Love Life Talk

[Sarita]

Firstly if you love some one you'll change for the better for them.

Warning: This is my opinion, you may or may not be offended.

That's a nice romantic sentiment, but no. If someone ever tells you that you need to change if they love you, they don't love YOU. They love what they thought you were, and when you don't size up to their ideals, they try to force a change. This is not a healthy relationship dynamic. Seeing your SO's faults and accepting them? You love the person.

[StarFoxfan-FUR_ever]

Well now it seems that I am going through that phase of "what if?" in my mind. For whatever reason, I can't get the idea out of my head that we could have been happy had we not broken up....or I should put it....given up on the relationship. (It's not like anyone ever used the term "hate" until after we broke up...)

I don't get it at all. It's like I am going through this same pattern over and over again.

1) Try to put the past aside

2) Start thinking about it

3) Get all emotional over it

4) "She wasn't worth it!!" (Anger kicks in)

5) Begin listening to music (that seems to relieve this anger and/or stress) that tells you all the bad things about relationships.

6) Think about (or) actually talk to someone about it.

7) Think about it more, but eventually getting over it (for the most part)

8) Become upset when I notice another couple that seem really close and make me think my relationship was a stupid fling

9) Repeat.

Any help with this?

[Thu'um]

Warning: This is my opinion, you may or may not be offended.

That's a nice romantic sentiment, but no. If someone ever tells you that you need to change if they love you, they don't love YOU. They love what they thought you were, and when you don't size up to their ideals, they try to force a change. This is not a healthy relationship dynamic. Seeing your SO's faults and accepting them? You love the person.

Well it's not like that. If you have errors why not try to better your self for the other person, Not thing like dressing difrently but become and all around better person might impress some one, It has worked for me.

[Sarita]

Well it's not like that. If you have errors why not try to better your self for the other person, Not thing like dressing difrently but become and all around better person might impress some one, It has worked for me.

Because no one is perfect, and expecting them to be is setting yourself up for disappointment. Many people (myself included) like themselves just the way they are. Steve loves me the way I am, despite my flaws. That's the point I was trying to make.

Been together 3 and a half years, being me and not worrying about how he feels about my flaws all the time works for me.

[Steve]

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

- Sam Keen, from To Love and Be Loved

[Thu'um]

So your saying that if you loved another And you drank spending all your money, and at this rate your children won't ba able to go to collage. You wouldn't try to change? 

[Milkyway64]

Because no one is perfect, and expecting them to be is setting yourself up for disappointment. Many people (myself included) like themselves just the way they are. Steve loves me the way I am, despite my flaws. That's the point I was trying to make.

Been together 3 and a half years, being me and not worrying about how he feels about my flaws all the time works for me.

This a thousand times over. People will be people, Prince Charming or in fact a "perfect" person does not exist. Expecting to find him/her isn't going to do you much good, but it does show that you might have a bit of growing to do. Steve loves me the way I am- wait.

SINCE WHEN WERE YOU INVOLVED WITH MY STEVIE?! >=O

[The Shaper]

SINCE WHEN WERE YOU INVOLVED WITH MY STEVIE?! >=O

Oh come on Milkyway even I knew that and I wasn't even here as long as you.

[Steve]

So your saying that if you loved another And you drank spending all your money, and at this rate your children won't ba able to go to collage. You wouldn't try to change?

There are limits on what you can handle or what you can't xD, it's more a matter of knowing how you really are, first, then what you can handle on other people. Of course, things like drugs, abuse, compulsive shopper, gambling, things like that, are stuff you should avoid from another person if you are not willing to help them overcome those issues.

I'm going to go ahead and say that there's a difference between personality  and trends , and problems.

[Sarita]

So your saying that if you loved another And you drank spending all your money, and at this rate your children won't ba able to go to collage. You wouldn't try to change?

That's a totally different circumstance, and totally not what I said. See what Steve said.

Also, Milky, when did we officially include Steve in our love affair?

[Thu'um]

Oh come on Milkyway even I knew that and I wasn't even here as long as you.

SHHH! his judgment is coulded. Thats why he thinks Krystal has no personalty  BTW it's a joke

[Milkyway64]

Also, Milky, when did we officially include Steve in our love affair?

Well, it was supposed to be secret, but if he's okay...  :P

[Steve]

Well, it was supposed to be secret, but if he's okay... 

Don't worry, my love is big enough for both of you. :wink:

[Sabre]

Having a girlfriend is something that's so unbelievably out of reach for me.  Ah well...I'm not too interested in something like that, not now anyway.

I don't know if it's my fault or there's but I just can't find love anywhere. 

Maybe patience is the key, I know she'll show up someday.

Then there's  she's good company while I wait for the real thing. 

I disagree with this idea on the grounds that you will end up waiting forever.

On the subject of changing things about yourself, or rather not, I disagree and believe it is somewhat hyporcritical that people say you shouldn't change.

The hypocrasy comes from the early days of the thread where I mentioned putting up with crap you don't like shows that the person doesn't respect you. Of course, people here said that you have to willing to sacrefice to be with someone you love, now you are saying you shouldn't? Let's say me and User are dating, and I don't like Lazer Tag, but he drags me to all the events. Where is the line between "Sacrefice" and "Being yourself" which in this case would be not going to lazer tag?

Second, 'Being yourself' only works if you are a charasmatic so and so. If I was to be myself I not only would lose any thoertical GF I had, but wouldn't function in day to day life. Ignoring personal retardation, most people here would agree that I have a 'bad' personality. Making it a lose-lose situation.

[Milkyway64]

I disagree with this idea on the grounds that you will end up waiting forever.

On the subject of changing things about yourself, or rather not, I disagree and believe it is somewhat hyporcritical that people say you shouldn't change.

The hypocrasy comes from the early days of the thread where I mentioned putting up with crap you don't like shows that the person doesn't respect you. Of course, people here said that you have to willing to sacrefice to be with someone you love, now you are saying you shouldn't? Let's say me and User are dating, and I don't like Lazer Tag, but he drags me to all the events. Where is the line between "Sacrefice" and "Being yourself" which in this case would be not going to lazer tag?

Second, 'Being yourself' only works if you are a charasmatic so and so. If I was to be myself I not only would lose any thoertical GF I had, but wouldn't function in day to day life. Ignoring personal retardation, most people here would agree that I have a 'bad' personality. Making it a lose-lose situation.

It's really on how extreme the situation is. The diffrence between sacrifice and change is how much and how far. Sticking it out to a few LQ games is harmless save the price of admission, but being forced to LIKE it or he gets upset is wrong. Likewise, it's impossible to "be yourself" completely, but you can still add your own personal flair that makes you you mixed with the social drone we all are driven to be.

[Guest Julius Quasar]

*EDIT*

Today I also realized that tomorrow will be exactly 3 years since I first met Belinda, before she died 3 weeks later, may she rest in peace.  Huh.  Tomorrow I'm gonna try to honor her memory, maybe go for a hike in the arboretum.  Feels like forever ago, we first went to that nightclub in LA that Friday night.  I really miss her.

I think she's back, for Halloween, paying me a "visit".  O_o

[AAAA]

I disagree with this idea on the grounds that you will end up waiting forever.

On the subject of changing things about yourself, or rather not, I disagree and believe it is somewhat hyporcritical that people say you shouldn't change.

The hypocrasy comes from the early days of the thread where I mentioned putting up with crap you don't like shows that the person doesn't respect you. Of course, people here said that you have to willing to sacrefice to be with someone you love, now you are saying you shouldn't? Let's say me and User are dating, and I don't like Lazer Tag, but he drags me to all the events. Where is the line between "Sacrefice" and "Being yourself" which in this case would be not going to lazer tag?

Second, 'Being yourself' only works if you are a charasmatic so and so. If I was to be myself I not only would lose any thoertical GF I had, but wouldn't function in day to day life. Ignoring personal retardation, most people here would agree that I have a 'bad' personality. Making it a lose-lose situation.

There is a difference in making someone like you because you are pretending to be the type of person they like and love

if you change for someone or act a certin way so that they willl like you eventualy you will revert back to who you really are and unless stockhome syndrome has set in they aren't going to like you anymore

being yourself while it might not be the fastest way to find love is the best way to go about it why?

because then when you do find the person that enjoys beign with you as who you really are then it's all worth it and you won't wake up one day a totally different person..

Now thats not saying that they won't cause as your advice was to change they might be doing that as well if thats the case find someone who is really who they are

and yes i know my typing sucks but thats ok cause i used giant spaces to make it not one omg run on sentense XD

really though you only live once guys and if you have to wait untill your fifty to find real true undying love isn't it worth it? to have someone to spend the rest of your life with to wake up to every day and not have to be cold and lonely at night wondering if you will ever find someone

maybe what i said doesn't make sense but if you want fake love you can find that on near any street corner in any country in the world...

ok i'll shut up now

forgive my grammer guys XD

[Sabre]

really though you only live once guys and if you have to wait untill your fifty to find real true undying love isn't it worth it?

No. For verious reasons. You can't start a family, you don't have alot of time to spend with them, you are to old to do all the things you want. Plus, as I have said, if you wait you end up waiting forever then die alone. That's a little thing called reality. "Undying" only works in twilight books.

if you want fake love you can find that on near any street corner in any country in the world...

erm. Youre confusing love and sex. Must be a teenager.

The top half makes no sence and seems to be random words mashed together.

[Sarita]

erm. Youre confusing love and sex. Must be a teenager.

The top half makes no sence and seems to be random words mashed together.

He's actually older than Steve I dunno by how much, but he is. He did say fake love, right? Or am I the only one who saw that?

He's being pretty realistic, actually. He's not necessarily suggesting you wait ONLY for true love. (I say this because I know him, and I think I know what he means xD)

if you change for someone or act a certin way so that they willl like you eventualy you will revert back to who you really are and unless stockhome syndrome has set in they aren't going to like you anymore

This is where he makes his point, I believe. Why change who you are to make someone like you? It's hard and pointless, and you suffer just to make someone else happy? That's kinda stupid. Be who you are and don't pretend to be something you're not, and it's better for yourself in the long run. Sure, love makes the world go round and all that jazz, but it isn't so important as it is to be yourself.

I know his grammar is bad, but I understood just fine.

tl;dr love is complicated and relationships are even more complicated. Your mileage may vary.

[Star Fox Runner]

The game of love is complicated to say the least, all I know is that I have a girlfriend that genuinely cares about me, and I genuinely care about her. Will it last? No one knows, but that's the gamble you take when you choose to love somebody, you'll either find what you've been looking for all your life, or leave heartbroken.

You either make your way through the hardships and stay together forever, or you realize it's not meant to be, and try and move on. There's not much more you can do.

[Guest Julius Quasar]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW_SKWjrE2U

(sorry, couldn't resist posting this) :P

[Sabre]

He's actually older than Steve I dunno by how much, but he is. He did say fake love, right? Or am I the only one who saw that?

He's being pretty realistic, actually. He's not necessarily suggesting you wait ONLY for true love. (I say this because I know him, and I think I know what he means xD)

This is where he makes his point, I believe. Why change who you are to make someone like you? It's hard and pointless, and you suffer just to make someone else happy? That's kinda stupid. Be who you are and don't pretend to be something you're not, and it's better for yourself in the long run. Sure, love makes the world go round and all that jazz, but it isn't so important as it is to be yourself.

I know his grammar is bad, but I understood just fine.

tl;dr love is complicated and relationships are even more complicated. Your mileage may vary.

Still. Sex isn't love.

Well, any points made were missed by his post being a total mess. Stockhome syndrome is about hostages, so I don't know what he is on about there. As for your point about not changing, that's a bit of a false dicotamy in that you assume the change is complete, drastic and negative or not at all. By your logic there is someone out there who will love a so called crazy person who doesn't opperate on a human level beyond imitation.

[Sarita]

Still. Sex isn't love.

Well, any points made were missed by his post being a total mess. Stockhome syndrome is about hostages, so I don't know what he is on about there. As for your point about not changing, that's a bit of a false dicotamy in that you assume the change is complete, drastic and negative or not at all.

Don't assume you know what I'm saying. You seem to be making assumptions just so you can continue to have something to debate about. It's over.

On topic, however: My love life is quite fine, thanks.

[Sabre]

So why don't you say it rather then implying it?

[JCMasterman]

I disagree with this idea on the grounds that you will end up waiting forever.

On the subject of changing things about yourself, or rather not, I disagree and believe it is somewhat hyporcritical that people say you shouldn't change.

The hypocrasy comes from the early days of the thread where I mentioned putting up with crap you don't like shows that the person doesn't respect you. Of course, people here said that you have to willing to sacrefice to be with someone you love, now you are saying you shouldn't? Let's say me and User are dating, and I don't like Lazer Tag, but he drags me to all the events. Where is the line between "Sacrefice" and "Being yourself" which in this case would be not going to lazer tag?

Second, 'Being yourself' only works if you are a charasmatic so and so. If I was to be myself I not only would lose any thoertical GF I had, but wouldn't function in day to day life. Ignoring personal retardation, most people here would agree that I have a 'bad' personality. Making it a lose-lose situation.

So what you're saying is that waiting is a bad idea? I honestly didn't mean to spawn some sort of off-topic tangent.

But in my mind it's the best way because for the moment, it seems pointless to try and find love.