Why I've been gone

[Dermot]

Well, someone contacted me and mentioned that people had wondered where I was.  I guess I might as well say something.

When I was active here, I had a lot of complaints.  Like, daily complaints.  Mostly over gay content, as far as I can remember.  I encountered a lot of deep-rooted anti-gay views.  And after DZComposer recused himself from making decisions involving me, Steve came up to me and told me that if I get enough complaints for any reason, I would be gone.  He was pretty clear that it didn't matter whether or not the reasons were gay-friendly.  So I decided I wasn't going to play that game, so I stayed away longer.

In the modern gay-friendly world, anti-gay views are not reasonable.  They are homophobia - it doesn't matter if they're based on visceral fear or based on a methodical reason.  I have been accused of not being tolerant of people with anti-gay views.  Well, that is true - because anti-gay views dished at me don't deserve my validation or tolerance.  I was also accused of "acting too gay".  That I act "conspicuously gay" is also true - I act simply the way I am as a person, which happens not to be "straight-acting", but that's simply the benign unaffected nature of my personality, come what may.  With all the high-profile gay teen suicides over the past few months, it should be crystal clear that it doesn't matter why someone doesn't like gay things - to disapprove of gay people just for being gay, is hurtful, and harmful, and in 2010 completely unacceptable.  I don't care if someone was taught that in church or mosque or wherever - homophobia in any form is not conducive to civilized society where all people are equals.  Gay people are every bit as good and deserving of dignity as straight people, and this principle is absolute, and something I would not bend on in 1997, and I will not bend on in 2010.  If someone holds anti-gay views, they should be ashamed.  If homophobes cannot discard such views, gay people would at least prefer to never, ever be subject to them as if it's something they deserve.  And if someone tells me to tolerate anti-gay views, that is incredibly rude, and my blunt informative response would be polite compared to it.

Well, that's all I can think of.  I may or may not ever be back.

[The Shaper]

Your the second person to return in spite. And I think that it wasn't homophobia as much as it was hatred of yaoi opinions. But I'm not here to insult someone I've never met. I suppose I should inform you as well that Julius and Nick have left the site.

[CrypticQuery]

I can definitely understand why you've chosen to take a respite from this site for the reasons previously stated.  Although I cannot speak for other users here, there are, have been, and always will be members that will welcome you back to this community with open arms.  Good luck out there Dermot, and I for one, hope to see you active on here again. 

[Zzz]

So you're the famous Dermot, eh?

Is it really THAT hard to put our differences behind us and enjoy discussing one of our fav videogame franchises? What am I missing here?

Anyways, nice meetin you, sir.

[Sarita]

Hi Dermot. I hope your time away has been good to you! I do hope you come back to us.

[Kid_Cortet]

I'm with Sissi and R3dFiVe

come back damn it, if anyone has a problem, they have no right to it. We just need to all get along....

oh and don't forget

-tackles Dermot-

[Fluxy]

Heya, Dermot. I really do hope you see that along with myself and others, that we want you back and welcome you. I am rather sad how that whole thing resolved, and also angry, but sadly the past is just that. The past.

I hope you come back. =]

[Dermot]

There's nothing wrong with LGBT fan opinions.  I know of a great many people who have them.  The only reason they're flame bait here is because some people can't seem to handle them, especially on a regular basis.  There are intrinsic unfortunate implications for anyone who is prohibitively uncomfortable with common equitably age-appropriate LGBT topics and themes.  Those are issues I cannot and will not solve for them - they must find a way to evolve and grow as civil human beings without resorting to denigration.

Anyway, spite was not specifically intended.  I don't have any guile (which makes it nearly impossible for me to successfully lie to anyone), and since it's already a challenge for me to speak clearly, I endeavor to cut to the chase rather than spend an inordinate amount of time and energy considering how to sugarcoat my words.  When I'm calm and in a composed rational mode, my speech and writing can seem quite robotic, but at least then I have the best grasp of my communication skills.

Your the second person to return in spite. And I think that it wasn't homophobia as much as it was hatred of yaoi opinions.

[Kid_Cortet]

You're right, there is nothing wrong with LGBT opinions, hell, a lot of people here now could care less....at least that is what I have found

[Sabre]

So you're the famous Dermot, eh?

Is it really THAT hard to put our differences behind us and enjoy discussing one of our fav videogame franchises? What am I missing here?

Anyways, nice meetin you, sir.

It wasn't entirly as back and white as he claimed, but that's water under the bridge as they say.

[Kid_Cortet]

I don't understand. Do you mean they couldn't care less?

dude...where have you been lol....I have opened up about the fact i am gay on this site, and I have not been 'attacked' by it xD

[Milkyway64]

dude...where have you been lol....I have opened up about the fact i am gay on this site, and I have not been 'attacked' by it xD

The reason is because there's a difference between you, and what I got onto Dermot about.

[Fluxy]

The reason is because there's a difference between you, and what I got onto Dermot about.

I am actually curious about this case. Was it because he had the signatures and such showing those pics, along with some avi's that did as well? I personally don't know this issue that well.

[Milkyway64]

I am actually curious about this case. Was it because he had the signatures and such showing those pics, along with some avi's that did as well? I personally don't know this issue that well.

It was mainly that the better majority of his posts were yaoi shipping and yes, the avi and signatures didn't help matters. The deal was is unlike our current gay community, Dermot let it define who he was. Everything he said promoted and otherwise forced it into every discussion he posted in, whether it had a place or not. As Robert put it once, he was a "gay man" not "a man who happened to be gay."

[ThePointingMan]

I like that quote of Roberts, works for a lot oh stuff.

[Robert Monroe]

I like that quote of Roberts, works for a lot oh stuff.

Its very Emerson, isn't it? Anyway.

Set phasers to "wall of text".

Ok, so, yeah around the time you left, Dermot, there were some assholes here who apparently can't wrap their head around being gay. Yeah, its bad, its annoying, its uncalled for, and they acted like huge babies about it. But.

1: You provoked the to a large degree. Like Milk said: everything you did revolved around being GAY. While some diversity is nice, diversity loses its flavor when it becomes redundant. Its like if someone here was a soldier, or a punk rocker, and every topic they made and participated in revolved around that.

2: Its their buisness. Honestly, in the end, while having them to understand is nice and dandy, in the end its their choice. It is, and at the same time isn't, unreasonable. Its unreasonable in that they need to damn open their minds and be logical, but it is reasonable in that in the end its still their lives and they live it however they want and you shoiuldn't let that impede on your own life.

We all have to deal with views we dislike. Much like how those who disliked you had to still put up with your "gayness", you in turn are to be expected to put up with their homophobia. Compromise, everyone.

And really, you didn't make it easy for them. When you have a signature that's flashing a thousand yaoi images a minute, what do you -expect- people to do? Nod their heads and go "that's nice"? Some discernment on your behalf would have been much appreciated.

[Asper Sarnoff]

That pretty much sums up my thoughts as well. You're not a bad guy Dermot, and I honestly can't say homophobic is a word I'd use to describe myself, but when one concentrate on just a single part of the numerous things that makes a one self unique, and makes it a point in every post one make, I have no problem seeing how it's annoying to many.

[Dermot]

Well, considering the total sum of the life I've had both on SFO and away from it, then yeah, my gay identity is actually a rather large part of my life.  So it is for a lot of my friends.  It was never actually my intent to ham it up in any unusual way.  I am simply the fairly flamboyant sort of personality I am.  I am proud of who I am.  I am proud of my friends.  I am proud of what has been accomplished.  While it is true I tend to live in a mental "gay village", part of that is that I've more often had so little in common with most straight people I've known.  And most of the straight people I've had something in common with, themselves have mostly gay friends.  This is not to say that gay is always better and that everything better is gay - I am the sum of my life experiences and attitudes, and it doesn't really imply anything special.

While I was here, I periodically tried to float interests and see if anyone had them in common.  Sometimes it worked, and very often it didn't.  I have my interests, and my disinterests, as anyone else.  What I don't have is a dislike of straight people, especially not for being straight.  It's when a given straight person invokes a perceived right of ascended privilege for being straight that I take issue, because it is necessarily demeaning to gay people and dismaying to the straight allies of gay people.

And Robert Monroe suggested that I tolerate homophobia as a price for people tolerating me being gay.  No, that's not how it works.  If having homophobia is of equal worth to being gay, that either elevates homophobia to an unacceptable standard, or lowers being gay to having very unfortunate implications.  Being gay is both what a person is and who a person is, and may also be a very important part of their everyday identity.  Expressing homophobia is necessarily defamatory towards gay people in such a way that creates bad blood and is effectively a form of trolling and bullying.  See, when people talk about hoping for a world without homophobia, that's a noble hope for the future.  But when people talk about hoping for a world without gay people, that's just...vile.

And if gay seemed to enter disordinately into my being a Star Fox fan, that's because Star Fox is intrinsically one of my gay culture interests that I have in common with a lot of gay friends and artists.  It just as easily comes into play with my love of house music.

And additionally, nearly everything I say or do is to some degree unintentionally amplified by my OCD.  For the most part it is managed, but it still influences my every thought in some form or another.  Obsession is actually my mind's default state at rest, and nonobsession is what takes additional effort.  And so I make that effort to the best of my ability.  But don't read too much into all my signs of obsessiveness - it's just a part of my personality, no matter what the topic at hand.  If we were talking about cake, I could go on forever about it with an unusual intensity, if permitted.  And I don't even eat cake that often - it's not a very healthy food.

[Dermot]

I'm not really sure it's going to work out again.

[Robert Monroe]

Unfortunately, that is not how the world works. Its a society of compromise, as much as I hate to say it. I would love for people to ACCEPT each other and get along with each other, but its not going to happen. You're going to have to put up with douchebags who dislike who you are, and they're gonna have to put up with you being something they dislike. Its their choice to be hardheaded, in the end, and in objective fairness you can't do anything about it.

And noone said that you can't be proud of who you are and what you do. A large part of your life does not denote the ENTIRETY of it.

[Milkyway64]

  Being gay is both what a person is and who a person is, and may also be a very important part of their everyday identity.

And this is where I disagree. We have a few other gay people here on SFO. Kid Cortet is one and so is Nick I think.  Thing is, they follow this:

And noone said that you can't be proud of who you are and what you do. A large part of your life does not denote the ENTIRETY of it.

They actually talk about things and, if I had not actually peeked at their blogs or learned further into them, I really wouldn't have known. They don't direct anymore attention to their being gay than I do being straight. Ergo, they don't make it the center of everything they do. They have a diverse range of interests cycled through here on SFO, and their sexuality is treated as one more detail about them rather than the DEFINING detail. Once more, they are not "gay men" but "men who happen to be gay."

[Guest DRL]

Oh, hi Dermot.

[Guest Mr. Mario]

Hey, I remember you from...maybe about 6 months ago.

All I'm just going to say is just: Hey, Dermot!

[Dermot]

Robert Monroe, Milkway64, you cannot tell me who I am or am not.  You have not had the life experiences that I have had, and it's rude (and highly controversial) to favor "straight-acting" over "gay-acting" or vice versa.  I am simply myself, and as long as it's not inflicting grievous harm on other people, being myself should be adequate.

And Robert Monroe, no one should ever have to tolerate being treated in a homophobic manner.  To not always be persecuted for benign immutable characteristics is a right.  My acceptance of homophobia is zero.  As it must be.  It is a prejudice that, wherever possible, must die a cold silent death.  That is not a matter up for negotiation.

[Milkyway64]

Robert Monroe, Milkway64, you cannot tell me who I am or am not.  You have not had the life experiences that I have had, and it's rude (and highly controversial) to favor "straight-acting" over "gay-acting" or vice versa.  I am simply myself, and as long as it's not inflicting grievous harm on other people, being myself should be adequate.

And no one said you had to. It's just you take it to the next level. See this:

And Robert Monroe, no one should ever have to tolerate being treated in a homophobic manner.  To not always be persecuted for benign immutable characteristics is a right. 

"Benign" is hardly the word for it. It's -all- you talked about. It's -all- you cared about. Your entire existence on SFO was CENTERED around it. THAT was what was annoying. Not the fact that you are gay, not that we're homophobic, not anything that you're constantly raving about now in this topic. It's that you were being persistently annoying in the same way some Krystal fantards get. It's that you were being persistently annoying in the same way Halo fanboys are even when other FPS's took over it's throne. It's that you were being persistently annoying in the same way some people religiously say Pepsi > coke. How much clearer can this be?

And Robert's point still stands. If they should put up with you, you should put up with them. It's just how it is, and I really can't say it better than Robert already has.