Star Fox: I Was a Teenage Kappa Rated PG-13 (For language and crude humor)

[The Green Fox]

Note: This takes place very shortly before a huge conflict with the Anglar Forces, similar to the events depicted in Star Fox Command, only this tale alters what happens during the course of the story quite a LOT. It's a comedy, with a few utterly absurd lines here and there, and is meant to be taken sort of lightly. If I never get around to updating it, feel free to add to it.

     One day Slippy and Fox were taking a stroll through Corneria City, discussing the future of the Star Fox Team. Fox was glad to talk to Slippy, since many of his other wing-mates had abandoned him to start their own lives. Slippy was telling Fox that he would like to visit Aquas sometime, although he was unaware of the fact that its waters were being polluted by contaminated radioactive slime, in order to make the waters easier for the Anglar race to survive in.

     "Slippy, you can't possibly be this dippy! Aquas is a dangerous place now, even for people like you!" said Fox.

     "But Fox, there's this really cute girl I met there who likes all the same things I like. Seaweed, robots, dental floss, advanced weaponry, and catapulting!" said Slippy looking up at Fox with a persuasive gesture.

     "Listen Slippy, the only reason I'm talking to you is because I was hoping

you weren't being a cowardly fugitive like the rest of this team. We're on the verge of war with the Anglar forces for christ sake!! Damn! I was hoping to convince you to come with me and practice shooting targets on Zoness like the good old days. I heard your father Beltino Toad was helping you build that Bull Frog ship, and from the sounds of it, I'm positive it could help us deal with the Anglars!" said Fox. Slippy was stubborn.

     "Ahh Fox, the Venom Sea is inhospitable, you said it yourself!!!" said Slippy.

     "So are the Aquas Seas. The entire planet of Aquas is under lockdown by order of the Anglar Emperor. Only the Anglars are allowed to enter! I sure feel sorry for anyone you met there!" said Fox. Fox put his hand over his mouth as if he had said too much.

     "AMANDA! She must be in grave danger! Yeah Fox, I'll come with you, but promise me we'll make Aquas our first stop!" said Slippy. Fox and Slippy watched in awe as a large Anglar mothership blew by at about 924 miles per hour, blasting buildings to rubble and demolishing infrastructures, an entire bridge, as well as a runway were both zapped to smithereens by an advanced lazer beam.

    "AQUAS? Our first stop? Look Slippy, I feel for you, but I've gotta get in my Arwing and blast outta here. Protecting Corneria is my first priority. I'm doing it solo. Why don't you go check up on Aquas. Keep me posted. Bring your Star Phone with you and we'll keep in touch buddy! I just want you to know, in case you croak or something, you've always been a helpful green slimy amphibian brother to me!" said Fox, as he used a teleportation device and left for the Great Fox to get briefed by General Peppy. Slippy contacted Beltino Toad and asked him how the Bull Frog was coming along in development. Slippy found out that it was ready to be used.

    "It's all ready for ya son! Where do I meet you?" asked Beltino.

    "Umm...in the parking lot just outside The Big Dipper Diner! You know where that is right? Make a left turn on the Stinky Blue Insect Intersection!" said Slippy.

    "Yeah sure I'll be there at 6 0'clock PM sharp!"

Part 2

     Sure enough, at 6 P.M. Slippy scaled the skies, looking for his pop, and within an instant, as if by divine decree, there came Beltino Toad in a shiny new ship for

his son. Beltino landed next to Slippy's old beat up Ford Z 150.

     "HEY DADDY! YOU BROUGHT ME A BIG BOX FULL OF FLIES! And some Smeenex tissue for my tears of joy!" said Slippy. 

     "Yes. Havin't you noticed the ship yet son? It can't lock on to targets like Fox's can,

but it's got Double Plasma Beams for maximum damage, and can attain speeds up to 987 miles per hour. If you want to know everything about it, just read the receit the Toyz Galore receit, err I mean User's Manual. Yes, that's it!" said Beltino. Slippy was staring at the box full of flies, lustfully, as if looking at an issue of Play Frog.

    "You have no idea what your old man is telling you, do you? I thought you said you needed

this ship for an emergency mission!" said Beltino. Slippy dropped the box of flies in a hasty panic, and rushed into his ship.

    "5 4 3 2 1 BLAST OFF! RIBBET! CROAK! FOR FLIES AND COUNTRY!" he could be heard ribbeting and squelching this as he dashed off into deep space, setting a course for Aquas, in pursuit of danger.

                                       Part 3

    Slippy arrived on Aquas Beach without any trouble surprisingly, despite Fox's warnings

of Anglar Forces. He rushed through the jungles searching for Amanda. Slippy found her tied to a tree against her will, right above a boiling cauldron. Soon he heard rustling in the bushes.

     "There's something FISHY going on here!" Slippy muttered to himself. A deep, melodramatic voice responded.

     "You are right about that, intruder!" the voice said. Soon the voice was revealed to have come from a large menacing 9 foot tall robotic giant brute who looked like he was a giant fish. Although, he was part android, and was built to survive in both land and sea.

     "My, what big feet you have!" said Slippy.

     "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR JOKES! I'm gonna SMOOSH you to pieces! You may be a full grown bull frog, but you are a mere tadpole in my eyes! PREPARE TO CROAK, YOU FRICKIN' YOUNG FROGS!" said the giant creature as it raised its foot above Slippy. Slippy picked up a staff on the ground that

coincidentally had been dropped by someone. It strongly resembled Krystal's Staff. Slippy shielded himself with magic blue light, and the giant's foot did not hurt him. Then he cut the ropes that were restraining Amanda to the tree, and set her free. Slippy and Amanda ran for their lives back to the sandy beach.

     "Thank goodness you're safe, dear! Ribbit!" said Slippy. Amanda kissed Slippy twice on the snout.

     "Slippy, I love you! You saved my life! Let's leave this place! It's too dangerous!" said Amanda.

     "ACHOO! Never peck me on the snout again, it makes me sneeze!" said Slippy. Amanda apologized.

    "Slippy I have to tell you something about the Anglar Forces! They're building large

artillary bases and huge domes and cities under the ocean!" said Amanda.

    "I'm sure it's nothing Fox can't handle! Although he doesn't seem to be getting much

help!" said Slippy.

    "We need to leave! Fast! Before we're noticed!" said Amanda.

    "Don't worry! I'll getcha outta here babe! First I gotta find our new love boat!" said Slippy.

Slippy was referring to his new ship. He then turned his head to see it being dumped into the ocean by an Anglar Soldier.

    "RIBBIT! Sorry Amanda, I've gotta dive in the ocean! Someone dumped my ship in there!" said Slippy. Amanda had no idea the seas had become radioactive recently. She didn't know the seas had the odd power to transform frogs into strange monsters either.

    "Do be careful!" said Amanda. Slippy dived in at full force, head first. He screamed as

he sunk into the deep sea.

    "WHAT's HAPPPENING TO ME?" he screached. After hearing many croaking sounds, Amanda feared that Slippy had drowned. After several hours had gone by, Amanda had given up, concluded Slippy was dead, and took a nap by the shore. She awoke, and looked up to see

an enourmas almost hilarious looking figure above her. It had a beak, and a giant bowl full of toxic monster creating water for a head.

     "Join me! I am Slippy! But now I am Kappa Slippy!" said the creature. Amanda was reluctant to believe that this giant creature was her boyfriend.

     "You're not Slippy. You're just a big fat....thing!" said Amanda.

     "Join me! I am not Slippy anymore, that is true. Now I am big and

fat. I am not a thing. I am a monster. I am not evil. I am good! JOIN ME!" said Slippy, who had been exposed to radioactive water, therebye becoming a Kappa Monster.

     "I'll never join you! I'm proud of my thin figure and my waisteline!" said Amanda.

     "OH YEAH? I'll make you join me!" said Kappa Slippy. Kappa Slippy leaned over, and

dumped the strange purple water from his bowl shaped head right onto Amanda. Suddenly, Amanda began radiating green light.

     "I'm achieving full spiritual growth! Thank you!" said Amanda. Little did foolish and dim-witted Amanda know that she was becoming a Kappa monster as well. She suddenly grew 50 ft. tall and her frog snout mutated into a beak, and she began speaking both English and Japanese. Now Slippy and Amanda were both Kappa Monsters searching for victims. Their menacing looks would certainly qualify them to operate under the Anglar Emperor. And if they were recruited for the dark side, would Fox be able to bring them back to their senses? Find out, soon!   

Part 4: Krystal and Panther

    Krystal was desperate for something to spice up her life since the time Fox did not invite her

to fight the Anglars. She soared through the skies in her ship, looking for something to do. Suddenly, she received a transmission. It was a message from Panther.

    "Krystal, you are the most beautiful jewel in zee galaxy, no? It's been a long time since we've dated. Ahh, Krystal, let  Panther see your scrumptious looking self again, so I can partake in your blueness, your shiny crystal clear blueness, you mysterious blue rose of space. If you join my team, Star Wolf, I assure you riches beyond your wildest dreams no? I assure you the finest jewelry, the most handsome man in the universe, Leon Powalski, ahem, I mean me, and I also assure you that you are a wonderful, courageous princess of war, and that you will always be included in our missions. Krystal, fair lady, my darling delicious space rose, you will always BE my space rose, that is, if you join me! I also assure you, my words contain no hidden meanings, and this transmission contains no subliminal messages! Fox is so mean to you! Panther is very nice, to all women, no? Come home to Panther, my love!" said Panther. Krystal was entranced. She was now madly in love with Panther. She replied to the message instantly, and told him she would take him up on his offer. She did just that.

Part 5: Fox learns about Krystal, and a few other things   

     Meanwhile, back in the depths of space, Fox had single-handedly taken out

a large mothership that was hovering over Corneria. Fox was proud of himself. R.O.B suddenly

told Fox of an incoming transmission. After putting it on the monitor, Fox saw that it was

a message from Krystal:

     "Fox, I used to like, love you with all my heart, and stuff, but ya know what? You refused my help in this mission, and now you're going it alone. I hope you

survive, cuz I'm with Panther and Star Wolf now! The reason no one will help you

is soo simple. It can be summed up as follows: You're a JERK! A shmoobel headed arwing

brain! And so was your father! We're gonna save the universe before you get a chance! GO STAR WOLF! GO PANTHER! GO ANDROSS! Andross is AWESOME!" Fox turned off the monitor just to make her obnoxious shouting go away and put his hand over his face. Krystal had been mind-washed.

     "What the hell is happening? My world is collapsing before my eyes! Krystal was the most beautiful, nicest, friendliest chik I've ever met! What got into her? What's gottan into me? I can't cope with this!" said Fox.

     "Oh it's not that bad. We have each other!" said R.O.B. patting Fox on the back.

     "Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what I'm going through? I think I'm

becoming as crazy as a fox!" said Fox.

     "That's odd. I always thought you were a fox. That bushy tail, etc!" said R.O.B.

     "SHUT UP R.O.B! You never help! You never fill in for me and shoot down the enemy!" said Fox, fuming with anger.

     "I have had enough of your venom. You are so filled with venom. Why don't you just move

to Venom? I was not programmed to blow up ships! I feel suicidal now!" said R.O.B

     "You're a robot designed by Slippy. You won't meet your maker on the other

side unless Slippy were to die. There. Now you won't commit suicide, right?" asked Fox.

     "Where is Slippy? I want to kill him, so I can meet my maker on the other side!" said R.O.B. Fox glanced at Rob, and punched him in the face.

     "No use. I cannot feel pain!" said R.O.B.

     "Man, I almost wish I could say the same thing. I gotta become more robotic

so I don't get so hung up on things like being dumped by Krystal! Teach me to dance the robot, anything!" joked Fox. R.O.B. took this seriously. He began forcing Fox to learn how

to dance the robot, insisting it would help his self-esteem. Suddenly, another transmission

popped up on the monitor. It was a large monster, claiming to be Slippy, and speaking in

three different languages garbled together. English, Saurian, and Japanese. Fox stopped dancing the robot, and stared in shock of what had become of Slippy.

    "It's Armageddon!" said Fox. "It's the end of the world!"

Part 6: The Star Wolf Team finds Kappa Slippy and Kappa Amanda

     The next day, the Star Wolf Team was cruising the stratospheres for glory and

gold.