Sabre Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Another one in the "Sabre doesn't get people" box. To cut a long story short, there is a guy I talk to on occation. Not the scum of the earth, but I wouldn't trust him with my property. I met his girlfriend. She seemed nice enough, but didn't talk much. Basicly, she didn't talk much because her BF doesn't like her talking to guys without permission. Where do I begin? I have no idea, so I'm just throw this out there. Why? Why does he demand this? Why does she go along with it? Why does no one but me seem to notice or care? I could ramble, but I won't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scourge Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Do you want the simple answer, the excuse, or the full on truth that I don't have? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drasiana Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Yeah that totally sounds like a healthy relationship (it doesn't) Poor girl. Hope she gets her way outta that, guy sounds a might bit controlling and abusive...there are many reasons why women stay with abusive men but it's not so much out of "putting up with it" as it is being afraid... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid_Cortet Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 From what you are saying, it sounds to me as if it is a Dominant/Submissive relationship. For her, maybe, it isn't putting up with it, she wants it. This can happen in any kind of relationship. speaking on the mental state, she might be WANTING to be controlled, and by being with a guy who won't let her talk to men (or do anything else) without his permission, is, in her mind, perfect for her. There are many levels to this kind of mentality, some more then sever then others. For some people to submit on many levels, actually makes them happy, knowing that just by doing what their partner asks or tells them to, will make their partner happy in the long run. It isn't that no one cares, maybe some people are insecure to say something. In a way, it is kind of healthy. Now on a totally different note. The control issue might be a little too far. She might be scared to try to reach out in fear of being hurt by him, which isn't healthy. Since there isn't much details of observation, determining which of these are true are unknown. Don't blame you at all Sabre lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psygonis Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 The same way some girls get mad when their boyfriends talk to other women. Definitely not healthy, but well... As long as they both go along... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thu'um Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 junk, if he doesn't want its a bad situation.... I know. But where i'm from women are the puppetiers and the men the dolls. Quite honestaly i a more woried about why she obeys? mabye he is a beater, and she feels to threatened to stand up for her self :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabre Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 I would say that violence isn't a factor, as he appears to be made of waffers, is very laid back and it's not like she had a black eye, then again women beat up ex army guys so physical strength and visible marks have little to do with it, but from what I saw he seemed pretty nice to her. Even if she is afraid. They don't have kids as far as I know, so it could easily go "Hey, this guy says he will beat me up if I try and dump him." *breaks guy into 8 peices /abusive relationship The same way some girls get mad when their boyfriends talk to other women. Interesting. Why do they do it though? Insecurity? Don't blame you at all Sabre lol What did I do? T_T For some people to submit on many levels, actually makes them happy, knowing that just by doing what their partner asks or tells them to, will make their partner happy in the long run. I was thinking of that, perhaps she was doing it just because it's his preference, but then why would have that preference? I'm the kind of guy who get's worried about boring someone, so the idea of going "I'd prefer it if you didn't talk at anything with a penis" is baffling to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vy'drach Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Reminds me of when a guy who used to be a friend of mine freaked out when I asked him how to pronounce his girlfriend's name (when we hung out, he didn't call her by her name, and called her by pet names, and I can't imagine it'd of gone over well if I called her by one of those), because I was tired of having to say, "Hey... you...." Anyway, he started freaking out, and I said, "Look man, one, I don't go after girls that are taken, two, she's not my type, no offense to you or her, and three, if I was after her, do you think I'd give you a heads up?" But that was to no avail. Also kind of reminds me of the guys that would walk by with their girlfriends while I was leaning against a wall, wearing my polarized sports glasses that keep my eyes from being seen, and would try and make sure I wasn't checking out their girlfriend's asses, and give me a look, not a "Don't be lookin at my girl" look, but a "If I find out you're looking at my girl's ass, I will beat the ever-living shit out of you" look, and so, I would think, "Just because you gave me that look for that reason, I'm going to stare at your girlfriend's ass as long as I can without moving my head, just because you did that, even though she's unattractive to me. I'm just going to do it because you gave me that look, jackass." Ahhh, good times. As for why girls put up with it, there's a multitude of reasons, from them actually liking it, to fear, to some girls just being off in the head. Look at how many women wanted to marry Ted Bundy. One girl actually did, and was impregnated by him, despite there not being conjugal visits (at least not for him). Boy was the prison embarrassed by that little detail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drasiana Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 From what you are saying, it sounds to me as if it is a Dominant/Submissive relationship. That's possible, but I think significantly less probable than the idea that maybe the boyfriend is just a dick. I would say that violence isn't a factor, as he appears to be made of waffers, is very laid back and it's not like she had a black eye, then again women beat up ex army guys so physical strength and visible marks have little to do with it, but from what I saw he seemed pretty nice to her. It's hard to tell with these things. It doesn't have to be physical violence, emotional abuse is as harmful. The guy clearly seems jealous, paranoid and controlling, it's what happens offscreen that would cause her timid behavior. He probably wouldn't be abusive to her in public, and he probably doesn't even think that whatever he's doing counts as abusive or unhealthy. He's not all "man I feel like being an abusive boyfriend today". Even if she is afraid. They don't have kids as far as I know, so it could easily go "Hey, this guy says he will beat me up if I try and dump him." *breaks guy into 8 peices /abusive relationship It seems easy enough, but there's a million factors that make it not so much. It doesn't necessarily matter that they don't have kids. Financial dependency, a misguided notion that they may "change", being unwilling to cause conflict or be the center of gossip, or even some sort of deep-seated psychological dependency. And there is the fear of consequence of breaking up; even if it isn't physical, there still could be angry phonecalls or rumours or a host of other nasty stuff. She may have a million excuses for it but it's a scary and hard thing for some women to get out of, though there are ways. I was thinking of that, perhaps she was doing it just because it's his preference, but then why would have that preference? I'm the kind of guy who get's worried about boring someone, so the idea of going "I'd prefer it if you didn't talk at anything with a penis" is baffling to me. It's control and jealousy; the idea that she's "his" and he doesn't want anyone encroaching on his "property". It is stupid. Most of my friends are guys but that doesn't mean I'm going to have sex with all of them (or my female friends either...see, that's a thing, what in the hell would a guy like this do if his girlfriend was bi? "Never talk to anyone"? D8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matrilwood Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 People like me call this Dragon Love Syndrome. Essentially in his eyes, she's his prize possession and is absolutely terrified that somebody will try to steal her off him. It's a symptom of insecurity. She probably understands this. From what I've read, there is usually a connection between a couple that can't be understood from by the outside world (At least when the relationship is strong). My guess is she puts up with it because she understands how much it would hurt him if he lost her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fira-Astrali Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 People like me call this Dragon Love Syndrome. Essentially in his eyes, she's his prize possession and is absolutely terrified that somebody will try to steal her off him. It's a symptom of insecurity. She probably understands this. From what I've read, there is usually a connection between a couple that can't be understood from by the outside world (At least when the relationship is strong). My guess is she puts up with it because she understands how much it would hurt him if he lost her. If that's true, thats a really, really crappy reason for staying with him. I agree with the special connection, but having such a controlling and vindictive partner usually stops that from developing. It could be self esteem. Maybe she thinks she can't or doesn't deserve any better? Any person with high self esteem would not take shit like that, even if she understood his insecurities. Just bc he's scared to lose her, is absolutely no excuse for that kind of behaviour. I agree with the main sentiment that it is an insecurity issue on his part. This seems to happen alot. All to many times I have heard woman talking about how their boyfriends became angry after just talking to one of their male friends. And I've heard the exact same thing from guys about their girlfriends. Of course, I'm talking teenagers, so most of it is jelousy and, I think, a lack of trust in the relationship. Or, she could just find some redeeming features that out-weigh this behaviour, relationships are a balancing act. As to why no one seems to notice... well, maybed because they dont think it's there place to speak? I mean, there's been so many times where I've wanted to turn to some of these ppl and say "then dump his ass!" but really, who has the guts to say what they're really thinking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vy'drach Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 *Turns to Xort* Xort, I hate everything about you and if you fell off a cliff I'd be the one munching popcorn. *Turns back to Fira* It's easy, all you have to do is open your maw and speak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xortberg Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 *Turns to Xort* Xort, I hate everything about you and if you fell off a cliff I'd be the one munching popcorn. *Turns back to Fira* It's easy, all you have to do is open your maw and speak. Because that was totally justified and not an unwarranted douchebag comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matrilwood Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Ok, I admit that was just an excuse to vent. But still, why can't people just say what they want to say? Everyone is always like "Oooh noes, what will everyone else think?" as if anyone actually cares. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabre Posted August 15, 2011 Author Share Posted August 15, 2011 but really, who has the guts to say what they're really thinking? Me! The few people who like me like my honesty. I'm the go-to for opinions because they think I'm smart and know Im not a yes man. The downside is when they ask a question and down like the answer. "What do you think of FF7" "It's crap." *rage rage rage never talk to me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psygonis Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Your problem Sabre is that you tend to say "it's crap" instead of "I think it's crap"! People can deal with other people that don't have the same tastes, but it's hard to bear those who spit at things you may like. ... But we're digressing! ^^' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaymin Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I don't really know the situation between the couple obviously. And everyone here makes valid points. ( ) In some cultures such as the Hindu/Muslim's the women are in this 'Dominated' situation by culture. The Women wear burkahs (The Full Covering-Robe) so as to 'Not Tempt the men with different aspects of their body'. This includes the Eyebrows, The Lips, The Wrists, The Ankles/Feet and so much more. It's to the point where when the women have to be identified for something like a Health Card or SIN, Only a woman is allowed to see under her burkah to see her face. The woman is not allowed to talk to the males unless the husband asks her a question and it was intended to respond to the other people. It's really a serious thing they have and they are VERY strict about it. ( They even have to consummate in complete darkness XD ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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