinates. They were now both cramped into an Arwing and flying through the asterioud feild. Fox shot a few asteroids, trying to ignor Krystal's concerns. "Fox, I have a terrible feeling about this... what if it's a trap?" "We'll be fine. And even if it is a trap, I've got my blaster, and you have your staff. We'll be fine. just calm down." "Alright but still..."

About 2 hours later they arrived at the location. Nearby, a planetoid floated in space. It had greatly reminded Fox of the chunks of Sauria that had broken off of the planet. He steered his Arwing towards it, and flew into the atmosphere. He looked around the area as soon as they had started landing. It was covered in forest and feild, and had a small river running through it. The sole building was a huge manot that looked almost as if it had come from the times of Old Lylat. The two vulpines clambered out onto the ground and looked about. It was extremly quiet, save for the usual noises of the outdoors. Fox took a deep breath. "Wow, this place is beautiful." he exclaimed as he looked about. Krystal's eyes nervously shifted. "all right, no one's here. Can we go now?" "No, We probably have to go inside the manor. don't worry, I won't let anything happen to us." He replied with a reassuring smile. Krystal nodded and clutched her staff as they entered the manor. The inside was richly and elaboratly decorated, with huge pillars and white marble floors and staircases. Fox blinked in shock. "Holy shit, someone had some dough to blow..." A voice sounded from one of the doorways. "You like it? Perhaps I can convince you two to stay a night or two..." Fox looked over to see a figure dressed in a black cloak. "Alright." Said Fox. "Where is he?! Where's my father?" The figure stepped into the hallway. "He's right here." He said as he removed his hood on the cloak from his face. "Oh my god.... It's you!" Fox murmured.

[Leo K. Lighthouse]

What! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

I love plot twists. xD Chapter!

Chapter 5: Father

Fox's ears sank as he managed to whisper one word. "Father?!" "Yes Fox. it's me." the vulpine said and smiled. Fox stumbled forward into his father's arms, and began to sob hard. James only looked down upon him, and stroked his fuzzy head. "The last time I saw you, you were only a 16 year old kid, scared for his life. you've grown so strong Fox." Fox quit sobbing and looked up to James. "But.. why didn't you come back? Why did you just leave when we flew out of the tunnel?" "Because I had something more importnat to do. I'm so sorry. I would have come were it not for this place." he said, as he looked around the hallway. "This planetoid belonged to my father, and his father, and through thousands of generations. I never knew I had any living relatives until I found this place. The people here needed me. They were sick and dying." James' voice trailed off. There was a long awkward silence before Fox looke back to James and said "What happened to your face?" Krystal looked to see a long reddish scar shaped like an X running across his cheek. James chuckled and and said "I got this when I crashed. I flew into Andross' goddamn flagship. But forget all of that. I need to show you around this place first."

As the three vulpines walked through the hallways and corridoors of the manor, Fox keept asking practcally every question that came into his mind, the same way a child does. The manor even had a ballroom, which Krystal seemed facinated by. "It' beautiful. I've never seen anything like this before..." "Then would you care for a demonstration? Oh and how rude of me. My name is James McCloud, and you must be Krystal. It is a pleasure to meet you." He took a graceful sweeping bow, and lightly kissed Krystal's paw. Krystal's face turned pink, while Fox gave a strange look to his father. Since when has Dad been such a gentleman? I remeber when I was a kid, he was a real ladykiller, and he flirted with practically every woman in sight, but never like this... James grabbed ahold of Krystal's arm and pulled her over to him.  "how did you know my name?" Krystal wondered out loud, as the two began to waltz. "If there's anything I want you to know about me, it's that I'm full of surprises, my dear." James replied, a foxish grin stretching across his face.

[Leo K. Lighthouse]

TakeWalker I need your help here!

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

Is my story really that weird?

[Leo K. Lighthouse]

No, I just can't find anything wrong here that I hjaven't covered already, TakeWalker could probably give some good advice though...

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

Well, you could comment on what's happening in the story too. But thanks for the critique. More chapters!

Chapter 6: Eladard's Return

After a tour of the entire manor, which lasted for about two hours, Fox had decided to show his father the team's mothership, the Great Fox. Fox ran over to his Arwing, and clambered in. He tried starting it, but nothing happened. Fox growled, and tried again. Still nothing. He gave it a few good kicks, a short droll of swearing, and tried to start it again. He checked the fuel gauge, which read 'EMPTY'. Fox swore, and climbed out of his Arwing. "The damn thing's out of fuel. It looks like me and Krystal are stuck here for the night." He growled. James smiled" don't worry, there's plenty of guest rooms here, and I'm sure you'd enjoy a night here or two." Fox nodded, and the two went inside the manor.

Krystal was walking around the manor, curiously inspecting the rooms she came across. She was looking for a place that was rather quiet, due to the fact that there were hundreds of other foxes milling about. Some carried laundry, while others were simply walking by chatting. She went down into the cellar, and noticed how that there were large crates of food, and barrels. She was walking around, and suddenly stepped on a rock in the floor that sunk down, as if it were a large button. A door suddenly opened up on the side of the wall. Krystal's eyes grew wide. "Why would these people need a secret passage...?" She murmured, and walked through the opening. It slammed shut behind her, but she continued on. She walked down a hallway into what looked like a cross between a study and an alchemist's lab. There were papers, books and scrolls scattered everywhere, and a small corner full of beakers and strange chemicals. Krystal picked up one of the scrolls, and carefully looked it over. She looked through the ancient text, and sat the scroll down in shock. This scroll... it is about Cerinia! It is telling about the weaponry and technology! She instantly went in through each and every book scroll and paper she could find. Krystal finally picked up an old thick brown book with yellowed pages. She looked through each of the pages, and dropped it in shock. Impossible! This book... it has a prophecy, not of Cerinia... but of Eladard! She noticed a small inscription above the text. Krystal squinted at it, and gasped. that incantation... I have seen it before on the walls of Cerinian temples! It was only used by... The Eladardians! It all makes sense now! This is not just any planetoid, this is ELADARD! She dropped the book, and ran towards the opening. She dashed out, when something hard and flat came straight up to her face, and everything when black.

When Krystal woke up, she saw Fox and James sitting at the edge of the bed she was laying in. "Wh-what happened?" James spoke first. "Fox and I were walking down into the cellar, and we saw you blacked out on the floor. Are you alright?" Krystal nodded "I-I think so..." Fox nodded "Maybe you should rest for a while. You look pretty wiped out." Krystal nodded, and layed back down. "But be sure to be awake by 7:00! We're having a banquet tonight!" chimed in James, as the two left. "Come on, Fox, I need to show you a few things..." She heard James say as the two walked off. She then drifted into a deep sleep.

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

Okay, I'm not sure if anyone is reading this, but I'll still post the chapters anyways.

Chapter 7: Secrets

Fox and James were walking together outside. "But I don't understand. Even if you left for a few days just to stay with us, the people here would live. Why didn't you at least send us a message?" James chuckled. "But I did send you a message Fox. You recieved it, and you came here, as I had requested." Fox looked over to his father and said. "Okay, but how did you know about Krystal? she's only been with us for a month..." James' face darkend. "Let's just say I'm an old freind of her parents... Come on, I have a few things I still need to show you." Fox nodded and followed him to a stable near a forest. A squall sounded from inside. Fox eyes grew huge. "What are you keeping in there? A Zoness serpent?" James grinned "not quite" He walked in, and opened the gate. Out shot a dark green blur up into the sky. Fox stared up and his jaw dropped in shock. "A Venomese mountain wyvern? How in the world did you even get it to stay in there?" The wyvern, which was about the size of a large horse, swooped down and landed next to James. "Fox, this is Jaerik. he's an old family pet. You can even ride on him!" the wyvern squealed, and nuzzled James. James stroked the wyvern's muzzle and lead him back into the stable. "They make fine pets if you know how to treat them properly, and they make fine mounts as well. the only problem is that they refuse to eat anything except fish, small birds like pukpuks and of course those bison that wander the few remaining feilds of Venom. We had to settle with fish and birds. Of course, for a treat he does get to hunt down his occasional bison if I manage to get him one." He closed the gate, and led Fox elsewhere. "I have something else I must show you."

The two walked into the surrounding forest, and down a small trail. It came up to a river which ran nearby, and finally they stopped at a grotto filled with weeping willows and a pool with a waterfall at one end. There were rocks sticking out of the pool, and in front of the waterfall, mounted on two rocks was a torii gate. "This place is dedicated to your mother, Fox. She loved being around water, and especially waterfalls. I probably never told you much about her. Best I tell you now. Your mother was an aquakinetic and a highly skilled one at that. She dared not tell anyone about her abilities, unless they were willing to keep it secret. Aquakeinisis is a wonderous ability, which can be used as a weapon, a tool, a defense and it can even heal. She wanted to put herself to work as a nurse at the hospitol, but they turned her down every time. She became a nurse for our mercinary team instead, and that went well, until you were born. Then she stayed home while we were on missions... until that night..." Fox bowed his head and the spoke. "How did she die? I know someone killed her, but who? Who killed her?" James squeezed his eyes shut as tears began to form at the edges. "Fox... It is for the best that I do not tell you. I know you've always wanted to know, but I cannot tell you. Things are not always the way they seem..." James pulled out a white lily from his cloak, and layed it on one of the stones. The two foxes left the grotto, not turning to see water stream up out of the lake, wrap around the flower, and carry it underneath the torii gate.

'Kay, a bit of weird chapter, but I'm still workin' on it.

[Guest Chiro-Chan]

...Is anyone even reading this?

Chapter 8: The Horrid Ball

Krystal awoke to the loud knocking on her door. She leaped up, smoothed her hair down and went to answer it. "Hello?" Fox was standing in front of her with a large grin on his face. "My dad's throwing a party for us! Here, he gave me this and told me to give it to you." He handed her a plastic bag with a coathanger sticking out of one end. "He thought you would need a dress. I hope you like it. I'll go and change too." He zoomed off down the hallway. Krystal smiled and shook her head. "I wonder why he's so excited?" She murmured.

She went over to her bed and pulled the cover off. Underneath was a beautiful pale sky blue dress. She held it up, and stared at it. "Wow, this looks like something that only rich people could afford. I wonder how he got this so fast..." She went into a nearby bathroom and changed into the dress. She then hurried into her room, and grabbed her brush. She rushed back and brushed her hair until it shone like moonlight on the water. She washed her face quickly and dried it. She then hiked up her dress and ran down the hall.

The ballroom was full of vulpines, the men dresed in their best clothes and those black cloaks that everyone seemed to wear, and the women in lovely dresses. Krystal slowly walked down the stairs, until she saw Fox, whom she called out to. "Fox! over here!" She waved her paw up in the air. Fox walked over, and was wearing a cloak as well. "Hello Krystal. You look lovely." Krystal's face flushed pink. "Thank you. You look great too!" Fox smiled. "Some on, I'll introduce you to my cousin, Blake." He grabbed ahold of her arm and pulled her onto the dance floor, where mostly everyone was standing. Krystal was led up to a renard who closely resembled Fox, save for the fact that he had yellow eyes. A grin stretched across Blake's face. "Say, are you a parking lot ticket? 'Cause you got the word 'fine' written all over ya!" Krystal blushed furiously, while fox shot his cousin a glare. "!Apartate de ella, imbécil!" Fox growled back. The two began swearing at eachother in Spanish.

Krystal snuck away from the two bickering vulpines and stood over next to the buffet. She looked curiously over all the strange foods, until she looked up to see James sneak over to the punch bowl, and pour a red substance into it. He then mixed it in, and slunk back into the crowds. Krystal watched some of the foxes dance and others stand around in groups and chat. Soon nearly everyone had taken a drink from the punch bowl, and then a wild scream was heard from one end of the room. Krystal looked over to see James, and a black vixen with red eyes fighting wildy with food. James was weilding a large fish while the fmeale fox brandished a soup ladle. "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO KARMA?! I'VE SEEN MORE FIERICE KITS THAN THAT!" Karma, snarled and screamed back "OH REALLY?! THEN HOW ABOUT THIS?!" Karma hit James across the face and then a cry of "Food fight!" was heard in the crowd.

Krystal got up and ran over to Fox. "Fox, there's something wrong! I saw your father pour something in the punch and how everyone is acting strange!" Fox turned and a grin stretched across his face. "Then why don't you and I go and find ourselves a little peace and quiet, hm?" He grabbed her on the arm. Krystal blushed a bit, and tor her arm away. "You're all drunk! I knew something horrible was going to happen tonight! I'll be back in my room. Come back when you're sober, please." She picked up her skirt and ran down the hallway towards her room...

[Guest Whirlpool]

Well, I'm reading it if that counts for anything.

It's a great story, I loved the plot twist.

With the water thing, does that mean that either Fox's mom is alive, or her spirit lives in the water there? That would be kinda cool.

The funny thing is, just when it got to the part about the ballroom, my music player changed from the Lord of The Rings soundtrack to a really bouncy pop song, and I could just see Fox and Krystal dancing to it. XD

I can't really find anything wrong with it. There's a few really really small things, like a missing letter here and there, but it's awesome!

I wish it were longer, because I like long stories.  :?

[Domino]

Well, I'm reading it if that counts for anything.

It's a great story, I loved the plot twist.

With the water thing, does that mean that either Fox's mom is alive, or her spirit lives in the water there? That would be kinda cool.

The funny thing is, just when it got to the part about the ballroom, my music player changed from the Lord of The Rings soundtrack to a really bouncy pop song, and I could just see Fox and Krystal dancing to it. XD

I can't really find anything wrong with it. There's a few really really small things, like a missing letter here and there, but it's awesome!

I wish it were longer, because I like long stories. 

Should I work with him?