sroberson Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 In addition to Hidi's post... All we are is dust in the wind dude... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH2w6Oxx0kQ It's a bit of a humbling feeling to find the frailness of life and how we seem to take it for granted if you ask me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 Hidi Y U NO MAKE SAME GAMENIGHT AS ME? In addition to Hidi's post... All we are is dust in the wind dude... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH2w6Oxx0kQ It's a bit of a humbling feeling to find the frailness of life and how we seem to take it for granted if you ask me. And yea, Kansas makes some great tunes. But my distress isn't how quickly we disappear. Its that we do. My children or family may remember me, but how long until they pass. And then my entire being vanishes. Think about it. Its almost if the idea of myself as a person ceases to exist. Kind of scary to become part of the void. Which is why I was questioning what I'm looking for in life. Largely I think I just want to become a part of history, something larger then myself forever. Although the singular thing I find consist strength in is faith, which is a touchy subject when it comes to a head like this. When placing trust in god and belief in an after life you theoretically should loose most to all earthly desire; however, no one is perfectly faithful or entirely committed. TO constantly put trust in something you can't see or touch is a constant struggle. The ability for faith to take away fear or sense of self preservation has lead people such as Orwell to call it, perhaps properly, as the drug of the masses. Although I have found this to only benefit myself, and those around me. I continue to stress less over issues of my own hands, evaluate my levels of compassion, and desire to grow close to a being who tells me to love my fellow man, hold myself to a level of moral integrity, and resolve conflict and if whom proves to be false, is real in the depths of my heart and the creation of my mind. What all does this mean? I'm not sure. Just more to think about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steph McCloud Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 But my distress isn't how quickly we disappear. Its that we do. My children or family may remember me, but how long until they pass. And then my entire being vanishes. Think about it. Its almost if the idea of myself as a person ceases to exist. Kind of scary to become part of the void. That reminds me of the quote "They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.†2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted October 6, 2013 Author Share Posted October 6, 2013 Its been about half a month, I'd ask were all the time has gone but I know the answer. I'm stressing pretty heavily over school. My AP classes are starting to pile up and i'm worried it will only get worse as wrestling starts. In fact my AP classes really aren't the problem. In all three of them I have over a 4.0, whats really getting me are the subjects that i'm not doing well in but don't won't to focus on as much like Spanish. I'm hoping colleges look more from the intense course load and my success in the subjects I plan to major in more then my GPA and my less then successful grades in classes like Spanish. Another thing, i'm pretty decided on wanting to be a chemist. 1: I'd be a fifth generation from my mom side which is pretty sick if I think about it. 2: I'm also really good at it. But what I want to do with chemistry evades me. I'm still considering the military, and then maybe using my chemistry there in weapons R & D. Which is would be useful for more then chemical weapons you know. Besides what people don't realize is that chemistry isn't just acids and nuclear generators, Metals, salts, energy, conductors, and reactivity are all chemistry and almost all innovation spawns at the chemical level. I'm also considering Bio-engineering ;however, again i'd want to work at the very small chemical end of it. Find compounds the would be compatible with the human body, and maybe producing materials the body would be less likely to reject or maybe even would integrate. My growth on a personal level has been minimal other then 2 mental break downs due to stress, 1 resulting in a migraine that actually made me cry at school D. : I'm honestly looking forward to getting through this year of school. Once its over I should have a much easier time, and be able to devote more of it to something I enjoy. Part of me also wants to be a writer. Ironic I know considering ajc was the bane of grammar, and drove the English language to edge of breaking. Despite my grammatical handicaps I actually do posses some prose in my writing. its short coming I blame to time, but I'm thinking of sitting down and writing poems I'll submit to the school news paper, anonymously of course to be dramatic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjrathbun812 Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 My growth on a personal level has been minimal other then 2 mental break downs due to stress, 1 resulting in a migraine that actually made me cry at school D. : Goodness, that sounds stressful! Public school really piles a lot on people that it can become ridiculous. In many ways I consider myself blessed to be a homescooler, because things aren't pushed so hard on me, and we can be flexible if other things in life pop up. I still get a reasonable amount of work done every day, but not to the point that I'm totally booked and can't do anything else that's important for me to learn how to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted October 7, 2013 Author Share Posted October 7, 2013 Goodness, that sounds stressful! Public school really piles a lot on people that it can become ridiculous. In many ways I consider myself blessed to be a homescooler, because things aren't pushed so hard on me, and we can be flexible if other things in life pop up. I still get a reasonable amount of work done every day, but not to the point that I'm totally booked and can't do anything else that's important for me to learn how to do. home school Well, to be fair these are classes I've elected to take, and I've done so that I stand a good chance of getting into a technical college. Which makes me curious about how college evaluate home school'd kids besides SAT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjrathbun812 Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 home school Well, to be fair these are classes I've elected to take, and I've done so that I stand a good chance of getting into a technical college. Which makes me curious about how college evaluate home school'd kids besides SAT. Lol, I thought you knew. xD Well, if you've signed up for those classes, then I guess I can't say that things are stressful for every public schooler. Homeschoolers are evaluated exactly the same. You give colleges your transcripts, which include your grades and your S.A.T., and from that information that college decides whether they'll let you in or not. There's really no difference at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hidi Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Hey Ajc, I'm going ahead and pasting this all over your boards. '?do=embed' frameborder='0' data-embedContent>> 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 I've sat here for 30 minuets attempting to describe how I feel, but quite ironically the only word I find even slightly appropriate is confused. Next year doesn't seem all that far away, and that's my last year living with my family. Its intimidating to say the least. In one sense I'm excited though, college is and adventure a new experience in in some ways a start. I've always loved beginnings, with so much potential. My concern stems from how unprepared I think I am though. I don't own a car, or know how to do a lot of the things I need to do. And I do have more then a year to start learning. But...if I go to where I plan to go I will be farther away from anyone I know for a longer time then I ever have been. Maybe 17+ hours. Beyond preparing for that there is enjoying what I have left. I moved last year to a large school and a different state and I don't have the social life I had. While most high school students find their senior year free and fun and very active I may not be able to enjoy it in the same fashion. Its hard to break into circles that have been formed years and years before. I'm not shy, and speak with people in school and I'm social. But I can hardly claim to have that circle of friends I can go and hang out with every weekend or count on to help me through something. Another almost silly worry is about my early adult life. I don't want to waste it by either focusing on school to hard, or by not working hard enough...There are a lot of things I've always wanted to do with my life. But boiling it down it all sort of hails back to Redwall and adventure. And so I hope to make it an adventure. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 I keep breaking things, With out effort mind you. I dunno if this is some kind of no elect teen stage but in the past two weeks alone I have managed to break 4 plates 2 wine glasses and 3 bowls... I also have to read catcher in the rye in 3 days. *srs face* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 I sometimes wonder if anyone likes the night as much as I do. When the stars come out and the night as is black as space is cold. I like how the trees shift quietly and the lamps shines creating beacons of white against the darkness. And how the shadows mosaic the side walks. The streets are solitary and silent with almost all but the midnight stores closed, and homes radiate with warmth and glow gently. I took a walk tonight and saw a shooting star. I'm lucky with how huge the sky is here, its a wondrous feeling to see from horizon to horizon. It getting colder as well. And while 49 degrees may be a laughable to some of you, its indicating the start of the shortish winter we have here. Although I enjoy all of it. I enjoy the cold nipping at my nose and ears, and the cold air biting my skin. In contrast to the usual rainforest like habitat here I enjoy the stillness of winter morning. How warm and snug one feels when they're bed is a sanctuary of warmth, and the lonesome cold one feels when they are forced to leave it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjrathbun812 Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I enjoy winter to. As a matter of fact, today, in the place I live, it was roughly the same temperature. It was windy and cloudy as well, so I had to wear a coat. Regardless, I was still rather cold, and I have a fairly decent winter coat for warmth, mind you. Even though it's still fall, winter draws ever near... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Icy Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I sometimes wonder if anyone likes the night as much as I do. When the stars come out and the night as is black as space is cold. I like how the trees shift quietly and the lamps shines creating beacons of white against the darkness. And how the shadows mosaic the side walks. The streets are solitary and silent with almost all but the midnight stores closed, and homes radiate with warmth and glow gently. I took a walk tonight and saw a shooting star. I'm lucky with how huge the sky is here, its a wondrous feeling to see from horizon to horizon. It getting colder as well. And while 49 degrees may be a laughable to some of you, its indicating the start of the shortish winter we have here. Although I enjoy all of it. I enjoy the cold nipping at my nose and ears, and the cold air biting my skin. In contrast to the usual rainforest like habitat here I enjoy the stillness of winter morning. How warm and snug one feels when they're bed is a sanctuary of warmth, and the lonesome cold one feels when they are forced to leave it. I don't know if I could ever describe that as well as you just did. I love the same kind of things you're talking about here. Wish we had more of a night sky, though. Too many trees here. I, personally, love being outside at about 4-6AM in October/November. It's a great feeling. Away from "home" it's even better because you feel a bit more isolated. Everyone's asleep, you're outside in the cold early in the morning. I also just love the transition from summer to fall/winter in mid October around here. I dunno about anyone else, but I seriously enjoy reading your posts in here, Ajc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psy_commando Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I love the night! I especially like a cold winter night with a clear sky! Its as if my eyes can suddenly see better for some reasons and the reflections on the snow illuminate everything! And the cold is invigorating as well! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderflare Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Yeah I do like the night as well, I would stay up every night but I can't now I got to get up a 5am to get ready for classes, but when I have the time I always find it nice to drive around at night. No one is on the road really and it's nice to relax and listen to some music then. I also like the cold for some reason, this winter I may not even turn on my heater and I can't wait for some snow. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gestalt Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Hey look a thread in thread. I enjoy the stars mostly...they remind me of how insignificantly significant I am. If that makes any sense. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Hey look a thread in thread. I enjoy the stars mostly...they remind me of how insignificantly significant I am. If that makes any sense. I'd respond to you all but I can't. I know exactly how you feel. How small they make you feel and how much is going on in the universe independent of your own actions, but at the same time only you occupy that spot in existence. Really kind of a unique feeling. Wrestling season starts tomorrow(Monday). I'm excited for the good times, namely hanging with the team. But its a lot of work. A lot. I won't get home till 6 every night and weekends may be consumed by wrestling tournaments, leaving very little time for HW, which I already have to much of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hidi Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 Hey, hey Ajc, can I remind you? We tore your ass up the other night. (Posted) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 *sigh* So the start of the second quarter has been difficult. Mostly in the fact that my GPA isn't where I'd like to be, and despite my enormous success in my other classes the classes I have always been poor at continue to hit me hard. Namely Spanish and Math. I really don't care about my grades other then qualification to a college of my choice, and I'm hoping they won't care if I made an 85 in Spanish if I list my major as a chemist. I am also constantly reminded of my awkwardness when ever I try to talk to this one girl in a couple of my classes. I think I'd like her a lot if I ever got to striking up a conversation. I feel like often times they want me to talk to them too, but I don't and they loose interest. Also its strange to say this, but she is slightly taller then me, and while I rarely make a point of height being my enemy, it is now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 I have a lot to say guys. But i'm feeling good about it. And I think I might go in for the kill... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
"User" Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted November 29, 2013 Author Share Posted November 29, 2013 Wow, I have been avoiding this journal post for some time, but here it is. I am currently have dota 2 undownloaded, I just couldn't stop so i'm glad its gone for now. It was distracting me from more important things. Alright, I have told many of you this, but I'm completely gaga over this girl in my Ap lang class. I might have never really noticed her if she hadn't shown up to a book club meeting a few weeks ago. She isn't that quite, but mostly I though she was way out of my league and not even worth attempting to talk to. Well that changed, except for her being out my league. From how I know her so far she has proven to be really kind, insightful, and intelligent. I find myself waking up and thinking about talking with her at school that day, and its easily my favorite part. When we speak I soar a little bit, like I'm in a daze, and looking back they all seem a little hazy as if I was in a dream when she spoke. To be honest I'm sort of proud just to know her...Well I've got this crazy notion in my head that she just might like me too. When our eyes lock we they tend to dart away and in class I think we look at one another. Being attracted to girls isn't uncommon for me, but getting to this level of affection for me is. Even rarer is me having thoughts of actually hoping for a relationship. I still looking for the bravery to ask her, but I am thinking of taking her to see catching fire since our most common interest is in books. If she isn't up for that maybe lunch then. I think it out in the shower, I play through it in my head where she says yes. But Im worried if I don't do it this week, I never will. Its easy to try and say i'll regret it, or its worth a try, but for all the value those clichés bring, when it comes down to it, at that very moment, I have to act. Then what am I afraid of? I think its scaring her. I hope that if she says no, she won't decide I am looking for something other than companion ship. Guys, want some honesty from ajc? something i'd probably never tell you face to face? I'm scared she'll says no. Weather it be she has a boy friend or she just isn't interested. Once I ask I can't take it back and it might create something very strange between us. Is that a deterrent enough to stop me from asking? God, I don't hope so... Edit: F catching fire, the book thief is out today I heard, a much better book. Also probably better material to watch and reflect over. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarFoxfan-FUR_ever Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Maybe it's too early in the morning for me, but i'll take a crack at it. Judging by the number of spelling and grammar mistakes you made in the post , I can safely assume this girl gets you so excited, you practically go off to another state of mind while working on something. This is wonderful news. That said, first thing's first: You need to remember that as of right now you should not think that you are secretly "in love" with her. What you are feeling is called infatuation. Get to know more about her over time. And by this I mean don't start annoying her with random topic questions. Instead let her express herself naturally. I can't stress enough how awkward conversations can become if its set up in Q-and-A format back and forth. As for what you were saying in the post about your concerns, why do you think asking her will scare her? From what you are saying, it would appear that she is comfortable with having a normal conversation with you. And just as important, you think that if you don't ask her right away, you will take too long to ask her? Hold on just a second there. How do you know maybe she is also scared that you only want her as a friend? So you see, even though you ultimately have to feel prepared and up to the task of asking her, you have to consider what she may be thinking. At the end of the day, if this is what you want, you must be completely honest about your feelings for her. It doesn't hurt to test the waters by dropping a few hints now and then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 In the ring we all duel, A constant struggle to endure Scars, ribbons: proof of our worth to rise again is our only test. But our hope, to stand a taller person. Quickly written by myself after failing a quiz A few truths: One can't be redeemed, your slate can never been cleaned and your actions never can be undone. Forgiveness has nothing to do with YOUR character. Not even forgiveness washes our hands of what we do. Then what is forgiveness? It is the retirement of others who would hold something against us. Forgiveness lets them let go of our wrong doings, our mistakes for the sake of a relationship, but it hardly erases them. Its is unfortunate that if you kill a man, no matter the amount or from whom it comes from, once you murder a man, you will have always have murdered that man. Then what purpose does forgiveness serve? It allows us to reconcile another, to let go on the anger that would confine our hearts from a nobler path of action. And yet while it may purge the hearts of our beloveds, what of our own souls? I hear often enough the comparison of the soul to that of a good side and a bad side, the important thing being which we feed. But I disagree. I think the connotation of the soul being of two parts allows us to characterize actions as origins of our bad or good side of our self, as though it was some abnormal decision and not entirely our own. Instead I like to picture the soul as a canvas. Simple, impressionable, singular and humble like our souls. And as we progress through life a bad decision, a choice made in anger or malice against another leaves a strip of red or dark paint tainting our soul. While a good choice, pure and humbled, leaves a mark of light blue or green, like that of some pasture. Our soul then, as we progress to adulthood, becomes an increasingly complex work stroked and charred with conflicting colors. and while every mark we make is forever upon that canvas, we will find that, with some effort, the good and light will come to replace the dark strokes of our past. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarFoxfan-FUR_ever Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Sounds like you took a class in philosophy or something ajc. That's some pretty deep stuff you wrote. The only issue I can see with the analogy is that most people cannot "see" one another's true souls until they get to know them for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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