When life gets confusing!

[Thu'um]

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/somagames/redwall-the-warrior-reborn

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT2z0nrsQ8o

[Thu'um]

Hi guys I feel like I'm neglecting this place, but I still have plenty to talk about. I set up my schedule for next year, and i'm taking several challenging courses, including Ap lang, Ap US history, and AP chemistry. I'm also taking a bio engineering class which should be cool and a rhetoric of law class. The Redwall kick starter is going awesome, they're only 3000 something dollars and its only been maybe a week. 

 

How am I? I am well friends. I feel slightly conflicted about how things are around me, but I'm going with the flow. I've also taken a greater interest in things the evoke strong emotions. From novels, to music, and anything else. I guess i may have always been like that. Now i think i'll really start working in my poetry. Some times i sit around and wonder what i should write about but now i have a good theme, so all i have to do is start....

[Thu'um]

I feel like i've been neglecting this journal, but that's because all and all i'm pretty happy with how i live right now so there isn't much to say. 

 

So the Redwall kick starter is going GREAT! they're at 90% funds after only a week. http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/somagames/redwall-the-warrior-reborn/posts

But now they're introducing stretch goals that are fantastically interesting. I'm also really pleased with how this team seems to be developing it. They're talking about riddles and adventure and it seems if they have a good grasp on the redwall universe. 

 

Tf2, i'm trying to get better at it, but i'm a little discouraged with how i did last night. I know i played poorly, but its just a little disheartening, also i'm often distracted by other games often enough. I've been told i've got more then whats needed to make an iron level team but the problem is finding one. 

 

I'm going for another play through in Dues Ex HR, but this time i want to 100% it. 

 

My family has been fighting often, well more often then ussual. I think its the busy time of the year. I know i've done bassicaly nothing but study.....

["User"]

Tf2, i'm trying to get better at it, but i'm a little discouraged with how i did last night. I know i played poorly, but its just a little disheartening, also i'm often distracted by other games often enough. I've been told i've got more then whats needed to make an iron level team but the problem is finding one.

 

UGC forums.  That is all.

 

Also, you need to start playing only on servers that offer a consistent degree of competition rather than jump back and forth between "easy" and "difficult" servers. 

[Thu'um]

UGC forums.  That is all.

 

Also, you need to start playing only on servers that offer a consistent degree of competition rather than jump back and forth between "easy" and "difficult" servers. 

Well, actually i just need to play more! i hardly go to servers at all so i can't

 be playing on easy ones. 

["User"]

Well, actually i just need to play more! i hardly go to servers at all so i can't

 be playing on easy ones. 

 

You need to play more if that's the case.  Icy found an Iron level team recently, I'm sure I can help you find one if you're interested.

[Hidi]

Well if you're looking for a team, my friends and I are trying to get one started. I'm not sure what we've left to offer (If you even want to play with commies), but if you're interested, let me know. We haven't officially put in for UGC yet, but someone for whatever reason tried getting us into ETF2L. Yeah, we could probably use better organization and leadership, but I'm working on that whenever I find time to nag.

[Gestalt]

I know if my family isnt at auguin' somethins seriously wrong. P=

[Thu'um]

I know if my family isnt at auguin' somethins seriously wrong. P=

Kinda the same way here. Almost to the point of i'm proud of it. 

[Thu'um]

So today was rough. I woke up slightly mad. What about? nothing really. But it didn't help when I was stuck in first period with a bunch of girls i had previously noted to attractive and likely to be kind as well. Wrong. I don't know if it was just because they were in a group and felt the need to talk bad about others, or it was simply that they aren't as kind as i expected. Needless to say it insulted me almost that they'd do that....Then they preceded to talk about how they drunk over the weekend and how they hate their parents. Honest to god i was mad. Ajc is an internet fool and he knows it. But Alexander is smart enough to know that you actually NEED your parents despite how independent you are. Also maybe they were trying to impress me with drinking, but i had half the mind to tell them it was kind of disgusting to know that they had gotten drunk, and that it was FAR from attractive. 

 

then as i was walking through the hall a kid's back pack bumped the fire alarm and we all had to evacuate.....40 min down the drain right there.

 

then my Ap european history exam drained by brain. I've got a bit of a head ache as i type this and over all i'm just mad with peers.  

[Steph McCloud]

Then they preceded to talk about how they drunk over the weekend and how they hate their parents. Honest to god i was mad. Ajc is an internet fool and he knows it. But Alexander is smart enough to know that you actually NEED your parents despite how independent you are. Also maybe they were trying to impress me with drinking, but i had half the mind to tell them it was kind of disgusting to know that they had gotten drunk, and that it was FAR from attractive. 

I understand what you mean there, when Im at school people are constantly talking about drinking and drugs, and it's quite a pain. They sound like idiots when they brag about that, especially in a school enviorment where you go to learn. It's very commendable of you to respect your parents the way you do and to not succumb to peer pressure and rely on what you believe in your heart is the right path. You're a very wise young man

[Thu'um]

Well its been 9 days since my last post! thats unacceptable. But I was busy with school. I'm sure you all know how the end of the year is: chaos. But I'm finished with my Ap exam, which was 3 hours long, and I'm fairly confident that i got a 5. 

 

With the dawn of summer, i usually face a problem. How to deal with all that free time? Well not this summer. I'm signed up for several wrestling camps, two more camps to learn how to sail, and SAT camp, and I have an internship in Charleston using my history skills at a museum. I'm a little intimidated by it all, but thats probably looking at it all at large. I had also almost hoped for that summer free time, but i know that busy is good. It keeps your mind healthy. 

 

Lately I've started preparing myself for next wrestling season. You're probably asking why, but HAVE the ability to win a state title next year. But thats a big goal, so i'm preparing myself mentally to go for it hard so that i'm already ready to tackle the challenges that get in my way. Any wrestler's biggest strength and weakness is his mentality. It can drive you to do things you never thought you could, but it also has the ability to hinder you if you become scared, or loose your confidence.  

[The Shaper]

Wrestling camps, getting a job, enjoying the city knowing you are allowed to stay up late, nd then just spend the rest of the summer unwinding from the grinding of school and everything the year has thrown at you. 'Tis what summers are for.

[Thu'um]

Wrestling camps, getting a job, enjoying the city knowing you are allowed to stay up late, nd then just spend the rest of the summer unwinding from the grinding of school and everything the year has thrown at you. 'Tis what summers are for.

Well on top of that now, I have pounds of assigned summer work for ap Classes next year fun. 

[Thu'um]

I had a minor "break down" when in middle of this week. I say break down but It was just a general sum of several unfortunate events. But I took it into my own hands to MAKE my week end well, and it did. 

 

I got a hair cut today, I usually get my dad to put the 2' clipper on and then just shave my head. Well those broke so we went to the barber and i have to say her 2' is much different. I basically have no hair...XD  But its kinda cool, people keep asking me If i signed up for the military or something, and its much cooler with less hair. 

 

I go to work for the first time tomorrow, expect a post....

[Thu'um]

Everything went fine with the job, I simply learned the ropes. Heh, which is ironic since I work at prison where pirates were held. And learning the rope is a pirate saying. So I'm unable form paragraphs with the iPad so forgive my In ability to make this neater. I am some what conflicted. The past weeks I have felt like I am lacking moral obligation. In a ussual circumstance I try to do what is right simply because I desire that option, and I would be ashamed to knowingly commit wrong. Now I havnt done anything bad, but I havnt felt that lately. A little off topic from that I feel as if my perspective on the world has changed immensely with this past year. But it also changed somthing deeper in side of me. I can't put a finger on it. Or describe it, but after taking 10 minutes to think about it and then resuming I think I may have it. I was idealistic, which is normal for a teen, esspecially since I belive I've always had it well off. But I've become some what disillusioned with it all. I see problems every where. And the world isn't the place I had thought it to be.....

[Hidi]

Ok, you're excused from game night. The fact it didn't last very long yet is still your fault.

 

As for how you perceive the world - congratulations, I believe you now see it as many of my peers do as well (Well the non-moronic ones at least). At that point, all you can really do is make the most of what you see is/to be right.

[Redeemer]

I believe this change in perspective is just part of growing up, AJC. When you joined here you were just a little boy, but now you're maturing into adulthood, and with that, you take note of things in the world that might or might not directly affect you. It might range from stuff like how money is behind pretty much everything, or how friends truly treat each other, or stuff in the media that just makes you wonder what the world is coming to. The sad truth is, the world has always been like that. It's just your time to see it.

 

I hit that point of clarity when I was about 21, so I was pretty late I guess. I held on to my innocent optimism for as long as possible but people fucked me over a lot, and that's when it kind of hit me. I think it's good that you had your eyes opened at a younger age, because you can prepare yourself more for what truly lies ahead for you. That might be a 9-5 job, or the military, or whatever - but either way, you can now think rationally with realistic expectations.

 

Edit: If it makes you feel any better bro, I'm still having moments where I'm like "holy shit people are pretty shitty", and I'm 24. I really feel with you here, but the best part of it is, now you can do something about it and make decisions based on wisdom.

Edited May 26, 2013 by Redeemer

[Thu'um]

Ok, you're excused from game night. The fact it didn't last very long yet is still your fault.

 

As for how you perceive the world - congratulations, I believe you now see it as many of my peers do as well (Well the non-moronic ones at least). At that point, all you can really do is make the most of what you see is/to be right.

You'll have to forgive me. I was away, taken away to a place with out internet against my will. 

 

But I feel the need to evaluate on my earlier post, my realization wasn't that people can be terrible, or money. I've always been what some call cut and dry. I have a knack to see things just as they are. I think I've always known those and that sort of thing, but it was more that there isn't a simple good and bad. And this will sound cliche and obvious. But I honestly grew up with a mentality good vs bad. I'm going to attribute that to Redwall, but regardless its how i saw the world, and here is the obvious part but I need to say it for this to get full impact, but people aren't just good or bad. Few things are. but the effect it had on me was that not only are those whom i have chastised entirely evil or wrong, but the people i've looked up to and even loved have an evil side. That they despite doing great good, are capable of doing evil, and that I myself am not a good guy, as i would desire to think myself. But that i'm just a guy with the potential to be either. I'm sure this is obvious knowledge to you all, and it was to me to.   "But wait you", you say" didn't you just say you didn't know that". True but it is one of those truths you don't fully acknowledge, I've always been aware we are capable of good and bad. But i still labeled people as good and bad. Meaning despite of ability to do either, i still believed there were people who were naturally inclined to do evil, and those who would do good. But on a positive last note, perhaps this makes good deeds a little more genuine. Knowing that those who do good, made the choice to rather then feeling they must. 

 

I know that's a mouth full, but its a little excerpt from the mind of ajc, which is some what chaotic. If it makes sense say so, and if you think i honestly make no sense what so ever say so, so i can try to refine the thought. 

[Robert Monroe]

I tend to believe in absolute good and evil, but men tend to fall in the whole spectrum of grey between that.

 

People are terribly complex things to be sure, but don't let that sort of thing wear on you too bad. Morality is a tricky topic to discuss with no defined answer- I'm open to discussing it with you on Skype sometime if you like.

[Redeemer]

I tend to believe in absolute good and evil, but men tend to fall in the whole spectrum of grey between that.

 

I also believe in good and evil, and actually, when I really think about it, most are in the grey area, but I think it's possible (or I would like it to be possible) to be a truly good person. I've met some extreme individuals in my time, and this is based off my personal life. I'm not actually saying what's good and what's evil or anything.

 

However I mostly class people as good and not-so-good. I know some wonderful people who I adore. I know some people that I've had my disagreements with, but still think they're good. And I know some people (very few, maybe like, three) who are total jerks and just like upsetting others, or are totally self-centred, and I don't think they're "good people" (while not exactly evil). I guess it's measured on your own personal morals, beliefs, etc. Things can get even MORE complicated when people do bad things for a greater good.

 

And AJC, for what it's worth - I think you're a good guy. You might see yourself as a canvas with potential, but I already think you're a good guy.

[Thu'um]

First, sorry for a delaid response, my internet when out, but also i'm really glad you guys are responding. Don't feel obligated to if you tire over the topic, but enjoy being able to bounce my ideas.

I tend to believe in absolute good and evil, but men tend to fall in the whole spectrum of grey between that.

 

People are terribly complex things to be sure, but don't let that sort of thing wear on you too bad. Morality is a tricky topic to discuss with no defined answer- I'm open to discussing it with you on Skype sometime if you like.

Right, well I still do belive there are absolute evils. Things that really can't be justified, and of course I belive in completely genuine good works too. And yea, to me, people are what seem fall in between. But i'll explain that in response to red becuase I REALLY like what she said. 

I also believe in good and evil, and actually, when I really think about it, most are in the grey area, but I think it's possible (or I would like it to be possible) to be a truly good person. I've met some extreme individuals in my time, and this is based off my personal life. I'm not actually saying what's good and what's evil or anything.

 

However I mostly class people as good and not-so-good. I know some wonderful people who I adore. I know some people that I've had my disagreements with, but still think they're good. And I know some people (very few, maybe like, three) who are total jerks and just like upsetting others, or are totally self-centred, and I don't think they're "good people" (while not exactly evil). I guess it's measured on your own personal morals, beliefs, etc. Things can get even MORE complicated when people do bad things for a greater good.

 

And AJC, for what it's worth - I think you're a good guy. You might see yourself as a canvas with potential, but I already think you're a good guy.

Hang on, becuase this is going to get a little bit theoretical. My old belife, was that people were good and bad. It wasn't that their actions that made them evil, it was because they were evil that they made evil actions. And vice versa with good people. And this gets a bit into nature vs nurture, but lets avoid that. My new conclusion I feel is that people arn't, by nature good, or evil. What makes some on good is their choice to do good. This means a couple of things. 1: No one is truly and wholely good, because they have the ability to do bad. Even if they are morally obligated, they are victims to atleast the thought of doing what is bad, for the sake of ease or some other reason. But in my oppinion, this makes the idea of good all the better. They arn't good because they were born that way. They're good becuase they choose to be, it was genuine kindness that evocted their actions not a chemical formula, or genetics. It gives me alot of hope. But one could still say there are good and bad people, but I like to avoid the claiming that. It almost suggests that they are better then some one who is not a "good" person. They've made better choices maybe, and are more morally bound. But i find that those people who are bad, are similar at the core, the diffrence is choice. And from there Who is good and who is bad becomes foggy. I like to think of people as good and bad, but my deffinition of good people are: people who make good moral choices.

 

 

After typing that all out I feel like I have confused myself a little bit, so i can hardly expect you guys to be crystal clear with it simply becuase of my poor ability to write things down as finite. And Red thats very kind of you to say  , I dont think of myself as a bad guy, or just a normal one. But that was the whole reason this ^ came to me. For a long time I considered myself the "good" guy, and it led to problems becuase i felt my actions where just. When i "reformed" my thoughts as above i remembered that being good didn't make my actions good. But that it was good actions that made me good.

[Thu'um]

So about two weeks ago I could tell i was starting to get upset. Now I feel at the top again, just goes to show how fast it all changes. My friday was GREAT. But I'm not here to talk about that exaclty.

 

My neighbor, Mary, was kind enough to give a new kid(myself) a ride to school every morning. Last week her boyfriend broke up with her, but unlike yor typical break up this was a little saddening. She is a seinor, and she had been dating this guy for 3 years, had gone to prom with him, even their faimlies faimles had grown really close and done things together often. Next year they would have gone to colleges that where only and hour and a half apart, then last week of school he broke up with her. I didn't ask why, but I have a feeling it was just him being a little dramatic. Its not hard to understand why she is upset, to me this seemed entirely out of the blue. It was only the week before she was telling me they where going to plan summer acitivites together. Regardless as i mentioned this to another female companion, she suggested quite thoughtlessly " be rebound guy". I told her it was more complicated then that, I don't think she undrstood. Besides at this point i don't thinking I could. She is more of a friend then anything.

[Thu'um]

I took me becoming a coward to learn how to be brave...

[Steph McCloud]

I took me becoming a coward to learn how to be brave...

Without fear there would be no courage.