Love Life Talk

[Showtime 1-1]

Why does absence have to make the heart grow fonder? Why can't you just forget? It would be sooo much easier.

[myu]

Last night, my girlfriend and I had a very long discussion about our relationship and how it wouldn't work. I think both of us walked away crushed. Today, school was terrible, everyone was saying "Happy Valentine's Day" to their loved ones, and I was left there analyzing the very beginning of Valentine's Day so as not to break down. This was my first serious breakup, and now I can see why everyone tells me long distance doesn't work.

It's not that they don't work, they just take a lot of work to work. My relationship used to be long distance (not anymore because we're married now.) Now, I'm not saying that if you work hard enough all long distance relationships will succeed, but it's not like each one leads to a dead end either.

[Cavemonkynick]

Every relationship is different. There's no formula or set of rules, how it all plays out depends on people involved.

[Steve]

Long distance relationships can be picky sometimes, specially if you are dating someone from another country and you need things like Visas and Permits and all that crap to travel. And it surely doesn't help if both parties are studying college/university or will start, as you can only focus on traveling to be with that special one or do serious work to get some real work experience, unless of course, you settle with low amount of irl time together.

It's a matter of devotion and conviction, and most importantly, patience, lots of it.

[Sarita]

Long distance relationships can be picky sometimes, specially if you are dating someone from another country and you need things like Visas and Permits and all that crap to travel. And it surely doesn't help if both parties are studying college/university or will start, as you can only focus on traveling to be with that special one or do serious work to get some real work experience, unless of course, you settle with low amount of irl time together. It's a matter of devotion and conviction, and most importantly, patience, lots of it.

So much of it.

[Steve]

So much of it.

I see what you did there

[Sarita]

I see what you did there

*Has been patient for 5 years* :T

[Drasiana]

It's not that they don't work, they just take a lot of work to work. My relationship used to be long distance (not anymore because we're married now.) Now, I'm not saying that if you work hard enough all long distance relationships will succeed, but it's not like each one leads to a dead end either.

That and the fact that most non-LD relationships don't work either ಠ_ಠ People seem to omit that fact when they go on their self-righteous "long distunse relushanshipts rnt reel reluships!1!!!" lectures.

[Geo Stelar]

Ah, why does it have to sink in just when seeing time is about to END!!!

[Vy'drach]

That and the fact that most non-LD relationships don't work either ಠ_ಠ People seem to omit that fact when they go on their self-righteous "long distunse relushanshipts rnt reel reluships!1!!!" lectures.

That's because most people put two and two together and get orange.

[Peter]

Well, I'm only 13. But, I've already resolved to never get married\in a relationship, because I don't want to be tied down. I'm kind of my own person, and so I want freedom to do what I want, how I want, when I want. Of course, that's just my opinion, and, as my friend says, "The number 1 tip to dating and being married: You're always wrong, and she's always right." I mean, I've had a few girls stare at me before, and one of them tried to actually tell me they loved me. So, even though i'm only in middle school, I'm already weary about anything to do with love\dating.

[Fluxy]

Well, I'm only 13. But, I've already resolved to never get marriedin a relationship, because I don't want to be tied down. I'm kind of my own person, and so I want freedom to do what I want, how I want, when I want. Of course, that's just my opinion, and, as my friend says, "The number 1 tip to dating and being married: You're always wrong, and she's always right." I mean, I've had a few girls stare at me before, and one of them tried to actually tell me they loved me. So, even though i'm only in middle school, I'm already weary about anything to do with lovedating.

*Waves you off* Have fun learning more about this in the next ten years of your life!~

[sroberson]

Well, I'm only 13. But, I've already resolved to never get marriedin a relationship, because I don't want to be tied down. I'm kind of my own person, and so I want freedom to do what I want, how I want, when I want. Of course, that's just my opinion, and, as my friend says, "The number 1 tip to dating and being married: You're always wrong, and she's always right." I mean, I've had a few girls stare at me before, and one of them tried to actually tell me they loved me. So, even though i'm only in middle school, I'm already weary about anything to do with lovedating.

I had similar feelings when I was 13 honestly. It's not exactly the tied down feeling (though it feels that way now) that got me, it was just the annoying 'high-class' and 'affluent' girls that I went to school with. Wasn't interested in them at all, I tend to call them the "plastic people" these days. I kind of get a similar feeling with the "you are always wrong" bit, that could be a headache...I am already a bit of a push over to everyone else. I don't need to flat out lay myself out as a doormat. In all honesty i'm probably hiding myself behind some charade and telling myself I don't care anymore when the reality is I am more afraid of getting my emotions wrapped around someone else's finger. Had that happen a couple times and the latest round wasn't pretty.

*Waves you off* Have fun learning more about this in the next ten years of your life!~

Wise man that Fluxy is...wise man indeed. Life gets complicated later on...

[mjakob42]

Okay, I’m not all that savvy into telling people my life drama, but we all seem to respect each other in this thread, so I’ll see if I can get some friendly advice from a friendly online community.

So, I’m in love with one of my coworkers – known her for about eight months now since I started working at this place. Originally, I wasn’t all that drawn to her until we started actually talking. Now I’m more attracted to her than ever (she’s pretty, she’s into a lot of the same stuff I am), and for once I think I finally found somebody, and we almost kicked a relationship off. Here’s where the issue comes in; about a month and a half ago, I went to a concert out of town with her and a few of her friends. During this trip, some drug use among them was involved. When we got back, she was very specific in telling me not to tell anybody about what happened, nor was I going to …but I come home to my brother and his drug problem. This entire weekend, I’m stressed out because of my brother’s problem and to top things off, I just watched this girl I really like take some pretty hard stuff. I was at work when I began to have an emotional breakdown, so I pull aside a coworker and tell them what’s on my mind – the conversation included my concern for this girl because her drug use. So, she found out I talked and got pissed (which she had a right to be). A few days later, I apologized and we started talking again like nothing ever happened, but there’s been this awkward feeling between us lately (the bad kind). I just don’t know if I should still try and go with her or if it’s time to move on. I’ve found somebody I seriously like (like, somebody I actually wouldn’t mind having a relationship with), and I don’t want to lose that.

[Geo Stelar]

I have a schoolmate who is my crush . 

[Arashikage]

Well best of luck to you guys, it's tough to actually come out with your feelings to someone who doesn't know how you really feel. However, a good word of advice, if they say they're not interested, just say okay, don't try to push it, it'll let them know you're willing to wait, or make them think you have other options.

Now I wasn't exactly faced with the same problem about a month ago. I was working with my friend's girlfriend when out of the blue she asked me if I was single. Unsure of where this was going, I said yes, and asked why she wanted to know. Apparently she had a friend who was looking for someone, and she set us up on a blind date. Normally, I'm not really one for the blind dating, but it went really well. About a week later of seeing each other, we decided we really liked each other and started a relationship. Been in it for over a month now, and I couldn't be happier. :)

[Geo Stelar]

thanks for the advice, Arashikage, I'll keep that in mind up until I finish college .

Anyways good job with that date; good luck with her!

[Cavemonkynick]

The past few weeks have been a little rough. I'll spare you all the details but after a series of increasingly long and aggressive arguments my girlfriend came to the conclusion that we need a break and probably wont be able to really clear the air between us until we can sit down face to face whenever the hell she gets to to come home next, which is probably November.

It sucks massive donkey balls but it is what it is.

[Gestalt]

^

Women

cant live with them....cant live without

[Cavemonkynick]

^

Women

cant live with them....cant live without

Amen to that my friend.

[Redeemer]

You got that right, we make the world go round and drive it crazy at the same time. :3

[Gestalt]

You got that right, we make the world go round and drive it crazy at the same time. :3

Mah hat is off to that one :|

[Arashikage]

Guys I really need some help here...

It started this morning, my girlfriend said she felt in a "weird mood" and didn't talk to me for a while. When she did, she was really depressed, and feeling bad. When I offered to help, she didn't want to get together, telling me it was best she had no distractions from her thoughts. I decided that I shouldn't go against her and see her anyway, but we still maintained contact through texting. When I said that I loved her, she didn't respond, and when I asked about it she said she couldn't say it right now, she just had problems with herself. I feel horrible because I can't be there to help and instead I'm sitting here knowing full well she's not doing well.

She made references to sorting out her thoughts before she makes any snappy decisions, and when I asked about that she said she didn't know. And when I told her I wanted to help, she said there was no getting better this time. I went on twitter, and sure enough I found her retweeting a crosstheline, "Cross the line if you can't let go of the past" and she said she was afraid of this situation and didn't want to make the wrong choice. Currently she won't reply because she's charging her phone away from where she is. I want to talk about this but I'm afraid of fucking something up. It's also worth noting that this past she can't let go of might be another guy. She had told me that she had fallen for a guy who is in college right now but she was over him early in our relationship. Unfortunately for me she still talks to him and that's what I'm afraid of, I'm afraid of losing her... Can anyone help me?

[StarFoxfan-FUR_ever]

Well, that's an interesting situation you got there Arashikage. Though I've never been paranoid about the possibility of being compared to another guy, I can tell you first off the LAST thing you want to do is even bring up thoughts about this other guy. If it turns out your assumptions are true, then there are a couple of things in play.

First, this other guy is in college, and for some reason, regardless of how many teenager parody movies continue to play the same story, all these younger girls are still into the idea of "The college guy" and how awesome they seem to be even though they realize they are taking a huge risk in terms of the trust spectrum....(gee, i wonder why)

Second, it is possible that in comparing the two guys she was in a relationship with, she may think that you lack something the other guy has, personality wise, that she appreciated in the other guy, but feels you are missing. Or, it could be that she is being extremely shallow and is comparing your bodies.

Ultimately, something is definetely on her mind that she dosen't feel comfortable telling you about. I would advise to not hound her about it. When she feels comfortable explaining herself, she will let you know. Either way think about it, if it turns out that she turns around and goes back with the other guy, she has to let you know. On the flip side, if everything turns out ok, she'll definetely let you know. So in short, don't try to force the situation, or that might irritate her. Approach her casually and give her the right amount of space so she can feel comfortable.

[sroberson]

@Arashikage

As much as I know I shouldn't say the things that I am about to say, i'll probably say it anyways...

I was in the same situation about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time got into a weird mood with talking to me, getting angry with me when I was concerned, getting unresponsive, etc. She ended up breaking up suggesting she just needed time to sort things out for herself and I think she held herself accountable for bad decisions she made when she was dating another guy before me - I held on to hope that she would come back around and we could try again but it never happened and it became clear she just didn't want to talk to me anymore. It tore at me for a longer time than I would like to admit so I won't fault you for feeling bad - I just hope that if it happens to you that you don't go resolving it the same way I did and have better resolve.

As far as what she is doing, to me, can be simply defined as being a crazy girl (let the readers be aware, I quite possibly have a chip on my shoulder with women). Whether she is truly battling any demons of hers or not is up in the air, but the important and cliche thing to note is that life goes on for you. I was always told that in order to have any healthy relationship both sides have to be able to stand on their own two feet. Relationships come and go, especially these days when "till death do us part" means "till boredom sets in, financial bickering occurs, and new people seem more interesting" . To me, the only thing assured in life is that its yours to live - not to live through somebody else. Her drama shouldn't be yours, just suggest you will be there and do what you think is best, but always remember that you did what you thought was best and that's all you can expect from yourself and from the situation that happens from it. I always worried about whether I could have done something better in a relationship, but once I took a step back I realized that even though it ended before I wanted I could always hold on to the fact I did my best. I could have done nothing better to make the situation change.

I hope things turn out better, I know how much it hurts as I usually take it pretty hard so I never wish it on other people.

First, this other guy is in college, and for some reason, regardless of how many teenager parody movies continue to play the same story, all these younger girls are still into the idea of "The college guy" and how awesome they seem to be even though they realize they are taking a huge risk in terms of the trust spectrum....(gee, i wonder why)

Ultimately, something is definetely on her mind that she dosen't feel comfortable telling you about. I would advise to not hound her about it. When she feels comfortable explaining herself, she will let you know. Either way think about it, if it turns out that she turns around and goes back with the other guy, she has to let you know. On the flip side, if everything turns out ok, she'll definetely let you know. So in short, don't try to force the situation, or that might irritate her. Approach her casually and give her the right amount of space so she can feel comfortable.

I honestly feel that the trust issue starts at about age 16 and gets better maybe around age 26 when they start concreting what they are interested in, aka, financial security and somebody that isn't a total loser. College in a way just gets a bit better because the motives for breaking up can be a bit more legitimate, but people also start to learn how to really manipulate others which is the time I feel gold diggers and two timers start cropping up. The number of Cosmo articles regarding how to safely have summer 'flings' is pretty sickening...It doesn't help anything that society sells sex to even the youngest members and then acts offended or confused by less than virtuous actions on the part of young adults.

I do agree with the comment about not hounding her about what is on her mind though, its a double edged sword sure enough, but I think there are more reasons you should back off a bit. If you don't you can be seen as spineless, clingy, smothering, you don't listen to her etc. etc. If you do back off then sure, she could use the argument that you don't care, but that's it really. If that reason comes up then I would give a hearty laugh at her over the phone (and by hearty laugh over the phone, I am mostly pulling up memories of one of my exes accusing me of cheating when she was the one doing it, and she accused me of cheating with people I never mention and never see) since you did express concern but she told you do back off and now she is just being hypocritical about it.