Love Life Talk

["User"]

Well, I have a date on the 7th next month.  This should be fun. :)

[Thu'um]

We had a debate to day at school. I was on the oppsite side of Emily, but We got to talk more then we usaly get to. She was being a jerk to this one Over weight kid, but thats just the way she is....she makes fun most people. i am just glad she's playing around. It harder for me to talk to her with new seats in my classes i am far away from her.

[Arashikage]

I really have no idea what's going on, but I don't see Gretchen much anymore.  Not that I saw her other than just passing by in the hall anyway, but she sometimes stopped in with my friend Nick in my open period.  But the point is, I have absolutely no idea what's going on here, I don't know if she likes me back or if she thinks I'm a stalker or what, by the way there is no reason she should think I'm a stalker.  But I was told she knows I like her, and she hasn't really been talking to me, she barely gives me a passing glance when we pass each other.  I'm starting to get discouraged...

[fox1235]

Something kinda of good happened today. Well I used to think this guy dated the girl I liked, but it turns hes not. So thats good, also heard she might be joining the swim team which I'm also doing, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

[Thu'um]

Cool!  hope that works out nicely.

Today This kid stole Somthing of Emilly's, I manged to steal it back and give it too her. She has been getting more comfortable talking to me now!

[Sabre]

I know I asked this before (or at least similar) but do you think I should lower my standards? My only requirement is that they are nice (as in kind personality) and smart (as in not dumb as a post and extremely shallow) However, such women seem to only exsist in fiction and in small numbers on the internet.

As embarrassing as it is to say, I'm getting sick of people saying my sights are to high when this topic comes up. After all, I am a fat, somewhat ugly, antisocial arse. If Im not willing (or able) to completely change then I must go for the obnoxious loudmouths whos only thoughts begin and end with celebrity fasion. Of course this flies in the face of the usual "Just be yourself" and "Love will always find a way" type crap I hate so much.

In short, I'm stuck in a loop and want to know if 'settling' for someone I hate is needed to break out?

[StarFoxfan-FUR_ever]

No...just no. If you can't actually see yourself together with someone, then not only are you wasting your own time with them, but there's as well. Point is, there is no point in trying to make yourself want to love someone. It isn't going to work. Look at it this way, you got the right idea. Eventually it should work out.

["User"]

Well, I just back from my date and it worked out AMAZINGLY! I could not have asked for a better "first night" with a female and it seemed that everything was going my way.  We share a lot of the same beliefs and things seem to be working out very good so far.  She's a little shy, but I could tell she was very fond of me.

I will be meeting with her again tomorrow morning.

I know I asked this before (or at least similar) but do you think I should lower my standards? My only requirement is that they are nice (as in kind personality) and smart (as in not dumb as a post and extremely shallow) However, such women seem to only exsist in fiction and in small numbers on the internet.

No.  Furthermore, finding a female who is nice and not "dumb as a doorknob" should be a "right" when it comes to what you look for in a mate.  There is no point at all in lowering your standards in this instance.

In short, I'm stuck in a loop and want to know if 'settling' for someone I hate is needed to break out?

You should never consider something like this.  Why would you want to be in a relationship where you already don't like the other person.  In this case it's preferable to NOT be in a relationship period.  Nothing wrong with being single and a lot of my good friends are.

I also agree with what StarFoxFan posted.

[Thu'um]

Well, I just back from my date and it worked out AMAZINGLY! I could not have asked for a better "first night" with a female and it seemed that everything was going my way.  We share a lot of the same beliefs and things seem to be working out very good so far.  She's a little shy, but I could tell she was very fond of me.

I will be meeting with her again tomorrow morning.

That sounds asome!

[Sabre]

I don't get how women are shy. I guess it's the same reason we are. When it comes to shy people, I think they enjoy being teased slightly. No idea why, it's fun when you tell a rude joke or give a complement that makes them turn bright red, but smile. I don't like to embarress them, but I think you know what I mean. Once again, you have a talent for attracting ladies.

I have no problems being single other then the constant feeling of sadface. My issue is one of being single forever. I'm 25, in my prime, and never had a gf.

...That sounds really pathetic and emo. Here's a icon of slippy to make things fun again. :slippy:

[Milkyway64]

I don't get how women are shy. I guess it's the same reason we are.

Nooooooo, you think?!

I have no problems being single other then the constant feeling of sadface. My issue is one of being single forever. I'm 25, in my prime, and never had a gf.

Jinxing yourself is bad mkay.

And if it helps, User was 22-ish before he got his first girlfriend. I don't think he has a talent, but rather the tenacity to do it. EFFORT.

[Thu'um]

I don't get how women are shy. I guess it's the same reason we are. When it comes to shy people, I think they enjoy being teased slightly. No idea why, it's fun when you tell a rude joke or give a complement that makes them turn bright red, but smile. I don't like to embarress them, but I think you know what I mean. Once again, you have a talent for attracting ladies.

I have no problems being single other then the constant feeling of sadface. My issue is one of being single forever. I'm 25, in my prime, and never had a gf.

...That sounds really pathetic and emo. Here's a icon of slippy to make things fun again.

Well theres a diffrence between guys who go around dating all the time, and guys who wait for the right person

["User"]

Nooooooo, you think?!

Jinxing yourself is bad mkay.

And if it helps, User was 22-ish before he got his first girlfriend. I don't think he has a talent, but rather the tenacity to do it. EFFORT.

I was 24 when I met my first GF, originally online, and 25 when I met her in person for the first time.

Every relationship I've had started, more or less, due to "things falling into place".  Once I was "officially" in one that is when I started to put effort into the relationship process.  Right now this is perhaps the first time in my life that I'm actually "trying" to find a suitable mate and it seems to be working - at least for now.  Apparently the girls with the moral qualities that I desire typically look for nice, funny, and compassionate guys" and not the "big bad machoman"

[Sabre]

I was 24 when I met my first GF, originally online, and 25 when I met her in person for the first time.

Every relationship I've had started, more or less, due to "things falling into place".  Once I was "officially" in one that is when I started to put effort into the relationship process.  Right now this is perhaps the first time in my life that I'm actually "trying" to find a suitable mate and it seems to be working - at least for now.  Apparently the girls with the moral qualities that I desire typically look for nice, funny, and compassionate guys" and not the "big bad machoman"

I disagree there. As I said previously they tend to claim that, but go to arsehole 3965 who treats them badly, but those same women treat nice people with suspision, and without the body or charisma of those arse hole guys I/we are left at the bottom of the heap. My 'trying' attempts (a term that I'm not a fan of as it basicly means "go places I dont like") also tends to result in meeting said idiots.

[Milkyway64]

I disagree there. As I said previously they tend to claim that, but go to arsehole 3965 who treats them badly, but those same women treat nice people with suspision, and without the body or charisma of those arse hole guys I/we are left at the bottom of the heap. My 'trying' attempts (a term that I'm not a fan of as it basicly means "go places I dont like") also tends to result in meeting said idiots.

And yet, here he is, with results. "disagreeing" with what worked is a bit foolish.

Try and you stand a lot better chance. Whining on the internet about how you failed and you will not.

[StarFoxfan-FUR_ever]

I wouldnt consider it whinning really. More or less, Sabre seems to have become emotionally torn by the fact that no matter how much respect he gives a woman...it means moot to them.

[Fira-Astrali]

I disagree there. As I said previously they tend to claim that, but go to arsehole 3965 who treats them badly, but those same women treat nice people with suspision, and without the body or charisma of those arse hole guys I/we are left at the bottom of the heap. My 'trying' attempts (a term that I'm not a fan of as it basicly means "go places I dont like") also tends to result in meeting said idiots.

Sabre, sometimes, to get what you want, you`ve got to do some shit you don`t want to do. When I first started out here, i didn`t like this site very much. Forums always intimidated me more than a little bit, and overall i just wasn`t really comfortable here.

Then Asper came along. I have visited the site basically every day since February. Go figure.

Personally, as much as i know the feeling you have of nice ppl making stupid relationship choices, the fact that you constantly repeat this sounds more like a self-fulfilling prophecy to me.

[Sabre]

Sabre, sometimes, to get what you want, you`ve got to do some shit you don`t want to do. When I first started out here, i didn`t like this site very much. Forums always intimidated me more than a little bit, and overall i just wasn`t really comfortable here.

Then Asper came along. I have visited the site basically every day since February. Go figure.

Personally, as much as i know the feeling you have of nice ppl making stupid relationship choices, the fact that you constantly repeat this sounds more like a self-fulfilling prophecy to me.

I don't know what you mean. A self-fulfilling prophecy is one where the exsistence of the prophesy causes it to be true. If anything this is the oposate. An opinion formed by experience.

I get that doing stuff I don't want to do is required. Maybe I wasn't clear.

-Let's say that I have to 'be myself'. 'Myself' is computer games and other indoor nerdy hobbies.

-In order to get a gf I have to stop being nerdy and be outdoors and social.

-I tollerate doing those outdoors things and assuming the day isn't a complete waste the only people I meet are the shallow, dumb, unlikable people I mentioned.

-After a while I get sick of failure, at which point the cause is apparently me not being 'myself' for going outdoors rather then sticking to what I know (geeky indoor things) and/or setting my sights to high.

As you can see, I'm trapped in a loop. I either stay in my confort zone and get nowhere, or leave my comfort zone, waste alot of time and money, and get nowhere.

Again, I must also point out that this is not some emo QQing for attention. That's not me. I'm banging my head against a wall trying to get through to the other side others manage so easily. I assume there is a door somewhere, but people keep telling me to hit my head harder.

[JCMasterman]

Well theres a diffrence between guys who go around dating all the time, and guys who wait for the right person

I couldn't agree with you more dude.  That's pretty much my philosophy at this point. I honestly think that dating constantly is useless and will only lead to anger and frustration. My dad actually told me once that everything happens spontaneously, finding someone who loves you for who you are is no exception. Glad to see people with the same mentality.  :)

[Milkyway64]

The problem with that is love doesn't happen "spontaniously." It has to be set in motion by something ( a meeting) which won't happen if you expect it to just fall in your lap.

[JCMasterman]

The problem with that is love doesn't happen "spontaniously." It has to be set in motion by something ( a meeting) which won't happen if you expect it to just fall in your lap.

Alright, that warrants my explanation. See when my dad met my mom, it was during a time when he was constantly dating, yet it got him nowhere. Long story short, he met her because of his job. She was a new intern and he had to train her; so in a way yeah, their meeting was 'arranged'. Which "set in motion" their love for each other. Obviously I don't expect her to just pop up in front of me and say "I love you." That's just way too far-fetched. You might be thinking, "Huh, poor sap doesn't even know what he's talking about. Why did he even bother to respond?" And I'll say think what you will.

Anyway, I hope I'm as lucky as my dad.  :cool:

[Thu'um]

I couldn't agree with you more dude.  That's pretty much my philosophy at this point. I honestly think that dating constantly is useless and will only lead to anger and frustration. My dad actually told me once that everything happens spontaneously, finding someone who loves you for who you are is no exception. Glad to see people with the same mentality. 

Well, great minds think alike

["User"]

Well, I just got home and my entire day couldn't have gone any better I don't think. 

Right now, I'm one small step away from being in a relationship for the first time in nearly a year, however I am showing some restraint at the moment - if only for the next couple of days.

The problem with that is love doesn't happen "spontaniously." It has to be set in motion by something ( a meeting) which won't happen if you expect it to just fall in your lap.

In other words, you can't find love without effort.

[Fira-Astrali]

I don't know what you mean. A self-fulfilling prophecy is one where the exsistence of the prophesy causes it to be true. If anything this is the oposate. An opinion formed by experience.

I get that doing stuff I don't want to do is required. Maybe I wasn't clear.

-Let's say that I have to 'be myself'. 'Myself' is computer games and other indoor nerdy hobbies.

-In order to get a gf I have to stop being nerdy and be outdoors and social.

-I tollerate doing those outdoors things and assuming the day isn't a complete waste the only people I meet are the shallow, dumb, unlikable people I mentioned.

-After a while I get sick of failure, at which point the cause is apparently me not being 'myself' for going outdoors rather then sticking to what I know (geeky indoor things) and/or setting my sights to high.

As you can see, I'm trapped in a loop. I either stay in my confort zone and get nowhere, or leave my comfort zone, waste alot of time and money, and get nowhere.

Again, I must also point out that this is not some emo QQing for attention. That's not me. I'm banging my head against a wall trying to get through to the other side others manage so easily. I assume there is a door somewhere, but people keep telling me to hit my head harder.

and it sounds to me like you have gotten to the point where if you do go out of your comfort zone, you automatically assume that everyone there is going to be an idiot, so you look for idiotic things that they do, so when you see them, you can go, "AHA! I knew it!" that is what i meant by a self fulfilling prophecy. I used to do it all the time with people. I expected certain people to act a certain way, and i actually looked for evidence to support my claim, ignoring any motions they make as a nice person.

Because there is no way in hell that 100% of the people you meet out are idiots, that is a total impossibility.

Man, this would be way easier if I knew you in person :s

Do you travel at all? Maybe another culture would do you good, if everyone near you is so impossibly stupid

[Sabre]

That's confirmation bias. I avoid that stuff as much as possable. I doubt that is the case. Even so if that was the case I'm not that stupid. It might be the case now. Having done pretty much all the local events (the local area isn't that good for things to do) I have exhaused all reasonable options for activities. I would like to know how, if this is the case, how you broke out of it.

One possable idea I thought of a while back is due to the large number of idiots, maybe all the nice people stay away from those places, which makes the problem worse, but is unlikely.

As you said, not everyone is an idiot, but anyone nice has a bf, usually a bad one, or is gay, or has some other excuse. Logic would say then that I am the problem, and there are various reasons why, but again, apparently they are not an issue to someone who is in love ect.

I would love to know you in person. Not going to happen, and since you seem nice chances are you would have some reason to never speak to me again.

I should also point out the this is not the "Why don't you yes but" game. I am after sollutions, but it seems people are getting sick of my rambling. I really don't care. Other people have no problem with it. If it's my appearence or hobby, then I'm not interested in that person if they are that shallow. There are other, more sinister mothods, but I'm not willing to use because, again, I want love rather then a peice of meat I tricked into bed. I refuse to leave it leave it to 'fate' or some other new age crap.

If you still believe I'm talking crap, be sure to say so. I will start leaving a more detailed account of encounters to show you how the impossable is possable. Agreed?