Guest Chiro-Chan Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 The sky was a bright blue, and the sky sunny, as a young girl with long dark hair was boarding a hot air balloon. She was dressed in a summery red kimono, but was wearing an undershirt with long, white, glove-like sleeves; her kimono had very short sleeves itself. The skirt almost reached down to her knees, but stopped right before they actually reached them. Underneath was a pair of black khaki-like pants that stopped a little more than halfway down her leg. She had a brown bag slung across her back. The girl first walked over to an old man, dressed in a dull brown kimono who was standing by the hot air balloon. "So, where will I be takin' ya, misseh?" He asked, walking over to the balloon. "I'm headed for Maeku Village. I'm finally setting out in the real world." The old man nodded. "Climb aboard then, Miss. Say, what's yer name?" He questioned. "I am Chihiro of Idodoki Village. My family sent me out so that I may find my place in the world." She explained. The old man nodded again. "Chihiro, eh? Very pretty name. ...Idodoki's a nice place. Small, but peaceful." He then fired a flame up into the balloon, and soon, it had began to rise off the ground. ~~~~~ Chihiro was staring over the gate of the balloon, and watching the ground pass by. "Wow, it's beautiful up here!" The old man glanced over. "Be careful! You don't want to fall out!" He cried. Chihiro smiled. "Oh don't worry, I won't fall." She saw a village off in the distance. "Say, what's that?" The old ballooneer looked over. "That's Kohaku Village. A very strange place, as it's inhabited by all sorts of strange creatures. Spirits live there. But no one ever dares to go there. They say a terrible fox constantly disturbs the place. The last fool who went in there wasn't ever seen again. Some say he became one of the spirits himself. Others say that he barely excaped alive. I say that he was eaten by that demon fox, though." The village approached closer on the horizon. Chihiro leaned forward even further. "Funny, I don't see any spirits there..." She said. "No don't! You'll fall!" The ballooneer dashed over to pull her in but bumped her in the process, sending her tumbling out of the air, bag and all. "AAAAAHHHH!" What luck the girl must have had, for she had landed in a bin of clothes, but had fallen unconcionce. *TO BE CONTIUED* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wicked Nox Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Spirits and Demons, cool! It's a nice, discriptive and quite a gripping story so far, I can't wait to read more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakeWalker Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I have to disagree. You set up a nice scene and all, but nothing has really happened yet; you've got an unconscious girl and a description of what she looks like. By the way, is this Naruto fanfic? I don't recall the name of his village, but what's talked about in the story reminds me strongly of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black-Cat Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 As I said on a different place, I like it. And alas, I foudn out what Kohaku means. It means Amber in Japanese, either way, I like it and I want you to continue it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chiro-Chan Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I have to disagree. You set up a nice scene and all, but nothing has really happened yet; you've got an unconscious girl and a description of what she looks like. By the way, is this Naruto fanfic? I don't recall the name of his village, but what's talked about in the story reminds me strongly of it. I'm planning on rewriting the first part, mainly because I wrote it at 8:30 something at night, so it won't suck as much. xD And also, no. This is not a fanfiction of Naruto or anything. It's an original story. As soon as I fix up the first chapter, I'll move onto the second one, and you'll see from there what the inspiration was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakeWalker Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Okay, I'll take your word for it then. And as always, I welcome and encourage anyone with the drive to rewrite. Like I said, the big thing is I have no idea who this girl is or what her situation is. So make sure you keep grabbing your audience in mind as you write, mmkay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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