Starfox Genesis

[Xortberg]

http://blip.tv/xortb...ritique-6056537

SO. It's about a week overdue, and woefully inadequate considering I only covered one facet of one chapter so far, but I decided that trying to fit a full review of everything into a single video would be ridiculously long, so instead I'm just gonna go through and give each chapter a technical (punctuation, spelling, format, etc.) rundown, and once I'm done with all that I'll run through again and delve into the other aspects of writing. I'm doing it on Blip because your chapter 2 review went on 21 minutes or so of me rambling, so Youtube is out of the question.

I really dislike my voice, and need to go on a big English-studying spree so I can learn the actual rules and how to explain them well, and the video quality is kinda crappy and there's some background noise. But, it's all on the way. Just be a little patient with me :3

EDIT: OH MY GOD UNDYING SHAME. Congratulations is spelled with a 't', not a freaking 'g'. I knew this, and I still failed massively until I just now saw it written somewhere.

Brb, seppuku.

[TCPeppyTc]

Chapter 6.

In an apartment, in downtown Corneria, lived Simon Oikonny, Andross' younger brother. While his brother was famous, he was inconspicuous. While his brother was ambitious and restless, he was more or less content with his station. Simon respected authority, and Andross always seemed to have little use for the rules, whatever they might be. They were complete opposites.

As successful as Andross was, Simon did not envy him. He was perfectly content with his middle income job and anonymity. He had a wife he loved and a 2 year old son Andrew. He was just kicking his feet up on the sofa when he heard a knock at the door. "Coming, coming!" He called out. Reluctantly, he got off his sofa and let out a long sigh. Who could want to disturb him from his lovely sit? He opened the door, and there stood Andross.

"Why hello Simon." Said Andross with a grin. "Long time no see." " Andross come in!"cried Simon eagerly. "It's been months! what have you been up to?"

"Oh you know, the same boring buisness. Tell me how are Jessica and Andrew? So sorry I couldnt attend his birtday party..."

"Jessica is great, and so is Andrew!" He loved the toy arwing you gave him! Jessica has been constantly reminding me to thank you for it." " Oh has she!" Andross asked with a chuckle. " It was no trouble, no trouble at all. Anything for my only nephew!"

"Well would you like take a seat?"Simon asked? " Follow me!"

Simon led Andross into the sitting room. "I suppose you are wondering why I suddenly dropped in." Andross asked suddnely.

"I suppose I am." replied Simon. " Tell me Simon how are things at the Corneria Herald?" "Not great." Simon said sullenly. " Ever since my last piece covering the Starfox Team's award, I have had a hard time getting assigned anything. Jessica has her job in Einstein University's admissions office, but thats not paying a ton. I dont know, It just hasn't as fun or easy around here as it used to be."

Andross nodded his head understandingly. " Oh dear. Well as long as I am alive you needn't worry about money. However, I need to tell you the reason I am here." Simon pricked up his ears, and looked at Andross intently.

" I am having employment issues of my own. After countless years of loyal service, of irreplacable service to the Cornerian government, they have decided to cut me loose. Apparently I am no longer needed for ground breaking discoveries in science and weaponry. They feel I am " too dangerous" to continue my intellectual monopoly on innovation, and wish to warehouse me doing meaningless tasks. The though of it all is infuriating!" Andross grimaced and clenched his fists in anger.

"I- Im really sorry Andy" Simon said. " I have come to the conclusion." Andross continued. " That this is yet another selfish and imbecilic action, by a selfish and imbecilic government. It is a congress of simpletons, propped up only by their shaky military, and the geniuses under their thumb. I wish to dismantle it, and I will."

"WHAT!" Simon yelled. " How? Andross you can't be serious..." " I have never been more serious in my life." Andross calmly replied. " It has to go, and I have the brains and material to do it. Don't worry, once I sieze power, the people will not be affected in any negative way. I am not a monster after all." Simon stared at his brother in disbelief.

"For you." Andross said giving his brother three tickets. "These are three tickets to a resort home in Zoness. Beautiful beaches, beutiful cities, Jessica will love it.Next year, I would like the three of you to take a vacation there for a little while, until I give you the goahead to come home. I have paid for everything. There is a possibility my coup will be a little messy, or even worse it will fail." Andross took a deep breath. " I will need you and your family out of harms way, in a place where no one would suspect you had any knowledge of this plot." Simon sat staring dumbly at the tickets.

" Well I have to run. Say hello to the family for me." Andross said brusquely as he made for the door. " Oh Simon?" he called back. Simon looked up. " Be sure to try the jet skis!"

[Hidi]

This is great! I really love your emphasis on dialogue, it's a unique style of writing as most writers tend to focus on detail. While this was months ago, and you're probably busy so as not working on this, I'd really love more!

[TCPeppyTc]

Chapter 7.

"Brrrrrriiiiinnnngg... Brrriiinnnnng..!!!" Went the alarm clock. A heavy brown paw slammed down on the obnoxious object. Colonel Cornelius Pepper rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yawned. He heaved his way out of bed and went to the shower. Today was the day of the big general staff meeting, one of the first since President Lynx dramatically reduced the defense budget.

"Never a more sensible idea!" Pepper exlaimed when Thaddeus first informed him of the decision. Although he was a colonel, and got sort of a thrill out of the danger of the Krischanian and Titanian wars, he was glad that the galaxy was finally at peace. As he stepped out of the shower he went to his wardrobe and began to change. Even at a routine exercise Pepper was expected to wear his full military regalia: Red military jacket, black cap, complete with medals, epaulettes, and fine leather boots.

As he finished his last button, Pepper heard a loud slobbering groan come from his bed. The blankets heaved, and from underneath them emerged a bulldogs face covered with smeared mascara and lip stick. " Good Morning Lucille!" said Pepper cheerfully.

"WOhhahh ohhh good morning dear!" said Lucille as she got out of bed. She waddled forward her pink satin nighty hanging loosely around her large frame.

" Well hurry on Cornelius!" she said cheerfully, giving Pepper a hug and kiss on her cheek. "Lets get you your breakfast! We can't have you be late to your important meeting!" " Oh darling, it just another meeting like any other. This is hardly the first!" said Pepper as he followed his wife out into the hallway and down the stairs.

"Oh I dont care!" exclaimed Lucille waving her paw, as she put on her pink bathrobe. " Everyone of your meetings is important! Just think! You! a Colonel on the Cornerian General Staff! And all because you, YOU were smart and kind enough to give those nice young men a chance!"

Peppers face fell a little as his wife served him eggs, bacon and coffee. He chewed his food in silence. He sighed. " Lucille, it has been quite some time since I have seen team Starfox. Now that the war has largely ended they have been doing more and more private jobs. Especially for Andross." Lucille raised an eyebrow. " Oh him? Such a good man. I havent heard from him either . He was "let go" wasn't he?"

Pepper twirled his food with his fork. " There just isn't the need there used to be Lucille. The wars are after alll over, and the councils feel Andross has too much power and influence. We want our innovations coming from a more diverse crowd."

"Well whatever." Lucille replied. " If those boys are happy that is really all I care about, whether they are with the you or by themselves. I love how you both helped eachother." She gave a wrinkly lipsticked smile.

Pepper smiled back. " So do I darling, so do I."

...................................................................................................................................................

" Good morning gentlemen!" Pepper said as he strode briskly into the General Staff room. It was the same room that Pepper went to, when Andross tried to pitch his bioweapon, and the place of many meetings since.

The 9 other officers of the Cornerian General Staff sat in a metallic circular table. Of course General Thaddeus held his post in the central seat, with the Cornerian flag insignia emblazoned underneath. "Cornelius, right on time!" Thaddeus said gruffly.

" Apologies General" Pepper began, " Traffic was a nightmare."

" No need for excuses. Take your seat" Thaddeus replied. Pepper walked to the podium and sat 4 seats away from Thaddeus between Captain Avis, a sharp looking bald eagle, and General Furls, a squat serious Koala.

"This meeting will now come to order!" Thaddeus proclaimed in a deep bass voice. There was a moments pause. "Well boys, what do you want to talk about?" Thaddeus asked. There was a long pause, as the generals eyed each of his officers

" I have nothing to offer today." Thaddeus remarked. " There seems to be nothing urgent . No real matters of substance since the wars ended and out budgets been cut. Id love to have more guns, fancier equipment. Yet in all fairness, there is no need. The wars are over, and the government truly has more pressing concerns than us. Any ideas!"

A sharp, polished looking Doberman pinscher rasied his paw. "Ramses" Thaddeus growled in acknowledgment.

"What of out most powerful soldiers general? What of Team Starfox?" He asked in a low quiet voice. "Those were not soldiers!" Thaddeus replied darkly.

"They were mercenaries, with great talent perhaps, but mercenaries nonetheless!"

Despite his respect for the general, Pepper felt a stab of annoyance and exhasperation. Starfox had more than earned their keep, when would the general acknowledge that?"

"You become a Cornerian soldier when you enlist in the army! And besides what of Starfox?! Thaddeus replied with a slight snarl. " There done.They skipped town remember?!! Their million dollar salary and the glory of the fleet were their idea of summer job!" Thaddeus glowered and clenched his fists in anger.

Furls raised his paw. " General Furls." Thaddeus acknowledged his turn to speak.

"General, fellow officers." Furls began. " As disheartening as Starfox's abandonment is, it is perhaps for the best. As with Andross, it is best we not have all our eggs in one basket. Even though our funding has been cut, we are now capable of having a smaller, less expensive, but more effective and powerful army. With the lack of attention and funding for Starfox, our army can once again be a place that promises a chance for glory for the average Cornerian citizen. Although Andross' genius contributed greatly to our armys glorious conquest of the Lylat System, he simply has become too intelligent and powerful. We need newer, more diffuse talent."

" Furls is correct." said Captain Avis. " We need an organized, effective, tight knit army, unencumbered by Andross' contraptions and flashy Team Star Fox. And that diffuse talent? It could well be on it's way within the week!"

Excited murmuring among the crowd of assorted officers broke immediately. "Enough!" Thaddeus barked as he raised a massive gray hand for silence. " Avis what do you mean? Will our army be getting new advisers and researchers."

" I sincerely hope so sir!" Avis replied. " Just yesterday, Myself, Commander Ramses, and General Furls were approached in the Admirals Table by members of the council. They requested an audience at our latest war games. If they are satisfied with our performance, they will use their power to push the best researchers toward our military, away from Lynxs' other projects."

Thaddeus peered intently at Avis, his face betraying nothing. " And who might these council members be?" He asked.

"Sir, they are counacilmen O'Donnell, Powalski, and Caruso Sir!"

A low mutter of outrage and incredulity was heard among the officers. Pepper felt a rush of revulsion in his body. Thaddeus' impassive face became even more inscrutable. "Very Well." Thaddeus said in an even and calm voice. " Avis, send invitations the councilmen, and any others you can. First class seats at the war games!"

[TCPeppyTc]

Chapter 8.

" Gentlemen, this meeting is adjourned.You are dismissed!" General Thaddeus barked. Pepper gathered up his notes and slid off his seat. He wedged his way past a Crocodile Lieutenent, and trailed behind Captain Avis. Pepper shook his head in disbelief after all he had heard from his boss.

How could Thaddeus seriously consider inviting those three legislators? Why would he never speak and think as glowingly of Starfox as he did? It just didn't make sense.

"Pepper! I need a word!" Thaddeus shouted across the room. Pepper heaved a sigh and turned around to meet the general just as the last few officers left the room.

"Hello Cornelius, how are you?" asked the General not unkindly. " Im well Robert thank you for asking." Pepper replied wearily. "The wife and kids doing well?"

"Lucille is as well as ever. The children, are now young adults sir, and all three have wonderful, fulfilling lives.

" Very good. Come here and take a seat!" said the General patting at a seat next to his. "I know this meeting was hard for you . It is hard for all of us really, to take on Powalski and O'Donnell, but we need them." Thaddeus sighed.

"Pepper I am well aware of their corrupt and selfish motives, but we need a strong army. A strong army that is not dependent on Starfox, to save our tails. "General.." Pepper began.

" Now I know their your project, and I respect that!' Thaddeus said as he talked oveer Pepper. " I respect your courage and tenacity in advocating for them before me, and the rest of the staff. That must not have been easy."

Pepper smiled with a grimace. " No general, no it was not."

" I also respect" Thaddeus continued without acknowledging Pepper. " The great assistance that Starfox has rendered us. I realize we would have been in dire straits without them. Those boys are true heroes. " Thaddeus sighed deeply.

" Don't think you are unappreciated Pepper. Don't think we all are not deeply in your debt as well as Starfox's. Yet that is just the problem." Thaddeus folded his thick grey fingers pensivley. " I have set their pay at a generous 3 million, about the same as only the finest officer could hope to earn. Yet they want more. Though they are pilots ( albeit very talented one) every training exercise with them become a media frenzy. They have overshadowed the hardworking, but underrated pilots of the Cornerian airforce. They have saved the day, but too many times. Their great talent and skill is what has convinced me, our army needs an overhaul."

"General." Pepper began. "Perhaps you are right. When I first saw Starfox, They were doing bounty hunts and illegal trade shipments for the local space bosses. I was going to throw them in prison, until I saw their flying skills. I gave them a deal. Turn in their bosses, and cooperate with the army, or land in prison. I saw their potential, and that is why I took them in and fought so hard for them."

" I remember it well." Thaddeus replied nodding his great horned head. " If I had know what I know now, I would have been given you an easier time of it. If I seemed ....mistrustful......I apologize."

Pepper shuddered a bit at the memory but replied. " No need to apologize General. Any responsible officer would have done the same."

" Enough reminscing!" The General exclaimed. " Pepper, I need you, Ramses, Avis and Furls to take responsibility of the wargames practices. You are the best I have, the officers with the best eyes and best instincts. True well be putting on a performance for a bunch of high fallluting assholes, but these assholes could be our ticket to a strong army. Do you understand!"

" Sir yes sir!" Pepper exclaimed. " Allright!" Thaddeus replied. " I need you to meet with the other officers, and figure out some plan, some way to show case our boys' flight talent. We have a week to do this. Good luck Cornelius you are dismissed!" Pepper clicked his heels saluted, and marched toward the exit.

" Good luck old friend I know you can do it!" Thaddeus bellowed after him. " Thank you sir, We will give you a show to remember!" Pepper replied. A warm smile played on his lips as he exited the bunker. His boss could be a difficult crabby stick in the mud, but he was an outstanding man nontheless!

[TCPeppyTc]

Chapter 9.

"Yo! Rise and shine Peppy Old Pal!" a loud and obnoxious voice sounded through the dawn light. Peppy Hare groaned and rolled up into his blankets. "ohmmmm Pigma what is it?!" Peppy yawned.

" Duhh Hello?! Hello?! Anybody home!?" joked Pigma as he nocked his paw on Peppy's head. " Think Peppy! Think! Todays our day to see James and Vixie's new kid! Fred, or uhhh Frank..."

"Fox!" Peppy cried! He bolted out of bed immediatly. " Thanks so much Pigma! We dont have a moment to lose!"

Peppy quickly threw off his blue and white striped pajamas and threw on his green shirt, brown pants ,and brown leather jacket.

" Itll be great to see James again!" Peppy remarked as he brushed his protruding buck teeth. " I know!" Pigma replied leaning with his hands in his jacket pockets. " Ever since he got hitched, and its been basically just the two of us. What are we now? Starpig? Starhare?"

" We're all Starfox!" Peppy replied wearily. " But  just barely!" Pigma followed Peppy out of the scenic log cabin house and into the garage. " James says he doesnt need much money anymore, and is even thinkin of flying passenger flights in Corneria!"

" James, give up danger!? I dont think so!" Peppy replied firmly.

" Well whatever he's planning, its not gonna help us!" Pigma replied firmly. " He was Starfox. He made it classy, flashy, sexy. If we had him we could even have starred in our own summer movie, maybe even   our own video game!"

"A video game! That is pretty ambitious and unrealistic, even for you Pigma!" Peppy replied with a little laugh. They both arrived at Pigmas car, a flashy purple andyellow stripped hummer.
Pigma got in the front seat with a scowl, started the engine and lit up a cigar. He puffed moodily for a while until they got to the Cornerian interstate highway.

" It was great for a while ya know!" Pigma muttered. " We made all that great cash by working with Andross, and all them other big names. Army life aint what its cracked up to be, lemme tell ya!"

" Your absolutley right Pigma!" Peppy replied enthusiastically. " I didnt like it at first, but it was good we stopped working for the army. It was a dead end. There were no real threats to deal with, and we just werent going anywhere."

Peppy rolled down a window to filter out the cigar smoke.

"You got it  Pepp!" Pigma said joyfully, pointing his flaming cigar upward. " Ever since we left the army, things were on the up and up! We got to have more interviews, more money, more free time, and for me more babes. Did I ever show ya?!" Pigma took out his wallet, opened it, and out tumbled a dozen pictures of fat pig females. "Here are my honies!" Pigma said dreamily. " Misty, Kiki, Debbie. Aaaannnnd.... Candy." Pigma kissed Candy's picture. Then he grimaced.

" But now ever since that little gold diggin vixen got James, things' have just sucked!" Pigma exclaimed. "No one wants to hire us without James. Ive had to go back to doin solo jobs, and selling scrap metal. Geezusss......What have you been doin?"

"Well nothing too much. Still kept practicing flying. Try to take as many legitimate  jobs as I can. Oh, and Im writing a book. About us. For history's sake."

" An awtuhbiography huh? not bad. I see a ton a money comin your way buddy boy!" Pigma replied approvingly.

..............................................................

" Allright, we're here!" Peppy said softly as Pigma pulled up a driveway. "Pigma we're meeting Fox for the first time. This is suppossed to be a nice and fun visit. Whatever you do, please dont press James to re join the team!"

"Yeah, whatever!" Pigma muttered under his breath. Pigma parked his car and the two friends both got out.

Pigma then rang the doorbell. " You showered right?!" Peppy whispered as they waited. " Of course!" Pigma growled back.

The door was answered by a beutiful female vulpine. She had long blonde hair, and wore jeans and a green t shirt. " Hey you guys!" She said cheerfully. " Its been like forever!" she exclaimed as she gave Peppy a hug. " How are you Pepp! Hows the book?" she said as she gave Peppy a kiss on the cheek.

" Oh wonderful Vixie, thanks for asking. Im working away at it, I really think people will be interested in reading it!"

" Well UH no kidding!" Vixie remarked. " Everyone loves you guys! Ill have to get James to help you with it!"

" Whats up Pigma? Hows your life" Pigma smiled. " Ehhhhh I had betteh Vix. Doing odd jobs here and there, working at the scrap pile on times off. You know, livin' like Victor Phoenix."

" Oh you!" Vixie let out a clear sparkling laugh. " Well come on in you two, James and Fox are in the living room."

" James" Vixie called. "You've got company!"

" Come on in gang!" called a warm, familiar voice.

Pigma and Peppy walked into the living room to see James, in Jeans and a rumpled t shirt sitting on a chair. In his lap was a small bundle of light orange fur and green cloth. " Say hello to Fox boys!" James said warmly.

The little cub looked at Pigma and Peppy curiously. " Hello there!" Peppy said softly as he patted fox softly on the head.

" So whats new with you two?" James asked, Fox wiggling in his arms.

 

Pigma shrugged discontently. "Nada. same old same old. I  did sell some new scrap shells.."

 

" Im writing a book" Peppy exclaimed brightly. " Chronicling our adventures. I mean they are a real story right?"

 

James smiled as Fox squirmed. "Hehehe.. you don't think we got enough publicity as it is?"

 

"Not no more we don't" said Pigma with a snarl. Peppy gulped nervously as James sighed. 

 

"Jim, we're desperate!" Pigma continued. "We're washed up has beens without you! We need Starfox back!"

 

" Pigma, look I don't know" James began. " We had a great run with "Starfox." But  Im married now. I  have a kid." He held Fox up for them to see. " Im comfortable. It was fun and cool for a while, but now that Im married I just don't want to risk my life when I don't need to.  Besides, isn't Dr. Andross still paying you tons?"

 

" Nope!" Pigma said coldy. " He says 2 outta 3 aint enough. He dont trust me and egghead witout you! So ever since we've been just barely scrapin' by!" 

 

" Look buddy!" James said holding his hands up. " I feel ya. Im not ruling anything out, I just don't want to think about this right now ok?" 

 

Pigma looked rebellious, but replied. " Ok Jimmy I get it. No biggie."  He slumped in his chair. 

 

" Who wants some beers" came a soft melodious voice. " Me! me!" James called waving his hand as Vixie walked in with a cooler. " Thanks Vix" Exclaimed Peppy. "Now this is high class!" Pigma chuckled as he reached his paw out. " Oh you!" Vixie exclaimed as she placed the beer in his hand. Pigma uncorked it with the swiss army knife he always carried. His troubles could wait.

 

He took a swig and noticed Fox playing with a toy landmaster on the floor. " Heya little guy com'ere" He called, patting his hoof on the footstool. Fox looked up blinked, and toddled his way over to him. Pigma lifted him up and held him up in the air, Fox giggling all the way.

 

"Cute kid Jim, looks just like ya!" Pigma said as he bounced Fox on his knee. " Ill betcher ma is doing a grat job with ya aint she" he asked Fox as he bounced.

 

" Ohh Pigma your so cute together!" Vixie gushed. " Aint we a pair?!" Pigma replied as Fox crawled his way up Pigma's chest. "Whoop gotcher nose little guy!" Pigma said as he pretended to grab fox's small black nose. Fox squealed in dismay, putting his paws up to his face.

 

"Whoop its back!" Pigma chuckled, putting his fingers on his face. 

 

" Wow Pigma, your the perfect uncle!" James said slapping his knee in laughter.

 

Even Peppy got a good chuckle out of the display. Despite his and Peppy's worries about the future, everything was good and right for now. Though neither he and Pigma had what they wanted, he was glad his leader and best friend did.

[Hidi]

I really need to do some catching up on the reading of this.....I'll get to it....When I finish me homework!

EDIT: Now being caught up and all, I'm going to start a review of this.

[Hidi]

Some few days later:

I really like the direction where this is going, and time-wise, you chose a very good place to start. Your formatting certainly got better as you went on, which I like. I have to work at that one for my next entry.

As for your dialogue, the use of it is good, but the characters don't seem to differ much from each other when they talk. Like we get their sense of personality, but dialogue is where it should really be expressed. The dialogue could also be a little more concise.

I think you have tons of room to expand on description. Where are they? What does the environment look like? Take in what you are trying to convey and really express what you want the reader to feel. Don't be afraid to use similes and metaphors, because those are some of the best writing tools!

Read other people's work; it's the best thing you can do for ideas, and remember what you liked about them. Think about game plots too; what can you add in that could work in your story? Inspiration comes from anywhere!

Also, I have seen a lot of typos and grammatical errors. Go over your work when you finish it to correct stuff. I find going through it helps me find things that don't work, and should be changed.

[TCPeppyTc]

Pigma drove through the slums of Corneria City. Fading neon signs, boarded up windows, and trash were skewn around the grimy city street street.  His once bright yellow jeep was now rusted and stained. Ever since Starfox disbanded with James' marriage, this errand was just another day at the office for Pigma. He had returned to the job he had before he joined with James and Peppy: scrap metal selling. Scrap metal was always in demand, and thus always a reliable buisness.

 

Pigma sighed as he took a long, thoughtful puff on his cigar. When would the fame return? The gobs of money and adulation that always came so easily? He shook his head and throw the flaming cigar butt out his car window. He parked the  car and got out on  the street corner. There stood a rough looking alligator, with a scar across his leathery greenface and wearing torn up jeans and a leather jacket. " Your late Pig" he snarled, showing off his many yellow sharp fangs.

 

" Geez take it easy Allie!" Pigma replied hands up in the air. "I got the goods right here." Pigma gave him a receipt for 100 pounds of scrap metal. The alligator looked at the paper suspiciously. "So I turn this in to Walter Wombat... and I get...." "You get the works Al!" Pigma replied. "Several flux capacitor engines, iron wing plating, plenty of copper wires, 100 pounds shiny metal joy!" "If your lying to me you son of a- ""Allie, Allie cool it man!" Pigma said reassuringly. " Haven't I been always been a straightshooter?"  The gator growled menacingly before reaching into his leather jacket. " Your credits" The gator said gruffly, giving Pigma ten 50 dollar cornerian bills , as he sauntered off. Pigma fingered the credits in his pink grubby paws. " I know where to spend you babies" he muttered.

 

Pigma walked briskly for about two blocks, past the graffiti stained boarded up buildings. In the midst of the decay he saw a bright shiny campaign poster, featuring a dapperly dressed fox. "Victor Phoenix for a Better Tomorrow!" The sign said in big red letters. Pigma looked at it, frowned in disgust and spat right on Victors face. "Some fuckin'  nerve!" Pigma muttered to himself. "Like that schmuckll do anything to help anybody!" He kept walking until he got to his favorite watering hole. "The Rusty Screw! Hello baby, here I come!" Pigma exclaimed  as he saw the blue and gold neon sign.  He pushed the old fashioned saloon style doors open and walked inside. The old bar wasn't much to look at. An old juke box stood next to a battered looking pool table. A grizzled  blue avian, complete with beer belly and stained apron was manning the bar.   Behind the avian was a long horizontal mirror with a painting of a blue sultry avian reclining on a cushion. Next to that were bottles of hard Cornerian liquor. The bar was empty. "Heey... hows my favorite crook?" the avian asked as  Pigma walked in. "He's scrapin' by!" Pigma replied with a crooked smile. "Ill take the usual, Lombardi!" "A dirty whiskey on the rocks huh?" the grizzled old blue bird asked.

 

" You got dat right Gino!" Pigma said smacking his lips. Gino uncorked a dusty bottle of whiskey and poured it into a  cracked old scotch glass. Pigma took a long swig" So hows life, Gino Ol' pal?" Asked Pigma smacking his lips. " Ehhh could be better, could be  worse." Gino replied helping himself to a whiskey of his own. " Buiness could be better. But Tina and Falco are doing ok I guess." "Who's Falco?" Pigma asked. " Oh, Tina just had a baby the other day. It's a boy so we named him after my old man."  " Geez, James' got a kid, now  you got a kid too? Everyone's having kids." Pigma replied with a chuckle. "What are you doing now man? What the hell happened to James and Pepp?"  Gino asked "You ever gettin' your team back together?"   Pigma let out a low whistle and set his scotch glass down. " awwww... Gino..Gino Gino.... I dunno....  Jimmy's got a girl and a kid now....... Peppys no good on his own...... I sell scrap metal, I wet my whistle..... I dunno  I cant really complain. I guess Im just looking for the next big thing. " Perhaps you havent been looking hard enough!" A commanding voice resounded from the doorwat. Gino Lombardi's beak dropped open in shock. Pigma turned around and spat out his whiskey in disbelief.

 

It was Andross, tall, broad shouldered, and impeccably dressed  as ever. " Hello Pigma old friend!" He said with a smile.

 

" Andross!" Pigma stuttered. " What areyou doin in a dump like this?" " Well its the only place I could find you, isn't it?!" Andross excalimed. He gave Gino a passing glance. " Martini" he said firmly as he made his way to the bar

 

 

" Pigma.... " Andross began sighing deeply. " You don't know how much trouble I am in. You don't know how much I need you...." Andross sighed and looked sadly at the ground.

 

" As you may remember I told you how disordered, how flawed our government is. The administration is rotten to the core. It needs change. It needs direction. It needs me!" 

 

"Ohhhh I get it!" Pigma said. " You runnin for president. That always was the word on the street!" 

 

Andross took a long sip of his martini shaking his head. He put his glass down and smacked his lips. " I am taking over Corneria!" He said menacingly. " And I want you to help me do it!"

 

Pigma sat in stunned silence. "What do you want me to do?" 

 

" Hardly anything!" Andross replied. " My coup should go smoothly enough. I have many animals on my side. I created 2/3s of Cornerian weaponry for goodness sake. Thaddeus, Pepper and the rest should stand no chance against my Might! All I need you to do is keep your team out of the way. Talk them out of it. Distract them. Even get them to help me if you can, it doesnt matter! Do not let them interfere!"

 

Pigma sat mouth agape. "Sure thing. How much you payin'"  Andross chuckled. " Plenty. Once I take over you and your friends will be my personal bodyguard, and will be payed more than you can imagine. Are we agreed?"

 

Andross extended his large brown, leathery hand. Pigma stuck out his grimy pink one. " Yeah" Pigma said as he shook Andross hand.  Andross green eyes gleamed. " I knew it!"

 

Andross' triumphant green eyes slid over to the shaking, terrified Gino Lombardi. Andross reached into his coat pocket and threw 4000 cornerian credits at the blue avian. " For your silence" Andross said smoothly. "If that is not persuasion enough, know that I have many friends. Friends that could cause your family and establishment much grief. Do you understand?" Gino just nodded and gave a small gasp. " Ill keep you informed Pigma!" said Andross as he left. " Do not fail me!"

[Guest BlueRaccoon]

You've been getting some good criticism and suggestions, so I really don't have much to say. You're doing good, though. I like it.

[Hidi]

My suggestion for you would be to read over your writing before posting it to take out any grammar/spelling errors. Need help with that? Don't be afraid to ask (Me, I guess I could say I'm referring to myself in that phrase).

[TCPeppyTc]

Chapter 11.

 

Andross strode into the Cornerian Parliament, flanked by his loyal lizard and monkey soldiers. The large spacious, gold and white marble chamber was filled with petrified legislators, their eyes fixed on Andross, not daring to make a sound. Andross was bedecked in his dictatorial finery: a long black cape with a red underbelly, black shoulder pads complete with harsh iron spikes. In his hand he held a jagged  ebony scepter with a bright red ruby. He strode leisurley down the aisles, smiling at the faces of the Cornerian politicians, the former masters of the universe.  Victor Phoenix stood in his usual seat of prominence, his mouth agape in fear and shock.  "Surprised Victor?" Andross  asked his colleague genially. "You really should have seen it coming!" He made his way to the presidents podium. Six feet to the left stood President Miles Lynx and General Robert Thaddeus

 

 Thaddeus was red with rage,heaving and snorting heavily.

The President looked terrified , his yellow cats eyes searching in vain for an escape route. Both were attended by three lizard guards each. The creatures were seven feet tall, with rippling muscles, sharp yellow fangs, slithering tongues and cruel eyes. They were pointing deadly laser blasters right at their captives faces. Andross grinned with satisfaction as he made his way the podium. Andross smiled at the politicians. "Ladies and gentlemen of the assembly, this session will now come to order!" He called in his most professional voice. "Dear legislators, powerful scions, children of the elite. Let me tell you, you have lost! I am your true master! Now you will see what happens to those who defy intellect, to those who stifle genius." He looked down contemptuously at the captive general and president. "Kill them." The lizard guards grinned and turned their blasters to "kill mode". Bright, white balls emitted from the barrels of the guns, getting brighter and brighter, hotter and hotter, and then "BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

 

.....................................................................

 

"BZZZZZZZZZ! BZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Andross' hand slammed down on the alarm clock. He slowly opened his leathery brown eyelids and blinked. He sighed in dissapointment as he looked around. He saw his ornate kingsized bed, his collection of ape renaissance artwork lining his walls, his vases from the depths of aquas. Instead of his magnificent black robes, he was dressed in his lavender satin pajamas. It had all been a dream! No matter, thought Andross. Dreams will be reality soon enough!  He walked over to a stand outside his bedroom, and picked up his ornate, black, chorded phone. He dialled a number and waited. "Hello?" a chipper, bright voice sounded on the other end. "Today is the day Simon!" Andross said in a gravelly whisper.

 

" Take your family to the Zoness vacation home. Dont worry about flights or schedules. It is all arranged." After telling his brother so, Andross promptly hung up. The games don't start for another five hours, Andross thought to himself. Plenty of time to get Andrew and the wife to Zonness, plenty of time. Even if a miracle should occur and my plan fails, there is no way Simon could be blamed, no way. He made his way to an ornate portrait in his hallway and moved it to the side. Underneath was a metallic steel door with a punch code. Andross opened the door, and went down into the passage. It led into a huge dark cavern lit by an eerily glowing cage. Andross approached the cage silently, watching the frightful monster inside of it. It was a 30 feet high reptilain creature with black  and red skin, and cruel golden eyes. It had wicked curved talons and a spiked tail. It was frozen still, in a bath of red light. Andross smiled. "Soon my darling." He whispered. "Soon you will be released from your suspended animation, and you will help me to rule the world!" Cackling to himself he went up the stairs and whipped out his cellphone. "Hello Roman? Slithers? Alsatius? I need help with a little job......"

......................................................................................................................

General Thaddeus prowled through the ranks of green clad dog soldiers, barely acknowledging the salutes and fearful scuttling that greeted his presence. He growled in dismay as he drew nearer to his destination; the officers observatory. It was a large box like structure that was supported by several beams and a metal staircase. The box was a safe spot for Corneria's officers to view the annual army training exercises. Unfortunately for Thaddeus, there very few officers in it today.

 

Some had missions in outer space, some could not  stand todays guests, and refused to attend. Only Furls, Avis and Colonel and Mrs. Pepper were present to lend him company and moral support. This was not just any annual drill. With Team Starfox gone, the army needed more power. In order to get what he wanted, Thaddeus had to impress a clique of powerful legislators:Phoenix,Alsatius, Caruso, O'Donnel, and Powalski. These five were known as the "Black Pentagon"  for their power, secrecy, and the dark rumors that surrounded their political lives and careers. Thaddeus ground his large powerful teeth at the sight of them all. If even 1/3 of the rumors about them were true, they were bad company indeed, the general thought.  

Andross Oikonny was present as well, listening quietly to Victor Phoenix talking.. He's in good company, the General thought to himself. He didn't like Andross, never had. Whether it was the ape's sense of arrogance and entitlement, his monopoly of Cornerian weaponry, or the fact that he was too clever and smooth, Thaddeus didn't know. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. "Just get this over with Bob" he thought to himself. Braced for a tough meeting, Thaddeus walked up the stairs of the balconey/bleachers to room where the armys hopeful sponsors would be.  They were smugly seated in the black leather chairs next to the officers Thaddeus admired so much.

 

"Good morning everyone!"  the General said  as he entered the observatory."Andross what brings you here?" The general asked gruffly, surprised and displeased to see the doctor present. Victor smiled patronizingly at the general. " He is here at my invitation Robert." Victor said patting Andross on the shoulder. Andross grinned insolently at the General. " The good doctor agreed to fund my entire senate campaign. I thought this would be the least I could do to pay him back!" Thaddeus' brow furrowed." Andross... you still think-" " I realize our time together is finished,Robert. I just wanted to see a good show today!" Andross replied with a wink. "General you are aquainted with -? " Phoenix gestured to the wolf, panther,chameleon and bull that were sitting near him.

 

"Certainly!" Thaddeus harrumphed. " Kevin, Jose, Sergei, John,  good to see you gentlemen!: Thaddeus needed Phoenix and the four of them onboard, if the council was to approve the funding. Kevin O'Donnel, was a wolf with gray fur, jet black hair and a wicked grin. He wore a dark black sport coat, a red tie and black shiny shoes. He was seated, swirling a scotch glass with a black clawed hand. "Same to you Robert. I have always wanted to see the dogfights you put on. Rather impressive from what I have heard. " He then shot Thaddeus a cruel sneer and a little smile. " Though good thing those soldiers weren't the only ones defending us. Imagine if they actually were..." Thaddeus ground his teeth in fury but said nothing."Now see here!" Colonel Pepper exclaimed angrily from his seat. Lucille looked up in alarm as Pepper stood up. "Starfox may have helped, but our troops, your troops! fought bravely and well to keep us safe. How dare..!" "General." O'Donnell said lazily as he swirled the remains of his drink. "If you want our support, do keep your dog on a leash!" "Colonel Pepper in your seat and mind your tongue." Thaddeus said curtly. Pepper slowly sat dejectedly in his seat, Lucille patting him on shoulder for support.

 

Sergei Kowalski was a cold, viscious looking green chameleon. He sported a purple pin striped blazer. He had a green, curly tail and cold bulging eyes.   He gave Thaddeus a cold, toothy smile, and flicked out his tongue. "General. Let ussss see what you have got. We can't just give you everything,you know!" "Of course you can't Sergei." Thaddeus replied with a growl. " The army asks only for what is necessary and proper to defend our planet and expand our galactic reach!"

 

"What I need to understand is why is not Starfox fighting fiercly for you anymore?" came a low, sensual voice. It was Jose Caruso, a jet black panther, clad in a  bright white pants and blazer, with a bright green tie. "They were your ace in the hole no? Unstoppable! Invincible! Why let them get away?"  Thaddeus ground his teeth in anger. " Just listen to to this!" Andross whispered derisively in Victors ear.

Thaddeus cleared his throat as all the dignitaries watched him with bored curiosity. "StarFox has made me proud but they've taken  too much glory away from my other pilots! If Corneria is to be a truly powerful planet, our army must be strong, flexible, lean, and above all independent! We may be at peace, but we cannot leave our planets future to team Starfox. Our army needs new funding and overhaul to be competitive. Gentlemen, I hope through our combat simulation you will come to the same conclusion we at the general staff have."

 

Sergei picked up a small meaty appetizer, from a waiter and twirled it in his green pointed fingers. "Well, well, lets ssssee what you've got! Then we may give you....." Sergei stuck his long pink tongue out and slurped up the snack. "What you desire." He finished with a fangy grin. Thaddeus grimaced.Kevin O'Donnell took a long sip from his latest drink, and smacked his wolfish lips. "Well General." Kevin whispered. "Let the show begin!" Thaddeus nodded curtly, and produced a small grey remote. He pushed a green button. Silence. Then suddenly the hatches of the Cornerian airbases opened. Dozens of green/white and black ships poured out. "SollDIERS!" Thaddeus bellowed into a blowhorn. "Positions!" The green and white ships flew to one side of their airbase, the black ones to another.  Andross checked his watch and smiled. The green ships raced around the black ships each firing simulated red and green lasers at each other. They performed fantastic feats of artful maneuvering, such grace and skill, that even the cynical "pentagon" was impressed with their performance. Suddenly a large red, fearsome creature appeared on the horizon. It shot a beam of yellow light incinerating several black ships. "What on earth!!!!?!?!" Victor yelped in horror. " Part of your exercize General?" O' Donnell asked attempting to look clam. Thaddeus' wrinkly grey face paled as he pressed an alarm button. Red lights began flashing as the monster destroyed a Cornerian air force hangar. " Officers, Gentlemen, armored vans and landmasters are on their way to escort you to safety. The army will take care of it from here." 

 

  " James!"Peppy hollored as he raced through the door, Pigma in tow. James was sprawled out on the couch. "Get up! Theres no time!" "huh what?" James asked sleepily?" Peppy looked pale and bent out of shape. " James, its like old days. its a big monstrous terrible creature! " "What the-" James yelled sitting up fully awake. " The Cornerian army can't do it alone! hurry James we have to go!" Peppy shouted!

 

"Wait!" Pigma gasped heaving for breath. " James, we gotta hide... we dont know what that thing is out there... We've been outta shape for years.... I dunno if we can do it.... You got your wife and kid ta think about..." James bolted upright, finally wide awake. "Guys so down, one at a tim! Ok. What is going on?"

 

" Andross!" Peppy yelled excitedly. " He's finally snapped!" We should have known... Its his bio weapon! hes finally perfected it! Its wreaking havoc on the city! Peppers the only one who is holding him off, and he needs our help!" A distant roar could be heard. Some savage beast was clearly savaging and smashing Corneria City!

 

"Guys I dont know what that old ape is doing! But we gotta save the day!" James cried waving his fist in the air. "Starfoxx. ASSSEMMMBBBLLLE!" After looked around resentfully, but then thought better of ditching Starfox Pigma joined him. They all dashed to their Arwings to save the day!

 

..........................................................................................................

 

KAABOOOOOOOMMM! The big Cornerian skyscraper fell to the ground. Andross' pet dinosaur Bio weapon was loose, wreaking havoc on the City. " YESsss ! YEssss" Andross cried in delight, " Slithers isnt it magnificent?" Slihters was Andross' right hand man at Oikkicorps, a green slippery slimy lizard. " Indeeeed Sssssssir" Slithers replied. "Those Cornerian dogs shall know of your might and glory soon enough!" Andross chuckled as he watched the destruction inside his Giant robot destroyer machine. Nothing will stop  me now!" He boomed in his big loud voice. "Not even you Corneria!" Andross' command screen suddnely flickered, and a foxs face with sunglasses appeared. " I don't think so AN-dross!" the Fox said cockily. 

 

Andross' eyes narrowed in disbelief. "No..... This is impossible......." A Rabbits face flickered on the screen " " It's finished Andross!" He said grimly "We're coming for you!"  Andross let out a growl of hatred. Finally a sweaty apologetic pigs face appeared. " Sorry boss...... I....." Andross screamed in fury at the pig face and  the telecom went black.  "Slithers!" Andross growled at his lietuent. " My Lord?" "Tell the crew to get us into all range mode! These arent our ordinary enemies!"

 

...................................................................................

 

"Stay safe gang!" James told his teammates. " Andross aint one of our ordinary enemies!"  "Ya got that right Jim" Peppy replied soaring over James' Arwing. "Lead da way Jimbo!" Pigma said determindly. The three space crafts hovered 50 feet from the robotic monstrosity. " Ok" said James after a long moments silence. "Peppy you take the legs, Pigma you take the arms." "And what about you Jim" Peppy asked. James grinned "Ill take the head! Turn your dual lasers up to blue boys! This'll be the fight of our lives!" The three arwings hovered for a moment, then one after another sped toward the monstrous robot.

 

"Haha" Andross intoned. " you fools are no match for me!" Peppy weaved out of the way of the red fireballs being shot at him. He swerved up, down, then fired at Andross' legs causing them to shudder and emit a red light.  James used the boost to fly straight toward Andross' monkey head firing his twin blue lasers all the way. " What about.... This?!" Andross hissed menacingly. Dozens of purple laser beams shot out of his cannons. "Geez Laweez!" James exclaimed as he sped his arwing away from the pursuing purple beams. "James!" Peppy called over the intercom. "Do a barrel roll!" James promptly did one, causing the purple beams to  bounce harmlessly off James' Arwing.  "Good one James!" Peppy called joyfully as he swooped over head and fired another volley of lasers into the robots back. "Pigma!" James called. "Lets get Andross shield meter up ok?" "You got it boss!" Pigma replied sulkily as Andross' rainbow colored shield bar came up. It was halfway finished at yellow, and getting into the red. "James! He's almost down! Use bombs wisely!" Peppy hollored. " Got it Pepp!" James said with a grim smile. He fired two nova bombs straight at cyborgs chest.

 

.........................................................................................................

 

Inside the cyborg things were not going well.  The red alert alarm system was blaring, the red light reflecting off of Andross and Slithers disbelieving faces. " I don't belive it!" Andross said quietly. "Everything was so close.. Everything was so perfect." Another huge shudder and the cyborgs power went off. "Ssssssirr!" Slithers said. "We dont have much time. Out ship is about to explode. Shhall I evacuate the crew?"  " No" Andross said. " I dont need them. Besides I can always get another. But do as you wish. Adieu, Slithers!" And with that Andross pressed the eject button on his pilots chair, and shot out of the cyborg. Slithers looked around with his large yellow eyes, hesitated and then ejected as well. Just in the nick of time. " KAAAAABOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!" The cyborg exploded, emitting huge bursts of light and fire, metal parts flying every which way. By some miracle Andross and Slithers managed to parachute away, into a green grassy field. Andross and Slithers were heaving and panting and kissing the ground. "SSiirrrr we did it! We are sssssafffe!" The sound of a hundred clicks and shuttering caused them both to look up, and come face to face with Colonel Pepper and his brigade. Silver laser guns were pointed right at them both as well as Peppers grim face. " Hands above your heads. Now!" he growled.

...........................................................................................................................

 

The three arwings cirled overhead the wreckage."Woohooo! We did it!" James howled with glee. "Thataway James!" Peppy remarked approvingly. "Not too shabby!" Pigma cackled.  "Whats this?" Peppy asked, pointing out the landmasters and soldiers on the radar. "Looks like Pepper's here! He made it! unbelievable!" James said. "Team lets investigate!" With that all three ships used the boost to get thru to wear Andross and Slithers were being apprehended by Colonel Pepper and his soldiers.

[TCPeppyTc]

Chapter 12. 

 

Andross and Slithers were handcuffed each led away by a dog with a gun