Out of This Dimension (R-RATED)

[rainfyre66]

***WARNING: POST CONTAINS "R-RATED" CONTENT/LINKS, INCLUDING LANGUAGE, SUGGESTIVE THEMES, VIOLENCE, AND ALCOLHOL/DRUG CONTENT***

Ok, so while plotting out my probable next Star Fox fanfic in my head at work, I came up with this strange, seperate idea as well. It is a bit of a parody, but in a very twisted, darkly humorous way. The "R-rating" is for language, violence, and general debaucherous behavior. Future chapters will be linked to FanFiction.net because of this, but right now I'm having technical issues there and the first chapter isn't too bad in regards to the mature material.

Basically, this is a "What If?" parody of the events leading up to the James McCloud capture and death. Again, this is meant to be a black comedy, it is by no means an actual attempt to rewrite history, does NOT endorse debaucherous behavior, and may offend, so if that isn't your cup of tea, then you probably should avoid it. So without further ado, here's Chapter One-

Chapter One

“What will I tell him?”

Peppy Hare listened to the beeps coming from the heart monitor that he was hooked up to. The beeps increased with his heart rate. He was growing anxious knowing that soon Fox McCloud, his best friend’s son, would be there soon and Peppy would have to tell him of his father’s fate.  His thoughts wandered back to that fateful night and the events that followed. Well, what he could recall of the entire incident. He’d had to rehash the main points of his and James McCloud’s capture and escape to the appropriate authorities several times, but the events leading up to that had been irrelevant in those reports. And what was he going to tell Vivian? So far, his fiancé had been understanding of all the trauma and hadn’t pressed him for more details, and hoped she’d leave it at that. But Fox…Fox never liked unanswered questions, and he’d be sure to want to know everything. And there was no way that Peppy could tell him everything.

It had all started on the night of Peppy’s bachelor party…

“Lookin’ good, Pep,” James McCloud said as he entered Peppy and Vivian’s apartment. He glanced at his own reflection in the mirror and gave an approving nod, lowering a pair of sunglasses over his eyes.

“Hey James,” Vivian waved. “Nice shades. Just make sure my groom gets back in one piece so he can get me to the church on time, you hear?”

“No worries, Mrs. Hare. I can assure you tonight will consist of just good, clean, male bonding fun.” James grabbed Vivian and twirled her around.

“I don’t even want to know!” she pulled away, laughing. As she walked away into the other room, Peppy looked a little nervous.

“What is it Peppy? I swear, while tonight’s fun ain’t necessarily going to be good and clean, there’s really nothing too crazy planned. You know I wouldn’t let you get in trouble with the old lady.”

“What? No, it’s not that, Vivian’s cool. I just can’t help thinking about what Pepper said about the activity they saw on Venom. I got a bad feeling about that.”

“Me too, Pep, but we can worry about that when fly out in a couple of days. Tonight, let’s just worry about making sure you have a good time.” James slung his arm around Peppy and ushered him out the door. They got into the James’s car and headed toward Star Fox’s headquarters.

“Check these out,” James tossed a pack of something over to Peppy.

“Are these real Fortune Cigars?!” Peppy slid a stogie out of the pack and sniffed it. He winced at the strong odor that came from the cigar.

“Only the best rolled blend of Fortuna tobacco and flora that money can buy.”

“That must have cost you a fortune!”

“Hey man, it’s your bachelor party extravaganza. Why not get some extravagant shit for my best friend? Don’t think I forgot the bachelor party you gave me.”

Peppy laughed. “James, you don’t remember shit about that night.”

“Exactly, because it was an awesome party. Now, we’re going to meet Pigma at headquarters, and then we’ll all board the Great Fox.”

“I still don’t see why we’re taking the Fox if we’re just heading to downtown Corneria City.”

“Because you never know where the night’s gonna take you, Pep. You might get a hankering for some Fichina frozen yogurt, and chances are we’re going to be way too sloshed to fly, so why not try out ROB’s designated flyer abilities.”

“I hate that -F-Bomb-ing robot.”

“You’ll see, it was all worth the money spent,” James said. They pulled up to the headquarters and got out of the car. James looked at his watch. “Where the hell is Pigma?”

As if in answer, a sleek luxury space cruiser slowed its jets in front of them. The door lifted open, revealing Pigma Dengar.

“That’s right. A luxury cruiser,” Pigma said, pleased with himself.

“Pretty sweet ride, Pigma, but I thought we agreed we were taking the Great Fox,” said James.

“James, nothing’s too good for the Pepster. Why take that flying tanker when this has got satellite television from every planet in Lylat, a fully-stocked mini-bar,” he waved an empty bottle in the air. “Hey, you bringing little Foxy along, to show him what it means to be a man?”

James took the bottle from Pigma’s hand as he moved past him to get on the ship. “Fox is man enough, he doesn’t need to see his father’s friends make drunken asses of themselves.”

Pigma grunted. “Too bad, we could really show him a good time. Hey, I got somebody I want you to meet. This is Andrew Oikonny.” Pigma pointed to a tall and skinny ape sitting on the plush seats of the cruiser. “It is cool if he comes, right? He helped hook me up with this cruiser.” Andrew gave a cool nod in their direction.

James and Peppy glanced at each other and shrugged. They were used to this sort of thoughtless behavior from Pigma. “Yeah, sure. The more the merrier, right?” said Peppy.

James noticed there was a pilot up front. “Holy shit, we’ve got our own private pilot.”

“Yup, León will take us wherever we wanna go,” said Andrew.

“Well, it’s supposed to be a surprise. Did you tell the pilot  already, Pigma?” asked James. Pigma nodded, smirking. They took off into the air. James opened a bottle of pricey champagne and poured out four glasses. They toasted to Peppy’s last nights of bachelorhood. After a few moments, James watched the coordinates on León’s screen. “Hey, wait a minute. Those aren’t the coordinates to where we were going…”

“I know,” said Pigma. “That place is for losers. First stop, the exclusive Club Xio on Zoness.”

“Zoness? Where are you getting the money for this?” Peppy said incredulously.

“Money has a way of finding me. Anything for a friend,” said Pigma.

James shook his head smiled. “I’m kind of worried about whatever other surprises you got for us tonight, Pigma. I have a feeling shit’s only gonna get crazier from here on out…” 

[Star Fox Runner]

Ooooh. This looks pretty good, I like James and Peppy stories.

My Favorite line here was probably....

Peppy laughed. “James, you don’t remember shit about that night.”

“Exactly, because it was an awesome party.

[Guest Julius Quasar]

Nice job, Rainfyre66!

[Star_Dragon]

What can I say, besides HOLY S***! That was cool!

[Guest Para Astaroth]

Nice job!

[evilwaffles]

An old school James and Peppy style story. Nice! Your style of writing is very descriptive. I like how this story is wrote, I will definetly be reading every chapter you post :yes:

[rainfyre66]

***Thanks for the comments, guys! I'm still having issues with uploading my story to Fanfiction.net, so I'm just going to warn everyone now, the next segment contains language, alcohol/drug references, and suggestive themes. I do not endorse any of these kinds of activities. Also, I must warn my readers again that this is going to be a BLACK COMEDY rather than a typical comedy, and depictions of certain characters may offend some people, so please don't read if you think you will be affected.***

Chapter Two

“So, this is Zoness,” Peppy said as they landed on an island buzzing with night life. He was trying to intercut the awkwardness as Andrew took a shady-sounding call on his comm. link.  Pigma kept insisting in a hushed voice that Andrew was cool. James rolled his eyes. Andrew clicked off his comm. link with a flourish. “Okay, let’s roll,” he said.

They got out of the cruiser, the ground nearly reverberating beneath their feet from the music that was coming from the club. James lifted his shades to take in the bright, flashing lights. Andrew eyed him suspiciously. “What’s with the sunglasses?”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s fucking night time outside. It’s, you know, already dark. What the hell does somebody need sunglasses in space for? To block out the utter blackness?” he smirked. “Unless…are you a dusthead?”

“Am I a dusthead?” He looked back and forth at Peppy and Pigma. “Am I a dusthead? This fucking guy…”

“James, it’s cool. Be cool,” advised Peppy.

“Hey man, it’s cool. I don’t judge,” Andrew shrugged. “I was just saying…”

“He wears those sunglasses all the time because he wants to look like a permanent douchebag,” Pigma said.

“There’s this guy I gotta meet inside. I’ll meet you cats back over at the bar.” Andrew gave a whistle and a finger snap, then went inside.

Pigma turned to James. “What was that all about? Look, don’t ruin tonight, alright? This is meant to be fun, not business. General Pepper didn’t order you to come out tonight and throw a bachelor blowout for your best pal Peppy, so loosen up.”

“What was that all about? Pigma, he accused me of being a freakin’ stardust addict. Now I don’t wanna say I don’t like that guy, but I think it’s safe to say the pot was calling the kettle black. I didn’t sign on for that kind of shit.”

“James, he just wanted to make sure you’re cool. You are cool, right?” Pigma stared at him intently.

James sighed. “Yeah. I’m cool. It’s cool.”

“Come on guys. Forget about it,” Peppy said. “A round of shots will do us all some good right now.”

“As long as it’s not that girly shit you like, make sure you get us a man’s shot,” snorted Pigma.

They slammed one, two, three rounds of pricey house liquor. Andrew finally rejoined them during the third shot. The bar was a neon tropical island oasis setting. Females of various species danced on neon platforms, dressed in skimpy primitive clothing. The men watched them as they sipped their beers. James was eyeing an attractive vulpine dancer in particular. She made eye contact and invited James to dance with her up on the platform. James had enough alcohol to loosen him up enough to dance with the sexy vulpine and a sultry panther on the deck. Pigma licked his lips and nudged Peppy.

“The laws in Zoness are different than Corneria. I heard you can take the girl with you if you want. You know what I’m saying, Peppy?”

“No way,” Peppy said. “I’m good.”

“I’m just saying, what happens in Zoness, stays in Zoness.”

“It’s not happening in Zoness.”

“C’mon, just a dance with them then. Live a little. You’re not married yet. If you won’t, well, the rest of us aren’t spoken for.” He glanced at James as he rejoined the group.

Andrew interrupted them by knocking on the bar and shouting, “Shee-OTS!” at the bartender, circling his finger to indicate the group. He picked up his comm. link after downing the shot, and mumbled a few words into it. Pigma had wandered off towards the dancers. He clicked it off and snapped his fingers. “We gotta go. You can take one of those to go if you want.” He pointed at the dancers.

“Why? This place is pretty cool, why not just hang here?” asked James.

Andrew looked at James as if he were an idiot. “Because. I booked us a suite at the Seaside Palace. The party will come to us. Check in time is now.” He walked quickly out of the club.

James looked at Peppy incredulously. “Well, let’s just roll with it,” he said with a shrug. He waved for Pigma to come back over.

“Okay Pigma, I’m with James on this. Seriously, what’s with this guy?” Peppy asked.

“What’s with you guys? Tonight’s about good times. Andrew is hooking us up.”

“What is he hooking us up with, Pigma? Drugs? Illegal arms? That guy is clearly dealing something and I don’t wanna get dragged into it. I’m getting married in a few days. I’m not going to jail with this guy.”

“Listen, if you guys want to have an awesomely legendary night, then you’re going to get your asses in that cruiser and we’re going to roll down to Seaside Palace and have ourselves a flippin’ good time, alright? Or you can try to call up ROB on that busted up P.O.S. Tank Fox and see if you can get that rusted lump of scrapheap to pick your asses up and spend the rest of the night chugging piss beer and playing beer knuckles. So what’s it gonna be?” Pigma stormed out of the club.

“What the…whose friend is he?” James asked. “Ours, or that jerk Andrew’s?”

“I gotta bad feeling about this James.”

“Me too. That’s why we’re going to the hotel. We can’t let something happen to Pigma, you know?”

Peppy nodded. “For sure.”

They went over to where the cruiser was parked and climbed in. Pigma smirked and nodded at them. “Okay, León. To the Seaside Palace.”

León nodded. “Seaside Palace. That’s a swanky little place, I hear.”

James noticed that the pilot had a thick, almost fake sounding accent. He vaguely wondered if maybe it made León feel more in the character of a private pilot.

Sure enough, the Seaside Palace was a high rise, swank looking hotel with beachfront property. They strolled  into the hotel, through the extravagant lobby, and into an impressive suite with an amazing view of the Zoness ocean.

“Check out the hot tub,” Peppy said, gaping at the enormous bath tub that was more like a swimming pool. James was too busy turning on the floor to ceiling television set. Pigma was checking out the fully stocked bar. Andrew walked over to the glass table in the living room and set down a briefcase.

“Who’s ready to get this party started?” he asked, unsnapping the latches of the case. He tipped it and was just about to dump the contents onto the glass top when he was interrupted by a knock at the door.

A secretive grin spread over Pigma’s face. “Hold off on that for a minute, Andrew. Somebody very special is here…”

[Fluxy]

Doing Good! loving it so far. It's sad to know the inevitable outcome, but overall awesome!!! Gotta keep it up! :D

[Guest Julius Quasar]

Nice!

Great job rainfyre66.

[The Green Fox]

Reminds me of Julius Quasar's fics. Don't know why, maybe it's the flavor.

[Sapphire]

Very nice I'm eager to see who is at the door :)

[Guest DRL]

I have to say, I had a good

LOLZ

[ICantLose74]

I can't wait to hear what happens next! Great job!