Stupid joke topic

[EvolutionSFox]

Yo momma (snicker)

[rebel_gunman]

I knew I was going to regret it!

[EvolutionSFox]

Just kiddin' bra, just kiddin'.

... I can't wait 'til Christmas!

[rebel_gunman]

Just kiddin' bra, just kiddin'.

... I can't wait 'til Christmas!

Me neither!

*Little kid's voice* I'll get shot at!!!

[EvolutionSFox]

You'll get shot? ... well, I might get an I-pod! I can't wait.

[rebel_gunman]

You'll get shot? ... well, I might get an I-pod! I can't wait.

Oh, presents? I thought because of the day!

I'll go shooting along with the USMC recruits from Downey and surrounding recruiting stations!

Wait... my bad. I'll go shooting Dec. 17!

[EvolutionSFox]

*salutes*

Go RG!

[rebel_gunman]

If a sincronized diver drowns, do the others have to follow???

^_^

[ArwingMaster]

Not sure whats already here, hope for no repeats.

Why do people always say "its in the last place you look" OF COURSE IT IS! Why would you keep looking after you found it?

An engeneer, minister and doctor are playing golf, and the group in front of them is really slow. They put up with it for a while, but start to lose their pateince. So they ask an employee what's up with the group and the employee replies "Oh, they're a group of blind fireman who lost their eyesight in a bad fire so we let them play here for free." The minister said "That's sad, I'm gonna say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said "Let me talk to my Optomotrist buddy and I'll see if we cant do something for them." And after much thought the engeneer said "Why don't they just play at night?"

------WARNING DIRTY HUMOR (SORT OF)----------------------------------------

Whats the difference between a g-spot and a golfball?

A guy will actually look for a golfball.

[EvolutionSFox]

^ XD

You're a funneh man, you're a funneh man.

[ArwingMaster]

Why thank you....

A carpenter, engeneer (again), and a artist are talking about wives and mistresses and which is better. The carpenter states that a wife is better because you can build a solid foundation. The artist says he likes a mistress because of the mystery he finds. When asked, the engeneer repiles "I like both, because each one thinks you're spending time with the other woman and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

INSTRUCTIONS

(found on a koren knife) KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN (well someone lost someting in the translation)

(Found on a sleep aid) WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS (lets hope)

(Found on an iron) DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY (but that saves time.........whose body? >_>

(found on food processor) DO NOT USE FOR THE OTHER USE (??????)

[Orbital Fox]

I love these kinda things and that's why I keep a list in notepad...

Best friends are totally aware of how stupid you are, and still manage to be seen with you in public.

If life gives you lemons, throw them back and ask for pizza.

If life gives you lemons, throw them at someone!

My gosh, is that really your face?!

Support your local Search and Rescue Team. Get lost.

Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

It's cute how stupid you are.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

There is no I in ugly, but there is a U.

I have the right to remain silent... just not the ability.

If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk!

I'm not a think as you drunk I am.

Puppies?! I can't USE puppies!!! ~Bloo

Somethimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.

Talk is cheap...until the cell phone bill comes.

I'll stop procrastinating tomorrow.

Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...especially when you throw the apple at the doctor!

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

I'm a serial killer! Death to Fruit Loops!

Why are you sitting and staring at the computer?! Get up! Go outside! Read a book!....You're still here? Good, I have trained you well.

I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right.

I'm not a n00b! Oh, by the way, what's a n00b?

Whatever happens, remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Take my advice. I don't use it anyways.

Everyone has a right to be stupid. You are abusing your priviledge!

The difference between skydivers and golfers: Golfers go *whack* DANG!... Skydivers go DANG *whack*

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.

The guy who invented swear words is a *****!

I used to be indescisive, but now I'm not so sure.

If mini-marts are open 365 days a year, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week, why do the doors have locks on them?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

If it's called "Tourist Season" why can't we shoot them?

If American quality is so great, why is the Liberty Bell cracked?

I wish we lived in a world where chickens could cross the road without having their motives questioned.

My Prince Charming is on his way, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stuborn to ask for directions...

A life? Cool, where do you download one of those?

What happens if you're scared half to death twice?

What do you get when you talk to a n00b? Nothing.

Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

If practice makes perfect, but no one's perfect, than why practice?

Hey, what's all this air doing in my oxygen?!

"Yay, we're doomed!!" -Gir

I'm lost in my thoughts.....WOW.. its lonely in here.

Drop the chocolate, and no one gets hurt!!

o_0...Dude, you are seriously one crazed up fruit loop...

Smile...it confuses people.

I keep pressing the control button, but it won't give me any!

It's times like these you wish you had a potoato.

I don't suffer from insanity- I enjoy it!

Don't make me angry. I know karate, kung fu, and a dozen other dangerous sounding words...

Roses are red, violets are... PURPLE! PURPLE I TELL YOU!!!!!

I had a dog named Stay. "Come, Stay" I said. He went insane, and now he doesn't move anymore.

There's an I in brain, but no brain in I.

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape!

Outside I'm laughing. Inside I'm... oh, wait... I'm laughing there too...

Out of my mind. Be back in 5 minutes.

If you're smart, click here and punch in ctrl and w at the same time.

I'm so bored, I'm talking to YOU.

Your problem is low self-esteem (which is really common for losers like you)

Stop hogging all the ugly!

People like you, are the reason that people like me, need medication

Blondes are stoopid, it's a good thing my hair is yellow...

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and I am too, but the roses have wilted, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.

I always wondered why people banged their heads on brick walls, then I met you

Dont be stupid all your life, take the day off.

I hold my self for hostage - gimme 10,000$ and I'll give me back

"how to keep a blond distracted:

scroll down

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Slinky + Escalator = Everlasting Fun!

A good girl is a bad girl that never gets caught.

You Cant Be Late Until You Show Up

If Everythings Coming Your Way, Youre In the Wrong Lane.

Blonde is not a hair color, it's a state of mind!

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If TV is so bad for you, then why do they have one in every hospital room?

I find it ironic that 'evil' is 'live' spelled backwards.

For the first years of your life you are taught to walk and talk. For the next 16 you are taught to shut up and sit down.

Revenge isn't the answer yet a great solution...

TEAMWORK- means never having to take all the blame yourself

Help i've fallen and i---Hey,nice carpet!

Never argue with idiots...They will bring you down to their level, then beat you with experience..

Caution: Water on road durring rain

First law of science: Don't spit into the wind.

Second Law of Science: Don't lick electric sockets.

Rule one: the customer is always right. Rule two: If customer is wrong, please reffer back to Rule one.

Dolphins: Don't trust a species that's always smiling,its up to something!

Money Talks ... but all mine ever says is Goodbye!

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Note to self: stop making notes to self...

Life is too short to be normal.

Elmo watches you when you sleep.

Life is short, eat dessert first.

Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.

It's amazing that the amount of news in the world always exactly fits the newspaper

Today's story: Curious George and the Electric Fence

Church of the Holy Cabbage: Lettuce pray.

The pillsbury doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection.

You steal my cookies, and I stick my foot up where the sun don't shine.

I walk into doors,it's not my fault,they never open!

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body then only left handed people are in their right mind.

Remember how I sold my mind on eBay? The guy returned it.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

What is this "Brain" thing you talk about?

Tip Number 75: Never try to lick the beaters while the cord is still in the socket.

Note To self Glue Is not Iceing.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

Chocolate is the answer to everything

Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

Why fall in love when I could fall in CHOCOLATE!

Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate.

Mary had a little lamb........I ate it.

If life give you lemons, go find a little kid with a paper cut.

If life gives you lemons, make orange juice. And Wonder how in the heck you pulled that off later...

Why does life give you so many lemons?!?!

You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

Wise men never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

What is today but yesterday's tomorrow?

Latin: first it killed the Romans, and now it's killing me!

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left." So they went home

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor that steps back to admire his work.

No Trespassing! Violators will be shot! Survivors will be shot again! <-- this is from an actual sign

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If Youre Feeling Good Dont Worry, Youll Get Over It.

For Sale: Parachute, Only Used Once, Never Opened, Small Stain.

STUPIDITY IS NOT A CRIME so your free to go...

A wise man once said, "I don't know, ask a girl."

Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons for you are Crunchy and Taste Good w/ Ketchup.

I'm a rebel-If a door says push I pull.

There's a difference between a good friend and a best friend. A good friend is there to bail you out of jail. A BEST friend is next to you yelling "Man! That was AWESOME!"

Most people don't know what they're doing...and a lot of them are good at it...

I'll bet you 1,000,000 $ that I don't gamble!

The right scentence is true. The left scentence is false

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they do make a left!

When everyone is gone to a better place, I'll be dancing on their graves.

It takes a true man to wear pink.. I guess that's why u aren't wearing it.

Hey! I told you a thousand times already, you DON'T have wings so stop jumping out the dang window!

Don't try to crush people in elevator doors. It doesn't work

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

I just find it funny that nobody else is laughing.

KILL THE N00BS, but first have breakfast.

I'm not a drama queen- OMG!! I JUST BROKE A NAIL!!! *cries*

Note to self- pink insulation is not cotten candy.

your just jealous because the voices talk to me!

the sign said wet floor...so i did!!

Well, it's not like he had feelings anyway...

NO!!! MOM I SWEAR I WASN'T KISSING HIM!!!he stole my gum..... it was the minty kind too!!!!

Operator! Give me the number for 911.

When I get a firm grip on reality, I'll choke it.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

What am I thinking? I don't think!

I'm in shape......round is a shape

Reality is a nice place, but I wouldnt want to live there.

Life a fatal disease from which people eventually die

I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid!!! *runs into a pole*

Learn the easy way or the hard way.....I bite.

I don't bite... I nip

The Pink is Contagious...Run while you can...it WILL find you...

Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

Nobody saw me do it! You can't prove anything!

by the tree out front. Do NOT call the police. You can NOT trace me. You can NOT find me. Sincerely, ME!

I haven't lost my marbles. I didn't have any to begin with.

Don't run in a funhouse full of mirrors.

Paranoid No Im not paranoid Who said I was paranoid?! Hey look a bee see Im not paranoid. AHHHH A STINGER!!!! WERE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

9/10 people who read this try to lick their elbow

Dont play stupid with me!!! Im better at it!!!

birdie birdie in the sky, why did ya do that in my eye? looks like sugur tastes like sap, omg it's birdie crap!

If child abuse is illegal,why do we have to go to school?

If evil people destroy the earth, where do they plan to live?

Why is it that with birthday cakes you can spit on them and blow on them and everyone rushes to get a piece?

Why do only monkey animal crackers have pants? What if the camels want pants?

If light travels faster than sound, is that why people appear bright until you hear them speak?

They say all you need is love, but is brains too much to ask for?

If money doesnt grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

If Britney Spears isn't a girl, and not yet a woman, then is she a man? 0.o

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If Dracula cant see himself in the mirror, why is his hair always so neatly combed?

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

You can't have everything....where would you put it?

Violence is not the answer; it's the question. The answer is yes.

Last night, I was laying in my bed looking at the stars, then I thought, "Where in the heck's my celing?"

love hurts!! How do I know?...i once loved my dog then it bit me...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Look fatso, I don't care WHO you think you are, just GET THAT SLED OFF MY ROOF!

Follow your dreams except that one where you show up at school in your underwear.

Its all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then its just a game, who can find the eye!

I talked to God yesterday, he said to stop hallucinating.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs The title before they fired Gassy.

I scream, You scream, We all scream when we get our hands caught in the car door!

I'm going to live forever, OR DIE TRYING!!

I know, let's play find the match in the dynamite stack....

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I don't love you, so find somone new.

You dont smell like Santa! You smell like Beef and Cheese!

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Never test the depth of water with both feet

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and say, "I WANT CHOCOLATE!"

"I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off."

"You say that anything is possible....but have you ever tried slamming a swinging door?"

"Come to the Dark Side...We have cookies"

One by One Garden Gnomes steal our sanity

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger and bigger...and then it hit me!

Lifejackets arn't completely safe A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus!

Books are not for burning..Theyre for throwing at people.

I can tell my parents hate memy bath toys are a toaster and a TV.

If I end up in another parking lot where they wont stop honking those horns I swear I will

Very funny Scotty... now beam down my clothes!!!

If at first you don't succeed, deny you were trying at all

It's A Bird, It's A Plane No Wait Yeah It's A Bird.

How do you know I am a murderer?I mean how can me holding a bloody knife standing next to a corpse prove anything?

Get off the sidewalk! I'm trying to drive here!

Three blondes walk into a bar and the barman says "is this some kinda joke?"

"There are three types of people in this world, people who can count...and people who can't."

"Life is full of embarrassing moments, but then again so is middle school. "

I saw it, I wanted it, I had a fit, and I got it!

Hey! I got an idea! Let's go cordless bungee jumping... you go first.

When all is hope is lost, revert to a conversation about shoes.

Anything more important then my ego should be caught and shot now.

My imaginary friend said you have serious issues.

Why do we park in a drive way and drive in a parkway?

Your call is important to us. Please hold.

I drempt that I was eating a giant fluffy marshmellow, but I woke up and my pillow was gone...

Student:"Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"

Teacher:"Of course not!"

Student:"Good, 'cause I didn't do my homework."

I never knew pigs could fly, that is untill I saw my ex in a plane.

The difference between genius and stupidity is that a genius has its limits.

Remember, RPG can also stand for Rocket Propelled Grenades.

"Old people used to poke me at weddings and say 'your next', but they stopped when I started to do it to them at funerals"

People are like slinkies, useless but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Hurrican sweeps through graveyard, millions dead.

I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.

you just wasted 3 seconds of your time reading this.

There is not ME in IDIOT but theres an I---WAIT A SEC!

5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.

I told the teacher I had to gobadly. So I wentto my house to play Starfox!

My name is Diputs, spell it backwards, and it's your name.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. you jump off a clif, I laugh harder.

Oh no I squashed a peice of cereal I'm a cereal killer!

It's all fun & games until someone gets hurt,Then it's even more fun!!!!

APOLOGIES ARE LIKE I-PODS EVERYONE WANTS ONE BUT YOUR NOT GONNA GET ONE!

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon

Every time you speak, the English language dies

The sun?! That's the hottest place on Earth!

And there it is, long ain't it?

:shock:

[Guest Wolfen Master]

i was born at a young age

my parents went to different high schools together

when i got home my wife told me to take off her skirt

and then she told me to never wear her clothes again

[Orbital Fox]

You can read my signature every day for the stupid sentances of the day... XD. But I won't be on as often this next two weeks. T-T

[Guest Wolfen Master]

You'll get shot? ... well, I might get an I-pod! I can't wait.

i got an ipod