Link and the Light Force Duel Action Sugar Fueled Insanity Sword

[The Green Fox]

    It was a boring afternoon for  16 year old Missouri born Link Lorcington.  No this isn’t another story about an ordinary kid who gets thrust into Hyrule. This kid was born in our realm, but has the ability to travel to Hyrule anytime he wants to. Anyway, Link was sitting on the couch flipping through books, and stressing out over school and exams. He had no idea what he was in college for, as he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life. But as he was flipping through books and skimming over pages aimlessly, he came across an interesting block of text in his Hyrulian Mythology book. It was called the Book of Madorah.

    “Legend has it, there lies a Light Force Duel Action Awesomeness Sugar Fueled Insanity Sword in the Pool of Blue Mysteries underneath the City of Asphalt, near Gerudo Desert” 

                                                            ------- Sahasralah the Great Wise One

    “A  Light Force Duel Action Awesomeness Sugar Fueled Insanity sword? That can’t possibly be for real! No way man, I gotta check this out!” thought Link. So Link pulled out his Ocarina and played the song of time and warped to Hyrule Field. He called upon Midna for warping assistance.

    “Ahem! I do not warp humans, I only warp elves!” said Midna.

    “Oh, okay!” said Link. So Link turned himself into Wolf Link, and Midna warped him to Gerudo Desert. Link knew that the City of Asphalt was basically in ruins, it wasn’t a real city, in fact, the city of Asphalt was basically comprised of the entire Gerudo Desert itself. There were chunks of old buildings, statues, and architectures coming up out of the ground like the moles in Wack a Mole. Link read further in his mythology textbook, and found out that he had to dig in the center of four stone pillars that had the faces of owls carved on them. So he found the pillars, pulled out his Hylian shovel, and began to dig. After about ten minutes of digging, low and behold, there was a chest! Surely, this was the Light Force Duel Action Awesomeness Sugar Fueled Insanity sword he had longed for for so long. But it wasn’t! When he opened up the chest, he got a mere lousy green rupee, and a small note that said “You found a rupee! Very nice!” or something like that. Link knew something was wrong, that he had dug in the wrong area, so he turned to his ever trustworthy mythology textbook. He found out that he first had to slash the four pillars with his sword before digging, or else the Light Force Sugar Fueled Insanity sword would not be able to be found. So he tried covering up the spot where he dug with sand and tried again. He tried slashing the four pillars with his sword. He dug. He found a treasure chest. He opened it up. Guess what? A moblin popped out!

    “Keep it between you and me!” said the moblin, giving Link a wopping 20 rupees.

    “Sure, anytime! Text me!” said Link jokingly. Then Link told the moblin to get lost, and he read his mythology textbook again. He found out he had to hit the pillars in a certain order, or else the Light Force Duel Action Awesomeness Sugar Fueled Insanity Sword would not be able to be uncovered. So he read the order he was supposed to hit them in, and did so accordingly. Sure enough, he dug.  But guess what? He opened up the chest, and there was still no Light Force Duel Action Awesomeness Sugar Fueled Insanity Sword!

    “UGH! I’m gonna go insane if this keeps up!” said Link. Suddenly Midna appeared out of nowhere. She had some wise words for Link.]

    “That’s the thing, Link. You are training your sword. Tempering it, so to speak. You see, Link, as you are driven insane by these trials, so too does your sword become insane. Look, it’s lighting up with insanity right now! Now eat a jellybean and it will be a Light Force Duel Action Sugar Fueled Insanity Sword! Like totally!” said Midna. Link ate the magical jellybean infused with Hylian magic, and sure enough, the sugar fueled insanity in Link’s body charged up the sword, and Link had done it! He had gained the Light Force Duel Action Awesomeness Sugar Fueled Insanity Sword! Now Link was able to conquer all his stresses and fears about Hyrule life and earth life, because he had the energy and the rush to get things done! Link and Midna lived happily ever after!